The Struggle with Waiting
Something I have deeply struggled with is patience. I am not good at waiting. Part of that comes from a long-held belief there are expectation that must be met, a problem I have to fixed and it somehow all falls on me to handle. It’s this over functioning addiction I carry.
That mindset has often pushed me to step in far sooner than I needed to.
At other times, it has caused me to stay awkwardly silent when I should have spoken up. Either way, it creates pressure, a weight on my chest that was I fear was never necessary. Looking back, I can see how pausing might have changed the outcome. How giving space and letting the moment breathe might have allowed me to time to respond with more reflection, not out of fear.
Learning the difference between when to act and when to wait and let it go, has been a real struggle for me; all rooted in a toxic sense of urgency.
When Urgency Takes Over
Waiting presses hard against my instincts, especially when my sense of security feels threatened and fear begins to rise up. In those moments, urgency takes over. The more I have to solve the less safe I feel.
And there is plenty I am compelled to fix, to smooth the discomfort, to offer reassurance, even at the cost of my own peace.
What I’m slowly beginning to understand is that responding that way only keeps the cycle going. A never-ending loop of people-pleasing, overextending, and struggling with my own patience. What feels like help in the moment often turns into enabling, and it leaves me more depleted than grounded.
So, there it is, my honest confession. I am terrible at this.
I create my own monsters. I fix to soothe. To makes me feel better, to calm the situation, to ease tension, for everyone. For a moment it works but then shame sets in. It wasn’t what they had in mind, or I didn’t do it the way they wanted… Either way, I enabled them.
This is the cycle… no one is satisfied. I feel mistreated and no one is happy with the outcome. Yet, the next time there is an issue who do they turn to?
Me.
This is the hardest part. It’s so hard not to do something about it. It’s “knowing” this cycle and still feeling the addicts pull to step in. It’s never just “one small thing.” It’s like avoiding that one tiny sip… that will become the whole bottle. It’s left me having to ask myself the uncomfortable question: I am addicted to intervening… even well intended… do I rescues, do I enable for them or me?
It might seem like such a small little thing. But it’s bigger than I realized. My conviction is pushing me to examine my motives, my mind, my heart, my intentions.
My lack of patience was a lack obedience, a lack of trust, a lack of listening. It was fear.
Lessons, Blessings, and Trusting God’s Timing
God gives both lessons and blessing and sometimes it’s hard to tell which is which when we insist on intervening in everything, even what God is doing.
God is God and I am not. I will let Him lead the way.
Scripture reminds me of this truth:
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.”
— Jeremiah 29:11
Everything is a yes with God. Oftentimes we just don’t like how it shows up. It’s not the picture we have in our head.
Sometime that “yes” that God gives us is more of the lesson route. It’s there to make sure we can handle the small things before we’re entrusted with the blessings of bigger things. That yes might be waiting, a broken-down car, an empty bank account, lack of supplies and sickness. There are so many things that cause the pause.
So much happens in these moments. We take a different road, and they change us. We are stretched and you are prepared for more.
The Root Beneath My Impatience
I found that weak spot, patience based in fear or lack of it. This fear caused me to be a weak listener and that wasn’t who I was. I was losing myself by drowning in fear and over-functioning in things I wasn’t meant to. This made me feel rushed in my response to reply, anxious and exhausted overtime.
I needed to understand without being so hard on myself that it’s not my calling to fix everyone. I don’t need save them. In fact, some people are committed to not changing, holding on to the past and their own angry.
Scripture speaks clearly to this:
“A man of great anger must pay the penalty;
if you rescue him, you will have to do it again.”
— Proverbs 19:19
So, the more I hurried to take over, to intercede, the less I am actually helping. I was hurting myself and person was just going to need to be saved again.
Truthfully, my interceding was delaying any growth and change. I need to take pause, pray and listen. God is not calling me to step into everything and save everyone. He might be sending them on a mission, and I am messing with it.
What I have to remember is, if God didn’t send, it won’t be blessed.
Drawing Lines for My Home and My Heart
My home was flooded will intense emotions and at the same time, disconnection. My continual needs to intercede, fueled by a lack of impatience’s was not helping.
Again, I am reminded I am not required to carry harmful and toxic behavior in my home because others feel more comfortable with it.
Scripture makes this boundary clear:
“But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve…
But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”
— Joshua 24:15
This has been hard for me when it comes to my family and their feelings but as I stepped out of myself and more fully into Jesus, my needs and desires began to change. The closed I grew to God the more my environment changed too. How my home feels, what I allow in it, what I consume and talk about, how I spend my time and money.
It’s unsettling to some people but that is okay.
“For each one should carry their own load.”
— Galatians 6:5
I love my people. But it’s time for me stop the bleeding for me and them. It’s not my job to regulate everyone’s needs or discomforts. They need to carry their own. I am here to help, to love with compassion but not an anchor… I can’t drown.
Letting the Burden Go
What all this has taught me is I don’t need to rush in, to fix and manage, and to keep trying to be this peacekeeper which has been such a burden on my whole being.
Jesus tells us plainly:
“For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
— Matthew 11:30
If something is breaking me down and pulling me away from alignment with Jesus, then it is not something He has asked me to carry.
It is okay to say, this has nothing to do with me and leave it alone.
Being a peacemaker sometimes looks like walking away and offering a prayer instead.
God did not authorize me to be everywhere.
An Active Faith
I am learning obedience, my conviction in Christ doesn’t mean sitting back waiting around, doing nothing. Taking the Jesus pause, praying, stepping away, unfollowing harmful/ negative influencers, stopping bad habits, changing rhythm’s, choosing peace… it’s all active. Some of it might be loud, some quiet, or bold, or mild but it’s all movement.
For me, faith looks like dying to self and living in Christ. It’s choosing to be made new in Him. Even when that choice cost comfort. This is not passive surrender, its deep love, its conviction, it’s faithful trust.
Scripture reminds me:
“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wildernessIsaiah 43:18-19
Woven in the Fabric
This writing …and this journey is rooted in Jesus. Every word shared here is a gift from Him and offered in faith and obedience. I am so thankful for it. If something in this writing reflection stirred your heart, I hope you’ll pass that encouragement on.
You’re always welcome to stay connected here through the blog or join me on Instagram and Pinterest for daily reminders of truth, hope, and grace as we keep walking together.
– skelly
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