Clear Eyes

And I think to myself… what a wonderful world ๐ŸŒŽ

If I want my world to be ๐Ÿ’•

My voice doesn’t need to be the loudest๐ŸŒŠ

To changes Hearts โ™ฅ๏ธ & move mountains ๐Ÿ”

Remembering who I am & who God has Called me to be ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿผ

Listening to the inner voice โ™ฅ๏ธ to direct & give me strength ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿฝ

Sometimes I’m shaken & broken ๐Ÿ’” but only to wipe away dirt from my eyes ๐Ÿ‘€

My vision is restored & heart โค๏ธ is back in place ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿผ

I see truth for what it is and I am at peace โœŒ๐Ÿฝ

xoxo sk

Mini Update: Health & Recovery

Slow- Steady & Frustrating

Ella-my sweet therapy pup

Update: On My Crazy ๐Ÿ˜œ

Since March I have been keeping a journal of everything that I eat, all symptoms and also my workouts.

Just to fresh anyone who cares… I’m in my 30’s going through menopause! Yay me!

I also have a migraines conditions that can cause a “seizure like” effect on my brain/body if I don’t do everything I need to to control it-which can be tricky.

Recently, my neurologist has been testing and observing me for Belly’s Palsy.

What’s Happening So Far

I turned in my journals to my doctor only Friday (7/8/19), so I’m not sure what she thinks yet. But I’ll tell you I do workout, eat well and take my meds like I’m supposed to.

This makes it very frustrating when my weight only goes up! From December to March I had lost 13 lbs and I was killing my self to get that done.

I woke up at 4am to get to the gym, then I would workout a second time at the park by my kids school. When I was done with that workout I would do yoga at home and then do a long, fast paced walk for 45 minutes to an hour before I pick them up from school. At one point I was doing another decent hike with Jason when he got home from work!

Trust me when I say…I was pissed that I had only lost 13lbs after all that and was only eating carrots and cottage cheese everyday!

Oh JOY another day of veggies

Since then I’ve actually maintained that weight loss okay but 3-5lbs here and there will stick around. However, I haven’t lost a single pound since!

My workouts and eating has changed a bit. I couldn’t keep that nightmare up so now I do a light yoga stretching in the morning and at night but have days when I work my core area harder. My new workout routine in more focused and I do it almost everyday, with somedays being longer or shorter than others. I like it but I am not losing and I look that same.

My eating haven’t changed a crazy amount. I fast for long periods during the day and drink lots water. I have had a soda ๐Ÿฅค or cookie every now and then but I intake far less calories and Still I remain a cow ๐Ÿฎ…well in my eyes.

Hormones & Other Meds

My medications do a lot of good for me and a lot of harm. That sucks!

It’s because of medicine that I’m able to have headaches free days and my body is free of aches and pains. But medicine comes with so many side effects too! I gain weight, my eyes burn, I’m sleepy, forget things and even my writing is effected. My cognitive skills are just slower sadly. My energy is drained.

So then I’m giving another medication and that one should help with one thing but has it’s own side effects too. Stomach pain, dry mouth, stuffy head and mood swings… this is my life!

At some point I have to get off the roller coaster!

What Will I do?

I honestly don’t know what the answer is! I’ve been fighting this for along time. I do my research and I think the doctors try too.

Right now I take only what I feel I need for myself emotionally and mentally. Then there’s what I need because of my hysterectomy. I have to be on hormone replacements for that. The rest is all About healing my body and replacing what is missing. If that makes any sense?

If it’s not going to help me then I don’t want it!

Self care & Meditation ๐Ÿง˜โ€โ™€๏ธ

I use to live be Meditation! This is something I’ve been doing before and after my Bible Study. This has made a massive difference in my health.

I also have started to moisturizer ๐Ÿงด like crazy! I use my essential oil everywhere! In the shower, out of the shower, with my face wash, my facial moisturizer and even with my primer before makeup and I cannot believe how it’s helps me.

I use less Advil for pain for aches and pain. I don’t use chemicals on my skin or for breakouts. Honestly, I have so many less breakouts that I don’t worry about that much now.

The oils

**Different oils help with different things. Some with physical pain and others emotional/mental pain.

**Helps me to sleep or give me energy

**Helps with focus, concentration and creativity.

**Other times I just use them to be in a peaceful, calming state to relax

my.doterra.com/skellylou303

For more info on Essential Oils go to my website!

Special Thanks๐Ÿ™๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ’•

I again want to thank my WordPress Following and everyone else who supports, likes & share & comments!

This Blog has been by far the best medicine for my soul. The people I’ve connected with have been a big part of my healing and direction to brighter place. I’m so very thankful!

Xoxo sk

Motherโ€™s Day & Perspective 2019

Mother’s Day & Perspective

 

 

 

A Different Type Of Mother’s Day

This Mother’s Day I would definitely describe as sweet and beautiful. Maybe even bittersweet at some points.

I know a lot of effort was put into this Mother’s Day. It was hard to pull it together with our situation. Finances and expenses here in California have been seriously hard to adjust to. Damn near impossible actually! Plus we’re still working on relationships stuff. Not to mention really tighten up the parent reins! We’ve been seriously out of touch as a family with all this other junk going on. All that combine makes for a difficult situation… but not in possible one.

 

 

I think what Jason planned, was probably the best for all of us! We all needed to get out of the town for a little while, exploring a new place and kind of getting out of our heads.

Going North

Travels north through San Luis Obispo up to Pizmo beach

I have a slight obsession with the orchards. Rows and rows of fruit trees forever! Mostly we see apricot trees but there are tons of orange, lemon, lime, pomegranate, fig and avocado tress too. It’s so awesome!

In Colorado you’re pretty lucky if you get edible apples on your apple tree! To see all these fruits trees for miles is pretty spectacular. And to know that it doesn’t just feed a family, these trees feed tons and tons of people everywhere.

There’s also fields that go on forever of strawberries. ๐Ÿ“ It’s pretty surprising all the agriculture here. I would’ve never guessed!

I guess I should’ve known that lots of fruits and vegetables come here (Southern California) but in my mind it was all about Hollywood, celebrities and beaches! Not that that isn’t a big part of this place because it is. It’s just that there’s so much more than just that.

Entering The Mountains

It was nice to get a sense of home. Some times I feel like I’m homeless.

There were definitely times that if I didn’t know I was in California, I could’ve sworn I was in Colorado. Maybe there weren’t as many Pine trees everywhere but the beauty was there and even the crazy drivers!

It was a great drive and so much beautiful scenery everywhere. We were surrounded by gorgeous hillsides, mountaintops, trees and other amazing colorful plants. California is truly a beautiful place. I could never deny that.

However I couldn’t help feeling this pain in my chest as we curved through these beautiful roads. I know in my heart that place is tearing my marriage and family apart. This might sound dramatic… I’ve been called worse… but I feel this place the devil in disguise.

Totally mesmerizing us with its bewitching scenery and alluring weather, why would you ever want to leave? I absolutely see why people move here and scramble to make ends meet to live in this place. Sometimes I feel like it’s not real… until I meet some other people. Then reality hits… hard.

I did all that I could to clear my head and stay of out this negative place. All I want and frankly needed, was to be in the moment with my husband and my kids.

Fog and The Hills

The story book like hills of Ojai

The twisty curvy roads are just crazy here! They do make driving interesting. Actually when no one else is on the road trying to push you off the road, it’s really fun to cruise up and down these canyons.

I love how the dense fog would settle into the valleys. The fog was so heavy that it soaked the air. Everything looked so storybook like.

We were able to pull over so I could take a few pictures but it was tricky. Even though these roads were so steep and so curvy people still decided to drive very fast through them. Which made pulling over to take a picture quite dangerous.

It was still pretty amazing watching the land and sky collide.

Farm land and Moo Cows

Santa Maria was a smaller Community as we continue to head north.

We did a quick stop here just to stretch our legs. Even though this was a short stop, I have to admit it was nice to see this place as it reminded me of the small town of Wray CO.

A large part of my family lives there and I miss them so much! Of course Santa Maria wasn’t quite as flat as Wray is but it still sparked a little bit of home for me. It also made me miss it a little more to.

The whole drive gave me time to think about many things. Which triggered me to miss many things as well and that only made me more frustrated!

I started to worry the only way I’d ever get “home” would be for a funeral. This is such a fear of mine. Every time I think about this I only get more and more angry and feel more and more resentful.

I want to explain just one reason why… I have many reasons but here one:

A few months back a close friend our Jason and ours died. This person at one time almost married my sister and was my child Godfather. He was also a childhood friend of my husbands. We sadly had to step away due to very different ways of lives we were all living. Even though we still loved each other.

When this person passed away we both wanted to be there for the funeral, our friends and the family. This was so shocking for all of us.

However as we looked at everything we knew it would be expensive and difficult for both of us to go.

I could have pushed the issue with Jason. I had ever reason to be there too. However, I knew it was important to get Jason there. This would help his mental state and Jason needed his friends in this moment more than I did right then. I needed to sacrifice  going to Colorado for him so I did.

I wish that I was given that same courtesy and respect once in awhile. Have time and freedom has been missing from my life since the day we left Colorado and I need time away. Visiting my family and my friend to mentally regroup would do wonders for me. I never get this… I never GOT this.

These are the type of thing that send me down the rabbit hole and I get myself spinning. I started to feel completely trapped, controlled and child-like. Resentment hits me.

This is the bitter-part.

Time for grub and drinks

Finally getting San Luis Obispo and enjoying a cold one! Finally!

First of all I about died when I saw they had a drive-thru movie ๐ŸŽฅ theatre! This was parts of my childhood and it makes me truly sad these theaters are gone! Seeing one that was playing relevant movies made my LIFE! I wish we could have gone! I want to do to this!

The bar and grill, Central Coastal Brewery is actually owned by a guy Jason use to work with. This place is pretty awesome!

The brewery system is truly a sight! There’s a game room that puts all other game rooms to shame! This isn’t a cheesy over top kiddy place, it’s adult style gaming area, with pool tables, shuffleboard and other board games.

There was an outside bar and although I didn’t get to explore the backyard/patio area in depth (due to construction) what I did see was beyond awesome! I definitely could have a good time there!

The bar inside is massive! There were plenty of beers and other mixed drinks to choose from! The atmosphere as a whole is great!

As for the food I only got an appetizer and my son and Jason got burgers. We got 2 hot soft pretzels with mustard and beer cheese and I believe some type of spicy burger. We also had Potnacho… what this is basically is nacho on really crispy potato chips. It was super yummy and now I want to make my nachos this way forever!

We had a good time here!

Change of Plans… Kinda

Beautiful Pismo Beach and an old naked ass…

We drove through Pismo Beach and it was a really nice place. It looked… um… expensive.

We decided to find a place we could hike that my daughter could manage with her lovely cast. (Have I mentioned, she has a broken hand?)

Jason thought we’d try Avila Beach. We have never been and probably won’t go again.

It was a good little hike with kids, especially with it been so hot out that day. Who knew that by the time we got to the beach part we’d be greeted by a warning sign.

I kinda thought it was a joke. We decided to see if we could actually get Grace down to the beach and back up when all the sudden I look over and see the oldest hippie…. a 90 year old man pulling off his pants. My head immediately looks over to Grace! Her eyes are wide open and she looks like she saw a ghost. I grab her a turn around.

It was only a second but it’s burned in my head and I’m sure G’s too. Nude beaches in California? Really!

So out of all the bodies on that beach the 90 year old is the one to strip down…. fabulous! After that we hiked it on out of there and headed back home.

 

 

Conclusion

This day road trip was really sweet and I love Jason for giving us all a good day together. He did such a nice thing for all of us.

Even with this very sweet trip and seeing more of just how beautiful California is… I can’t help but feel even more homeless, even more lost.

I know that wasn’t Jason’s intension with this road trip at all, for me to become so deep in thought; but honestly, I think he feels the same way.

We miss our friendships and family. We’ve dead broke here! Happiness is hard to come by. I’ve basically been in turmoil ever since I felt Colorado. Life has been a bitch.

I can name a few good things… it hasn’t been all bad. We did have some good times in Minnesota and made some awesome friends. We have made some great memories together as family. The kids would have never been able to see all the things we have shown them without this crazy life. I’m glad and thankful for all the good moments and even the lessons.

The hard part is what this has done to me mentally. I’ve been broken. It’s crazy how time and experiences can change a person so much you don’t recognize yourself anymore.

Our drive on Mother’s Day gave me so much time to reflect and think. The conclusion for me is I’m sick on feeling homeless and I want to lay down some roots. I miss my sisters and my nieces and nephew. My kids should be able to know their cousins and have good relationships with their grandparents. I miss my parents and I miss Jason’s mom too! We’ve always been pretty close and you know what! Time is passing us by, they’re getting older, we’re getting older and we’re wasting all of this time, just hurting and being broken.

I need to make a plan to fix all this.

Taken It For Regret

http://Pismo Beach, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pismo_Beach,_California

http://Avil Beach, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avila_Beach,_California

xoxo sk

Change The Momentum

I’m just writing to y’all just like the old days ๐Ÿ˜‰

I know that I’ve been kind of throwing up ๐Ÿคฎon y’all lately. My vibe has not been the best. ๐Ÿ’”

I’m so appreciative to have this outlet. Writing has always been a good way for me to get things off my chest and out of my head.๐Ÿ”๐Ÿ”“

Sometimes things are just so confusing that I don’t even know what I’m feeling. Writing has been a great way for me to process issues. Honestly, it can makes things more confusing at times.๐Ÿ˜” Other times it’s a way to release the pain. I need that.

I always enjoy hearing back from y’all! I want to know what you ๐Ÿค” think! The encouragement and perspective has really helped me! I don’t feel as alone.

I know not everybody feels that way…not everybody wants me to write about what’s going on in my life or how I feel! Who can blame them! We’re dealing with some ugly stuff and I’m not living this life by myself. I do usually try to be discreet. But sometimes I just can’t.

The fact of the matter is I have a lot of regrets. I want to take them as lesson and do better in the future. That’s really hard when you’re living in the eye of the storm. It truly sucks.

Not on the same page and bad communication, nothing is matching up. It’s a consistent uphill battle.

I can want to do better all day long… want a change! But you can’t plant a seed in crappy soil and expect anything to grow.

You could water it…you could give it sunshine! But if it’s dead soil… there’s no nutrition in it than it doesn’t fucking matter; nothing will come of it. Ever.

I’m not saying not to try. I’m not saying don’t be scrappy and do what you gotta do to get by. No, what I’m just saying is sometimes your plans might change. You might to be to plant somewhere else.

Priorities have to change. It’s not all about what The Company wants! I mean… what is the struggle for? We unhappy ๐Ÿ™ It can’t be all about the money ๐Ÿ’ด There’s more to life than that.

The picture is so much bigger. It’s about something different. Something so much more important. I can’t find it here. No one will ever find it here because it doesn’t exist.

And you can’t force this kind of thing. Make yourself believe this is what God wants for you. Your true destiny….your fate. Maybe that seems silly but there is a difference and you life is changed and your see every differently when your walking God’s path… not your path. We’re lost right now. I can’t see shit from here.

I think that we used to have it. I was tuned in and hearing clearly. I was focused. I would have NEVER allowed myself to live the way I am now. Never. I let him put my spark โšก๏ธout. Once we had a good thing. It was bigger than a house, it was better than fancy cars and no money could ever buy it.

I want that again. But it is not here. This place is absent of that. We are absent of that.

So I don’t care about moving up in a company! I don’t give a shit about lateral moves. All I care about is our souls at this point and mine is fucking sad….mine isn’t the only one that I’m worried about. That’s my only priority. I want to be found.

Greed, money, cars, big houses, fancy clothes and exotic vacations… how could we ever forget about the crazy amount of material bullshit… that’s the God that we serve. Welcome to my new home.

We welcome everyone as long as it’s NOT IN MY BACKYARD…that’s our motto!

Lord, helps us.

So I’m sorry that I’ve been in such a bad place but I’m surrounded by it everyday.

I know that everyone can’t possibly be this way. I’ve met a few nice people here. My coworkers are pretty awesome ๐Ÿ˜Ž I try to focus on the good I found in them. Believe it or not this is me focusing on the good because if I didn’t have at least this…I don’t know what I would do. I’m already bubbling over, my chest feels like I’m having a freaking heart attack every day.

I watched a very shitty women refused to help an elderly lady at the gas pump yesterday and it blew my freaking mind!I wanted to punch her in the throat! Who the hell does she think she is! My mind was blown… I just don’t live in that world. Do you not respect your elders? I wish I would have been closer to help this lady.

I see this kind of disrespect and complete disregard for other human beings every single day. It’s eating at me.

Now I was terrible yesterday too because when I got the chance to finally see this disgusting person, I went off on this chick! She just drove away….you awful miserable cow! I’m still pissed.

Maybe I shouldn’t of said anything, who knows why she decided to be a terrible person. I wasn’t raise that way at all! Honestly, I would have got my ass kicked for acting that way by my parents. You never treat your elders that way!

Always help out if you can, hold the doors and be freaking respectful, have some common sense, it’s not that hard! Treat people like human beings and don’t act like you matter more than someone else because guess what, you don’t!

I’m gonna stop this rambling for now and just apologize for being in such a miserable ๐Ÿ˜ฉ place. I don’t like it here either and I’m sure you guys are tired of reading about it.

I really need to change the momentum and I need to be that change. I’m gonna try to do better.

If you believe in this sort of thing or whatever you believe…I’m just asking for some prayers, whichever way you do that. Lord knows I have a lot working against me here.

Xoxo sk

Donโ€™t let me fall

Don’t let me fall

Don’t let me fall

Reach for me in the dark

Let me know your here

Don’t let me fall

I’m still real close to edge

Steady me when I’m unbalanced

Don’t let me fall

Reassure me I’m not alone in this fight

Remind me who you are

Don’t let me fall

Be my breath when I can’t breathe

Be my quiet when it’s too loud

Don’t let me fall

Be my calming place when I’m lost in the storm

Be my strength when I’m too weak

Don’t let me fall

Save me when I can’t save myself

Protect me when I hurt

Don’t let me fall

Make me believe the things that I lost hope in

Make the hard decision that hurt but are right

I’m waiting on you…

Xoxo sk

Dog Backwards Spells God

All Because I Had To Pee…

All because I had to pee so bad my plans had a bit of a delayed and thank God they did!

Because God delayed me this day and made every bathroom near my workout spot closed, I had to get in my truck and drive to Albertsons to use the restroom and of course while I was there my ADD kicked in…

I had to buy a huge bag of avocado, face wash, a toothbrush, more coffee and a large water. I’m so random.

After all that and an empty bladder, I could finally head to the park to workout. Or so I thought….

Meet Dallas & God At Work

So this a photo from Pinterest but does look like my new friend, Dallas!

As I’m driving down the street, I see the most terrified 100 pound, beautiful dog that I’ve ever seen. I thought to myself this dog has to belong to someone, no one would let this poor baby go free on purpose!

I slowed way down and drove slowly next to him. I could see this scared pup was trying to get into the gated neighborhood but couldn’t. Every time a loud, fast car or school bus would fly by, would start to panic and head into street. I just drove slow next to him for a bit which was good because he crossed into the street and I would block other cars from hitting him.

Finally as we approach the intersection, I couldn’t wait anymore and I jumped out of my truck to go to him. “Come here baby”, I would call to him and at first he didn’t seen sure but after a few seconds he made his way over to me and let me pet him. What a sweetie! But he was so scared, trembling actually.

I know it may be hard to imagine this huge 100 pound dog being so frightened but in my experience it usually is the big Dogs that are the gentle, sweet, mellow, big cry babies. It’s the small Dogs who are pure piss and vinegar and want to fight! They pack a big punch in their little bodies!

Back to Dallas…now, I wanted to get him in my truck. I didn’t know what I’d do at the point but I knew he wouldn’t get hit by car there or more lost then he was! But as I tried to move his large body closer to my truck he put on the breaks… um HELL NO… DOGNAPPER! Ok dude, I’m think what to I do… then a loud trucks blow by us to let me know how inconveniencing it is that my truck is parked on the side of the road. ( You showed me…Ass.) This caused Dallas to freaks out and started to jog down towards the intersection!

Crap! Crap! Crap! I was thinking this is bad, he’s going to get hit! This good thing was this big guy knew that he lived in this gated community and he was trying desperately to get back in! The loud cars just would cause hit to panic and lose track of where he was and what he was doing. I think if he wasn’t so scared, he’d made it home.

I found him again trying to get in a side gate. Awe, poor dude!

I again jumped out and he comes to me right away but when I move towards my truck, he basically told me to bug off and he took off.

Damnit! Okay new plan… I’ll stay with him.

He didn’t go far I could see him. I drove up the road more and could see he was now trying to find away through the fence. I again jumped out of my truck and could see he was already on the move. So I just left my door open, keys in the truck and my phone… oops forgot it…I know… what a dumbass!

I walked over to him and then sat on the sidewalk and called over to him. At first he was definitely not going to give me another chance but then the cars were really letting me know how mad they were because my truck doors wide open! This really scared him and he practically jumped into arms. Oh a thank Jesus!

Now slowly…slowly….very slowly we clawed to the driver side of my truck. This took awhile to do, I had to keep talking to Dallas and petting him and letting him know I wasn’t Dognap him! “Please come a little close dude… come on… a little more buddy….”

I stretched a crossed my front seat with one arm while holding tight Dallas collar with the other arm and praying no one would hit us! I reached for my keys and turned my truck off and reached a little farther and got my phone!

Okay! We did it!!! Good boy!!! Then we hurried to sidewalk again and I called the first number on the collar, no answer. I called again, leaving a message telling this person that I had this person Dog. Then I called the second number and did the same thing.

I think it’s important to mention here that I have a different area code then the state that I live in so that’s why they didn’t answer.

I just called and called and called. It felt like 100 times. Dallas and just chilled there on the sidewalk. I grab that large bottle of water I just bought and got him some and it was all gone in a matter of seconds. Our big boy had calmed down soooo much now. I almost had him laying down at one point… then a loud car would go by.

At last!!!! My phone call was answered! I said um, hi… I think I have your Dog. We’re here on the side of the road.

The voice on the other line is panicked “OH MY GOD, IS HE OK!!”

“Yes, He’s good!” …….

Oh sweet Dallas….

After Dallas mom, who I now know as Suzanne, picked up her sweet giant, she called me to explained what had happened. Of course she didn’t need to tell me any of this. I was just so thankful Dallas was with his family now. How often that doesn’t end this way.

Suzanne had so much happening her house and it was about to be power washed. When the generator scared her sweet timid boy which scared him to look for safety by tying to get away from the scary sound… and ended up lost on the other side of the gate.

It’s fine I told her, even after she told me to me I could call her for anything I might need living in this new place. That’s super kind but seriously it’s totally fine, I said over and over. But God makes things work sooo perfectly….

New Hair, DO care!!

Later that night I get a text:

Wow! I really didn’t want to give her the nightmare that is my hair! But she insisted and for free! This is all too much! I didn’t deserve this! I would stop for any and all dogs that I see anywhere. I honestly feel guilty receiving anything for doing something that’s RIGHT.

God’s plans

Y’all know this could not have came at a more needed time in my life.

I’m trying to get my life in order, physically, emotionally, mentally… all around. It’s something I’ve been kinda at war with.

On top of that! I’ve not met too many nice people here at all! This was truly amazing and so kind! Unnecessary but still amazingly generous. Meeting her hair assistant the day I actually got my hair done was one more sweet, genuine person here in California ๐Ÿงก

Plus, I don’t have many friends really at all and although I can’t say we’re “friends” I do know one more person than I knew before if I have a question about this crazy beautiful place than I knew before and for that I am beyond thankful!

She even invited me and my family to her church. How sweet!

I haven’t felt great with all these moves and not being able to see my family. My health has sucked and to be frank… I’ve been lonely, closed off and unheard.

I’ve only had my dogs through all this. Sure I have my kids but most they have ME. I don’t leave them. But through all this I have no one but my dogs and they have been amazing for me. I hate to admit it but There’s have been times I have felt like even God has looked the other way.

So much has happened. They say it isn’t until you have some distance… sometime to look back to see God’s works that you get to see the big big picture, all His planning. You can see why the pain was there and why you had to go through somethings or leave someone or some place. There’s a lesson in the hurt. If you listen and you trust, faith, I guess… if you let it all flow then the plans of God’s Will for your life will be better than what you ever could have pictures or wanted or even thought for yourself in any of your wildest dreams.

I never thought I’d even like California and I’m finding myself calling these mountains “my” mountains and the ocean is “my” ocean. This place is hard to live in but somehow I’m living here. Not surviving… living… exploring and trying new things and enjoy it.

Sadness happens and I get frustrated at times …who doesn’t. My humanness will never stop.

I’m just happy right now and I’m embracing that and doing everything I can to live everyday that I got loving my sweet animals, my family, the relationships in my life and this amazing place I call home!

xoxo sk

Silence Is My Strength

 

Silence, is the best reply to a fool. – IMMAM ALI (AS)

pexels-photo-698876.jpeg

As anyone who has read my blog can till this week has been tough. I am having trouble with my self-esteem. But one thing I DO NOT struggle with at all is putting myself in the shoes of others.

I may beat the hell out of myself, worse than anyone else ever could. I have always been my own worst enemy. I don’t expect to have some big life change in that aspect of my life anytime so soon.

However, as I have gotten older and have had more life experience….and honestly found a more spiritual path, I just don’t want to put energy in hurting people. I don’t feel the need to voice my opinion all the time.

Which seems to be very popular nowadays…so annoying.

I feel that it’s a misconception that if I’m quite on a topic or even kind in my replies, it’s assumed I must agree or feel a certain way…or I am just plain weak. I am giving in. No. I hate to sound like a politician but ‘Let’s be clear’ not being a loud, asshole is not, me giving in.

Trust me, I have my thoughts and my opinions. They don’t always match yours and sometimes they do. I choose to keep my thoughts and views to myself. I choose to be a supportive, kind and a loving person instead. You know why? Because my character matters. It matters more then loud points of view that just hurt.

If my life falls apart… as it does from time to time…I pray to Dear God I have people around me that will LOVE me through that season in my life and not judge and battle me.

xoxo sk

 

Changing Your Mind

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Expressing Gratitude

The art of being truly Grateful. The unique ability to find the good in everything and being able to feel real joy in even the smallest of moments. It’s living a happy life with abundance to be and inspire joy, peace, love and positive light in others. It’s also very important to remember that Gratitude is also being able to express a deep and meaning appreciation for the people in our life.

Being Thankful is different than having Gratitude

Gratitude is a state of being. It’s the very way you live and your ability to see everything in a place of peace and excepting deep love and appreciation for life itself. It’s the very fiber of your minds thoughts. It’s far more than words. People who live a life of Gratitude, live with a positive attitude and tend to not squander their blessings. They live with intention but are not boastful, if anything they are very humble.

*TIP-ย  Focusing on the positive will help you to remember what it is that you are grateful for. Gratitude will be become a habit the more you do this on PURPOSE daily! This can be a writing activity, you can do this in your meditation, devotion/prayer time. Practice makes habits!ย ย 

Being Thankful is an act we do. It’s a gesture we make out of respect. We are thankful for things, a moment or pay raise for example but what makes it become Gratitude is when our thankfulness becomes so deep that it’s spiritual. It’s life changing, it moves us to a higher level of awareness. The love, joy, passion, peace, everything that makes your life yours has changed because of it. Thankful is to small of word for that friends, you have humbly and deeply found yourself in the state of Gratitude.

 

Who In Your Life Needs a Reminder?

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When you get uses to a person, day in and day out, it’s easy to forget why you chose them to began with. They become like… an end table.. okay maybe more than a table, more like a reliable Golden Retriever!

Your partner does not want to become your pet… your loyal stead fast companion. I don’t. They need to know that they are truly cared for. People in our life need to know and feel that they are deeply loved and we’re grateful for them. In my opinion, this is just as important as communication. You could talk all day but if you don’t feel your partner has gratitude for you…this will just fester into a bigger nastier mess.ย  Imagine how bitter you will become. You don’t want that and you shouldn’t want that for your partner or anyone you care for.

Same goes for our friends, our children, our co-workers, close family members. We need to make sure we tell the people that we have deep Gratitude for how grateful we are for them!

I have Gratitude even when…

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When every time you turn on the news it’s another heartbreaking, frustrating story or you open the mail box and there are more people ready to take your hard earned money then there are checks to cash, remember this… YOUย more than yourย circumstances.ย  You are LOVED!ย  You have a talent that the world needs. You contribute more good than anything. Believe it, then do it. You are a writer, your words! Your blog… that’s one way. You care for your families. You pray for people in your circle, your neighbors, the world and the world needs it. You get people thinking! You share your story, your love, your light and it changes people… even if you never get any credit for it. Your’re a friend. Someone counts on you to make them laugh, lift them up, feed them, clothe them, hug them, listen to them. You always answer the phone for them. You are someones person.

Maybe we should spend a little less time taking everyone inventory and tell them how great they are. How much we love them. How much we need them in our life and just how very grateful we are to know them! Maybe it’s time we share our state of Gratitude with others.

>Side note>>> I watched a very moving video the other day. I connected to The Man right away. He had grown up in a stressful household with a Father who taught him all about hard work. He never got to be playful, laugh and even be in a carefree moment with his Father. The only interaction The Man ever had with was working and doing chores with his Father. The Man grew up and kept working hard but all he ever really wanted was his Fathers LOVE, his expectance and Gratitude. Even as The Man’s Father lay on his death bed and The Man had taken care of his Father in every way his Father still had no kind words for his son. The man was heartbroken. The Man had hit rock bottom. The Man lost all his wealth, lost his family, and was evicted from his home. He had nothing. He finally picked himself back up and started to do real-estate. The Man was good at this. He found himself a Mentor. The Mentor saw him one night working very late, so he walked into The Man’s office and said “You know, you have really great work ethic.” The Man looked up and was shocked! The Mentor said to The Man “You are so smart and you work so hard”.ย  And again The Man looked at his Mentor confused…The Man had never had anyone say a kind, encouraging word to him before. The Man explained to his Mentor how he was feeling and that’s when his Mentor told him that it was time to rewire his brain. He had been taught hard work but not encouragement or love…he had never felt gratitude. He had shitty wiring. So The Man was asked by his Mentor who is someone he looked up to. The Man said Clint Eastwood because he’s tough and rugged. So the Mentor told The Man from now on you’re going to say over and over like crazy that you’re tough and rugged! So that night as The Man drove home he was pumped and ready to change the wiring in his brain. He said “I’m tough and rugged” over and over and he began to grow in his confidence. Then The Man upped his game and I said “I’m the best Real-estate agent of all time” and The Man said this over and over and then The Man words became reality. The Real-Estate Company The Man had worked for, he bought because he had beaten records over and over.

The point here is two things… OUR WORDS MATTER… our words that we say to each other, to our kids and MOST importantly to ourselves matter. Feed yourself with kindness, faith and encouragement. That will grow into an amazing love that you can then share with everyone else.

Andย  secondly we can change our minds. We have the power to be the person we want to be. You want to be the outgoing, funny, social friend…but you are caring and owning the label that you are shy, awkward and quite.ย  You don’t have to do that. You can be who you want to be.

I love that we are more than the labels. We can change our minds and rewire our minds.