I’m super late responding to this honor and it’s not because I’m not so tremendously grateful. Life have just gotten ahead me yet again! I am thankful and love doing these awards! With all that said lets’ get to it!
I have received this special award from a blogger who has truly kept me going in some of toughest times…whether they know it or not. So thank you! God puts people on our path just we need them!
Answer the questions you are asked ( if you’re comfortable doing so!)
Create 5 questions for the bloggers you’ve nominated.
Nominate at least 3…no more 10 bloggers for the Special Blogger Award.
Comment on your nominees most recent blog post to let them know you’ve nominated.
Are you a Generation X, Generation Z, millennial, etc.. what do you think about it and how does this make you feel?
Well, I think I’m Gen X and I am 100% very good with that!
What are the little things that make you, you?
I cry easily and am also so hardcore at the same time. I’m strong and such baby. I feel other pain so much that it will effect me to the core. Yet, I strong and don’t feel physical pain like I do emotion.
What post (whether your own or someone else) tells most about you?
100% the sun! If I go to many without seeing or feeling the sun I become depressed!
What is your best advice to anyone about anything?
It’s some of the best advice I ever got and it has nothing to do with writing.
Discipline your children the same no matter where you are.Be the same parent at the store, at school, with your neighbors and in your home, then your kids will know you’re not pretending with them ever.
Firstly, I have apologize for my late response for this honor. I have no good excuse other than being overwhelmed with life. These awards do mean so much to me and I honestly do enjoy doing them! Who doesn’t appreciate some validation for the hard-work and love they have put into on something cherish?
Thank you and again Racheal, I am so sorry for my late response…Here we go…
Thank you so much for nominating me!
If you haven’t been to her blog you’re missing out!
Nominate 11 new blogs to receive the award and write them 11 new questions.
List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award in your post/or on your blog.
Notify the nominees about it by commenting on one of their blog posts.
1.Tell us something about yourself that will make our jaws drop?
Wow…Sadly, I’m probably pretty lame. 🤓 I do think that I am really funny and take pride in being able to make people laugh even at my own expensive. I don’t get embarrass easily because I make fun of myself all the time. I prefer a burger and a cold beer over a fancy restaurant with wine any day. I hate dressing up or dress shoes. Jeans, sweat pants and T-shirt with flip-flops or my favorite shoes, P.F Flyer! That’s me…Take it or leave it!
2.Do you collect?
Not sure I understand the question. So I’ll guess…
I did do the whole Willow-tree thing but now it’s journals and notebook with pens that write really well. I also like mugs that feel good in my hands. If I could collect dogs…I would.
3. What’s your Favorite Quote?
4. Have you ever punched someone in the face?
Oh wow! Well… unfortunately I have done this before to a few people and now my hands look stupid now because of it. It was ridiculousness and dumb…thank goodness I wants part of the facebook, Instagram world.
5.Which places in the world would you like to visit?
For sure I would have to say one place would be Ireland:
The other would be Italy/Venice:
6.What makes you forget about everything around you?
The first answer is writing. Getting all my thoughts on the paper or typing them out and creating is good for me. I can get lost in a good book too but lately I’ve found myself losing time in the story tellings of Mike Rowe’s The Way I Heard It Podcast. It’s very interesting, the way he surprises you at the end of every story!
7. What’s your favorite season? Why?
I have always and forever loved autumn. I usually live in place where the summers are super hot and winter is super cold so you pray for spring and fall. The colors and beautiful and air smells good. Everything right down to the food is perfect. I like when I can wear a hoodie all the time but still not need a real coat. That is perfect for me.
8. Are you an Introvert or Extravert?
I think I’m a mix of both but leaning heavy on the introvert. When I have had a “peoplely” day, I really have to be alone to recharge. It takes everything out of me to be with lots of people. Yet, I do like socializing with others and experiencing life with other people. Maybe large groups aren’t my thing? 🤷🏻♀️
9. Why in the 21st century with all this technology do we still have people who die because of lack of food and water?
This not a tech problem… this is a people problem and I’ll just leave this right here.
10.Have you ever donated something to someone who has less than you?
Yes all the time.
11.Do you have a Boy/girlfriend or wife or husband?
I do! I’m married and have been for 15 years and together for almost 18 years this September!
1.Do you make Money off you blog?/ What purpose do you think your blog serves?
2.Scary Movies, Comedies, or Action?
3.Favorite Season and why?
4. Life changing moment that changed your direction in life?
5.Salty foods or sweet?
6.Have you ever broken your parents heart?
7.What do you want to be when you grow up?
8. Are you someone that likes to try different things or stick to what you know?
9.How many states have you LIVED in?
10.Do you like to drink tea or coffee?
11. What’s your favorite book, blog, or tv show, podcast, Youtube channel at the moment?
Please don’t feel like you have to participate in this. However, I do want you know I enjoy your blog to the nominated above. Your post do more than entertain, they inspirer, encourage and for me personal they let me know I’m not alone. That’s everything.
I sat back waiting to board our plane and I felt overwhelmed with joy as I watched my kids eye swell with tears of happiness.
All three of us have missed home, Colorado. Missed my Dad, my Mom, Grandparents and my Aunt so much. I miss my friends!
Landing In CO
It was awesome to get to my parents house. I was so excited to see my sister and her kids! The sound of the cousins playing together is the best sound ever!
My sister and I went to get coffee and talk for a bit. We stopped in and saw my Mom at her work to surprise her! It was a good first half… kind of day.
The next day 7/10 is my birthday and I’ll share that with y’all in a few.
We also planned a trip to Wray, CO 7/11 to visit my Grandparents, my Aunt and uncle, and my cousins… Hopefully some close friends!
Jason is actually doing quite amazing on his own in California and I’m so proud of him! I miss him too pieces and I knew that I would! I know that we are using this time apart wisely and when it’s time for us to come back together we will be even better than we could ever have imagine! #dreamteam #forlife
Sorry I don’t have a Lot of links to share with you on this post but it’s got to be quick! I’m just doing this from my phone on spur of the moment. I hope that you enjoy these posts and that you’ll stick along for the ride!
I was sitting here trying to recall my last visit home? It’s sad that actually I can’t remember. Christmas in 2017 we went as a family and it was a rushed trip! My anxiety was terribly! I was home once before that in June 2016 I think, for Father’s day, to surprise my parents. That visit was a less than 45 hour turn around for me and I back in Minnesota!
Jason, I and the kids did a short stop in Colorado when we were journeying to California but I was on special orders, that I had NO TIME to make plans with a soul… so I saw no one. We only spent one single night at my parents house before we hit the road again.
Spending less than 2 hours, saying a quick hello-goodbye to my Aunt, Uncle and Grandparents in Wray, CO but then it was all business again and we were back on the road. It wasn’t what I wanted at all. I was really missing and needing my friends and family then. This was probably the start of my down-ward spiral into major depression, I just didn’t know how bad at the time.
All of my two visits to my hometown have been very rushed. Jason can’t take on the kids or handle more responsibilities than his job, so he tends to panics when I’m not around to handle the living-being in our care. Even this current visit coming up to Colorado, Jason is in a frenzy about me leaving and I’m taking the kids with me this time! I mean, let me live, Dude!
My One solo trip to CO
I will always love my home. Colorado
I favorite place will always be the mountains
You just never know what you’ll see but this made me smile Colorado
I have seen so many beautiful different fields but by far my favorited is golden fields of wheat North Dakota
Beautiful views all around on this long road trip
I favorite place will always be the mountains
Meeting Aunt Jessie for breakfast in Lakewood,CO before hitting the road for CA
Visiting My some of my very favorite people on this earth my Wray/Magruder Fam in Wray, Colorado
You just never know what you’ll see but this made me smile Colorado
Time for some fun and laugher with people that I miss and love, in a place that I once called home.
It’s been a long time since I really laughed, like a real belly laugh. You know the laughs that make your face go ugly and you start to cry but it feels so good! I need that! I need the ugly, tear streaming down your face kind of laugh! I haven’t had a whole lot of happiness going on for awhile! It’s been too long and I’ve been on survival mode! There’s been no time with friends, no conversations with a single human or really living my best life in this world at all. I’ve been just barely getting by! I’ve said this too many times…I’m like a rat in a cage! But I’ve allow this to happen to me. I did this to myself!
My happiness comes from inside me and that’s an awesome freedom and scary reality!
I miss my friends, my family and my home. Mostly, I miss making my own life choices and having some freedom in my choices! What I’ve realized is, I can take control of my life and my happiness. It is possible…I can be a leader in my own life. However, not everyone will always be happy with my choices and I have to be okay with that. I also have to know I am responsible for the outcome. I can’t put it on anyone else.
I mean it hasn’t been all bad, I’ve definitely learn some valuable lessons along the way! I’ve made lifetime friends in Minnesota! I’ll be forever grateful for the Andersons and their friendship. California has been a real B***H! It’s because of my brokenness that I found my hope.
While I’m in Colorado I’ll have some time to remember the good times and get caught up with some old friends. I’m excited to have this time to be with my friends and not have anyone to push or pull me into a direction they want. I need this break and I think Jason needs it too.
No Place like home…
So Tuesday I and the kids will be in Colorado for a month. I don’t know what to say other than, I ask for prayers during this time. I’m sure the kids need this just as bad as I do, to see their cousins and grandparents. We needs to be part of something and feel safe and sound again. Our security has been shot. Our peace has been ripped apart but we are on the mend. I have hope for us.
I’ll keep my blog updated with “life”! I’m excited to see where God leads us. I have faith He is hard at work.
How to have confidence my decisions are being made with Gods plans in mind and not my own agenda.
As I have written about in pasted blogs, I’m on a quest to reconnect to my Father Christ. One of the ways that I have been doing this is through reading devotions and Bible Studies on the Bible App
Recently, I finished a few different studies. The first one, titled Make Decisions with Faith and confidence . It was mind blowing just how exact to my life this study was and how much I needed to read every word. It’s amazing how God knows just what we need, when we need it. Every word was exactly what I needed at this time in my life. I’ve said many times how I wish that I could just send a quick email or text to God and get a response right back letting me what to do. Yes, a prayer to God is like sending a text message but most the time the answers don’t come as clear as getting a text back.
The “Try It On” method that the Bible study talks about is such an awesome way to learn how to make choices. This “Try It On” method supports my connection on a clear FM channel verses the static of an AM channel with The Holy Spirit. The “Try It On” method keeps us accountable and keeps us from becoming stagnate in our fear of make a move. We also have to be in-tune with The Holy Spirit, speak the language, have the relationship or “connection”. That’s pretty powerful, I think.
How many times do we question if we’re making the right choice? Or are so scared that we’ll make the wrong decision, that we end up not making any decisions for ourselves at all. I only wish I had read this devotion/Bible Study sooner.
I know I’ve been the victim of my own fears for years! The pressures of worrying that I’ll disappoint others and lead my family down the wrong path. However, when I am sitting in motionless contemplation, purely relying only on my very limited wisdom and over emotional mental state; I’m wasting away! This is just what the enemy wants. He love us to doubt ourselves and to waste away. What decisions are being made when I’m in a holding pattern like that? No progress will ever be made if I am just “thinking” things over all the time? I’m playing right into the enemy’s hands!
Indecision is a decision too and not a good one.
The “Try It On” Method
How to make small steps in a direction and wait on God to speak to you.
The example was perfect, like trying on a shirt before you buy it. You wonder the store looking through the racks of clothes until something catches your eye. Then you find the one you “think” will work and you “Try It On”. You see how it fits, what it looks like on… you decide if this is the right shirt for you to buy. That is pretty much how the “Try It On” process works with everything.
Let try something bigger.
Using the example of moving to the great state of California. 🙄
When we got the news that we were moving to California I started to check out the schools and houses in the area that I thought we might move to. (I of course now would ask WAY more questions than I did before. LESSONS!)
Step 1. As I’m looking for housing -this is me actively taking a step in a direction of moving towards California. I can see that housing is expensive and we can NOT afford to live here on what we make. But I wasn’t listening to God. Next time I will.
Step 2. After we moved toward something, what does it feel like? How rough or smooth is the process going? Do you have a little voice telling anything? I remember I didn’t feel good about moving towards California the whole time it was happening but I pushed on.
I had trouble finding housing, schools for my kids, the packers were awful and they broke all our things. A hundred and one things were going wrong! I had a voice in the back of my head telling me that we shouldn’t do this move but I continued to pushed on. I felt defeated for some reason, like I couldn’t turn back. The worries I had about staying in Minnesota were now much more about leaving there. I wasn’t waiting on God or listening to Him at all.
Step 3. Are you a list person? Do like to write everything out? This is me! List keep me organize and on top of things. What I tend to do when I have a decision to make is write out a Pros and Cons list. This sounds like a reasonable thing to do but what I end up doing is putting all my faith in this list. I’m not listening to God or waiting on Him for direction, only on this piece of paper.
Here’s the reason why the list is wrong.
Sure, it’s good to get your mind calm and organized but not to rely on your list.
I wrote out a Pros and Cons list myself when we were getting ready to move to California. Everything was pointing to Georgia as weird as that sounds. It was loud and clear ( I’ll dive into that later) Here’s an older blog that I wrote when we first started our moving process- Here We Go Again. As much as I was focusing on California everything kept coming back to wait on Georgia (so it felt) but I ignored that.
My list was full of Pros for California and as we now know all our time here has not been good at all. While I was pushing towards California like it was my full time job, ever song was about Georgia, ever TV show, I had friends and friends of friends moving there or had some new connection to Georgia. Pretty soon there were so many things in my ear about Georgia but I wasn’t listening because I was full force to California, even though it felt wrong.
Side note: We later found out that Jason’s mentor and the man who hired him was moved to Georgia as the Zone Manager.
Step 4. Keep making little steps toward a choice while The Holy Spirit directs you which way to step.
Each step I took moving to California was rough and difficult. To say our path was bumping is the understatement of the century. God was clear to us that this was not the right place for us but we made it happen anyway. Now we’re living the consequences for those choices.
Our God is a God of Grace and Mercy. He showed me this time and time again but I wasn’t seeing it. The enemy had control and it makes me sick to think I let that happen.
As I mentioned before I couldn’t find a school that could accommodate my kids needs and this was a struggle for me. There were so many moving part to this relocation and the enemy was good at what he was doing to my mind and heart. I was confused and frustrated! Since I was handling this move all by myself and not leaning on God at all, I felt absolutely responsible for making sure no one was burdened. I wanted to be able to say I was able to do this and made it work. Again the enemy had made me believe that no one believed in me and I wasn’t able.
I received a called from a lady that coordinated our move. I can’t remember her exact title but I remember having a melt down on the phone with her. I was in my car and I had to pull over, I just cried. I told her how difficult this move was becoming and how worried I was about the schools for my kids.
This lady, I believe her name was Pam, was so kind to me on the phone. She made many calls back forth to me for two days and told that although we had already signed our relocation and many thing have already been in motion that we would get one forgiveness. She explained to me that considering everything that I told her, she believes we qualify for that. I didn’t know what to say to her, because Jason was already in California working.
I told her I needed to think about it and I’d call her back. I struggled with what do. I knew with every bone in body I needed to cancel this move but Jason was already in California. He and I barely spook a word to each other, our communication wasn’t great at this point. All I could think about was how disappointment Jason would be that I couldn’t handle this move. I would have failed. I kept replaying Jason firmly speaking to me “If we do this move…Don’t let it come back on me!” Even though I knew I didn’t want this move, I felt like I had to do it now.
I called Pam back and thanked her for all that she had done for me but we were going to move forward. This would end up being some of the worse depression that I have ever been in. Suicidal thoughts, marriage tore apart, kids hanging by a thread, living in an over price house thats failing apart…the list goes on. Jason has his own list of troubles.
Mercies and Grace Never Fail
Although these last ten in a half month were some of most terrible months of my life, coming back from the wreckage I think have made me stronger than ever. It’s weird in a way because I’m still very vulnerable. This is an uphill climb for me but I have never felt more connected, more sure of myself in a long time. That feel so amazing. God isn’t just a God of second chances, He is a God of forgiveness and Love. He came to find His lost. I was one of lost for sure and I’ve been found but still am a work in progress.
At some point I have to arise and go. I have to put a little pressure on the gas petal so God can put my steering wheel to use. At the same time I need to allow the little voice called The Holy spirit to speak to me. When it does, that’s the way the steering wheel should turn.
If I would have listened ten in a half months ago I would have yanked that wheel around! But thankful God is full of Miracles and I truly believe He will turn this very unpleasant venture into something we will end up being very thankful for. I can’t even believe I’m saying that. But With God anything is possible.
Hope you all enjoyed this blog! Thanks for all your comments, LIKES & love along the way! All your encouragement really make a impact as I keep blogging and getting my feet under me!
It’s been years since I’ve had a real hopeful feeling. Feelings of enjoyment, cheerfulness and being positive have been rare. Any confidence at all has been unusual in my world. I can actually pinpoint the times that I’ve felt that good-happy, optimism magical power!
With that said, the last few weeks I’ve had a twinge of looking forward to the future. The hopefulness I’ve had lately is unusual since the last two months is quite possibly the worst days my family have had yet and if I was going to be feeling any way at all, feeling hopeful would be unlikely but here I am.
Maybe It’s Him…
Reconnection and trusting have been the best gift.
It hasn’t been easy reconnecting and finding my way back back to fully trusting again. Praying before I fall asleep, devotions with my morning coffee, Bible Studies and listening to music that encourages me to be faithful. Maybe it’s God.
Maybe I’m able to make it through this difficult time because I have my life preserver back. My Faith. Things are still hard. Really hard actually but I just know somehow it’s not going last. We’re right around the corner from sunshine and being able to breath again. I feel it.
B****hes on a Budget…
We’re broke! Jason has a good job and it’s not just a check to check- J.O.B, it’s a good career. I’m working too! We truly shouldn’t have to live this way. Selling our belonging to get groceries and pay our bills is our new normal right now. We have every right to be upset and frustrated at our circumstance. California has been hard for many reasons but one that has hurt the hardest is in our wallets.
Financially we have taken a huge painful hit! Our credit and our savings….it’s in a sad state now and getting caught back up will be tough. Living here has been eye opening in that way, along with others. But yet, I still feel like we will rise from the ashes somehow.
We’ve had to start over before. There was a time in our life that I thought we’d never never stop treading water. Not only did we come back from that terrible time in our life but we were better than ever. Actually we’ve been in that “start over” place a few times before and every time we come back better than we thought we every could be.
The Good News…
I have had my deep Faith forever, even in my shaky and unstable younger years. Around 6 years old in my Sunday school classroom was when I learned how to pray and who God is. My Faith and belief in God has never stopped since then.
Only since we made the move to California did I struggle so badly that my faith fell away; I barely noticed, it just drifted away. Believing in the existence of God and the word of The Bible hasn’t chanced for me but I guess following and being purposeful changed for me. I wasn’t seeking Jesus out anymore and if anything I think I may have let the darkness in because of it.
Sometimes, I think being so broken (all the time) is what keeps me searching for God and knowing I can’t find my way through this crazy broken place without Jesus. Quite possibly this season in our life might be guiding not just me but all of us back to Him. My whole family.
Bring It All Together
California to Massachusetts to Texas to Colorado to Tennessee to who knows wheres…
Our family is all over the map. This is a hard thing for me when I have lived more years close to family then not. The crazy thing that I’m trying to get my sensitive mind around is that my parents are going to moving out of Colorado, which is my home State. They are selling the house that I lived in half my life.
I believe we all have our path but I also believe even stronger that God is guiding us where we’re meant to be. He is giving us the opportunity to do better right now.
They reason that I feel this way is because LITERALLY 🤯 everyone in my family has a black rain cloud over their head right now. We’re all walking through a storm of a season right now and it basically has been a few years of a rough ride for all of us. Some more than others.
Absolutely, we all need to do what’s best for our life and our mental, emotional health..whatever it might be. However, I believe that what’s happening right now to all of us is….preparing us, it’s teaching us, and again… He is guiding us for something better.
Although we may not ever live down the street again from each other and have family BBQs every week every again, I do believe our relationships and general happiness in life will improve in ways we can’t even imagine.