Clear Eyes

And I think to myself… what a wonderful world 🌎

If I want my world to be 💕

My voice doesn’t need to be the loudest🌊

To changes Hearts ♥️ & move mountains 🏔

Remembering who I am & who God has Called me to be 🙏🏼

Listening to the inner voice ♥️ to direct & give me strength 💪🏽

Sometimes I’m shaken & broken 💔 but only to wipe away dirt from my eyes 👀

My vision is restored & heart ❤️ is back in place 🙏🏼

I see truth for what it is and I am at peace ✌🏽

xoxo sk

Hometown State of Mind

Going Home…

rocky mountain pic

Welcome To Colorful Colorado

A Hometown State of Mind is just what I need to get centered… the get back to the  fabric that made me. 

I was sitting here trying to recall my last visit home? It’s sad that actually I can’t remember. Christmas in 2017 we went as a family and it was a rushed trip! My anxiety was terribly! I was home once before that in June 2016 I think, for Father’s day, to surprise my parents. That visit was a less than 45 hour turn around for me and I back in Minnesota!

Jason, I and the kids did a short stop in Colorado when we were journeying to California but I was on special orders, that I had NO TIME to make plans with a soul… so I saw no one. We only spent one single night at my parents house before we hit the road again.

Spending less than 2 hours, saying a quick hello-goodbye to my Aunt, Uncle and Grandparents in Wray, CO but then it was all business again and we were back on the road. It wasn’t what I wanted at all. I was really missing and needing my friends and family then. This was probably the start of my down-ward spiral into major depression, I just didn’t know how bad at the time.

All of my two visits to my hometown have been very rushed. Jason can’t take on the kids or handle more responsibilities than his job, so he tends to panics when I’m not around to handle the living-being in our care. Even this current visit coming up to Colorado, Jason is in a frenzy about me leaving and I’m taking the kids with me this time! I mean, let me live, Dude!

Home sick…

Colorado’s 10 Most Picturesque towns

Rocky Mountain National Park

Lost Not Found Blog By www.fabicthatmademe.com

Time for some fun and laugher with people that I miss and love, in a place that I once called home.

It’s been a long time since I really laughed, like a real belly laugh. You know the laughs that make your face go ugly and you start to cry but it feels so good! I need that! I need the ugly, tear streaming down your face kind of laugh! I haven’t had a whole lot of happiness going on for awhile! It’s been too long and I’ve been on survival mode! There’s been no time with friends, no conversations with a single human or really living my best life in this world at all. I’ve been just barely getting by! I’ve said this too many times…I’m like a rat in a cage! But I’ve allow this to happen to me. I did this to myself!

The Biblical Way To Overcome Being a Victim 

**Visit the post above and get empowered! 

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A leader In My Own Life

My happiness comes from inside me and that’s an awesome freedom and scary reality!

I miss my friends, my family and my home. Mostly, I miss making my own life choices and having some freedom in my choices! What I’ve realized is, I can take control of my life and my happiness. It is possible…I can be a leader in my own life. However, not everyone will always be happy with my choices and I have to be okay with that. I also have to know I am responsible for the outcome. I can’t put it on anyone else.

I mean it hasn’t been all bad, I’ve definitely learn some valuable lessons along the way! I’ve made lifetime friends in Minnesota! I’ll be forever grateful for the Andersons and their friendship. California has been a real B***H! It’s because of my brokenness that I found my hope.

While I’m in Colorado I’ll have some time to remember the good times and get caught up with some old friends. I’m excited to have this time to be with my friends and not have anyone to push or pull me into a direction they want. I need this break and I think Jason needs it too.

No Place like home…

So Tuesday I and the kids will be in Colorado for a month. I don’t know what to say other than, I ask for prayers during this time. I’m sure the kids need this just as bad as I do, to see their cousins and grandparents. We needs to be part of something and feel safe and sound again. Our security has been shot. Our peace has been ripped apart but we are on the mend. I have hope for us.

I’ll keep my blog updated with “life”! I’m excited to see where God leads us. I have faith He is hard at work.

xoxo sk

 

A Simple Choice

We have the ability to bring such joy.

Or

We have the choice to bring such pain.

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We people can be the light in someones darkness.

Or

We can be the monster under the bed.

We can the mean girl, the bully in the locker room.

We can be the new found friend who offers a laugh and a smile instead.

Choices

We have them.

We are not above them.

Choose wisely.

You could be saving a life and life just might be your own. 

xoxo sk

“Trying It On”-How to make choices with Faith

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Devotions on making decisions in Faith

How to have confidence my decisions are being made with Gods plans in mind and not my own agenda.

As I have written about in pasted blogs, I’m on a quest to reconnect to my Father Christ. One of the ways that I have been doing this is through reading devotions and Bible Studies on the Bible App

Recently, I finished a few different studies. The first one, titled Make Decisions with Faith and confidence . It was mind blowing just how exact to my life this study was and how much I needed to read every word.  It’s amazing how God knows just what we need, when we need it. Every word was exactly what I needed at this time in my life. I’ve said many times how I wish that I could just send a quick email or text to God and get a response right back letting me what to do. Yes, a prayer to God is like sending a text message but most the time the answers don’t come as clear as getting a text back.

The “Try It On” method that the Bible study talks about is such an awesome way to learn how to make choices. This “Try It On” method supports my connection on a clear FM channel verses the static of an AM channel with The Holy Spirit. The “Try It On” method keeps us accountable and keeps us from becoming stagnate in our fear of make a move. We also have to be in-tune with The Holy Spirit, speak the language, have the relationship or “connection”. That’s pretty powerful, I think.

How many times do we question if we’re making the right choice? Or are so scared that we’ll make the wrong decision, that we end up not making any decisions for ourselves at all. I only wish I had read this devotion/Bible Study sooner.

I know I’ve been the victim of my own fears for years! The pressures of worrying that I’ll disappoint others and lead my family down the wrong path. However, when I am sitting in motionless contemplation, purely relying only on my very limited wisdom and over emotional mental state; I’m wasting away! This is just what the enemy wants. He love us to doubt ourselves and to waste away. What decisions are being made when I’m in a holding pattern like that? No progress will ever be made if I am just “thinking” things over all the time? I’m playing right into the enemy’s hands!

Indecision is a decision too and not a good one.  

The “Try It On” Method

How to make small steps in a direction and wait on God to speak to you.

The example was perfect, like trying on a shirt before you buy it. You wonder the store looking through the racks of clothes until something catches your eye. Then you find the one you “think” will work and you “Try It On”. You see how it fits, what it looks like on… you decide if this is the right shirt for you to buy. That is pretty much how the “Try It On” process works with everything.

Let try something bigger.

Using the example of moving to the great state of California. 🙄

When we got the news that we were moving to California I started to check out the  schools and houses in the area that I thought we might move to. (I of course now would ask WAY more questions than I did before. LESSONS!)

Step 1. As I’m looking for housing -this is me actively taking a step in a direction of moving towards California.  I can see that housing is expensive and we can NOT afford to live here on what we make. But I wasn’t listening to God. Next time I will.

Step 2.  After we moved toward something, what does it feel like? How rough or smooth is the process going? Do you have a little voice telling anything? I remember I didn’t feel good about moving towards California the whole time it was happening but I pushed on.

I had trouble finding housing, schools for my kids, the packers were awful and they broke all our things. A hundred and one things were going wrong! I had a voice in the back of my head telling me that we shouldn’t do this move but I continued to pushed on. I felt defeated for some reason, like I couldn’t turn back. The worries I had about staying in Minnesota were now much more about leaving there. I wasn’t waiting on God or listening to Him at all.

Step 3. Are you a list person? Do like to write everything out? This is me! List keep me organize and on top of things. What I tend to do when I have a decision to make is write out a Pros and Cons list. This sounds like a reasonable thing to do but what I end up doing is putting all my faith in this list.  I’m not listening to God or waiting on Him for direction, only on this piece of paper.

Here’s the reason why the list is wrong. 

Sure, it’s good to get your mind calm and organized but not to rely on your list.

I wrote out a Pros and Cons list myself when we were getting ready to move to California. Everything was pointing to Georgia as weird as that sounds. It was loud and clear ( I’ll dive into that later) Here’s an older blog that I wrote when we first started our moving process- Here We Go Again.  As much as I was focusing on California everything kept coming back to wait on Georgia (so it felt) but I ignored that.

My list was full of Pros for California and as we now know all our time here has not been good at all. While I was pushing towards California like it was my full time job, ever song was about Georgia, ever TV show, I had friends and friends of friends moving there or had some new connection to Georgia. Pretty soon there were so many things in my ear about Georgia but I wasn’t listening because I was full force to California, even though it felt wrong.

Side note: We later found out that Jason’s mentor and the man who hired him was moved to Georgia as the Zone Manager. 

Step 4. Keep making little steps toward a choice while The Holy Spirit directs you which way to step.

Each step I took moving to California was rough and difficult. To say our path was bumping is the understatement of the century. God was clear to us that this was not the right place for us but we made it happen anyway. Now we’re living the consequences for those choices.

The Goodness of God in Bad decisions this blog is excel! Check out more on “our” consequences and a God of miracles.

Second Chances 

I had a chance to take it back but I didn’t.

Our God is a God of Grace and Mercy. He showed me this time and time again but I wasn’t seeing it. The enemy had control and it makes me sick to think I let that happen.

As I mentioned before I couldn’t find a school that could accommodate my kids needs and this was a struggle for me. There were so many moving part to this relocation and the enemy was good at what he was doing to my mind and heart. I was confused and frustrated!  Since I was handling this move all by myself and not leaning on God at all, I felt absolutely responsible for making sure no one was burdened. I wanted to be able to say I was able to do this and made it work.  Again the enemy had made me believe that no one believed in me and I wasn’t able.

I received a called from a lady that coordinated our move. I can’t remember her exact title but I remember having a melt down on the phone with her. I was in my car and I had to pull over, I just cried. I told her how difficult this move was becoming and how worried I was about the schools for my kids.

This lady, I believe her name was Pam, was so kind to me on the phone. She made many calls back forth to me for two days and told that although we had already signed our relocation and many thing have already been in motion that we would get one forgiveness. She explained to me that considering everything that I told her, she believes we qualify for that. I didn’t know what to say to her, because Jason was already in California working.

I told her I needed to think about it and I’d call her back. I struggled with what do. I knew with every bone in body I needed to cancel this move but Jason was already in California. He and I barely spook a word to each other, our communication wasn’t great at this point. All I could think about was how disappointment Jason would be that I couldn’t handle this move. I would have failed. I kept replaying Jason firmly speaking to me “If we do this move…Don’t let it come back on me!” Even though I knew I didn’t want this move, I felt like I had to do it now.

I called Pam back and thanked her for all  that she had done for me but we were going to move forward. This would end up being some of the worse depression that I have ever been in. Suicidal thoughts, marriage tore apart, kids hanging by a thread, living in an over price house thats failing apart…the list goes on. Jason has his own list of troubles.

Mercies and Grace Never Fail

Although these last ten in a half month were some of most terrible months of my life, coming back from the wreckage I think have made me stronger than ever. It’s weird in a way because I’m still very vulnerable. This is an uphill climb for me but I have never felt more connected, more sure of myself in a long time. That feel so amazing. God isn’t just a God of second chances, He is a God of forgiveness and Love. He came to find His lost. I was one of lost for sure and I’ve been found but still am a work in progress.

This post Billy Graham’s My Answer: Does God Give Us Second Chances is a a great read. Much better at explaining  how God loves beyond the second or third time we humans mess up… Check it out.

Conclusion

You can’t move in a parked car.

At some point I have to arise and go. I have to put a little pressure on the gas petal so God can put my steering wheel to use. At the same time I need to allow the little voice called The Holy spirit to speak to me. When it does, that’s the way the steering wheel should turn.

If I would have listened ten in a half months ago I would have yanked that wheel around! But thankful God is full of Miracles and I truly believe He will turn this very unpleasant venture into something we will end up being very thankful for. I can’t even believe I’m saying that. But With God anything is possible.

 

Hope you all enjoyed this blog! Thanks for all your comments, LIKES & love along the way! All your encouragement really make a impact as I keep blogging and getting my feet under me! 

xoxo sk

 

 

 

 

Encouragingly Hopeful

Encouragingly Hopeful

 

 

 

It’s been years since I’ve had a real hopeful feeling. Feelings of enjoyment, cheerfulness and being positive have been rare. Any confidence at all has been unusual in my world. I can actually pinpoint the times that I’ve felt that good-happy, optimism magical power!

With that said, the last few weeks I’ve had a twinge of looking forward to the future. The hopefulness I’ve had lately is unusual since the last two months is quite possibly the worst days my family have had yet and if I was going to be feeling any way at all, feeling hopeful would be unlikely but here I am.

    Maybe It’s Him…

Reconnection and trusting have been the best gift.

It hasn’t been easy reconnecting and finding my way back back to fully trusting again. Praying before I fall asleep, devotions with my morning coffee, Bible Studies and listening to music that encourages me to be faithful. Maybe it’s God.

Maybe I’m able to make it through this difficult time because I have my life preserver back. My Faith. Things are still hard. Really hard actually but I just know somehow it’s not going last. We’re right around the corner from sunshine and being able to breath again. I feel it.

B****hes on a Budget…

We’re broke! Jason has a good job and it’s not just a check to check- J.O.B, it’s a good career. I’m working too! We truly shouldn’t have to live this way. Selling our belonging to get groceries and pay our bills is our new normal right now. We have every right to be upset and frustrated at our circumstance. California has been hard for many reasons but one that has hurt the hardest is in our wallets.

Financially we have taken a huge painful hit! Our credit and our savings….it’s in a sad state now and getting caught back up will be tough. Living here has been eye opening in that way, along with others. But yet, I still feel like we will rise from the ashes somehow.

We’ve had to start over before. There was a time in our life that I thought we’d never never stop treading water. Not only did we come back from that terrible time in our life but we were better than ever. Actually we’ve been in that “start over” place a few times before and every time we come back better than we thought we every could be.

 

The Good News…

I have had my deep Faith forever, even in my shaky and unstable younger years. Around 6 years old in my Sunday school classroom was when I learned how to pray and who God is. My Faith and belief in God has never stopped since then.

Only since we made the move to California did I struggle so badly that my faith fell away; I barely noticed, it just drifted away. Believing in the existence of God and the word of The Bible hasn’t chanced for me but I guess following and being purposeful changed for me. I wasn’t seeking Jesus out anymore and if anything I think I may have let the darkness in because of it.

Sometimes, I think being so broken (all the time) is what keeps me searching for God and knowing I can’t find my way through this crazy broken place without Jesus. Quite possibly this season in our life might be guiding not just me but all of us back to Him. My whole family.

Bring It All Together

California to Massachusetts to Texas to Colorado to Tennessee to who knows wheres…

Our family is all over the map. This is a hard thing for me when I have lived more years close to family then not. The crazy thing that I’m trying to get my sensitive mind around is that my parents are going to moving out of Colorado, which is my home State. They are selling the house that I lived in half my life.

I believe we all have our path but I also believe even stronger that God is guiding us where we’re meant to be. He is giving us the opportunity to do better right now.

They reason that I feel this way is because LITERALLY 🤯 everyone in my family has a black rain cloud over their head right now. We’re all walking through a storm of a season right now and it basically has been a few years of a rough ride for all of us. Some more than others.

Absolutely, we all need to do what’s best for our life and our mental, emotional health..whatever it might be. However, I believe that what’s happening right now to all of us is….preparing us, it’s teaching us, and again… He is guiding us for something better.

Although we may not ever live down the street again from each other and have family BBQs every week every again, I do believe our relationships and general happiness in life will improve in ways we can’t even imagine.

 

 

Why Understanding The Seasons Of Life…

How to Stay Positive in Negative Situations

Why Is Family Important

Check out my blog post *Times Goes By

 

XOXO sk

The Bags I carry

 

 

 

2 years

In the last 2 years I’ve experienced somethings that have really changed my laugh and broken my smile…literally! Thank you Bell’s Palsy! 

The amount of change, worry, fear, loneliness and control over every decision made over my life has really crippled me. I hate the person I have become. Never in a million years did I think I would end up this way. I have really confused love.

I’m not sure what’s best for me anymore and that’s a scary thing. I’ve been so isolated and drugged quite frankly that allowing someone to pull the strings has been easy. You don’t realize it’s even happening because every word I eat up and it’s so easy to spin a web in my head. It’s sadly so effortless for me to let challenges go or take the blame, feel the guilt.

Let’s be honest my mental state has been weak for some time now. I have basically disappeared in my life and in my families life in most ways. Sure I take up space and they need me to do things for them. God knows they would starve without me. I’m here to lend an ear and I enjoy our conversations. My sisters always manage to get a laugh out of me here and there. But just because I’m alive doesn’t mean I’m living. I’m not and haven’t been.

 

6 months

The last 6 months may have been the worse yet. The only time in my life since high school that I have thought it’d be fine if I was dead. It’s terrifying when you are able to convince yourself that the world will be fine without. Someone will take over and handle your position. I was okay with, it was weird like I came to peace with it. For awhile when these thought would creep in my head I’d cry and get real sad but after awhile I’d think, “What will be, will be.” and I just didn’t care anymore.

I can honestly say the lack of love and care that I have received, along with not having the ability to control anything over my life has made me stop caring about my life at all. It’s like I’m walk around in a very bad dream but other times ( and most of the time ) I feel like I’m watching myself in someone else’s dream.

 

1 1/2 month

Now, I have had some tiny sparks of life here and there in the last month or so. Like a dead person being brought back to life but not fully. Maybe it’s going to be a process after being part of the walking-dead for long.

I have started to talk a little more and conversations about important topics are now happening, which is why it makes me absolutely insane when I’m told I’m not talking and/or my words start to get turned around or used against me.

I’m making good progress here but I see that door still. It’s just over my shoulder and I look at it often, it’s not far away. I could walk through it at anytime, shut down and go away and stop all this if I wanted to. That’s something I could do. They don’t know what it takes for me every second not to.

 

Sometimes I feel like I’m be taunted.

There are times I find myself crawling back into bed but only for a moment. I just need to give my mind a little break. Break from the needs and wants of everyone. I can’t do much for myself but I can go lay down for just minute. I can give myself that.

Sure, it pisses everyone off because they want me up and doing things for them or at the very less giving them my attention. “Give me a freaking second!”, I yell and then they do but my made to feel the worse Mom ever for it… usually. Being mental disabled is exhausting.

However, I’ve been better about trying to keep the laundry up and the house mostly clean. I read to my kids just about daily and have taken them to the library a few times now ( outings were hard before ). Making dinner and planning ahead has been easier to do most the time. I have my moments but I get it done.

To all of you this may sound obvious… may be not a big achievement.  If I read this earlier in my life I would have thought this person was pretty pitiful, “You can’t cook dinner and you’re able to now read to your kids?”  What the hell is up with that? I know it’s crazy but I’m not who I was and every month, every day, I’m a new person and I’m fighting a new and terrible freaking struggle that I never imagined.

Now and Moving Forward

As you saw at the top of this post there’s a music video by the artist/musician NF www.nfrealmusic.com 

I like all music and I’ve written about that before, though rap isn’t everyones cup of tea I understand. However, I have a weird connect with NFs’ work it seems. Maybe we are just both really messed up people wanting to not be and he just happens to be far better at words than I am.

I listen to each word, each song and I think YES! That’s what I’m feeling but I didn’t know how to say it or how to explain it to someone else. His music has been good for me to share to help explain how I feel but also to be better.

You should smile more. What’s wrong with you? Why don’t you talk to me?

When you’ve been down that road so many times…you know your words evaporate into air, no ones really hearing you. It’s been hard for me to explain myself because I really want someone to talk to me, not at me. I want someone to care but not dictate my every move. And for F-sakes, sometimes I’m not thinking anything…I’m just being. Please forgive me if a genuine smile doesn’t come easy anymore. I’m a broken person.

The thing I have found as I battle, is we are all a little broken. Some are better at hiding it, others moving pass it and heal it, then theres me. I’m like waves in the ocean. One minute I feel like I’m healed…my brokenness is mended but then the next I’m a raging storm. I can move mountain, destroy buildings, reck my very soul and then theres this very creepy and eerie stillness that comes…I know this stage all to well and this part of me is probably the most dangerous time for me.

I’m distant, silent and still, as if I don’t exist at all. You’re not sure if the storm has moved on and the sun will soon come out or if round two will rear it’s ugly head. This non-movement can go on for weeks, months…my mind is busy convincing me that this is what it’s like without you… I don’t need to be here…. walk through that door… just go and end this pain.

At that point I am basically dead, a lifeless corpus just going through the motions but just hardly. I’m waiting for it to end…hoping God will just jerk the wheel because I’m too scared to do it myself. There’s still apart of me that wants to live and even misses that feeling of joy. I’m sure after awhile of my miserable lethargic disappearance that the “living” people around me start wishing for the storm to return, at least than you’d know I’m alive and fighting for something. I start wishing for it too.

As of now and the last few weeks I’ve been praying and reconnecting spiritual. I never realize how hard it’s be to reconnect to God after being so far away from Him. I’ve always had a very strong faith even in the hardest of times. I can’t put my finger on why things have slipped away….why I have slipped away. I guess it way so gradual that I didn’t see the distant until I was so far away that I couldn’t see Him, feel Him and I didn’t think of my spiritual life at all.

The last thing I want to be is a person who only calls on God in a crisis. I can’t deny I’m in a crisis and I’m calling on Him… a lot. I’m rebuilding that relationship and trying to find my place again. I guess if being in the totally nightmare was Gods way of shaking the shit out of me and wake me up then I’m glad for it. Don’t get me wrong…I’m done with this lesson…I don’t want to learn anything else.

Baby steps it is. I’m slowly gaining my confidence back and trying to take my life back. I know in this process I may have to make some hard calls but I’m willing to do it. No one said this was going to easy and I wasn’t going to be uncomfortable trying to figure this out but it’s a means to an end. I have to aim at something, Arise and go! The wondering and being lost is over. I want to have some control and have peace.

My faith was shaken and maybe even gone…defiantly on pause. That needs to be reignited for sure and number one. The rest will come and I am getting it in order. I am, I promise.

Living arrangements, I’ll be totally truthful… you all know about as much as I do on that. I could be sleeping in my truck…hell I don’t know. But I do have some choices to make. There’s a few other things that need to happen first before that can be talked about.

When the conversation happens I need to stay calm…I need to stop crying.

My marriage…well it’s comes and goes. We both want it to be good and we have love for each other so that something. But the sweet unstoppable friendship we had. That wittiness and closeness that no one could break… It’s not there. I have hope we’ll get that back and that this stress of life has just weighted us down and broke us sadly. As we lighten our burdens and move forward things will get better and we remember the way we were maybe it will be better, stronger. I only hope.

 

Lastly, I want to include one other NF video that really hit me. I don’t want to just walk through this life asleep, numb and waiting for my real death. I want to live and love to my real potential and stop letting anyone hold me back from that.

 

 

xoxo sk

Don’t let me fall

Don’t let me fall

Don’t let me fall

Reach for me in the dark

Let me know your here

Don’t let me fall

I’m still real close to edge

Steady me when I’m unbalanced

Don’t let me fall

Reassure me I’m not alone in this fight

Remind me who you are

Don’t let me fall

Be my breath when I can’t breathe

Be my quiet when it’s too loud

Don’t let me fall

Be my calming place when I’m lost in the storm

Be my strength when I’m too weak

Don’t let me fall

Save me when I can’t save myself

Protect me when I hurt

Don’t let me fall

Make me believe the things that I lost hope in

Make the hard decision that hurt but are right

I’m waiting on you…

Xoxo sk

The Blogger Recognition Award!

Holy Moly! It this for real?!?

 

!!THE BLOGGER RECOGNITION AWARD!!

 

I know I’ve said this before but every-time that I get an award, I seriously am floored! I am humbled and so beyond thankful to be recognized! I love this little blog of mine (my baby). I love to write, it’s a passion of mine and gives my soul such joy! This blogging community is amazing! I’m gratitude goes on and on and on….

Thank you to Jessy-FAB for a few things…one being such a kind women in Christ, who’s just freaking awesome! I’ve never met you but I feel like you’re truly my friend! I love ya girl! Thank you for checking on me in my time of need, all your prayer, it meant so much! Thank you for having an honest, loving and sweet interesting blog that inspirers and just being awesome (that was a long sentence)! Thank you for nominating me/ fabricthatme.com for The Blogger Recognition Award! I’m sorry I am so late getting to this! …my life…But thank you!

So let’s get down to it!

 

The Rules:

1. Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.

2. Write a post to show your award.

3. Give a brief story of how your blog started. 

4. Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers.

 5. Select 5 other bloggers for this award. 

 

I started blogging, I believe in January 2018. I have been writing short stories and poetry since I was in 3rd grade (I’m like old now, ha). I have shared a few poems on my blog but not any of my short stories…yet…I hope soon! I just started this sweet blog for many reasons. The first was my love of writing. The second was to connect with other writers, bloggers, awesome people out there in world! I have grown so much because of this blog and because of other amazing bloggers! Blessed!

 

My two pieces of advice…this is hard. I guess it would be stay true to you (cliché, I know), don’t worry about tends or fads. Write and do, what you’re truly passionate about! It’ll always be easy to get up and kill it everyday that way! And the second thing, is pay for your WordPress site…own your work! It’s YOUR work. If you don’t own your site then your don’t own your writing! Paying for your site is worth it! 

My 5 nominaties are:

He has you

There Is Hope

After The Party

Inbarbsworld

I refuse to give up

 

Please check these bloggers out! They are all different and all have great blogs!

xoxo sk

The Awesome Impact Award

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What a surprise! What an honor! I can’t tell you how much this means to someone like me, who has just a small little blog, with a tiny little following to get recognized! This is simply the sweetest things!

Okay! Let’s get down to business! I was nominated by the sweet and wonderful Racheal’s Novels.  I try to keep up on every blog that I follow but we all know that is an impossible task! But I will tell 100% trust me, her blog is a goodie! Please check it out!

Thank you so very much for nominating me! I am so humbled and thankful for every award, mention and all the love! What an honor! Thank you!

So this is how this works ( I think)

RULE #1: Tag the person who nominated you.

RULE #2: Copy the “Awesome Impact Award” into your WordPress media and insert it in your post

RULE #3: Talk about an incident that impacted your life in a really positive way

RULE #4: Finally, nominate 10 other bloggers for the award

The incidents that impacted my life in a really positive way?

 

Moving away from Colorado was hands down the most positive thing that every happen to me. I was in a very negative situation in I live there. Once moved away I free to really live my best life and discover who I really and I love myself…all of my. I didn’t have to worry about judgments from others or people influencing my choices. Being away I have really grown into my own person! I have never been happier or freer! I would have never started to write, which is my passion if would not have left! I get to be the Mom, the wife, daughter, sister and just freaking human-being I want to be now! I feel blessed! God is so good! I am so thankful I had faith and still have faith in His plans for me!

I have to include giving my life to Christ because without Christ I can do nothing but with everything. All the Glory goes to God! I am nothing without His Mercys and Grace over my life. 

 

My TEN (but I’m going to 5 because like damn 10 is a lot) other bloggers to be nominated are…drumroll…please….

Crushed Carmel

The Eclectic Contrarian

Finally Unchained

Parallax

Jessy-FAB Faith and Books

 

Again, thank you so much to Racheal’s Novels…I am truly honored!

xoxo sk

 

I’m that Mom…

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Am I awful? I hate having my kids in a bunch of activities. My friend is probably the best Mom that ever lived. Her kids are in multiple things, she keeps track of what they’re watching on TV and she doesn’t cuss around them. Seriously, she’s my hero! Did I mention that she makes them dinner ever night? She’s amazing…God Bless her! She also works outside her home while taking care of damn near everything inside her home.

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I don’t have it in me to put my kids in sports or activities. Some of it, is that I hate…hate the idea of giving up our weekends to gather with tons of other screaming kids. I loath it. I like my weekends to be free to do nothing or everything or whatever but not that, for god-shakes!

The money. I am not rolling in the dough here. I don’t want to give our hard-earned cash to watch my child stand in the outfield and cry because the sun is out! I will not watch my child wander around the gymnastic floor lost because the trainer/teacher there is too busy getting the smaller siblings off the floor so she can do her job. What a waste for all of us. I don’t have the big bucks to put them in fancy Academy’s and if I did I still don’t think I would. Because I hate it!

I am not a soccer mom, a hockey mom, baseball mom, dance mom or anything thing like that. I do feel like this makes me a slacker of a mom at times…I do. But my heart’s just not in it.

I had my son in swimming for about a year. He didn’t like it but he needed to learn how to swim. I took him only two days a week for 6 weeks. In that time we missed two lessons because we were on road trips…we like to travel. He never complained if he missed because he didn’t want to go anyway. He was usually always glad he went for the most part after it was over. I also had him do a dog training class with one of our recuses’ at The Paul Beck Center in Aurora, CO. He liked that okay because he loves his dog but he cried in frustration every single time. I ended up doing the training more than he did. This is not what I singed up for. Tristan is not into organized spots…which is obviously fine with me. He has taken up weightlifting now in middle school which I think is pretty cool…because it requires nothing from me and it’s good for him!

My dear Gracie, my over achiever, sweet, sweet perfectionist. I’ve had her in Gymnastics since she was 3 and by the time she was 6, I just was over it. I swear the other moms, grand-moms…kids with babies…were all using this place as a daycare. I have never been more annoyed in my life! I spent hundreds of dollars on tons of leotards, tutus, leggings and fees, upon fees for both me and my Grace to walk out just plain pissed off. Well, I’m glad I could pay $150 for you to jump on that trampoline for 30 minutes then walk around lost the rest of time. That’s great..NOT!

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I know what you might be thinking. Try a different place. What about what your kids wants? You’re right, maybe I should have tried a different place. Maybe I really just didn’t want to be there. I just don’t get the same joy as other moms do when they see their kids in a sport or activity. Although, if we’re being honest here, every single mom and dad I was with, in both swimming, Gymnastic and even the two years we did Kung Fu, all had their face in their phone. I was watching my kids…I was! I was watching in complete and utter frustration! I was watching the clock…like, is this almost over! And Yes, I should consider what my kids want to do…a little.

This is why last night I sat with them and we talked about this. I told them I would put them each in ONE activity or sport this summer. Just one but they have to finish it all the through and give it 100%. If I am going to pay for it, and all the other expense that comes with it, plus drive them all over the place, then they need to give this sport/ activity their best. So the conclusion was, Tristan wants to be a helper at the zoo. Yes, this is a real thing. And it’s hard labor mostly. They clean…a lot. But okay, I will see what I can do. Gigi was more complicated which is nothing new. She just can’t decide. Cooking classes, guitar lesson, dance or (cringe) back to gymnastics. So right now for her that means she doing nothing…because, hell no…I won’t do that to myself.

My Mouth

I cuss. I wouldn’t say that I cuss all the time but I do add a few zingers here and there. I even cuss in my blog and I know that I shouldn’t. I am a christian…I know that it’s wrong yet I do it anyway. I don’t cuss out people or my family (mostly) but I do cuss. I don’t even feel bad about it normally. I mean, I don’t throw around the *F bomb like it’s nothing! I save that one usually for specially occasions. Of course, there are some cuss words that are even too bad for me to say. But I have my go-tos. The ones that are part of my everyday vocab and my kids don’t even blink twice to hear me say them. Does this make me an asshole parent? Probably. Should I do better? Absolutely!

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This is a crutch for me! I have a dirty mouth! All of my sisters do! We all three talk like  drunken pirates and I honestly can’t say why we do? Sure we heard my parents cuss in causal conversation but not really badly. We sure did get cussed out by them at time or two or thirty…but that’s different. I am not even offended by it in the least either. We are all educated, one of us has a master’s degree in criminal justice and the other has her a degree as well and does the books for a very well-to-do company. I’ve been a teacher since 2003. I started working with special needs children and moved on to early education and finally to kindergarten and kids that were being held back or just needed more time.  I had the perfect job with great co-worker and wonderful parents…finally after years of crap and horrible management, when Jason got the news we were moving out of Colorado and to Fargo, North Dakota. But I like I was saying… we are smart. We are not using cuss words because of lack of a vocabulary. Not at all. We like it. I think it.

Screen Time

And last but not least…why I suck as parent. Tablet time, TV…Youtube, video games. I’m fine with it. I kick my kids outside. Let me rephrase that. I kick my son outside plenty. My daughter lives on pure adrenaline. She never stops. She would be outside “mom, watch this!” all day if I let her. It doesn’t atter rain, snow, 70 mph wind… she outside. She’s on her bike, rollerblading, on her scooter, sidewalk chalk, making up a game, collecting ants and naming them; after she makes them a new habitat and accidentally drowns them all, or she will just have a cart-wheel contest, where she wins every time.  So after I clean the dirt and grim off of her and get her to sit still, I am like, PLEASE just watch a movie and be still for all that is holy!!! Give me a break! The girl exhaust me. My son will ride his bike, walk the dog, go the park and now he will even mow the yard for fun…which is great! But then he wants to chill and I am fine with that because his sister takes every bit of energy that I have! This is why if I wake up in the morning and the kids are on tablets and not bothering me… I am totally good with that!

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Yes, I check what they watch. Especially when it comes to YouTube. Right now, it’s watching other kids open things and Barbie for Grace. Tristan is 13 so he looks up stuff to figure out how to beat the next level on his video game. He also enjoy watching people doing really stupid stuff…I guess that’s funny? You know, like jump off a roof into a pool but totally miss the pool and land on a fence. I hate that stuff. But whatever. I know my kid and he is the most cautious kid on the Earth. He wouldn’t even ride a bike till he was ten because it looked dangerous.

Feed Me

Let me not forget dinner time. I am doing keto so I stay away from carbs but my kids eat them like crazy. Mac-n-cheese or chicken nuggets, corn dogs, how about a cheese quesadilla? All foods they love! Sure they eat tons of strawberries, grape and apple sauce. Lots of lots of green beans and broccoli, even carrots sometimes. But when I make real chicken, fish or even a steak…they want to puke. So their dinner takes me about 10 mins or less to make most nights and some nights I’ve been know to let them have ice cream! Yep…I’m that mom.

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Rais’em Up

I haven’t told my husband this yet but Grace’s teacher told me she could skip 2nd grade and go into 3rd if I chose for her to. She basically did 2nd already this year and was working on 3rd grade work and it was easy for her. She is smart. She is a hard worker. She is diligent! She wants to do her best always! She cares about the work she puts out there. She’s only 7. She acts like she 16 in both good and bad but she planning for college already. She is messy and covered in dirt but it’s because she never, never gives up. She will practice and practice and study and study until she knows it better than anyone. This is just who she is.

Tristan was on Honor roll this year. He had the best report of his life! It wasn’t easy for him either. He really has to work hard. School doesn’t come easy to him. He stayed after school day after day and kept up on his homework. I saw him cry in frustration but he kept at it and he did great. He is the man of our house Monday – Friday while his Dad is out-of-town. He checks on me and makes sure I didn’t miss shutting a window or locking a door. He helps me with his sister, which is such a lifesaver. He is without any doubt the kindest and sweet human on the Earth. When my health trouble arise, Tristan makes my tea, get my meds and my heating pad. His dad has taught him well.

So I have to say…I may suck in plenty of areas but my kids have manners, they are doing amazing in school and are plain great kids. And consider the kids I have seen through the years working in  schools myself, I am beyond blessed to have the ones I do.

I know I can’t take all the credit but damn it! I think I sure take a little!

xoxo sk