Home again, noise and all
“Be still and know that I am God.” – Psalm 46:10
It’s good to have your family under one roof again after so much time apart, but I would be lying if I said this wasn’t giving me a little anxiety.
They are just – loud.
And messy.
Oh, and needy.
Did I mention needy?
I love them, truly, but living with the soundtrack of mismatched volume levels – like my husband keeping the TV on full blast while not actually watching it – and the daily barrage of questions that answer themselves, like “What’s for dinner?” while I am literally holding the chicken in my hands… come on y’all.
The “I’m hungry” comments and “where are you going?” follow me around the house like a very hungry ghost with separation anxiety. Even the dogs!
There are mystery crumbs on the floor like we’re conducting a food treasure hunt, and the random items scattered through the house that I get to collect and rehome like lost luggage in an airport… honestly, it’s a lot for one nervous system to process.
Pause. Quiet. Freeze. Repeat.
“The Lord is my shepherd; I have what I need.” – Psalm 23:1
I have written about my life over this last almost year so much that I’m starting to make myself sick of myself.
Ever get so annoyed with your own existence that you need to pause, stop moving, stop talking, stop thinking, and basically just… freeze like a broken screen saver?
No sudden sounds.
No eye contact.
No emotions.
Just buffering.
Yeah. Writing about this past year has started to feel like that for me.
Selective sharing, holy pruning
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18
So, I don’t really want to dig into it anymore, but I will share the important lessons. Because what’s the point of living through something if you didn’t learn a thing or two while you were there?
Slow enough to think, brave enough to move
“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” – Proverbs 16:9
One of the biggest lessons for me has been trusting my instinct – but even more than that, learning to move slowly enough for my gut, my mind, and my body to all align before I take action.
Sometimes my heart knows the answer immediately, but the rest of me lags behind. It’s like a third of me is still down there tying its shoe. Awkward!
I have a sticky note that says, “The slower I go, the quicker I arrive.”
And as backward as it sounds, I’ve found it to be painfully true.
Yes, there are moments that demand a quick response, and I fully believe God arrives exactly when we need Him, right on time. But hurried and frantic? That is not His language.
The voice that screams everything is an emergency while also shrugging like it’s no big deal… loud but cool, chaotic but calm, panicked but casual – it’s confusing, conflicting, and exhausting all at once.
I don’t trust that spirit.
Hurry is loud, wisdom is quiet
“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.” – Psalm 37:7
Rushing, spiraling, panicking, feeling like every decision has a countdown timer attached to it – that’s not Heaven-sent. That’s the voice that wants us spun around, overwhelmed, unsure which way is up, convinced everything has to happen now, or everything will fall apart. Lies!
But that is exactly when mistakes get made.
That’s when wisdom gets tossed out the window and panic starts driving the car.
So instead, we slow down.
We breathe and wait on God.
Because that little thing on your shoulder is more than just a hat rack. 🧠
My people, my perimeter
“As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” – Joshua 24:15
The thing is, it’s my people and my priorities.
Nothing is getting between those two things.
Some things are simply off limits.
Being separated from my support system, my husband, my kids, and my circle – no. Not happening.
God knows this, and I truly believe that is exactly why He hasn’t allowed anything, or anyone, to tear us apart.
Keeping my circle healthy matters.
Keeping it Christ-centered matters even more.
Without that, everything collapses.
It’s that simple.
And that serious.
Loud love, messy love, anchored love
“Two are better than one… a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9,12
Being in a home together – damn those crumbs and the ungodly volume of the TV.
But we need each other.
United, we are stronger.
It’s making memories, laughing, working, problem solving, sitting in the same room while doing completely different things, and sometimes even disconnecting together.
It’s knowing each other’s days, carrying each other’s weight, showing up in the small mundane moments – not occasionally, but constantly.
All the different versions of each other.
The healthy and the sick.
The thriving and the struggling.
The confident and the insecure.
The wounded and the victorious.
We walk through all of it side by side.
Together.
Jesus in the center.
That part is not optional.
When we drift, when we chase the wrong things, when outside voices get too loud in our heads, it sparks a fire in a home, and it catches fire.
Built tough, rebuilt often
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” – Psalm 46:1
We have had to protect this home fiercely, because we learned how to build strong walls without the right tools, without instructions, without anyone really showing us how. We learn more often what not to do then what to do.
And truly?
We have done a damn good job!
Has it caught fire along the way?
Yes. More than once.
And fire, as terrifying and painful as it is, still has another purpose –
it clears, it reshapes, it renews.
As much as it hurts to admit, we’ve rebuilt from the ashes more times than I care to count.
We know how to do it now.
We know the process, the grit, the grace it takes to rise again.
Do I hate the rebuilding? Absolutely.
All the starting over, the do-overs, the rebuilding of what was just rebuilt… exhausting.
But something else is true too – we have strength we didn’t have before.
We have a wisdom we never knew could exist, far beyond our years.
And I can now read people like a book.
Almost creepy how fast I can spot a motive or a mood shift. Trauma gave me an unwanted superpower, I guess.
The bond I have with J is tighter now than it has ever been.
But we’ve also had to re-learn each other, all over again.
It’s like awkwardly dating your best friend – the same one you already share Wi-Fi passwords with and have strong opinions about thermostat settings… only closer now. 🩷
And with my kids…
the fire didn’t just hurt us.
It shaped us.
It steadied us.
It sealed us into something stronger than we were before it ever sparked.
But this time…
something in me is different.
Guarded heart, holy boundaries
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” – Proverbs 4:23
The fire feels more destructive now.
The recovery feels heavier.
An exhaustion lives deep in my bones, deep in my heart.
And just to be clear – I am not the only one burnt by this cycle of exhaustion and instability.
We all are.
Every one of us carries a mark from the heat.
So we’re doing something different now.
We’re closing doors.
We’re paying closer attention.
We’re vetting more carefully.
Not everyone gets access to these walls anymore.
Proximity is earned now, not assumed.
Peace is protected now, not negotiated.
And I can feel it –
slow, quiet, intentional…
I’m reaching the edge of having just about enough of being set on fire.
My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9
Sk-
Woven in the Fabric
If this story tugged at you, if any part of this felt familiar, or like a whisper straight to your spirit – you are not alone. The fire you walked through was not proof of abandonment; it was evidence of what the Lord knew you could survive with Him at your center.
Guard your heart fiercely. Build slowly. Love loudly. Rest deeply.
And when the smoke rises again – because life sometimes does that – remember Who goes before you, stands beside you, and shields what you’ve built in His name. Jesus Christ.Thank you for reading, for lingering a moment in this corner of my heart and story. If you want to follow along as God continues stitching beauty out of ashes, you can find me below.
Skelly🤍
- Filtering the Poison
- Confusion: The Chaos Strategist
- 5 Bible Verses to Remember: Gratitude, Forgiveness, Worthiness, Grace, and Peace
- Fixing the Hinges on the Gate | by fabricthatmademe
- Switching Off Survival Mode
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