I slept in this morning, which makes sense after staying up so late watching Peaky Blinders. It was nearly 1 a.m. before I finally got to bed. The deep, undisturbed sleep was unusual for me; I usually wake up several times throughout the night. This time, though, I don’t think my body moved once. That explains the stiffness in my neck and back when I woke up. But knowing I had planned for a slow, unhurried morning actually motivated me.
Knowing I didn’t have an agenda or anyone needing my attention inspired a bit of joy. It might sound selfish, but it’s true. I let myself wake up slowly, spending a good 30 minutes stretching before making my way to the bathroom. I took my time washing my face, using all my oils, lotions, and potions, then tossed my hair up. My little dog and I then sauntered into the kitchen for some coffee.
I had no intention of rushing my morning. In my head, I’d take a leisurely walk. I’d chat with my friend on the phone. I’d make a few calls and get organized for the week. Maybe I’d read my book and tidy up around the house. The last thing on my list was to serve or cater to anyone. Today, I’m off!
But wouldn’t you know it… the enemy loves to mess with your peace. I got my walk in, but it was windy as hell the whole time. It was fine, and I still managed it, but I felt that little twinge of hurry creeping in. Earlier, I’d gotten a text from my daughter asking to run errands. This is code for “take me shopping.” I had no intention or desire to do so. The conversation was repetitive, as it often is with teens. Which drives me insane, spikes my anxiety, and, frankly, pisses me off. I replied, ‘I just woke up and don’t plan on doing that.’ We texted back and forth in circles before I eventually gave up and ignored her. Sometimes, it feels like talking to a White House Press Secretary—circling around endlessly with lots of words but no meaning or resolution. I just ended up with a massive headache. Everyone is annoyed and disappointed. What’s new.
Finally, the boys are ready to go and waiting for G to get downstairs, and they can finally leave. I still have my plans up in the air. I had a few things I had to do. However, I am looking forward to some freaking quiet and no one asking for anything for a little bit. They drive away…
I start my podcast, clean up the house, open the windows, and feel a sense of calm. It lasts about three minutes. I get a text about how annoyed G is because of her dad and brother. It’s all about everything from their conversation to the driving and anything else going wrong. I text her back and move on, deciding she doesn’t want to be happy today. There is nothing I can do.
I make myself a cold drink, get the bed made, and the house smells lovely. Then there goes my phone again! It’s my mom! She needs a jacket size I forgot to give her. I tell her to ask Jason or Tristan; he’s a grown-up! But, of course, they just send it right back to me. So, I stop what I’m doing. I head to my son’s room and find a giant flame flickering on his dresser. He’s left a candle burning. Good grief, kid! I blow it out. Then, I dig through his closet, which feels like entering another dimension. I need to find his suit jacket to find his size. It’s a total pain, but I finally pull it out… only to realize there’s no size tag! Either it was never there, or he ripped it out. I texted my husband that there was no size. Then, I texted my mom and asked if we could just wait until he was home to measure him. And then… the texts start up again in circles. I scream! It’s ridiculous how annoyed I am, I know! But I just did not want to be dealing with this right now! Come on!
I haphazardly put the jacket back together and tossed it aside, slamming Tristan’s door in complete irritation! I text Jason, ‘I need a break from my phone. If you can’t reach me for a while, don’t panic.
I hate my phone. I know it annoys my family and most of my friends. I rarely have it with me. I only check it when I feel like being entertained or doom-scrolling for a bit. I miss the days of a kitchen phone—if I wasn’t home, you couldn’t reach me. And if I didn’t want to be reached, that was that. Ah, those were the days.
My phone has been such a source of contention and stress for me, especially these last few weeks. I’ve started putting it in a drawer and walking away. I take it with me when I leave the house. If someone else is driving and they have their phone, I’ll leave mine at home. I can’t stand the constant notifications going off every second! I don’t want to be that accessible to people. I’m not sure I need to know what’s happening all the time right away. It’s just too much!
So, after a good scream and a four-letter word I’m definitely not proud of, I decided to take myself in a little time-out. Yep, I took my own phone away. Clearly, I need to be grounded from it for a bit so I can really think about my actions. Here I am, reflecting on my attitude and planning adjustments. Oh yes, serious self-improvement happening over here!
SK-
- Confusion: The Chaos Strategist
- 5 Bible Verses to Remember: Gratitude, Forgiveness, Worthiness, Grace, and Peace
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