A moment in Time That Change Everything

Lately, it feels like the Fruit of the Spirit has been coming up again and again in my life. When something keeps ringing in my senses repeatedly, I know it’s God trying to get my attention. Back when I was a teacher, my students and I had a little song we would sing together as a reminder to keep God present in our lives. Funny how those lessons still hold weight today.

The Dirt We Hide

No one is perfect. That seems like an obvious truth, yet we all work hard to hide the messiness in our lives—the things we aren’t proud of, our sins. I call these things the dirt behind the washing machine or the dust gathering behind the fridge. We know it’s there, but we pretend it isn’t.

But what happens when you actually move the washer, clean behind it, and wipe away the grime? The air feels fresher. The space is lighter. That’s what healing feels like. But until you do the work, you’re just hiding it.

Cleaning the Mess Within

That’s exactly the work I started over three years ago with my health team. My mental and physical health had to be tackled together because if your mind is foggy, everything else is a mess, too. It was slow at first—one tiny step at a time—but eventually, those steps led to a massive transformation in my life.

Coming to Jesus was the same way. I had to cry out, admitting I was lost and needed a Savior. I needed His forgiveness, His light, and His breath to bring life back to my broken soul. I confessed my sins and pain, and little by little, healing came. And I still do this today. Back then, it was my life support. Each day was a painful struggle just to get out of bed. It was God’s love that fueled those first steps.

Looking Back to Move Forward

Sometimes, I don’t want to remember how dark it was. The isolation. The shame. But if I forget, I won’t appreciate where I am now or how much God has transformed me. Every struggle, every tear, every prayer—He didn’t waste a single moment. He turned pain into purpose. If I had kept my struggles hidden, I wouldn’t have experienced His miracles, and I wouldn’t be here to help others who are struggling now.

God was shaping me, teaching me to love the person I am today.

Perfection Is a Lie

As much as we try to present a polished life, people see through the filters and fake smiles. No one has the perfect house, perfect kids, perfect job, or perfect family. It doesn’t exist. I chased perfection for years, setting impossibly high expectations for myself. But striving for perfection is a race with no finish line.

Through counseling and my growing faith, I’ve learned I don’t need to be ashamed of my past, present, or future. And if there are people in my life making me feel otherwise, then I’m surrounding myself with the wrong people.

God Uses Our Pain

I found that by sharing my struggles—the raw, ugly, sometimes embarrassing ones—some people faded from my life while others stepped closer. I never had to push anyone away. God handled that for me.

I don’t carry shame or pity over my past. Yes, it still stirs emotions, but I see now how God used that time to refine me. He took my fears, failures, and pain and turned me from a victim into someone victorious. He forgave me, carried me, and loved me every step of the way.

A Landmark Moment

One of the darkest times in my life was in California. I had reached the point where I didn’t want to be here anymore. After attending a church women’s dinner where I felt utterly unwelcome, I left in tears, convinced that even in church, I was invisible. That night, I had decided it was time to end it all.

Sitting in my truck, I saw a flyer stuck to my windshield. I almost threw it away, but then I noticed the words: I NEVER LEFT YOU. It was just a gym membership flyer, but those words hit me like lightning. At that moment, I realized how broken I was, but more importantly, how worthy I was of being saved.

That night, I cried out to God. I stayed in that parking lot for an hour, praying, and when I finally drove home, I took the curve in the road—where I had planned to end my life—so slowly, so carefully. That night, I slept deeply for the first time in years. God gave me the rest I so desperately needed.

When I woke up, I felt different. The road ahead was still long, but I had moved that heavy washer and was ready to start cleaning. That day was my first real day of life, and I will forever be grateful for it.

The Fruit of the Spirit

God doesn’t waste pain. He ensures we don’t lose our way. We will struggle, but our connection to Him is our lifeline. That’s why the Fruit of the Spirit keeps coming up in my life—it’s a reminder that growth takes work.

At Bible study last week, we were asked which of the Fruits we need to work on most. That word—work—stood out to me. Because it’s all work. It takes work to show kindness, especially in the school pick-up line. It takes work to stay humble, to forgive even without an apology, to resist complacency. Living with ourselves and others is work.

But it keeps us connected to Him. It keeps us growing. It keeps us kind.

A Final Thought

Years ago, during my darkest time, a blogger friend reached out. He saw through my words, recognized my struggle, and played a major role in helping me find my way back to God. His care, concern, and encouragement led me to seek professional help. He’ll never take credit for it, but I believe God used him to help save my life.

We are the village. You never know what role you might be playing in someone else’s story.

On to the next,

SK