I’m just writing to y’all just like the old days 😉
I know that I’ve been kind of throwing up 🤮on y’all lately. My vibe has not been the best. 💔
I’m so appreciative to have this outlet. Writing has always been a good way for me to get things off my chest and out of my head.🔏🔓
Sometimes things are just so confusing that I don’t even know what I’m feeling. Writing has been a great way for me to process issues. Honestly, it can makes things more confusing at times.😔 Other times it’s a way to release the pain. I need that.
I always enjoy hearing back from y’all! I want to know what you 🤔 think! The encouragement and perspective has really helped me! I don’t feel as alone.
I know not everybody feels that way…not everybody wants me to write about what’s going on in my life or how I feel! Who can blame them! We’re dealing with some ugly stuff and I’m not living this life by myself. I do usually try to be discreet. But sometimes I just can’t.
The fact of the matter is I have a lot of regrets. I want to take them as lesson and do better in the future. That’s really hard when you’re living in the eye of the storm. It truly sucks.
Not on the same page and bad communication, nothing is matching up. It’s a consistent uphill battle.
I can want to do better all day long… want a change! But you can’t plant a seed in crappy soil and expect anything to grow.
You could water it…you could give it sunshine! But if it’s dead soil… there’s no nutrition in it than it doesn’t fucking matter; nothing will come of it. Ever.
I’m not saying not to try. I’m not saying don’t be scrappy and do what you gotta do to get by. No, what I’m just saying is sometimes your plans might change. You might to be to plant somewhere else.
Priorities have to change. It’s not all about what The Company wants! I mean… what is the struggle for? We unhappy 🙁 It can’t be all about the money 💴 There’s more to life than that.
The picture is so much bigger. It’s about something different. Something so much more important. I can’t find it here. No one will ever find it here because it doesn’t exist.
And you can’t force this kind of thing. Make yourself believe this is what God wants for you. Your true destiny….your fate. Maybe that seems silly but there is a difference and you life is changed and your see every differently when your walking God’s path… not your path. We’re lost right now. I can’t see shit from here.
I think that we used to have it. I was tuned in and hearing clearly. I was focused. I would have NEVER allowed myself to live the way I am now. Never. I let him put my spark ⚡️out. Once we had a good thing. It was bigger than a house, it was better than fancy cars and no money could ever buy it.
I want that again. But it is not here. This place is absent of that. We are absent of that.
So I don’t care about moving up in a company! I don’t give a shit about lateral moves. All I care about is our souls at this point and mine is fucking sad….mine isn’t the only one that I’m worried about. That’s my only priority. I want to be found.
Greed, money, cars, big houses, fancy clothes and exotic vacations… how could we ever forget about the crazy amount of material bullshit… that’s the God that we serve. Welcome to my new home.
We welcome everyone as long as it’s NOT IN MY BACKYARD…that’s our motto!
Lord, helps us.
So I’m sorry that I’ve been in such a bad place but I’m surrounded by it everyday.
I know that everyone can’t possibly be this way. I’ve met a few nice people here. My coworkers are pretty awesome 😎 I try to focus on the good I found in them. Believe it or not this is me focusing on the good because if I didn’t have at least this…I don’t know what I would do. I’m already bubbling over, my chest feels like I’m having a freaking heart attack every day.
I watched a very shitty women refused to help an elderly lady at the gas pump yesterday and it blew my freaking mind!I wanted to punch her in the throat! Who the hell does she think she is! My mind was blown… I just don’t live in that world. Do you not respect your elders? I wish I would have been closer to help this lady.
I see this kind of disrespect and complete disregard for other human beings every single day. It’s eating at me.
Now I was terrible yesterday too because when I got the chance to finally see this disgusting person, I went off on this chick! She just drove away….you awful miserable cow! I’m still pissed.
Maybe I shouldn’t of said anything, who knows why she decided to be a terrible person. I wasn’t raise that way at all! Honestly, I would have got my ass kicked for acting that way by my parents. You never treat your elders that way!
Always help out if you can, hold the doors and be freaking respectful, have some common sense, it’s not that hard! Treat people like human beings and don’t act like you matter more than someone else because guess what, you don’t!
I’m gonna stop this rambling for now and just apologize for being in such a miserable 😩 place. I don’t like it here either and I’m sure you guys are tired of reading about it.
I really need to change the momentum and I need to be that change. I’m gonna try to do better.
If you believe in this sort of thing or whatever you believe…I’m just asking for some prayers, whichever way you do that. Lord knows I have a lot working against me here.
All because I had to pee so bad my plans had a bit of a delayed and thank God they did!
Because God delayed me this day and made every bathroom near my workout spot closed, I had to get in my truck and drive to Albertsons to use the restroom and of course while I was there my ADD kicked in…
I had to buy a huge bag of avocado, face wash, a toothbrush, more coffee and a large water. I’m so random.
After all that and an empty bladder, I could finally head to the park to workout. Or so I thought….
Meet Dallas & God At Work
So this a photo from Pinterest but does look like my new friend, Dallas!
As I’m driving down the street, I see the most terrified 100 pound, beautiful dog that I’ve ever seen. I thought to myself this dog has to belong to someone, no one would let this poor baby go free on purpose!
I slowed way down and drove slowly next to him. I could see this scared pup was trying to get into the gated neighborhood but couldn’t. Every time a loud, fast car or school bus would fly by, would start to panic and head into street. I just drove slow next to him for a bit which was good because he crossed into the street and I would block other cars from hitting him.
Finally as we approach the intersection, I couldn’t wait anymore and I jumped out of my truck to go to him. “Come here baby”, I would call to him and at first he didn’t seen sure but after a few seconds he made his way over to me and let me pet him. What a sweetie! But he was so scared, trembling actually.
I know it may be hard to imagine this huge 100 pound dog being so frightened but in my experience it usually is the big Dogs that are the gentle, sweet, mellow, big cry babies. It’s the small Dogs who are pure piss and vinegar and want to fight! They pack a big punch in their little bodies!
Back to Dallas…now, I wanted to get him in my truck. I didn’t know what I’d do at the point but I knew he wouldn’t get hit by car there or more lost then he was! But as I tried to move his large body closer to my truck he put on the breaks… um HELL NO… DOGNAPPER! Ok dude, I’m think what to I do… then a loud trucks blow by us to let me know how inconveniencing it is that my truck is parked on the side of the road. ( You showed me…Ass.) This caused Dallas to freaks out and started to jog down towards the intersection!
Crap! Crap! Crap! I was thinking this is bad, he’s going to get hit! This good thing was this big guy knew that he lived in this gated community and he was trying desperately to get back in! The loud cars just would cause hit to panic and lose track of where he was and what he was doing. I think if he wasn’t so scared, he’d made it home.
I found him again trying to get in a side gate. Awe, poor dude!
I again jumped out and he comes to me right away but when I move towards my truck, he basically told me to bug off and he took off.
Damnit! Okay new plan… I’ll stay with him.
He didn’t go far I could see him. I drove up the road more and could see he was now trying to find away through the fence. I again jumped out of my truck and could see he was already on the move. So I just left my door open, keys in the truck and my phone… oops forgot it…I know… what a dumbass!
I walked over to him and then sat on the sidewalk and called over to him. At first he was definitely not going to give me another chance but then the cars were really letting me know how mad they were because my truck doors wide open! This really scared him and he practically jumped into arms. Oh a thank Jesus!
Now slowly…slowly….very slowly we clawed to the driver side of my truck. This took awhile to do, I had to keep talking to Dallas and petting him and letting him know I wasn’t Dognap him! “Please come a little close dude… come on… a little more buddy….”
I stretched a crossed my front seat with one arm while holding tight Dallas collar with the other arm and praying no one would hit us! I reached for my keys and turned my truck off and reached a little farther and got my phone!
Okay! We did it!!! Good boy!!! Then we hurried to sidewalk again and I called the first number on the collar, no answer. I called again, leaving a message telling this person that I had this person Dog. Then I called the second number and did the same thing.
I think it’s important to mention here that I have a different area code then the state that I live in so that’s why they didn’t answer.
I just called and called and called. It felt like 100 times. Dallas and just chilled there on the sidewalk. I grab that large bottle of water I just bought and got him some and it was all gone in a matter of seconds. Our big boy had calmed down soooo much now. I almost had him laying down at one point… then a loud car would go by.
At last!!!! My phone call was answered! I said um, hi… I think I have your Dog. We’re here on the side of the road.
The voice on the other line is panicked “OH MY GOD, IS HE OK!!”
“Yes, He’s good!” …….
Oh sweet Dallas….
After Dallas mom, who I now know as Suzanne, picked up her sweet giant, she called me to explained what had happened. Of course she didn’t need to tell me any of this. I was just so thankful Dallas was with his family now. How often that doesn’t end this way.
Suzanne had so much happening her house and it was about to be power washed. When the generator scared her sweet timid boy which scared him to look for safety by tying to get away from the scary sound… and ended up lost on the other side of the gate.
It’s fine I told her, even after she told me to me I could call her for anything I might need living in this new place. That’s super kind but seriously it’s totally fine, I said over and over. But God makes things work sooo perfectly….
New Hair, DO care!!
Later that night I get a text:
Wow! I really didn’t want to give her the nightmare that is my hair! But she insisted and for free! This is all too much! I didn’t deserve this! I would stop for any and all dogs that I see anywhere. I honestly feel guilty receiving anything for doing something that’s RIGHT.
Y’all know this could not have came at a more needed time in my life.
I’m trying to get my life in order, physically, emotionally, mentally… all around. It’s something I’ve been kinda at war with.
On top of that! I’ve not met too many nice people here at all! This was truly amazing and so kind! Unnecessary but still amazingly generous. Meeting her hair assistant the day I actually got my hair done was one more sweet, genuine person here in California 🧡
Plus, I don’t have many friends really at all and although I can’t say we’re “friends” I do know one more person than I knew before if I have a question about this crazy beautiful place than I knew before and for that I am beyond thankful!
She even invited me and my family to her church. How sweet!
I haven’t felt great with all these moves and not being able to see my family. My health has sucked and to be frank… I’ve been lonely, closed off and unheard.
I’ve only had my dogs through all this. Sure I have my kids but most they have ME. I don’t leave them. But through all this I have no one but my dogs and they have been amazing for me. I hate to admit it but There’s have been times I have felt like even God has looked the other way.
So much has happened. They say it isn’t until you have some distance… sometime to look back to see God’s works that you get to see the big big picture, all His planning. You can see why the pain was there and why you had to go through somethings or leave someone or some place. There’s a lesson in the hurt. If you listen and you trust, faith, I guess… if you let it all flow then the plans of God’s Will for your life will be better than what you ever could have pictures or wanted or even thought for yourself in any of your wildest dreams.
I never thought I’d even like California and I’m finding myself calling these mountains “my” mountains and the ocean is “my” ocean. This place is hard to live in but somehow I’m living here. Not surviving… living… exploring and trying new things and enjoy it.
Sadness happens and I get frustrated at times …who doesn’t. My humanness will never stop.
I’m just happy right now and I’m embracing that and doing everything I can to live everyday that I got loving my sweet animals, my family, the relationships in my life and this amazing place I call home!
I’m sitting here at Denny’s by myself and I’m good with!
It’s different, feeling alone and actually being alone.
Being alone on Purpose is interesting.
I’m taking everything in around. I wondering if I seem weird or sad to others, if they even notice me at all?
I see a group of old retired men. They are having many different conversations within their group.
I can’t help but wonder if one day I might be so blessed to have a group of my own to reminisce with one day.
There’s a few tables of moms with small children. They’re doing their best to keep their littles happy, cutting up pancakes and wiping faces. There is one table that I see with a Mom and a Dad. They have two young children, both under 3. That table is a mess! God bless you parent for even attempting this!
Then there’s the professionals… totally here to discuss work or maybe complain. They look miserable. Maybe it’s just me and my Extreme dislike for suits!
There’s also one large table tucked in the back with what looks like college age boys. I says boys because I see skinny jeans and perfectly under touched white Keds. How sweet.
I only see one table with a couple in here and there’re ignoring each other. Maybe I shouldn’t be so annoyed when this happens to me. Maybe this is just marriage.
Now for others like me.
I’m surprised how many table for one that I see. At least 6 tables have just one person, sitting by themselves. However, I am the only female…. holy cow! Correction another women just walked in and looks to be alone, like me!
She much older, maybe in her 60s. But funny thing, we’re dressed the same! Sweatpants and a t-shit. Our hair is up in a ponytail and we both are wearing glass. She’s opened a book and has started to read… I writing! Damn! Is this my future self? At least she looks content.
I think this experience. Is good for me. I get to take my time eating and just observed!
I can sit wherever the hell I want. Normal my daughter declares before we even open the door that I WILL sit next to her and I always end up next to the wall. I always have to take her to the bathroom several times throughout our meal. That’s all just annoying, since rarely does she ever actually have to go to the bathroom!
I end up eating so fast that I always feel sick afterwards! I have to be done and ready to go when my husband says “let’s go”! Maybe this is better for me every now and then.
New experience. It’s definitely different but good for me.
I know I’ve said this before but every-time that I get an award, I seriously am floored! I am humbled and so beyond thankful to be recognized! I love this little blog of mine (my baby). I love to write, it’s a passion of mine and gives my soul such joy! This blogging community is amazing! I’m gratitude goes on and on and on….
Thank you to Jessy-FAB for a few things…one being such a kind women in Christ, who’s just freaking awesome! I’ve never met you but I feel like you’re truly my friend! I love ya girl! Thank you for checking on me in my time of need, all your prayer, it meant so much! Thank you for having an honest, loving and sweet interesting blog that inspirers and just being awesome (that was a long sentence)! Thank you for nominating me/ fabricthatme.com for The Blogger Recognition Award! I’m sorry I am so late getting to this! …my life…But thank you!
So let’s get down to it!
1. Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
2. Write a post to show your award.
3. Give a brief story of how your blog started.
4. Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers.
5. Select 5 other bloggers for this award.
I started blogging, I believe in January 2018. I have been writing short stories and poetry since I was in 3rd grade (I’m like old now, ha). I have shared a few poems on my blog but not any of my short stories…yet…I hope soon! I just started this sweet blog for many reasons. The first was my love of writing. The second was to connect with other writers, bloggers, awesome people out there in world! I have grown so much because of this blog and because of other amazing bloggers! Blessed!
My two pieces of advice…this is hard. I guess it would be stay true to you (cliché, I know), don’t worry about tends or fads. Write and do, what you’re truly passionate about! It’ll always be easy to get up and kill it everyday that way! And the second thing, is pay for your WordPress site…own your work! It’s YOUR work. If you don’t own your site then your don’t own your writing! Paying for your site is worth it!
The art of being truly Grateful. The unique ability to find the good in everything and being able to feel real joy in even the smallest of moments. It’s living a happy life with abundance to be and inspire joy, peace, love and positive light in others. It’s also very important to remember that Gratitude is also being able to express a deep and meaning appreciation for the people in our life.
Being Thankful is different than having Gratitude
Gratitude is a state of being. It’s the very way you live and your ability to see everything in a place of peace and excepting deep love and appreciation for life itself. It’s the very fiber of your minds thoughts. It’s far more than words. People who live a life of Gratitude, live with a positive attitude and tend to not squander their blessings. They live with intention but are not boastful, if anything they are very humble.
*TIP- Focusing on the positive will help you to remember what it is that you are grateful for. Gratitude will be become a habit the more you do this on PURPOSE daily! This can be a writing activity, you can do this in your meditation, devotion/prayer time. Practice makes habits!
Being Thankful is an act we do. It’s a gesture we make out of respect. We are thankful for things, a moment or pay raise for example but what makes it become Gratitude is when our thankfulness becomes so deep that it’s spiritual. It’s life changing, it moves us to a higher level of awareness. The love, joy, passion, peace, everything that makes your life yours has changed because of it. Thankful is to small of word for that friends, you have humbly and deeply found yourself in the state of Gratitude.
Who In Your Life Needs a Reminder?
When you get uses to a person, day in and day out, it’s easy to forget why you chose them to began with. They become like… an end table.. okay maybe more than a table, more like a reliable Golden Retriever!
Your partner does not want to become your pet… your loyal stead fast companion. I don’t. They need to know that they are truly cared for. People in our life need to know and feel that they are deeply loved and we’re grateful for them. In my opinion, this is just as important as communication. You could talk all day but if you don’t feel your partner has gratitude for you…this will just fester into a bigger nastier mess. Imagine how bitter you will become. You don’t want that and you shouldn’t want that for your partner or anyone you care for.
Same goes for our friends, our children, our co-workers, close family members. We need to make sure we tell the people that we have deep Gratitude for how grateful we are for them!
I have Gratitude even when…
When every time you turn on the news it’s another heartbreaking, frustrating story or you open the mail box and there are more people ready to take your hard earned money then there are checks to cash, remember this… YOU more than your circumstances. You are LOVED! You have a talent that the world needs. You contribute more good than anything. Believe it, then do it. You are a writer, your words! Your blog… that’s one way. You care for your families. You pray for people in your circle, your neighbors, the world and the world needs it. You get people thinking! You share your story, your love, your light and it changes people… even if you never get any credit for it. Your’re a friend. Someone counts on you to make them laugh, lift them up, feed them, clothe them, hug them, listen to them. You always answer the phone for them. You are someones person.
Maybe we should spend a little less time taking everyone inventory and tell them how great they are. How much we love them. How much we need them in our life and just how very grateful we are to know them! Maybe it’s time we share our state of Gratitude with others.
>Side note>>> I watched a very moving video the other day. I connected to The Man right away. He had grown up in a stressful household with a Father who taught him all about hard work. He never got to be playful, laugh and even be in a carefree moment with his Father. The only interaction The Man ever had with was working and doing chores with his Father. The Man grew up and kept working hard but all he ever really wanted was his Fathers LOVE, his expectance and Gratitude. Even as The Man’s Father lay on his death bed and The Man had taken care of his Father in every way his Father still had no kind words for his son. The man was heartbroken. The Man had hit rock bottom. The Man lost all his wealth, lost his family, and was evicted from his home. He had nothing. He finally picked himself back up and started to do real-estate. The Man was good at this. He found himself a Mentor. The Mentor saw him one night working very late, so he walked into The Man’s office and said “You know, you have really great work ethic.” The Man looked up and was shocked! The Mentor said to The Man “You are so smart and you work so hard”. And again The Man looked at his Mentor confused…The Man had never had anyone say a kind, encouraging word to him before. The Man explained to his Mentor how he was feeling and that’s when his Mentor told him that it was time to rewire his brain. He had been taught hard work but not encouragement or love…he had never felt gratitude. He had shitty wiring. So The Man was asked by his Mentor who is someone he looked up to. The Man said Clint Eastwood because he’s tough and rugged. So the Mentor told The Man from now on you’re going to say over and over like crazy that you’re tough and rugged! So that night as The Man drove home he was pumped and ready to change the wiring in his brain. He said “I’m tough and rugged” over and over and he began to grow in his confidence. Then The Man upped his game and I said “I’m the best Real-estate agent of all time” and The Man said this over and over and then The Man words became reality. The Real-Estate Company The Man had worked for, he bought because he had beaten records over and over.
The point here is two things… OUR WORDS MATTER… our words that we say to each other, to our kids and MOST importantly to ourselves matter. Feed yourself with kindness, faith and encouragement. That will grow into an amazing love that you can then share with everyone else.
And secondly we can change our minds. We have the power to be the person we want to be. You want to be the outgoing, funny, social friend…but you are caring and owning the label that you are shy, awkward and quite. You don’t have to do that. You can be who you want to be.
I love that we are more than the labels. We can change our minds and rewire our minds.