The Special Bloggers Award

The Special Blogger Award

 

Again…I’m such a slacker…

I’m super late responding to this honor and it’s not because I’m not so tremendously grateful. Life have just gotten ahead me yet again! I am thankful and love doing these awards! With all that said lets’ get to it!

I have received this special award from a blogger who has truly kept me going in some of toughest times…whether they know it or not. So thank you! God puts people on our path just we need them!

The Eclectic Contrarian

 

 

The rules:

  1. Thanks the blogger who nominated you.
  2. Answer the questions you are asked ( if you’re comfortable doing so!)
  3. Create 5 questions for the bloggers you’ve nominated.
  4. Nominate at least 3…no more 10 bloggers for the Special Blogger Award.
  5. Comment on your nominees most recent blog post to let them know you’ve nominated.
  6. Have fun

 

Are you a Generation X, Generation Z, millennial, etc.. what do you think about it and how does this make you feel?

Well, I think I’m Gen X and I am 100% very good with that! 

What are the little things that make you, you?

I cry easily and am also so hardcore at the same time. I’m strong and such baby. I feel other pain so much that it will effect me to the core. Yet, I strong and don’t feel physical pain like I do emotion. 

What post (whether your own or someone else) tells most about you?

The Bags I carry<Fabricthatmademe- State of Skelly

Why We Target You< Knowing The Narcissist- HG Tudor

What thing in nature do you think influences you?

100% the sun! If I go to many without seeing or feeling the sun I become depressed!

What is your best advice to anyone about anything?

It’s some of the best advice I ever got and it has nothing to do with writing. 

Discipline your children the same no matter where you are. Be the same parent at the store, at school, with your neighbors and in your home, then your kids will know you’re not pretending with them ever. 

 

 

Here’s my nominees:

The Creative Life In Between

ZIMMERBITCH

The Newbury Girl

Marjorie’s Mix

Fierce & Fabulous Revolution

Mom and Her Goals

My Questions:
What one thing that keeps you up at night?
What made you start your Blog?
3 thing about yourself that your haven’t shared yet in your blog.
Do you prefer the mountains or the Ocean and why?
What is one thing you can share that will help others improve their writing or blog page?
Thank you again for this award…I truly don’t deserve.
 xoxo sk

Clear Eyes

And I think to myself… what a wonderful world 🌎

If I want my world to be 💕

My voice doesn’t need to be the loudest🌊

To changes Hearts ♥️ & move mountains 🏔

Remembering who I am & who God has Called me to be 🙏🏼

Listening to the inner voice ♥️ to direct & give me strength 💪🏽

Sometimes I’m shaken & broken 💔 but only to wipe away dirt from my eyes 👀

My vision is restored & heart ❤️ is back in place 🙏🏼

I see truth for what it is and I am at peace ✌🏽

xoxo sk

Hometown State of Mind

Going Home…

rocky mountain pic

Welcome To Colorful Colorado

A Hometown State of Mind is just what I need to get centered… the get back to the  fabric that made me. 

I was sitting here trying to recall my last visit home? It’s sad that actually I can’t remember. Christmas in 2017 we went as a family and it was a rushed trip! My anxiety was terribly! I was home once before that in June 2016 I think, for Father’s day, to surprise my parents. That visit was a less than 45 hour turn around for me and I back in Minnesota!

Jason, I and the kids did a short stop in Colorado when we were journeying to California but I was on special orders, that I had NO TIME to make plans with a soul… so I saw no one. We only spent one single night at my parents house before we hit the road again.

Spending less than 2 hours, saying a quick hello-goodbye to my Aunt, Uncle and Grandparents in Wray, CO but then it was all business again and we were back on the road. It wasn’t what I wanted at all. I was really missing and needing my friends and family then. This was probably the start of my down-ward spiral into major depression, I just didn’t know how bad at the time.

All of my two visits to my hometown have been very rushed. Jason can’t take on the kids or handle more responsibilities than his job, so he tends to panics when I’m not around to handle the living-being in our care. Even this current visit coming up to Colorado, Jason is in a frenzy about me leaving and I’m taking the kids with me this time! I mean, let me live, Dude!

Home sick…

Colorado’s 10 Most Picturesque towns

Rocky Mountain National Park

Lost Not Found Blog By www.fabicthatmademe.com

Time for some fun and laugher with people that I miss and love, in a place that I once called home.

It’s been a long time since I really laughed, like a real belly laugh. You know the laughs that make your face go ugly and you start to cry but it feels so good! I need that! I need the ugly, tear streaming down your face kind of laugh! I haven’t had a whole lot of happiness going on for awhile! It’s been too long and I’ve been on survival mode! There’s been no time with friends, no conversations with a single human or really living my best life in this world at all. I’ve been just barely getting by! I’ve said this too many times…I’m like a rat in a cage! But I’ve allow this to happen to me. I did this to myself!

The Biblical Way To Overcome Being a Victim 

**Visit the post above and get empowered! 

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A leader In My Own Life

My happiness comes from inside me and that’s an awesome freedom and scary reality!

I miss my friends, my family and my home. Mostly, I miss making my own life choices and having some freedom in my choices! What I’ve realized is, I can take control of my life and my happiness. It is possible…I can be a leader in my own life. However, not everyone will always be happy with my choices and I have to be okay with that. I also have to know I am responsible for the outcome. I can’t put it on anyone else.

I mean it hasn’t been all bad, I’ve definitely learn some valuable lessons along the way! I’ve made lifetime friends in Minnesota! I’ll be forever grateful for the Andersons and their friendship. California has been a real B***H! It’s because of my brokenness that I found my hope.

While I’m in Colorado I’ll have some time to remember the good times and get caught up with some old friends. I’m excited to have this time to be with my friends and not have anyone to push or pull me into a direction they want. I need this break and I think Jason needs it too.

No Place like home…

So Tuesday I and the kids will be in Colorado for a month. I don’t know what to say other than, I ask for prayers during this time. I’m sure the kids need this just as bad as I do, to see their cousins and grandparents. We needs to be part of something and feel safe and sound again. Our security has been shot. Our peace has been ripped apart but we are on the mend. I have hope for us.

I’ll keep my blog updated with “life”! I’m excited to see where God leads us. I have faith He is hard at work.

xoxo sk

 

A Simple Choice

We have the ability to bring such joy.

Or

We have the choice to bring such pain.

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We people can be the light in someones darkness.

Or

We can be the monster under the bed.

We can the mean girl, the bully in the locker room.

We can be the new found friend who offers a laugh and a smile instead.

Choices

We have them.

We are not above them.

Choose wisely.

You could be saving a life and life just might be your own. 

xoxo sk

“Trying It On”-How to make choices with Faith

change-choices-choose-277615

Devotions on making decisions in Faith

How to have confidence my decisions are being made with Gods plans in mind and not my own agenda.

As I have written about in pasted blogs, I’m on a quest to reconnect to my Father Christ. One of the ways that I have been doing this is through reading devotions and Bible Studies on the Bible App

Recently, I finished a few different studies. The first one, titled Make Decisions with Faith and confidence . It was mind blowing just how exact to my life this study was and how much I needed to read every word.  It’s amazing how God knows just what we need, when we need it. Every word was exactly what I needed at this time in my life. I’ve said many times how I wish that I could just send a quick email or text to God and get a response right back letting me what to do. Yes, a prayer to God is like sending a text message but most the time the answers don’t come as clear as getting a text back.

The “Try It On” method that the Bible study talks about is such an awesome way to learn how to make choices. This “Try It On” method supports my connection on a clear FM channel verses the static of an AM channel with The Holy Spirit. The “Try It On” method keeps us accountable and keeps us from becoming stagnate in our fear of make a move. We also have to be in-tune with The Holy Spirit, speak the language, have the relationship or “connection”. That’s pretty powerful, I think.

How many times do we question if we’re making the right choice? Or are so scared that we’ll make the wrong decision, that we end up not making any decisions for ourselves at all. I only wish I had read this devotion/Bible Study sooner.

I know I’ve been the victim of my own fears for years! The pressures of worrying that I’ll disappoint others and lead my family down the wrong path. However, when I am sitting in motionless contemplation, purely relying only on my very limited wisdom and over emotional mental state; I’m wasting away! This is just what the enemy wants. He love us to doubt ourselves and to waste away. What decisions are being made when I’m in a holding pattern like that? No progress will ever be made if I am just “thinking” things over all the time? I’m playing right into the enemy’s hands!

Indecision is a decision too and not a good one.  

The “Try It On” Method

How to make small steps in a direction and wait on God to speak to you.

The example was perfect, like trying on a shirt before you buy it. You wonder the store looking through the racks of clothes until something catches your eye. Then you find the one you “think” will work and you “Try It On”. You see how it fits, what it looks like on… you decide if this is the right shirt for you to buy. That is pretty much how the “Try It On” process works with everything.

Let try something bigger.

Using the example of moving to the great state of California. 🙄

When we got the news that we were moving to California I started to check out the  schools and houses in the area that I thought we might move to. (I of course now would ask WAY more questions than I did before. LESSONS!)

Step 1. As I’m looking for housing -this is me actively taking a step in a direction of moving towards California.  I can see that housing is expensive and we can NOT afford to live here on what we make. But I wasn’t listening to God. Next time I will.

Step 2.  After we moved toward something, what does it feel like? How rough or smooth is the process going? Do you have a little voice telling anything? I remember I didn’t feel good about moving towards California the whole time it was happening but I pushed on.

I had trouble finding housing, schools for my kids, the packers were awful and they broke all our things. A hundred and one things were going wrong! I had a voice in the back of my head telling me that we shouldn’t do this move but I continued to pushed on. I felt defeated for some reason, like I couldn’t turn back. The worries I had about staying in Minnesota were now much more about leaving there. I wasn’t waiting on God or listening to Him at all.

Step 3. Are you a list person? Do like to write everything out? This is me! List keep me organize and on top of things. What I tend to do when I have a decision to make is write out a Pros and Cons list. This sounds like a reasonable thing to do but what I end up doing is putting all my faith in this list.  I’m not listening to God or waiting on Him for direction, only on this piece of paper.

Here’s the reason why the list is wrong. 

Sure, it’s good to get your mind calm and organized but not to rely on your list.

I wrote out a Pros and Cons list myself when we were getting ready to move to California. Everything was pointing to Georgia as weird as that sounds. It was loud and clear ( I’ll dive into that later) Here’s an older blog that I wrote when we first started our moving process- Here We Go Again.  As much as I was focusing on California everything kept coming back to wait on Georgia (so it felt) but I ignored that.

My list was full of Pros for California and as we now know all our time here has not been good at all. While I was pushing towards California like it was my full time job, ever song was about Georgia, ever TV show, I had friends and friends of friends moving there or had some new connection to Georgia. Pretty soon there were so many things in my ear about Georgia but I wasn’t listening because I was full force to California, even though it felt wrong.

Side note: We later found out that Jason’s mentor and the man who hired him was moved to Georgia as the Zone Manager. 

Step 4. Keep making little steps toward a choice while The Holy Spirit directs you which way to step.

Each step I took moving to California was rough and difficult. To say our path was bumping is the understatement of the century. God was clear to us that this was not the right place for us but we made it happen anyway. Now we’re living the consequences for those choices.

The Goodness of God in Bad decisions this blog is excel! Check out more on “our” consequences and a God of miracles.

Second Chances 

I had a chance to take it back but I didn’t.

Our God is a God of Grace and Mercy. He showed me this time and time again but I wasn’t seeing it. The enemy had control and it makes me sick to think I let that happen.

As I mentioned before I couldn’t find a school that could accommodate my kids needs and this was a struggle for me. There were so many moving part to this relocation and the enemy was good at what he was doing to my mind and heart. I was confused and frustrated!  Since I was handling this move all by myself and not leaning on God at all, I felt absolutely responsible for making sure no one was burdened. I wanted to be able to say I was able to do this and made it work.  Again the enemy had made me believe that no one believed in me and I wasn’t able.

I received a called from a lady that coordinated our move. I can’t remember her exact title but I remember having a melt down on the phone with her. I was in my car and I had to pull over, I just cried. I told her how difficult this move was becoming and how worried I was about the schools for my kids.

This lady, I believe her name was Pam, was so kind to me on the phone. She made many calls back forth to me for two days and told that although we had already signed our relocation and many thing have already been in motion that we would get one forgiveness. She explained to me that considering everything that I told her, she believes we qualify for that. I didn’t know what to say to her, because Jason was already in California working.

I told her I needed to think about it and I’d call her back. I struggled with what do. I knew with every bone in body I needed to cancel this move but Jason was already in California. He and I barely spook a word to each other, our communication wasn’t great at this point. All I could think about was how disappointment Jason would be that I couldn’t handle this move. I would have failed. I kept replaying Jason firmly speaking to me “If we do this move…Don’t let it come back on me!” Even though I knew I didn’t want this move, I felt like I had to do it now.

I called Pam back and thanked her for all  that she had done for me but we were going to move forward. This would end up being some of the worse depression that I have ever been in. Suicidal thoughts, marriage tore apart, kids hanging by a thread, living in an over price house thats failing apart…the list goes on. Jason has his own list of troubles.

Mercies and Grace Never Fail

Although these last ten in a half month were some of most terrible months of my life, coming back from the wreckage I think have made me stronger than ever. It’s weird in a way because I’m still very vulnerable. This is an uphill climb for me but I have never felt more connected, more sure of myself in a long time. That feel so amazing. God isn’t just a God of second chances, He is a God of forgiveness and Love. He came to find His lost. I was one of lost for sure and I’ve been found but still am a work in progress.

This post Billy Graham’s My Answer: Does God Give Us Second Chances is a a great read. Much better at explaining  how God loves beyond the second or third time we humans mess up… Check it out.

Conclusion

You can’t move in a parked car.

At some point I have to arise and go. I have to put a little pressure on the gas petal so God can put my steering wheel to use. At the same time I need to allow the little voice called The Holy spirit to speak to me. When it does, that’s the way the steering wheel should turn.

If I would have listened ten in a half months ago I would have yanked that wheel around! But thankful God is full of Miracles and I truly believe He will turn this very unpleasant venture into something we will end up being very thankful for. I can’t even believe I’m saying that. But With God anything is possible.

 

Hope you all enjoyed this blog! Thanks for all your comments, LIKES & love along the way! All your encouragement really make a impact as I keep blogging and getting my feet under me! 

xoxo sk

 

 

 

 

Change The Momentum

I’m just writing to y’all just like the old days 😉

I know that I’ve been kind of throwing up 🤮on y’all lately. My vibe has not been the best. 💔

I’m so appreciative to have this outlet. Writing has always been a good way for me to get things off my chest and out of my head.🔏🔓

Sometimes things are just so confusing that I don’t even know what I’m feeling. Writing has been a great way for me to process issues. Honestly, it can makes things more confusing at times.😔 Other times it’s a way to release the pain. I need that.

I always enjoy hearing back from y’all! I want to know what you 🤔 think! The encouragement and perspective has really helped me! I don’t feel as alone.

I know not everybody feels that way…not everybody wants me to write about what’s going on in my life or how I feel! Who can blame them! We’re dealing with some ugly stuff and I’m not living this life by myself. I do usually try to be discreet. But sometimes I just can’t.

The fact of the matter is I have a lot of regrets. I want to take them as lesson and do better in the future. That’s really hard when you’re living in the eye of the storm. It truly sucks.

Not on the same page and bad communication, nothing is matching up. It’s a consistent uphill battle.

I can want to do better all day long… want a change! But you can’t plant a seed in crappy soil and expect anything to grow.

You could water it…you could give it sunshine! But if it’s dead soil… there’s no nutrition in it than it doesn’t fucking matter; nothing will come of it. Ever.

I’m not saying not to try. I’m not saying don’t be scrappy and do what you gotta do to get by. No, what I’m just saying is sometimes your plans might change. You might to be to plant somewhere else.

Priorities have to change. It’s not all about what The Company wants! I mean… what is the struggle for? We unhappy 🙁 It can’t be all about the money 💴 There’s more to life than that.

The picture is so much bigger. It’s about something different. Something so much more important. I can’t find it here. No one will ever find it here because it doesn’t exist.

And you can’t force this kind of thing. Make yourself believe this is what God wants for you. Your true destiny….your fate. Maybe that seems silly but there is a difference and you life is changed and your see every differently when your walking God’s path… not your path. We’re lost right now. I can’t see shit from here.

I think that we used to have it. I was tuned in and hearing clearly. I was focused. I would have NEVER allowed myself to live the way I am now. Never. I let him put my spark ⚡️out. Once we had a good thing. It was bigger than a house, it was better than fancy cars and no money could ever buy it.

I want that again. But it is not here. This place is absent of that. We are absent of that.

So I don’t care about moving up in a company! I don’t give a shit about lateral moves. All I care about is our souls at this point and mine is fucking sad….mine isn’t the only one that I’m worried about. That’s my only priority. I want to be found.

Greed, money, cars, big houses, fancy clothes and exotic vacations… how could we ever forget about the crazy amount of material bullshit… that’s the God that we serve. Welcome to my new home.

We welcome everyone as long as it’s NOT IN MY BACKYARD…that’s our motto!

Lord, helps us.

So I’m sorry that I’ve been in such a bad place but I’m surrounded by it everyday.

I know that everyone can’t possibly be this way. I’ve met a few nice people here. My coworkers are pretty awesome 😎 I try to focus on the good I found in them. Believe it or not this is me focusing on the good because if I didn’t have at least this…I don’t know what I would do. I’m already bubbling over, my chest feels like I’m having a freaking heart attack every day.

I watched a very shitty women refused to help an elderly lady at the gas pump yesterday and it blew my freaking mind!I wanted to punch her in the throat! Who the hell does she think she is! My mind was blown… I just don’t live in that world. Do you not respect your elders? I wish I would have been closer to help this lady.

I see this kind of disrespect and complete disregard for other human beings every single day. It’s eating at me.

Now I was terrible yesterday too because when I got the chance to finally see this disgusting person, I went off on this chick! She just drove away….you awful miserable cow! I’m still pissed.

Maybe I shouldn’t of said anything, who knows why she decided to be a terrible person. I wasn’t raise that way at all! Honestly, I would have got my ass kicked for acting that way by my parents. You never treat your elders that way!

Always help out if you can, hold the doors and be freaking respectful, have some common sense, it’s not that hard! Treat people like human beings and don’t act like you matter more than someone else because guess what, you don’t!

I’m gonna stop this rambling for now and just apologize for being in such a miserable 😩 place. I don’t like it here either and I’m sure you guys are tired of reading about it.

I really need to change the momentum and I need to be that change. I’m gonna try to do better.

If you believe in this sort of thing or whatever you believe…I’m just asking for some prayers, whichever way you do that. Lord knows I have a lot working against me here.

Xoxo sk

Don’t let me fall

Don’t let me fall

Don’t let me fall

Reach for me in the dark

Let me know your here

Don’t let me fall

I’m still real close to edge

Steady me when I’m unbalanced

Don’t let me fall

Reassure me I’m not alone in this fight

Remind me who you are

Don’t let me fall

Be my breath when I can’t breathe

Be my quiet when it’s too loud

Don’t let me fall

Be my calming place when I’m lost in the storm

Be my strength when I’m too weak

Don’t let me fall

Save me when I can’t save myself

Protect me when I hurt

Don’t let me fall

Make me believe the things that I lost hope in

Make the hard decision that hurt but are right

I’m waiting on you…

Xoxo sk

Dog Backwards Spells God

All Because I Had To Pee…

All because I had to pee so bad my plans had a bit of a delayed and thank God they did!

Because God delayed me this day and made every bathroom near my workout spot closed, I had to get in my truck and drive to Albertsons to use the restroom and of course while I was there my ADD kicked in…

I had to buy a huge bag of avocado, face wash, a toothbrush, more coffee and a large water. I’m so random.

After all that and an empty bladder, I could finally head to the park to workout. Or so I thought….

Meet Dallas & God At Work

So this a photo from Pinterest but does look like my new friend, Dallas!

As I’m driving down the street, I see the most terrified 100 pound, beautiful dog that I’ve ever seen. I thought to myself this dog has to belong to someone, no one would let this poor baby go free on purpose!

I slowed way down and drove slowly next to him. I could see this scared pup was trying to get into the gated neighborhood but couldn’t. Every time a loud, fast car or school bus would fly by, would start to panic and head into street. I just drove slow next to him for a bit which was good because he crossed into the street and I would block other cars from hitting him.

Finally as we approach the intersection, I couldn’t wait anymore and I jumped out of my truck to go to him. “Come here baby”, I would call to him and at first he didn’t seen sure but after a few seconds he made his way over to me and let me pet him. What a sweetie! But he was so scared, trembling actually.

I know it may be hard to imagine this huge 100 pound dog being so frightened but in my experience it usually is the big Dogs that are the gentle, sweet, mellow, big cry babies. It’s the small Dogs who are pure piss and vinegar and want to fight! They pack a big punch in their little bodies!

Back to Dallas…now, I wanted to get him in my truck. I didn’t know what I’d do at the point but I knew he wouldn’t get hit by car there or more lost then he was! But as I tried to move his large body closer to my truck he put on the breaks… um HELL NO… DOGNAPPER! Ok dude, I’m think what to I do… then a loud trucks blow by us to let me know how inconveniencing it is that my truck is parked on the side of the road. ( You showed me…Ass.) This caused Dallas to freaks out and started to jog down towards the intersection!

Crap! Crap! Crap! I was thinking this is bad, he’s going to get hit! This good thing was this big guy knew that he lived in this gated community and he was trying desperately to get back in! The loud cars just would cause hit to panic and lose track of where he was and what he was doing. I think if he wasn’t so scared, he’d made it home.

I found him again trying to get in a side gate. Awe, poor dude!

I again jumped out and he comes to me right away but when I move towards my truck, he basically told me to bug off and he took off.

Damnit! Okay new plan… I’ll stay with him.

He didn’t go far I could see him. I drove up the road more and could see he was now trying to find away through the fence. I again jumped out of my truck and could see he was already on the move. So I just left my door open, keys in the truck and my phone… oops forgot it…I know… what a dumbass!

I walked over to him and then sat on the sidewalk and called over to him. At first he was definitely not going to give me another chance but then the cars were really letting me know how mad they were because my truck doors wide open! This really scared him and he practically jumped into arms. Oh a thank Jesus!

Now slowly…slowly….very slowly we clawed to the driver side of my truck. This took awhile to do, I had to keep talking to Dallas and petting him and letting him know I wasn’t Dognap him! “Please come a little close dude… come on… a little more buddy….”

I stretched a crossed my front seat with one arm while holding tight Dallas collar with the other arm and praying no one would hit us! I reached for my keys and turned my truck off and reached a little farther and got my phone!

Okay! We did it!!! Good boy!!! Then we hurried to sidewalk again and I called the first number on the collar, no answer. I called again, leaving a message telling this person that I had this person Dog. Then I called the second number and did the same thing.

I think it’s important to mention here that I have a different area code then the state that I live in so that’s why they didn’t answer.

I just called and called and called. It felt like 100 times. Dallas and just chilled there on the sidewalk. I grab that large bottle of water I just bought and got him some and it was all gone in a matter of seconds. Our big boy had calmed down soooo much now. I almost had him laying down at one point… then a loud car would go by.

At last!!!! My phone call was answered! I said um, hi… I think I have your Dog. We’re here on the side of the road.

The voice on the other line is panicked “OH MY GOD, IS HE OK!!”

“Yes, He’s good!” …….

Oh sweet Dallas….

After Dallas mom, who I now know as Suzanne, picked up her sweet giant, she called me to explained what had happened. Of course she didn’t need to tell me any of this. I was just so thankful Dallas was with his family now. How often that doesn’t end this way.

Suzanne had so much happening her house and it was about to be power washed. When the generator scared her sweet timid boy which scared him to look for safety by tying to get away from the scary sound… and ended up lost on the other side of the gate.

It’s fine I told her, even after she told me to me I could call her for anything I might need living in this new place. That’s super kind but seriously it’s totally fine, I said over and over. But God makes things work sooo perfectly….

New Hair, DO care!!

Later that night I get a text:

Wow! I really didn’t want to give her the nightmare that is my hair! But she insisted and for free! This is all too much! I didn’t deserve this! I would stop for any and all dogs that I see anywhere. I honestly feel guilty receiving anything for doing something that’s RIGHT.

God’s plans

Y’all know this could not have came at a more needed time in my life.

I’m trying to get my life in order, physically, emotionally, mentally… all around. It’s something I’ve been kinda at war with.

On top of that! I’ve not met too many nice people here at all! This was truly amazing and so kind! Unnecessary but still amazingly generous. Meeting her hair assistant the day I actually got my hair done was one more sweet, genuine person here in California 🧡

Plus, I don’t have many friends really at all and although I can’t say we’re “friends” I do know one more person than I knew before if I have a question about this crazy beautiful place than I knew before and for that I am beyond thankful!

She even invited me and my family to her church. How sweet!

I haven’t felt great with all these moves and not being able to see my family. My health has sucked and to be frank… I’ve been lonely, closed off and unheard.

I’ve only had my dogs through all this. Sure I have my kids but most they have ME. I don’t leave them. But through all this I have no one but my dogs and they have been amazing for me. I hate to admit it but There’s have been times I have felt like even God has looked the other way.

So much has happened. They say it isn’t until you have some distance… sometime to look back to see God’s works that you get to see the big big picture, all His planning. You can see why the pain was there and why you had to go through somethings or leave someone or some place. There’s a lesson in the hurt. If you listen and you trust, faith, I guess… if you let it all flow then the plans of God’s Will for your life will be better than what you ever could have pictures or wanted or even thought for yourself in any of your wildest dreams.

I never thought I’d even like California and I’m finding myself calling these mountains “my” mountains and the ocean is “my” ocean. This place is hard to live in but somehow I’m living here. Not surviving… living… exploring and trying new things and enjoy it.

Sadness happens and I get frustrated at times …who doesn’t. My humanness will never stop.

I’m just happy right now and I’m embracing that and doing everything I can to live everyday that I got loving my sweet animals, my family, the relationships in my life and this amazing place I call home!

xoxo sk

Table for one

I’m sitting here at Denny’s by myself and I’m good with!

It’s different, feeling alone and actually being alone.

Being alone on Purpose is interesting.

I’m taking everything in around. I wondering if I seem weird or sad to others, if they even notice me at all?

I see a group of old retired men. They are having many different conversations within their group.

I can’t help but wonder if one day I might be so blessed to have a group of my own to reminisce with one day.

There’s a few tables of moms with small children. They’re doing their best to keep their littles happy, cutting up pancakes and wiping faces. There is one table that I see with a Mom and a Dad. They have two young children, both under 3. That table is a mess! God bless you parent for even attempting this!

Then there’s the professionals… totally here to discuss work or maybe complain. They look miserable. Maybe it’s just me and my Extreme dislike for suits!

There’s also one large table tucked in the back with what looks like college age boys. I says boys because I see skinny jeans and perfectly under touched white Keds. How sweet.

I only see one table with a couple in here and there’re ignoring each other. Maybe I shouldn’t be so annoyed when this happens to me. Maybe this is just marriage.

Now for others like me.

I’m surprised how many table for one that I see. At least 6 tables have just one person, sitting by themselves. However, I am the only female…. holy cow! Correction another women just walked in and looks to be alone, like me!

She much older, maybe in her 60s. But funny thing, we’re dressed the same! Sweatpants and a t-shit. Our hair is up in a ponytail and we both are wearing glass. She’s opened a book and has started to read… I writing! Damn! Is this my future self? At least she looks content.

I think this experience. Is good for me. I get to take my time eating and just observed!

I can sit wherever the hell I want. Normal my daughter declares before we even open the door that I WILL sit next to her and I always end up next to the wall. I always have to take her to the bathroom several times throughout our meal. That’s all just annoying, since rarely does she ever actually have to go to the bathroom!

I end up eating so fast that I always feel sick afterwards! I have to be done and ready to go when my husband says “let’s go”! Maybe this is better for me every now and then.

New experience. It’s definitely different but good for me.

Xoxo sk