This is an old post from 2020, but I’m proud to say much of the distress from my past has been overcome. My mind is clear, my spirit is strong, and my faith is unwavering. Through Jesus, my Savior, I’ve learned to create joy and love in my life. My overall health is great, and I now live a natural lifestyle that keeps me balanced. Mentally and emotionally, I know how to have fun again—to truly laugh. That means everything to me!
I’ve conquered the demons that haunted me for so long, especially in recent years. In so many ways, I’ve won, and I feel good inside. I thank God for rescuing me; I am one of the 99.
As for my physical health, there was no easy fix. Because I had been so damaged, I needed a medical team that would listen to me and allow me to take an active role in my care—because it is my body! I thank my lucky stars that God led us to Texas because that’s where I found my team. I was far sicker than I even realized, and for years, I wasn’t being treated correctly. My instincts were right all along! By making my needs and concerns clear—my desire for a natural approach and my fears from past experiences—we’ve handled everything, and I’ve been healthy and issue-free for over four years now.
—Skelly
A Journey Beyond the Mirror
I’ve worked closely with a counselor and life coach for over a year and a half. Looking back at how far I’ve come, I see the incredible work I’ve done—deep dives into my past, relationships, failures, and flaws. I’ve rediscovered the good, the warmth, the memories long buried behind walls I built to protect myself. I’ve made room for it all—the best of who I was, who I am, and who I’m becoming.
Through this uphill battle, I’ve gained a new perspective. I’ve laid to rest my regrets, losses, and past traumas. I’ve confronted abandonment, doubts, and the weight of others’ expectations. Over time, I’ve learned to forgive, to protect myself, and to create boundaries I stand firmly behind. I feel empowered. I feel worthy.
I love my life now. However, my body carries the scars of the past. These are reminders of the toll these years have taken. Surgeries, medications, and battles fought in silence have left their mark. Still, joy fills my heart. Yet, the mirror reflects the pain that lingers. I’ve worked so hard to move past this pain. I have put it away neatly in its organized shoe box. Tucked away in the attic. It is no longer there harming me, but it is part of me. There are also physical signs I can’t so easily tuck away.
Bells Palsy distorted my face. The sharp, electric pain lingers behind my ear and radiates into my jawbone. The ringing in my ear is a constant echo of what I’ve endured. My gaze, once bright and wide-eyed—full of curiosity and life—now droops and twitches. The symmetry of my face has changed into something unfamiliar. The window through which I saw the world is fogged, stuck, broken. A reminder of the past away there.
For years, I tracked everything—doctors, specialists, notebooks filled with food logs, pain levels, medications, symptoms, and treatments. I followed every plan: elimination diets, FODMAP, gluten-free, surgeries, procedures, therapy, exercises, supplements, stretching and yoga. I did everything asked of me. Neurologists, gastroenterologists, endocrinologists, physical therapists, nutritionists—I listened to them all. And yet, here I am, still a stranger in my own skin. At some point I need to listen to my body. Take what works and leave what doesn’t. I was becoming a victim of the medical system of top of everything else.
It has only been in the last eight months that I’ve been free from all this medication. No daily prescriptions, just my seizure medicine. I’m proud of that. My mind is clearer than it’s been in years. It’s like turning the volume back up on life—I can feel again. I can laugh until my stomach aches. I love this newfound zest for life. But my body struggles to keep up. I know it is time to take control! It makes me so sad to see the impact all these drugs had on me. I am disheartened by how badly I was lied to.
One thing still looms over me, staring back in the mirror. My long, dark hair—gone. It’s all fallen out, broken and lost. My waist and hips—missing. My body trapped under weight! My face, once familiar, now rounded and uneven. I barely recognize myself. I miss the ease of moving freely, of feeling at home in my own skin. The over medication and sickness have wrecked me. I know something is still off. I am working through detoxing from over 20 unnecessary medications I should have never been on. But there is more. My broken body needs a reset.
I know physical appearance isn’t everything, and I don’t care what others think—except my husband. What matters is how I feel when I see my reflection, and right now, I hate what I see. This is not me. But it’s also a warning that my body is calling out to me. To save myself.
I stay grateful. My body moves, sees, feels—even if not as easily as before all of the bad medicine happened. I do give thanks for that I am able. The shape of the body isn’t just what I see—it’s what I feel deep inside, in my bones. My reflection still summons the past, and I just want to be done with all of it. I need my whole self-back. My mental and emotional healing is restored, but physically I need myself back.
Have you ever experienced a moment in life when you feel okay, yet who you are and who you’re becoming don’t seem to align? That’s where I am—a stranger in the mirror.
In every other area, I’m thriving. But this one thing overwhelms me. I want to feel confident in my skin, my body. I want to love my body the way I love every other part of my life. I need to reclaim what’s missing. And now I am on the journey back to her.
I’m not giving up. I will find that healthier, stronger, lighter version of myself again—the girl who existed before the weight of the world came crashing down. I will peel away the layers of the past and uncover the woman I know is still there. Don’t lose hope, I have a plan.
-SK
Updated Picture of me now…
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