Introduction-

I can hardly believe it—I’ve been resharing and reflecting on my writing for over 40 straight days! WordPress even sent me a little update to remind me. That may be normal for some of you, but for me? This is huge. I used to be a “once-a-week, when-the-writing-hit-me” kind of writer. But this journey has taken me through every piece I’ve written on this site since 2017—and wow, what a ride.

I’m not done yet… just a handful of posts left before I reach the end of this chapter. I’ll share a “final” reflection when I get there, but for now, I had to reshare this one. Sometimes I second-guess whether something old will matter to anyone else. Will it still resonate? Will it be relevant? But whether it does or doesn’t, I know it still matters deeply to me.

Currently, my household is quite literally going through everything—not just mentally or emotionally, but physically. We’re packing up and moving again. In our history, we’ve already moved at least twice! By the grace of God, we’ve managed to stay put in the BEST state that ever was and is, TEXAS, for the last five years. And let me tell you, five years is plenty of time for things to pile up. Every corner, drawer, and closet is full of stuff we didn’t even realize we had. That was never a problem before, because we moved so often, there wasn’t time to collect anything. Not even people.

But over the years, my husband has developed a bit of a bad habit… or let’s call it what it is—an addiction—to the TikTok Shop and Amazon!

And as faithful as I try to be, I still have baby faith moments. I forget the Who. I forget that God is with me in the broken parts—in the messy, overwhelming stuff. I cry my eyes out and get frustrated with myself for having a weak moment. For feeling alone. For having to add one more demand—or even just one more want—to my already full calendar, when all I want is to simply be in my home before I can’t anymore.

I get upset. I get mad at myself for being “too emotional,” for being just one person carrying so much. But I shouldn’t. It’s okay to rest. It’s okay to be sad and to feel all of it. Vulnerability isn’t easy—especially when I’m in full-on beast mode and the weight of the family feels like it’s on my shoulders alone.

That’s exactly when the enemy tries to sneak in—when I’m tired and worn thin. That’s when I need rest and comfort the most, so I can regain my strength. I had a hard day recently—going through all of this—and I broke down. I cried it out, talked to a friend, listened to a sermon, and got into my Bible. I took a long drive, blasted my music, came home, and cried some more. And you know what? I needed that.

God gave me rest.

And here’s what I keep remembering: it’s in the hardship that I often find my miracles. What feels like a breakdown becomes a wave of redemption when I look back.

Oh—and no, this post isn’t about a snake. Not really. But if you keep reading, that part will make sense.

Skelly💗🚚-

Finding Peace in Stillness

I try to walk every morning, though the weather often decides how successful I’ll be. That’s why I rise early, before the Texas sun has a chance to scorch the earth and make it unbearable to be outside. The heat creates a thick, sticky sweat on my skin, and my long hair clings to me. I don’t mind the warmth, but sometimes the humidity is just too much for both me and my hair to handle. Early mornings are the sweet spot—the only time I can squeeze in a good walk. And it’s not just about the exercise. It clears my mind and helps me start the day with purpose.

However, something happened the other day that reminded me how absurdly fragile I am. As I crossed the road towards the opposite side of my neighborhood, I stepped over what I assumed was a medium-sized stick. It wasn’t a stick at all—it was a snake. 🐍

I can’t remember if I’ve shared my fear of snakes. I was intensely traumatized while living in the forest in New Jersey. I’m unsure where my fear originated, but it terrifies me. During our time in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey, we had a beautiful property that we loved! I often shared pictures of our property and would write with ease there. I began restoring old furniture, turning our house into a labor of love. It became a cozy, safe haven for my family and me. Especially when the outside world seemed to be falling apart. This was in 2020 so y’all know…

We had a long, winding driveway, and I often found peace walking it as I would listen to the wind rustling through the massive leaves overhead. It was one of my life’s most peaceful yet eerily unsettling times. Living in the middle of nowhere felt like something out of a storybook in many ways. It also meant being surrounded by all sorts of critters and total darkness. We had furry creatures to scaly ones, and ones with too many legs and eyes—some spun webs, some had wings! Others enjoyed playing hide and seek… a game I did not enjoy. Some would bite or sting you, while all wanted to make your home theirs!

Now, to where the ungodly snake came in. Our home had a pond by the front door. When we first moved in, it was gross, overrun by all sorts of unpleasant creatures. But we restored the pond and cleaned it up, transforming it into something beautiful. The sound of the water was incredibly calming, especially right outside my husband’s office window. I knew it would attract some wildlife, like frogs and lizards, which didn’t bother me much… at the time. But have you ever seen what happens with those frogs? They come by the millions! And the lizards—they looked like something straight out of Jurassic Park! These weren’t the cute little neon green guys I have at my house now. These ones weren’t selling insurance. No, the monstrous lizards we had in the woods could carry away a toddler away. They frequented the pond often! I figured they might do the same if I looked at them so left them alone. It worked most of the time, and thankfully, they usually only came out at night.

One sunny afternoon, I took my little dog outside to get some air. I was standing at the top of our house steps as she poked around the yard. That’s when I saw her approach a supermassive, black, silky-smooth creature in the yard. My heart stopped, and every curse word I knew flew through my mind. She sniffed it for a moment, casually stepped right over it as if it were nothing. That massive hellish viper, fast as lightning, slithered straight into the pond, right near me! I bolted, grabbing my little dog while having a full-blown meltdown. Panic attack mode was fully activated. That devilish serpent was now right next to my front door! I knew I couldn’t go back the way I came. And honestly, I thought I would probably never walk through that door, near that pond, again! Tears streaming down my face, I spotted my husband through his office window. I thought, “Thank God! He’ll get me safely back inside.” But no! I’m crying, freaking out about this giant snake, and this guy gives me not one, but two thumbs up. “Yeah, I saw it!” he says, then goes right back to work. Excuse me, my guy, I’m flipping out over here! HELP ME!

So, in a blur of panic, I sprinted to the back of the house. I didn’t know what I was doing; I was so terrified. The back deck wasn’t in the best shape and needed repairs. I made my way up this death trap; sunbathing was one of those massive prehistoric lizards. In my panicked state, all I saw was another huge snake! Snakes everywhere! Now I’m screaming! Hysterically crying, and in full-blown panic mode. Who knew I could be driven this mad over reptiles?

My son heard my screams! He was doing remote schooling at the time and had to tell his teacher and the rest of the class he needed to save me because his whole class could hear screams. 🤪He unlocked the back door and the latch on the deathtrap deck gate. As giant mountain bees bounced off us both, I ran inside, still clinging to Ella (our little dog). I was a mess—drenched in sweat, trembling, and crying.

My husband sauntered up the stairs, surprised to find me in such a state. I wanted to be mad at him, but I was too overwhelmed with everything else. He felt bad—he had no idea my fear was so extreme. He hugged me and tried to calm me down. It took the rest of the day to relax my nervous system! And even when I eventually started going back outside, I couldn’t do it alone. I always needed someone with me. That experience really messed me up.

It made me so mad that I let that damn snake get to me like that. Which brings me to this morning…

I don’t have much, and I like it that way. I prefer to live simply, keeping things as uncomplicated, modest, and minimalistic as possible. I don’t want to desire much, including people—I have just a few, and that’s enough. I find joy in the raw beauty of nature, my books, and writing. In living things like my plants. In keeping myself healthy, healthy foods and drinks, and my morning walks and devotional time. I don’t need much else. But it’s a battle, something remember that is ALL I need.

I was ready to abandon that road for good when I saw that snake! To hell with it! No more walks, no more open spaces… forget this! I called my husband, knowing he would think I was overreacting—and he would be right. But it’s a fear I can’t shake, no matter how irrational it seems. I hate it so weak to this fear that I give away the things God gives me. I needed my husband to calm me down, to remind me that I was okay. Thankfully, he did just that, offering care without making me feel foolish. I know it’s crazy and hard to explain, but it’s real for me. We all get in our heads sometimes, and I am no different. I have a messy head, too.

Because I cherish simple living. Finding and appreciating small joys that bring me closer to God, I need to refocus my mind on that. I can’t give in to fear.

Fear Doesn’t Get to Win

I kept walking! Even though I was scared and anxious, I still kept going. Every stick, every long blade of grass, and every crack in the sidewalk looked like a snake. I kept moving. Because I know that is the fear. I don’t want to give up the routines that keep me moving in the right direction! Especially when those routines keep me connected to God, grounded, and focused on what truly matters.

So screw you, snake. You didn’t steal my walk! (I still hate snakes!)

But you did make me think, and that’s okay. I was reminded of my fragility. The weather and people affect me, stress affects me, and outside forces can make me vulnerable. I don’t particularly like that fact, but it’s true. I’m such an empathic person. Protecting myself from everything and everyone has often meant locking myself away from the world. God made us for relationships, and that means a few things.

I know I was created for a specific purpose.

I’m grateful that I pushed through and embraced the importance of perseverance this morning. But I’m also reminded of the beauty in recognizing my own fragility—there’s a certain strength in it. I understand how much I need my husband and my family. All the sweet gifts God has given me.

Morning Reminders

This morning reminded me that nothing in this world truly belongs to me—it all belongs to God. He provides exactly what I need, at just the right time and in just the right place. He removes what no longer serves me and brings the right people into my life when I need them most. I can’t always explain how or why—but the best part is, I don’t have to. All I need to know is that I have this incredible God… and He’s got me. Everything around me is His.

I’m so thankful that He has set me on a path of simplicity. I see and understand things that others might not. While that can be heavy at times, it’s the discernment He blessed me with. I am deeply grateful for it. I won’t let fear take that away.

SK-

Our time in NJ 2020

• About fabricthatmademe
• Connection Starts Here

• Until We Meet Again
• Take up your cross and follow me.
• Table-Tossing Grace: My Season of Withdrawal and the Beauty of Eremition
• Filtering the Poison
• Confusion: The Chaos Strategist