Clear Eyes

And I think to myself… what a wonderful world 🌎

If I want my world to be 💕

My voice doesn’t need to be the loudest🌊

To changes Hearts ♥️ & move mountains 🏔

Remembering who I am & who God has Called me to be 🙏🏼

Listening to the inner voice ♥️ to direct & give me strength 💪🏽

Sometimes I’m shaken & broken 💔 but only to wipe away dirt from my eyes 👀

My vision is restored & heart ❤️ is back in place 🙏🏼

I see truth for what it is and I am at peace ✌🏽

xoxo sk

Mini Update: Health & Recovery

Slow- Steady & Frustrating

Ella-my sweet therapy pup

Update: On My Crazy 😜

Since March I have been keeping a journal of everything that I eat, all symptoms and also my workouts.

Just to fresh anyone who cares… I’m in my 30’s going through menopause! Yay me!

I also have a migraines conditions that can cause a “seizure like” effect on my brain/body if I don’t do everything I need to to control it-which can be tricky.

Recently, my neurologist has been testing and observing me for Belly’s Palsy.

What’s Happening So Far

I turned in my journals to my doctor only Friday (7/8/19), so I’m not sure what she thinks yet. But I’ll tell you I do workout, eat well and take my meds like I’m supposed to.

This makes it very frustrating when my weight only goes up! From December to March I had lost 13 lbs and I was killing my self to get that done.

I woke up at 4am to get to the gym, then I would workout a second time at the park by my kids school. When I was done with that workout I would do yoga at home and then do a long, fast paced walk for 45 minutes to an hour before I pick them up from school. At one point I was doing another decent hike with Jason when he got home from work!

Trust me when I say…I was pissed that I had only lost 13lbs after all that and was only eating carrots and cottage cheese everyday!

Oh JOY another day of veggies

Since then I’ve actually maintained that weight loss okay but 3-5lbs here and there will stick around. However, I haven’t lost a single pound since!

My workouts and eating has changed a bit. I couldn’t keep that nightmare up so now I do a light yoga stretching in the morning and at night but have days when I work my core area harder. My new workout routine in more focused and I do it almost everyday, with somedays being longer or shorter than others. I like it but I am not losing and I look that same.

My eating haven’t changed a crazy amount. I fast for long periods during the day and drink lots water. I have had a soda 🥤 or cookie every now and then but I intake far less calories and Still I remain a cow 🐮…well in my eyes.

Hormones & Other Meds

My medications do a lot of good for me and a lot of harm. That sucks!

It’s because of medicine that I’m able to have headaches free days and my body is free of aches and pains. But medicine comes with so many side effects too! I gain weight, my eyes burn, I’m sleepy, forget things and even my writing is effected. My cognitive skills are just slower sadly. My energy is drained.

So then I’m giving another medication and that one should help with one thing but has it’s own side effects too. Stomach pain, dry mouth, stuffy head and mood swings… this is my life!

At some point I have to get off the roller coaster!

What Will I do?

I honestly don’t know what the answer is! I’ve been fighting this for along time. I do my research and I think the doctors try too.

Right now I take only what I feel I need for myself emotionally and mentally. Then there’s what I need because of my hysterectomy. I have to be on hormone replacements for that. The rest is all About healing my body and replacing what is missing. If that makes any sense?

If it’s not going to help me then I don’t want it!

Self care & Meditation 🧘‍♀️

I use to live be Meditation! This is something I’ve been doing before and after my Bible Study. This has made a massive difference in my health.

I also have started to moisturizer 🧴 like crazy! I use my essential oil everywhere! In the shower, out of the shower, with my face wash, my facial moisturizer and even with my primer before makeup and I cannot believe how it’s helps me.

I use less Advil for pain for aches and pain. I don’t use chemicals on my skin or for breakouts. Honestly, I have so many less breakouts that I don’t worry about that much now.

The oils

**Different oils help with different things. Some with physical pain and others emotional/mental pain.

**Helps me to sleep or give me energy

**Helps with focus, concentration and creativity.

**Other times I just use them to be in a peaceful, calming state to relax

my.doterra.com/skellylou303

For more info on Essential Oils go to my website!

Special Thanks🙏🏼💕

I again want to thank my WordPress Following and everyone else who supports, likes & share & comments!

This Blog has been by far the best medicine for my soul. The people I’ve connected with have been a big part of my healing and direction to brighter place. I’m so very thankful!

Xoxo sk

Hometown State of Mind

Going Home…

rocky mountain pic

Welcome To Colorful Colorado

A Hometown State of Mind is just what I need to get centered… the get back to the  fabric that made me. 

I was sitting here trying to recall my last visit home? It’s sad that actually I can’t remember. Christmas in 2017 we went as a family and it was a rushed trip! My anxiety was terribly! I was home once before that in June 2016 I think, for Father’s day, to surprise my parents. That visit was a less than 45 hour turn around for me and I back in Minnesota!

Jason, I and the kids did a short stop in Colorado when we were journeying to California but I was on special orders, that I had NO TIME to make plans with a soul… so I saw no one. We only spent one single night at my parents house before we hit the road again.

Spending less than 2 hours, saying a quick hello-goodbye to my Aunt, Uncle and Grandparents in Wray, CO but then it was all business again and we were back on the road. It wasn’t what I wanted at all. I was really missing and needing my friends and family then. This was probably the start of my down-ward spiral into major depression, I just didn’t know how bad at the time.

All of my two visits to my hometown have been very rushed. Jason can’t take on the kids or handle more responsibilities than his job, so he tends to panics when I’m not around to handle the living-being in our care. Even this current visit coming up to Colorado, Jason is in a frenzy about me leaving and I’m taking the kids with me this time! I mean, let me live, Dude!

Home sick…

Colorado’s 10 Most Picturesque towns

Rocky Mountain National Park

Lost Not Found Blog By www.fabicthatmademe.com

Time for some fun and laugher with people that I miss and love, in a place that I once called home.

It’s been a long time since I really laughed, like a real belly laugh. You know the laughs that make your face go ugly and you start to cry but it feels so good! I need that! I need the ugly, tear streaming down your face kind of laugh! I haven’t had a whole lot of happiness going on for awhile! It’s been too long and I’ve been on survival mode! There’s been no time with friends, no conversations with a single human or really living my best life in this world at all. I’ve been just barely getting by! I’ve said this too many times…I’m like a rat in a cage! But I’ve allow this to happen to me. I did this to myself!

The Biblical Way To Overcome Being a Victim 

**Visit the post above and get empowered! 

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A leader In My Own Life

My happiness comes from inside me and that’s an awesome freedom and scary reality!

I miss my friends, my family and my home. Mostly, I miss making my own life choices and having some freedom in my choices! What I’ve realized is, I can take control of my life and my happiness. It is possible…I can be a leader in my own life. However, not everyone will always be happy with my choices and I have to be okay with that. I also have to know I am responsible for the outcome. I can’t put it on anyone else.

I mean it hasn’t been all bad, I’ve definitely learn some valuable lessons along the way! I’ve made lifetime friends in Minnesota! I’ll be forever grateful for the Andersons and their friendship. California has been a real B***H! It’s because of my brokenness that I found my hope.

While I’m in Colorado I’ll have some time to remember the good times and get caught up with some old friends. I’m excited to have this time to be with my friends and not have anyone to push or pull me into a direction they want. I need this break and I think Jason needs it too.

No Place like home…

So Tuesday I and the kids will be in Colorado for a month. I don’t know what to say other than, I ask for prayers during this time. I’m sure the kids need this just as bad as I do, to see their cousins and grandparents. We needs to be part of something and feel safe and sound again. Our security has been shot. Our peace has been ripped apart but we are on the mend. I have hope for us.

I’ll keep my blog updated with “life”! I’m excited to see where God leads us. I have faith He is hard at work.

xoxo sk

 

A Simple Choice

We have the ability to bring such joy.

Or

We have the choice to bring such pain.

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We people can be the light in someones darkness.

Or

We can be the monster under the bed.

We can the mean girl, the bully in the locker room.

We can be the new found friend who offers a laugh and a smile instead.

Choices

We have them.

We are not above them.

Choose wisely.

You could be saving a life and life just might be your own. 

xoxo sk

“Trying It On”-How to make choices with Faith

change-choices-choose-277615

Devotions on making decisions in Faith

How to have confidence my decisions are being made with Gods plans in mind and not my own agenda.

As I have written about in pasted blogs, I’m on a quest to reconnect to my Father Christ. One of the ways that I have been doing this is through reading devotions and Bible Studies on the Bible App

Recently, I finished a few different studies. The first one, titled Make Decisions with Faith and confidence . It was mind blowing just how exact to my life this study was and how much I needed to read every word.  It’s amazing how God knows just what we need, when we need it. Every word was exactly what I needed at this time in my life. I’ve said many times how I wish that I could just send a quick email or text to God and get a response right back letting me what to do. Yes, a prayer to God is like sending a text message but most the time the answers don’t come as clear as getting a text back.

The “Try It On” method that the Bible study talks about is such an awesome way to learn how to make choices. This “Try It On” method supports my connection on a clear FM channel verses the static of an AM channel with The Holy Spirit. The “Try It On” method keeps us accountable and keeps us from becoming stagnate in our fear of make a move. We also have to be in-tune with The Holy Spirit, speak the language, have the relationship or “connection”. That’s pretty powerful, I think.

How many times do we question if we’re making the right choice? Or are so scared that we’ll make the wrong decision, that we end up not making any decisions for ourselves at all. I only wish I had read this devotion/Bible Study sooner.

I know I’ve been the victim of my own fears for years! The pressures of worrying that I’ll disappoint others and lead my family down the wrong path. However, when I am sitting in motionless contemplation, purely relying only on my very limited wisdom and over emotional mental state; I’m wasting away! This is just what the enemy wants. He love us to doubt ourselves and to waste away. What decisions are being made when I’m in a holding pattern like that? No progress will ever be made if I am just “thinking” things over all the time? I’m playing right into the enemy’s hands!

Indecision is a decision too and not a good one.  

The “Try It On” Method

How to make small steps in a direction and wait on God to speak to you.

The example was perfect, like trying on a shirt before you buy it. You wonder the store looking through the racks of clothes until something catches your eye. Then you find the one you “think” will work and you “Try It On”. You see how it fits, what it looks like on… you decide if this is the right shirt for you to buy. That is pretty much how the “Try It On” process works with everything.

Let try something bigger.

Using the example of moving to the great state of California. 🙄

When we got the news that we were moving to California I started to check out the  schools and houses in the area that I thought we might move to. (I of course now would ask WAY more questions than I did before. LESSONS!)

Step 1. As I’m looking for housing -this is me actively taking a step in a direction of moving towards California.  I can see that housing is expensive and we can NOT afford to live here on what we make. But I wasn’t listening to God. Next time I will.

Step 2.  After we moved toward something, what does it feel like? How rough or smooth is the process going? Do you have a little voice telling anything? I remember I didn’t feel good about moving towards California the whole time it was happening but I pushed on.

I had trouble finding housing, schools for my kids, the packers were awful and they broke all our things. A hundred and one things were going wrong! I had a voice in the back of my head telling me that we shouldn’t do this move but I continued to pushed on. I felt defeated for some reason, like I couldn’t turn back. The worries I had about staying in Minnesota were now much more about leaving there. I wasn’t waiting on God or listening to Him at all.

Step 3. Are you a list person? Do like to write everything out? This is me! List keep me organize and on top of things. What I tend to do when I have a decision to make is write out a Pros and Cons list. This sounds like a reasonable thing to do but what I end up doing is putting all my faith in this list.  I’m not listening to God or waiting on Him for direction, only on this piece of paper.

Here’s the reason why the list is wrong. 

Sure, it’s good to get your mind calm and organized but not to rely on your list.

I wrote out a Pros and Cons list myself when we were getting ready to move to California. Everything was pointing to Georgia as weird as that sounds. It was loud and clear ( I’ll dive into that later) Here’s an older blog that I wrote when we first started our moving process- Here We Go Again.  As much as I was focusing on California everything kept coming back to wait on Georgia (so it felt) but I ignored that.

My list was full of Pros for California and as we now know all our time here has not been good at all. While I was pushing towards California like it was my full time job, ever song was about Georgia, ever TV show, I had friends and friends of friends moving there or had some new connection to Georgia. Pretty soon there were so many things in my ear about Georgia but I wasn’t listening because I was full force to California, even though it felt wrong.

Side note: We later found out that Jason’s mentor and the man who hired him was moved to Georgia as the Zone Manager. 

Step 4. Keep making little steps toward a choice while The Holy Spirit directs you which way to step.

Each step I took moving to California was rough and difficult. To say our path was bumping is the understatement of the century. God was clear to us that this was not the right place for us but we made it happen anyway. Now we’re living the consequences for those choices.

The Goodness of God in Bad decisions this blog is excel! Check out more on “our” consequences and a God of miracles.

Second Chances 

I had a chance to take it back but I didn’t.

Our God is a God of Grace and Mercy. He showed me this time and time again but I wasn’t seeing it. The enemy had control and it makes me sick to think I let that happen.

As I mentioned before I couldn’t find a school that could accommodate my kids needs and this was a struggle for me. There were so many moving part to this relocation and the enemy was good at what he was doing to my mind and heart. I was confused and frustrated!  Since I was handling this move all by myself and not leaning on God at all, I felt absolutely responsible for making sure no one was burdened. I wanted to be able to say I was able to do this and made it work.  Again the enemy had made me believe that no one believed in me and I wasn’t able.

I received a called from a lady that coordinated our move. I can’t remember her exact title but I remember having a melt down on the phone with her. I was in my car and I had to pull over, I just cried. I told her how difficult this move was becoming and how worried I was about the schools for my kids.

This lady, I believe her name was Pam, was so kind to me on the phone. She made many calls back forth to me for two days and told that although we had already signed our relocation and many thing have already been in motion that we would get one forgiveness. She explained to me that considering everything that I told her, she believes we qualify for that. I didn’t know what to say to her, because Jason was already in California working.

I told her I needed to think about it and I’d call her back. I struggled with what do. I knew with every bone in body I needed to cancel this move but Jason was already in California. He and I barely spook a word to each other, our communication wasn’t great at this point. All I could think about was how disappointment Jason would be that I couldn’t handle this move. I would have failed. I kept replaying Jason firmly speaking to me “If we do this move…Don’t let it come back on me!” Even though I knew I didn’t want this move, I felt like I had to do it now.

I called Pam back and thanked her for all  that she had done for me but we were going to move forward. This would end up being some of the worse depression that I have ever been in. Suicidal thoughts, marriage tore apart, kids hanging by a thread, living in an over price house thats failing apart…the list goes on. Jason has his own list of troubles.

Mercies and Grace Never Fail

Although these last ten in a half month were some of most terrible months of my life, coming back from the wreckage I think have made me stronger than ever. It’s weird in a way because I’m still very vulnerable. This is an uphill climb for me but I have never felt more connected, more sure of myself in a long time. That feel so amazing. God isn’t just a God of second chances, He is a God of forgiveness and Love. He came to find His lost. I was one of lost for sure and I’ve been found but still am a work in progress.

This post Billy Graham’s My Answer: Does God Give Us Second Chances is a a great read. Much better at explaining  how God loves beyond the second or third time we humans mess up… Check it out.

Conclusion

You can’t move in a parked car.

At some point I have to arise and go. I have to put a little pressure on the gas petal so God can put my steering wheel to use. At the same time I need to allow the little voice called The Holy spirit to speak to me. When it does, that’s the way the steering wheel should turn.

If I would have listened ten in a half months ago I would have yanked that wheel around! But thankful God is full of Miracles and I truly believe He will turn this very unpleasant venture into something we will end up being very thankful for. I can’t even believe I’m saying that. But With God anything is possible.

 

Hope you all enjoyed this blog! Thanks for all your comments, LIKES & love along the way! All your encouragement really make a impact as I keep blogging and getting my feet under me! 

xoxo sk

 

 

 

 

Change The Momentum

I’m just writing to y’all just like the old days 😉

I know that I’ve been kind of throwing up 🤮on y’all lately. My vibe has not been the best. 💔

I’m so appreciative to have this outlet. Writing has always been a good way for me to get things off my chest and out of my head.🔏🔓

Sometimes things are just so confusing that I don’t even know what I’m feeling. Writing has been a great way for me to process issues. Honestly, it can makes things more confusing at times.😔 Other times it’s a way to release the pain. I need that.

I always enjoy hearing back from y’all! I want to know what you 🤔 think! The encouragement and perspective has really helped me! I don’t feel as alone.

I know not everybody feels that way…not everybody wants me to write about what’s going on in my life or how I feel! Who can blame them! We’re dealing with some ugly stuff and I’m not living this life by myself. I do usually try to be discreet. But sometimes I just can’t.

The fact of the matter is I have a lot of regrets. I want to take them as lesson and do better in the future. That’s really hard when you’re living in the eye of the storm. It truly sucks.

Not on the same page and bad communication, nothing is matching up. It’s a consistent uphill battle.

I can want to do better all day long… want a change! But you can’t plant a seed in crappy soil and expect anything to grow.

You could water it…you could give it sunshine! But if it’s dead soil… there’s no nutrition in it than it doesn’t fucking matter; nothing will come of it. Ever.

I’m not saying not to try. I’m not saying don’t be scrappy and do what you gotta do to get by. No, what I’m just saying is sometimes your plans might change. You might to be to plant somewhere else.

Priorities have to change. It’s not all about what The Company wants! I mean… what is the struggle for? We unhappy 🙁 It can’t be all about the money 💴 There’s more to life than that.

The picture is so much bigger. It’s about something different. Something so much more important. I can’t find it here. No one will ever find it here because it doesn’t exist.

And you can’t force this kind of thing. Make yourself believe this is what God wants for you. Your true destiny….your fate. Maybe that seems silly but there is a difference and you life is changed and your see every differently when your walking God’s path… not your path. We’re lost right now. I can’t see shit from here.

I think that we used to have it. I was tuned in and hearing clearly. I was focused. I would have NEVER allowed myself to live the way I am now. Never. I let him put my spark ⚡️out. Once we had a good thing. It was bigger than a house, it was better than fancy cars and no money could ever buy it.

I want that again. But it is not here. This place is absent of that. We are absent of that.

So I don’t care about moving up in a company! I don’t give a shit about lateral moves. All I care about is our souls at this point and mine is fucking sad….mine isn’t the only one that I’m worried about. That’s my only priority. I want to be found.

Greed, money, cars, big houses, fancy clothes and exotic vacations… how could we ever forget about the crazy amount of material bullshit… that’s the God that we serve. Welcome to my new home.

We welcome everyone as long as it’s NOT IN MY BACKYARD…that’s our motto!

Lord, helps us.

So I’m sorry that I’ve been in such a bad place but I’m surrounded by it everyday.

I know that everyone can’t possibly be this way. I’ve met a few nice people here. My coworkers are pretty awesome 😎 I try to focus on the good I found in them. Believe it or not this is me focusing on the good because if I didn’t have at least this…I don’t know what I would do. I’m already bubbling over, my chest feels like I’m having a freaking heart attack every day.

I watched a very shitty women refused to help an elderly lady at the gas pump yesterday and it blew my freaking mind!I wanted to punch her in the throat! Who the hell does she think she is! My mind was blown… I just don’t live in that world. Do you not respect your elders? I wish I would have been closer to help this lady.

I see this kind of disrespect and complete disregard for other human beings every single day. It’s eating at me.

Now I was terrible yesterday too because when I got the chance to finally see this disgusting person, I went off on this chick! She just drove away….you awful miserable cow! I’m still pissed.

Maybe I shouldn’t of said anything, who knows why she decided to be a terrible person. I wasn’t raise that way at all! Honestly, I would have got my ass kicked for acting that way by my parents. You never treat your elders that way!

Always help out if you can, hold the doors and be freaking respectful, have some common sense, it’s not that hard! Treat people like human beings and don’t act like you matter more than someone else because guess what, you don’t!

I’m gonna stop this rambling for now and just apologize for being in such a miserable 😩 place. I don’t like it here either and I’m sure you guys are tired of reading about it.

I really need to change the momentum and I need to be that change. I’m gonna try to do better.

If you believe in this sort of thing or whatever you believe…I’m just asking for some prayers, whichever way you do that. Lord knows I have a lot working against me here.

Xoxo sk

Don’t let me fall

Don’t let me fall

Don’t let me fall

Reach for me in the dark

Let me know your here

Don’t let me fall

I’m still real close to edge

Steady me when I’m unbalanced

Don’t let me fall

Reassure me I’m not alone in this fight

Remind me who you are

Don’t let me fall

Be my breath when I can’t breathe

Be my quiet when it’s too loud

Don’t let me fall

Be my calming place when I’m lost in the storm

Be my strength when I’m too weak

Don’t let me fall

Save me when I can’t save myself

Protect me when I hurt

Don’t let me fall

Make me believe the things that I lost hope in

Make the hard decision that hurt but are right

I’m waiting on you…

Xoxo sk

Dog Backwards Spells God

All Because I Had To Pee…

All because I had to pee so bad my plans had a bit of a delayed and thank God they did!

Because God delayed me this day and made every bathroom near my workout spot closed, I had to get in my truck and drive to Albertsons to use the restroom and of course while I was there my ADD kicked in…

I had to buy a huge bag of avocado, face wash, a toothbrush, more coffee and a large water. I’m so random.

After all that and an empty bladder, I could finally head to the park to workout. Or so I thought….

Meet Dallas & God At Work

So this a photo from Pinterest but does look like my new friend, Dallas!

As I’m driving down the street, I see the most terrified 100 pound, beautiful dog that I’ve ever seen. I thought to myself this dog has to belong to someone, no one would let this poor baby go free on purpose!

I slowed way down and drove slowly next to him. I could see this scared pup was trying to get into the gated neighborhood but couldn’t. Every time a loud, fast car or school bus would fly by, would start to panic and head into street. I just drove slow next to him for a bit which was good because he crossed into the street and I would block other cars from hitting him.

Finally as we approach the intersection, I couldn’t wait anymore and I jumped out of my truck to go to him. “Come here baby”, I would call to him and at first he didn’t seen sure but after a few seconds he made his way over to me and let me pet him. What a sweetie! But he was so scared, trembling actually.

I know it may be hard to imagine this huge 100 pound dog being so frightened but in my experience it usually is the big Dogs that are the gentle, sweet, mellow, big cry babies. It’s the small Dogs who are pure piss and vinegar and want to fight! They pack a big punch in their little bodies!

Back to Dallas…now, I wanted to get him in my truck. I didn’t know what I’d do at the point but I knew he wouldn’t get hit by car there or more lost then he was! But as I tried to move his large body closer to my truck he put on the breaks… um HELL NO… DOGNAPPER! Ok dude, I’m think what to I do… then a loud trucks blow by us to let me know how inconveniencing it is that my truck is parked on the side of the road. ( You showed me…Ass.) This caused Dallas to freaks out and started to jog down towards the intersection!

Crap! Crap! Crap! I was thinking this is bad, he’s going to get hit! This good thing was this big guy knew that he lived in this gated community and he was trying desperately to get back in! The loud cars just would cause hit to panic and lose track of where he was and what he was doing. I think if he wasn’t so scared, he’d made it home.

I found him again trying to get in a side gate. Awe, poor dude!

I again jumped out and he comes to me right away but when I move towards my truck, he basically told me to bug off and he took off.

Damnit! Okay new plan… I’ll stay with him.

He didn’t go far I could see him. I drove up the road more and could see he was now trying to find away through the fence. I again jumped out of my truck and could see he was already on the move. So I just left my door open, keys in the truck and my phone… oops forgot it…I know… what a dumbass!

I walked over to him and then sat on the sidewalk and called over to him. At first he was definitely not going to give me another chance but then the cars were really letting me know how mad they were because my truck doors wide open! This really scared him and he practically jumped into arms. Oh a thank Jesus!

Now slowly…slowly….very slowly we clawed to the driver side of my truck. This took awhile to do, I had to keep talking to Dallas and petting him and letting him know I wasn’t Dognap him! “Please come a little close dude… come on… a little more buddy….”

I stretched a crossed my front seat with one arm while holding tight Dallas collar with the other arm and praying no one would hit us! I reached for my keys and turned my truck off and reached a little farther and got my phone!

Okay! We did it!!! Good boy!!! Then we hurried to sidewalk again and I called the first number on the collar, no answer. I called again, leaving a message telling this person that I had this person Dog. Then I called the second number and did the same thing.

I think it’s important to mention here that I have a different area code then the state that I live in so that’s why they didn’t answer.

I just called and called and called. It felt like 100 times. Dallas and just chilled there on the sidewalk. I grab that large bottle of water I just bought and got him some and it was all gone in a matter of seconds. Our big boy had calmed down soooo much now. I almost had him laying down at one point… then a loud car would go by.

At last!!!! My phone call was answered! I said um, hi… I think I have your Dog. We’re here on the side of the road.

The voice on the other line is panicked “OH MY GOD, IS HE OK!!”

“Yes, He’s good!” …….

Oh sweet Dallas….

After Dallas mom, who I now know as Suzanne, picked up her sweet giant, she called me to explained what had happened. Of course she didn’t need to tell me any of this. I was just so thankful Dallas was with his family now. How often that doesn’t end this way.

Suzanne had so much happening her house and it was about to be power washed. When the generator scared her sweet timid boy which scared him to look for safety by tying to get away from the scary sound… and ended up lost on the other side of the gate.

It’s fine I told her, even after she told me to me I could call her for anything I might need living in this new place. That’s super kind but seriously it’s totally fine, I said over and over. But God makes things work sooo perfectly….

New Hair, DO care!!

Later that night I get a text:

Wow! I really didn’t want to give her the nightmare that is my hair! But she insisted and for free! This is all too much! I didn’t deserve this! I would stop for any and all dogs that I see anywhere. I honestly feel guilty receiving anything for doing something that’s RIGHT.

God’s plans

Y’all know this could not have came at a more needed time in my life.

I’m trying to get my life in order, physically, emotionally, mentally… all around. It’s something I’ve been kinda at war with.

On top of that! I’ve not met too many nice people here at all! This was truly amazing and so kind! Unnecessary but still amazingly generous. Meeting her hair assistant the day I actually got my hair done was one more sweet, genuine person here in California 🧡

Plus, I don’t have many friends really at all and although I can’t say we’re “friends” I do know one more person than I knew before if I have a question about this crazy beautiful place than I knew before and for that I am beyond thankful!

She even invited me and my family to her church. How sweet!

I haven’t felt great with all these moves and not being able to see my family. My health has sucked and to be frank… I’ve been lonely, closed off and unheard.

I’ve only had my dogs through all this. Sure I have my kids but most they have ME. I don’t leave them. But through all this I have no one but my dogs and they have been amazing for me. I hate to admit it but There’s have been times I have felt like even God has looked the other way.

So much has happened. They say it isn’t until you have some distance… sometime to look back to see God’s works that you get to see the big big picture, all His planning. You can see why the pain was there and why you had to go through somethings or leave someone or some place. There’s a lesson in the hurt. If you listen and you trust, faith, I guess… if you let it all flow then the plans of God’s Will for your life will be better than what you ever could have pictures or wanted or even thought for yourself in any of your wildest dreams.

I never thought I’d even like California and I’m finding myself calling these mountains “my” mountains and the ocean is “my” ocean. This place is hard to live in but somehow I’m living here. Not surviving… living… exploring and trying new things and enjoy it.

Sadness happens and I get frustrated at times …who doesn’t. My humanness will never stop.

I’m just happy right now and I’m embracing that and doing everything I can to live everyday that I got loving my sweet animals, my family, the relationships in my life and this amazing place I call home!

xoxo sk

The Awesome Impact Award

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What a surprise! What an honor! I can’t tell you how much this means to someone like me, who has just a small little blog, with a tiny little following to get recognized! This is simply the sweetest things!

Okay! Let’s get down to business! I was nominated by the sweet and wonderful Racheal’s Novels.  I try to keep up on every blog that I follow but we all know that is an impossible task! But I will tell 100% trust me, her blog is a goodie! Please check it out!

Thank you so very much for nominating me! I am so humbled and thankful for every award, mention and all the love! What an honor! Thank you!

So this is how this works ( I think)

RULE #1: Tag the person who nominated you.

RULE #2: Copy the “Awesome Impact Award” into your WordPress media and insert it in your post

RULE #3: Talk about an incident that impacted your life in a really positive way

RULE #4: Finally, nominate 10 other bloggers for the award

The incidents that impacted my life in a really positive way?

 

Moving away from Colorado was hands down the most positive thing that every happen to me. I was in a very negative situation in I live there. Once moved away I free to really live my best life and discover who I really and I love myself…all of my. I didn’t have to worry about judgments from others or people influencing my choices. Being away I have really grown into my own person! I have never been happier or freer! I would have never started to write, which is my passion if would not have left! I get to be the Mom, the wife, daughter, sister and just freaking human-being I want to be now! I feel blessed! God is so good! I am so thankful I had faith and still have faith in His plans for me!

I have to include giving my life to Christ because without Christ I can do nothing but with everything. All the Glory goes to God! I am nothing without His Mercys and Grace over my life. 

 

My TEN (but I’m going to 5 because like damn 10 is a lot) other bloggers to be nominated are…drumroll…please….

Crushed Carmel

The Eclectic Contrarian

Finally Unchained

Parallax

Jessy-FAB Faith and Books

 

Again, thank you so much to Racheal’s Novels…I am truly honored!

xoxo sk

 

I’m that Mom…

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Am I awful? I hate having my kids in a bunch of activities. My friend is probably the best Mom that ever lived. Her kids are in multiple things, she keeps track of what they’re watching on TV and she doesn’t cuss around them. Seriously, she’s my hero! Did I mention that she makes them dinner ever night? She’s amazing…God Bless her! She also works outside her home while taking care of damn near everything inside her home.

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I don’t have it in me to put my kids in sports or activities. Some of it, is that I hate…hate the idea of giving up our weekends to gather with tons of other screaming kids. I loath it. I like my weekends to be free to do nothing or everything or whatever but not that, for god-shakes!

The money. I am not rolling in the dough here. I don’t want to give our hard-earned cash to watch my child stand in the outfield and cry because the sun is out! I will not watch my child wander around the gymnastic floor lost because the trainer/teacher there is too busy getting the smaller siblings off the floor so she can do her job. What a waste for all of us. I don’t have the big bucks to put them in fancy Academy’s and if I did I still don’t think I would. Because I hate it!

I am not a soccer mom, a hockey mom, baseball mom, dance mom or anything thing like that. I do feel like this makes me a slacker of a mom at times…I do. But my heart’s just not in it.

I had my son in swimming for about a year. He didn’t like it but he needed to learn how to swim. I took him only two days a week for 6 weeks. In that time we missed two lessons because we were on road trips…we like to travel. He never complained if he missed because he didn’t want to go anyway. He was usually always glad he went for the most part after it was over. I also had him do a dog training class with one of our recuses’ at The Paul Beck Center in Aurora, CO. He liked that okay because he loves his dog but he cried in frustration every single time. I ended up doing the training more than he did. This is not what I singed up for. Tristan is not into organized spots…which is obviously fine with me. He has taken up weightlifting now in middle school which I think is pretty cool…because it requires nothing from me and it’s good for him!

My dear Gracie, my over achiever, sweet, sweet perfectionist. I’ve had her in Gymnastics since she was 3 and by the time she was 6, I just was over it. I swear the other moms, grand-moms…kids with babies…were all using this place as a daycare. I have never been more annoyed in my life! I spent hundreds of dollars on tons of leotards, tutus, leggings and fees, upon fees for both me and my Grace to walk out just plain pissed off. Well, I’m glad I could pay $150 for you to jump on that trampoline for 30 minutes then walk around lost the rest of time. That’s great..NOT!

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I know what you might be thinking. Try a different place. What about what your kids wants? You’re right, maybe I should have tried a different place. Maybe I really just didn’t want to be there. I just don’t get the same joy as other moms do when they see their kids in a sport or activity. Although, if we’re being honest here, every single mom and dad I was with, in both swimming, Gymnastic and even the two years we did Kung Fu, all had their face in their phone. I was watching my kids…I was! I was watching in complete and utter frustration! I was watching the clock…like, is this almost over! And Yes, I should consider what my kids want to do…a little.

This is why last night I sat with them and we talked about this. I told them I would put them each in ONE activity or sport this summer. Just one but they have to finish it all the through and give it 100%. If I am going to pay for it, and all the other expense that comes with it, plus drive them all over the place, then they need to give this sport/ activity their best. So the conclusion was, Tristan wants to be a helper at the zoo. Yes, this is a real thing. And it’s hard labor mostly. They clean…a lot. But okay, I will see what I can do. Gigi was more complicated which is nothing new. She just can’t decide. Cooking classes, guitar lesson, dance or (cringe) back to gymnastics. So right now for her that means she doing nothing…because, hell no…I won’t do that to myself.

My Mouth

I cuss. I wouldn’t say that I cuss all the time but I do add a few zingers here and there. I even cuss in my blog and I know that I shouldn’t. I am a christian…I know that it’s wrong yet I do it anyway. I don’t cuss out people or my family (mostly) but I do cuss. I don’t even feel bad about it normally. I mean, I don’t throw around the *F bomb like it’s nothing! I save that one usually for specially occasions. Of course, there are some cuss words that are even too bad for me to say. But I have my go-tos. The ones that are part of my everyday vocab and my kids don’t even blink twice to hear me say them. Does this make me an asshole parent? Probably. Should I do better? Absolutely!

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This is a crutch for me! I have a dirty mouth! All of my sisters do! We all three talk like  drunken pirates and I honestly can’t say why we do? Sure we heard my parents cuss in causal conversation but not really badly. We sure did get cussed out by them at time or two or thirty…but that’s different. I am not even offended by it in the least either. We are all educated, one of us has a master’s degree in criminal justice and the other has her a degree as well and does the books for a very well-to-do company. I’ve been a teacher since 2003. I started working with special needs children and moved on to early education and finally to kindergarten and kids that were being held back or just needed more time.  I had the perfect job with great co-worker and wonderful parents…finally after years of crap and horrible management, when Jason got the news we were moving out of Colorado and to Fargo, North Dakota. But I like I was saying… we are smart. We are not using cuss words because of lack of a vocabulary. Not at all. We like it. I think it.

Screen Time

And last but not least…why I suck as parent. Tablet time, TV…Youtube, video games. I’m fine with it. I kick my kids outside. Let me rephrase that. I kick my son outside plenty. My daughter lives on pure adrenaline. She never stops. She would be outside “mom, watch this!” all day if I let her. It doesn’t atter rain, snow, 70 mph wind… she outside. She’s on her bike, rollerblading, on her scooter, sidewalk chalk, making up a game, collecting ants and naming them; after she makes them a new habitat and accidentally drowns them all, or she will just have a cart-wheel contest, where she wins every time.  So after I clean the dirt and grim off of her and get her to sit still, I am like, PLEASE just watch a movie and be still for all that is holy!!! Give me a break! The girl exhaust me. My son will ride his bike, walk the dog, go the park and now he will even mow the yard for fun…which is great! But then he wants to chill and I am fine with that because his sister takes every bit of energy that I have! This is why if I wake up in the morning and the kids are on tablets and not bothering me… I am totally good with that!

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Yes, I check what they watch. Especially when it comes to YouTube. Right now, it’s watching other kids open things and Barbie for Grace. Tristan is 13 so he looks up stuff to figure out how to beat the next level on his video game. He also enjoy watching people doing really stupid stuff…I guess that’s funny? You know, like jump off a roof into a pool but totally miss the pool and land on a fence. I hate that stuff. But whatever. I know my kid and he is the most cautious kid on the Earth. He wouldn’t even ride a bike till he was ten because it looked dangerous.

Feed Me

Let me not forget dinner time. I am doing keto so I stay away from carbs but my kids eat them like crazy. Mac-n-cheese or chicken nuggets, corn dogs, how about a cheese quesadilla? All foods they love! Sure they eat tons of strawberries, grape and apple sauce. Lots of lots of green beans and broccoli, even carrots sometimes. But when I make real chicken, fish or even a steak…they want to puke. So their dinner takes me about 10 mins or less to make most nights and some nights I’ve been know to let them have ice cream! Yep…I’m that mom.

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Rais’em Up

I haven’t told my husband this yet but Grace’s teacher told me she could skip 2nd grade and go into 3rd if I chose for her to. She basically did 2nd already this year and was working on 3rd grade work and it was easy for her. She is smart. She is a hard worker. She is diligent! She wants to do her best always! She cares about the work she puts out there. She’s only 7. She acts like she 16 in both good and bad but she planning for college already. She is messy and covered in dirt but it’s because she never, never gives up. She will practice and practice and study and study until she knows it better than anyone. This is just who she is.

Tristan was on Honor roll this year. He had the best report of his life! It wasn’t easy for him either. He really has to work hard. School doesn’t come easy to him. He stayed after school day after day and kept up on his homework. I saw him cry in frustration but he kept at it and he did great. He is the man of our house Monday – Friday while his Dad is out-of-town. He checks on me and makes sure I didn’t miss shutting a window or locking a door. He helps me with his sister, which is such a lifesaver. He is without any doubt the kindest and sweet human on the Earth. When my health trouble arise, Tristan makes my tea, get my meds and my heating pad. His dad has taught him well.

So I have to say…I may suck in plenty of areas but my kids have manners, they are doing amazing in school and are plain great kids. And consider the kids I have seen through the years working in  schools myself, I am beyond blessed to have the ones I do.

I know I can’t take all the credit but damn it! I think I sure take a little!

xoxo sk