Over the years, especially this last year, 2025… my brain was trained to expect the worst in every possible situation. Even when things were going well, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the bad news to come and take away the good. I lived in anxiety, always bracing for the next terrible thing to hit me. It was like constantly treading water so I wouldn’t drown, while believing drowning was inevitable. It’s an exhausting way to live, and when you live that way long enough, it almost starts to feel normal.
Even now, as my family and I are finally getting our feet back under us after a year of hardship, we’re still healing, but we’re healing together. I truly feel God working in the most amazing ways in all of us. The past hurts are slowly fading, and what we see now is thanksgiving and love. Struggle had become a way of life; it was what we were used to. But in my heart, I knew it shouldn’t be.
Through all of it, I kept calling out to God, writing out my prayers, and staying constant in the Word. It’s amazing to look back now and see the answered prayers. I feel and see God moving, and I see the improvement not just in my life, but in all of our lives. The world did not get better, but our hearts did, and that changed everything.
I won’t sugarcoat things here. Times can still be hard. Waiting is not easy. Sometimes it seems to move only as fast or as slow as the ache. The enemy loves to use that ache to bully me, to get me to block my own blessings and close doors I should be able to walk right through. He loves to get me up in my head, to lower my expectations, to convince and manipulate me into knocking myself down. I start to believe things might never change. Sometimes I have to snap myself out of that delusion, get my head back on straight, and remember that although the past has shaped me, it does not define me.
I am truly not who I was. I am wiser now, more outspoken in some areas and quieter in others. I notice things quicker and catch the details faster than I ever did before. I’m okay being alone in ways I never used to be, and the company I keep has changed. Being left out or “bored” now often feels like peace; it carries a new meaning for me.
I’m good with quiet, with slow days, with long stretches where no one is talking to me. I also have days that are full and busy with this new work, and I enjoy it, but I often hold it close and keep it to myself. I see and feel things differently than I ever did before. God put me through the fire, and I came out very different than I was. I am strong, but also gentle, softer, quieter… and the Holy Spirit in me speaks louder than ever. I don’t want to lose that connection.
Maybe I had to walk through all of that to shake off the rust, to let Him clear out the “yuck,” to be refined into the person I am now. And I know I am still becoming her.
Yes, I was in despair for a while, but God was working on me for a reason. He was working on my husband too, guiding him into the strong, loving leader he is for me and our family. I couldn’t walk through this life, or this particular season, without him. The changes that have happened between us are truly all God, the love, the laughter, the connection…it feels like holy magic.
And God is working on all of us, on my son, who is becoming a strong and capable man, and on my daughter, who is growing into a wonderful, godly woman. I think of this verse:
“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession.”
1 Peter 2:9
I am chosen. This family is chosen. God needed us to level up. We all had to make a decision to step out of survival mode and align ourselves with what God has for us.
I want to arise to His expectations for me. His blessings for me might even seem scary, because I don’t want to let God down. But really, all I’m doing is affirming what He has already put in place. I am not barely making it anymore. That is dead and gone. I am rich in abundance. No more looking back at what was. No more wishing things were different or longing for justice for the wrongs we’ve faced. God is working in me and in us right now. When I take the time to focus on all He has done, I am so thankful, and I love what He is doing.
“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
2 Timothy 1:7
This isn’t about convincing ourselves that “maybe everything will be okay.” It’s not a mind trick or some insecurity we have to prop up. I’ve always been willing to share whatever I want with whoever I want… that’s never been my issue. I’m not afraid of what people think about me. What matters is what God thinks. There can’t be hesitation there. It’s all power in Jesus’ Name and in His promises. I can’t forget that.
I can’t live like I’m wandering in the desert while He hands me a lifeline, and I still act like He isn’t enough. I have faith that everything Jesus has done for me is good, and everything He has given me is good and enough. Living boldly in Jesus Christ is not for the timid.
“The righteous are bold as a lion.”
Proverbs 28:1
I have to walk steady and faithfully, with a grateful heart for all God has done for me. There are no leftovers or crumbs with Jesus; you get everything with Jesus. Now I just have to remember to walk like that. To stop walking like everything is going to be a letdown. Survival mode has been switched off.
Yes, I’ve had heartbreak and rejection. Those things are part of my fabric, but God calls me by my name. The enemy wants me to believe I am imprisoned by fear and despair. But when we are awake in Christ Jesus, we see things for what they really are. He gives us eyes that see, a heart protected by Jesus, strong discernment, and a grateful attitude.
It took time to process everything, but once I repented of living in the rearview mirror… constantly looking back and obsessing over my fears; God made me clean and made me new. I was reminded that I only needed to control me. The fruit of the Spirit says “self-control,” not “control it all.” I don’t need to keep looking back, over-worrying, or trying to control outcomes for everyone. I can’t do that. God never asked me to do that.
What I do know is this:
“In Him, I am safe, protected, and loved.”
I will walk boldly in this faith, and since I laid all of this down, I have been at peace.
I have never known a peace like the peace that comes from simply laying all my lack at His feet, my insecurity, worry, doubt, moving, money, relationships. I hand it all over to Him. My marriage, my children, my writing, my expectations; He has carried it all. He changed it all.
I don’t deserve anything, but He loves me still. He chose me, and for that I am so thankful. So, no more low expectations. No more negative self-talk. No more fear of the past or tomorrow, just love and gratitude for today.
Father God has given my family and me so much. He has walked with us through so much more. Even when we had no clue how we’d get through it, somehow we came out better than we were before it all began.
God is good like that. He is our strength when we are weak. He is our love when we feel unloved, or even unlovable. He teaches us discipline and confidence while holding onto joy and peace for us.
Jesus has led me to be better at holding my tongue, speaking with discernment, obeying His will, and trusting my husband to lead our home. I am so grateful for this.
None of this is to erase what the last year did to me or to any of us. But I won’t live in it or speak of it the same way anymore. For me, it has fallen away. I know God saw all of it. He saw the corruption in the people who did us wrong and the good in the people who helped us through. God has been making all of that right. I thank God for loving my family through it all, for sending us wonderful people, and for the changes in us. It truly was a level up… one I didn’t know we needed or that was even possible. Change can be scary and painful, but it is often worth it in the end.
A grateful heart is where it’s at. Alignment with God is what it takes. Have faith that all is well in Him. It sounds so simple, but we live in a fallen world full of messy people and real difficulties. That’s why we have to be rooted in the Word, not in the world. Give the glory to God and thanks to Him. Laugh as much as you can and love hard. Life here on earth is just a blink, and we will hardly be remembered. But our eternal life… that is forever. Prepare for that one. 🤍
SK
Woven in the Fabric 💛
This writing…and this journey…is rooted in Jesus. It isn’t always tidy, but it is always held by Him, Jesus Christ. What I share here is offered honestly, prayerfully, and with hope that it encourages you wherever you are.
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—Skelly 💛
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