I spoke with a dear friend of mine last night. It seems like everything life could throw at a person has been thrown at her. My heart broke listening to her share her story. When it was my turn to give my life update, I didn’t even know what to say to her.
Although I have plenty going on and my life is plenty busy; I just didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t like I wanted to keep up with all her stuff. It was more about the lightbulb moment that I was having. This is the first time in years that my marriage is all good in the hood! My kids are good, my home is solid good, my work make some kind of scent. I don’t feel lost, floating in space! My extended family is mostly okay-ish… good, and my health is good… maybe even great! Even our finances are more than manageable for once. I have good friends and am figuring out the balance of friendship, family, socializing, work and rest. It’s been such a battle and it’s just simply not the battle it use to be.
My relationship with the Lord become the strongest when I was at the very weakest, my most lost pint in my life. When my depression and anxiety was eating me alive. When my will to live was all but gone! Back when my mental health team had to track me down because I would disappear on them all the time. God had this great plan for me and it was far better than I had ever hopped for.
It’s sad but I have let anxiety slide back in to my life a few times to steal my blessings. I’m use to living in uncertainty all the time! Never knowing what’s next for me! I am use to being in constant fear and chaos. So much so, that when things are peaceful, happy, and good… I don’t even know how to respond. I’m just waiting for it all to crumble away from me. For something terrible to steal my joy!
When life is running smoothly I should respond with thankfulness, to take a moment and be still in the goodness, but I don’t always do that. I have a bad habit to respond with fear, and I have to shake that off!
Having a natural tendency to worry about things that haven’t even happen, even when life is going well, only steals joy! It causes me to forget all about God’s goodness and the deep care He has given me time and time again. How many times has God picked me up off the floor? How many times have I crawled to Him, needing His mighty saving? Time and time again. He always comes. He always saves. Chances are I will do it again and He will be there.
God is eternity and thank goodness that He is! He is always the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Always! Our forever home, is with Him. We deal with all sorts of life on earth for now until then. But He, our Father is our Eternal home, in Heaven.
This is sometimes overwhelming for me to think about. For one thing heaven is like nothing we know at all. We’ve read things about it, but truly all we know it that it’s unlike anything our humanity can grasp. We know there will be no more death, sorrow, mourning or any more tears! So does that mean freedom from depressed and anxious there too! I think so!
I think what I have realized is mental health is something I need to explore more. I need to find a better way to talk about it and feel more comfort about my own story honestly. It doesn’t have to steal the blessings God has given or this amazing season in my life. But still it’s something I need to manage daily. I can’t believe hard enough and not need my glasses anymore.
I can and do have unfailing faith but I still have to remember God gave me tools to arise and go to handle my life here on earth. To ware glasses to see, to exercise for my health, read for knowledge… He gave us talents and abilities for a reasons.
Always be grateful and so thankful. Pray and ask God for His guidance and protraction. Utilize the resources He gives us.
I’m going to start getting more comfortable with my story and more knowledgeable with my own mental health experience and how my faith played a big part in that. I’m excited to share that with y’all soon!