The Sunshine Blogger Award

The Sunshine Blogger Award

Firstly, I have apologize for my late response for this honor. I have no good excuse other than being overwhelmed with life. These awards do mean so much to me and I honestly do enjoy doing them! Who doesn’t appreciate some validation for the hard-work and love they have put into on something cherish?

Thank you and again Racheal, I am so sorry for my late response…Here we go…

 

Thank you so much for nominating me!

If you haven’t been to her blog you’re missing out!

Racheal’s Novels

 

THE RULES:

  • Thank the blogger who nominated you.
  • Answer the 11 questions the blogger asked you.
  • Nominate 11 new blogs to receive the award and write them 11 new questions.
  • List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award in your post/or on your blog.
  • Notify the nominees about it by commenting on one of their blog posts.
  •  

THE QUESTIONS:

1.Tell us something about yourself that will make our jaws drop? 

Wow…Sadly, I’m probably pretty lame. 🤓 I do think that I am really funny and take pride in being able to make people laugh even at my own expensive. I don’t get embarrass easily because I make fun of myself all the time. I prefer a burger and a cold beer over a fancy restaurant with wine any day. I hate dressing up or dress shoes. Jeans, sweat pants and  T-shirt with flip-flops or my favorite shoes, P.F Flyer! That’s me…Take it or leave it!

2.Do you collect?

Not sure I understand the question. So I’ll guess…

I did do the whole Willow-tree thing but now it’s journals and notebook with pens that write really well. I also like mugs that feel good in my hands. If I could collect dogs…I would.

3. What’s your Favorite Quote?

Female Entreprenuer Quotes | 40 Quotes for the Ultimate GirlBoss

4. Have you ever punched someone in the face?

Oh wow! Well… unfortunately I have done this before to a few people and now my hands look stupid now because of it. It was ridiculousness and dumb…thank goodness I wants part of the facebook, Instagram world.

5.Which places in the world would you like to visit?

For sure I would have to say one place would be Ireland: Drombeg Stone Circle, County Cork, Ireland | by zelen.8208

The other would be Italy/Venice:Are you heading to Italy then you must find the best things to do and see in Venice! #italy #venice #travel

 

6.What makes you forget about everything around you?

The first answer is writing. Getting all my thoughts on the paper or typing them out and creating is good for me. I can get lost in a good book too but lately I’ve found myself losing time in the story tellings of Mike Rowe’s  The Way I Heard It Podcast. It’s very interesting, the way he surprises you at the end of every story!  Logo

7. What’s your favorite season? Why?

I have always and forever loved autumn. I usually live in place where the summers are super hot and winter is super cold so you pray for spring and fall. The colors and beautiful and air smells good. Everything right down to the food is perfect. I like when I can wear a hoodie all the time but still not need a real coat. That is perfect for me.

Hi everyone, you all know how much I love to fall so, Here we go with another fall post by moi! I just want to let you all know that if this post sounds like it was written in a bit of a hurry its because it kinda was. Here's the thing So I had…

8. Are you an Introvert or Extravert?

I think I’m a mix of both but leaning heavy on the introvert. When I have had a “peoplely” day, I really have to be alone to recharge. It takes everything out of me to be with lots of people. Yet, I do like socializing with others and experiencing life with other people. Maybe large groups aren’t my thing? 🤷🏻‍♀️

9. Why in the 21st century with all this technology do we still have people who die because of lack of food and water?

This not a tech problem… this is a people problem and I’ll just leave this right here.

10.Have you ever donated something to someone who has less than you?

Yes all the time.

11.Do you have a Boy/girlfriend or wife or husband?

I do! I’m married and have been for 15 years and together for almost 18 years this September!

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MY QUESTIONS:

1.Do you make Money off you blog?/ What purpose do you think your blog serves?

2.Scary Movies, Comedies, or Action?

3.Favorite Season and why?

4. Life changing moment that changed your direction in life?

5.Salty foods or sweet?

6.Have you ever broken your parents heart?

7.What do you want to be when you grow up?

8. Are you someone that likes to try different things or stick to what you know?

9.How many states have you LIVED in?

10.Do you like to drink tea or coffee?

11. What’s your favorite book, blog, or tv show, podcast, Youtube channel at the moment? 

 

MY NOMINEES:

Maybe Be Crazy Help

Something To Stu Over

Forty something Life As We Know It

Knowing the Narcissist  

Please don’t feel like you have to participate in this. However, I do want you know I enjoy your blog to the nominated above. Your post do more than entertain, they inspirer, encourage and for me personal they let me know I’m not alone. That’s everything.

*** This is what I’m going to go with for now….

Clear Eyes

And I think to myself… what a wonderful world 🌎

If I want my world to be 💕

My voice doesn’t need to be the loudest🌊

To changes Hearts ♥️ & move mountains 🏔

Remembering who I am & who God has Called me to be 🙏🏼

Listening to the inner voice ♥️ to direct & give me strength 💪🏽

Sometimes I’m shaken & broken 💔 but only to wipe away dirt from my eyes 👀

My vision is restored & heart ❤️ is back in place 🙏🏼

I see truth for what it is and I am at peace ✌🏽

xoxo sk

Leaving On a Jet Plane ✈️

Headed Home

I sat back waiting to board our plane and I felt overwhelmed with joy as I watched my kids eye swell with tears of happiness.

All three of us have missed home, Colorado. Missed my Dad, my Mom, Grandparents and my Aunt so much. I miss my friends!

Landing In CO

It was awesome to get to my parents house. I was so excited to see my sister and her kids! The sound of the cousins playing together is the best sound ever!

My sister and I went to get coffee and talk for a bit. We stopped in and saw my Mom at her work to surprise her! It was a good first half… kind of day.

Next…

The next day 7/10 is my birthday and I’ll share that with y’all in a few.

We also planned a trip to Wray, CO 7/11 to visit my Grandparents, my Aunt and uncle, and my cousins… Hopefully some close friends!

Jason is actually doing quite amazing on his own in California and I’m so proud of him! I miss him too pieces and I knew that I would! I know that we are using this time apart wisely and when it’s time for us to come back together we will be even better than we could ever have imagine! #dreamteam #forlife

Sorry I don’t have a Lot of links to share with you on this post but it’s got to be quick! I’m just doing this from my phone on spur of the moment. I hope that you enjoy these posts and that you’ll stick along for the ride!

Xoxo sk

Hometown State of Mind

Going Home…

rocky mountain pic

Welcome To Colorful Colorado

A Hometown State of Mind is just what I need to get centered… the get back to the  fabric that made me. 

I was sitting here trying to recall my last visit home? It’s sad that actually I can’t remember. Christmas in 2017 we went as a family and it was a rushed trip! My anxiety was terribly! I was home once before that in June 2016 I think, for Father’s day, to surprise my parents. That visit was a less than 45 hour turn around for me and I back in Minnesota!

Jason, I and the kids did a short stop in Colorado when we were journeying to California but I was on special orders, that I had NO TIME to make plans with a soul… so I saw no one. We only spent one single night at my parents house before we hit the road again.

Spending less than 2 hours, saying a quick hello-goodbye to my Aunt, Uncle and Grandparents in Wray, CO but then it was all business again and we were back on the road. It wasn’t what I wanted at all. I was really missing and needing my friends and family then. This was probably the start of my down-ward spiral into major depression, I just didn’t know how bad at the time.

All of my two visits to my hometown have been very rushed. Jason can’t take on the kids or handle more responsibilities than his job, so he tends to panics when I’m not around to handle the living-being in our care. Even this current visit coming up to Colorado, Jason is in a frenzy about me leaving and I’m taking the kids with me this time! I mean, let me live, Dude!

Home sick…

Colorado’s 10 Most Picturesque towns

Rocky Mountain National Park

Lost Not Found Blog By www.fabicthatmademe.com

Time for some fun and laugher with people that I miss and love, in a place that I once called home.

It’s been a long time since I really laughed, like a real belly laugh. You know the laughs that make your face go ugly and you start to cry but it feels so good! I need that! I need the ugly, tear streaming down your face kind of laugh! I haven’t had a whole lot of happiness going on for awhile! It’s been too long and I’ve been on survival mode! There’s been no time with friends, no conversations with a single human or really living my best life in this world at all. I’ve been just barely getting by! I’ve said this too many times…I’m like a rat in a cage! But I’ve allow this to happen to me. I did this to myself!

The Biblical Way To Overcome Being a Victim 

**Visit the post above and get empowered! 

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A leader In My Own Life

My happiness comes from inside me and that’s an awesome freedom and scary reality!

I miss my friends, my family and my home. Mostly, I miss making my own life choices and having some freedom in my choices! What I’ve realized is, I can take control of my life and my happiness. It is possible…I can be a leader in my own life. However, not everyone will always be happy with my choices and I have to be okay with that. I also have to know I am responsible for the outcome. I can’t put it on anyone else.

I mean it hasn’t been all bad, I’ve definitely learn some valuable lessons along the way! I’ve made lifetime friends in Minnesota! I’ll be forever grateful for the Andersons and their friendship. California has been a real B***H! It’s because of my brokenness that I found my hope.

While I’m in Colorado I’ll have some time to remember the good times and get caught up with some old friends. I’m excited to have this time to be with my friends and not have anyone to push or pull me into a direction they want. I need this break and I think Jason needs it too.

No Place like home…

So Tuesday I and the kids will be in Colorado for a month. I don’t know what to say other than, I ask for prayers during this time. I’m sure the kids need this just as bad as I do, to see their cousins and grandparents. We needs to be part of something and feel safe and sound again. Our security has been shot. Our peace has been ripped apart but we are on the mend. I have hope for us.

I’ll keep my blog updated with “life”! I’m excited to see where God leads us. I have faith He is hard at work.

xoxo sk

 

A Simple Choice

We have the ability to bring such joy.

Or

We have the choice to bring such pain.

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We people can be the light in someones darkness.

Or

We can be the monster under the bed.

We can the mean girl, the bully in the locker room.

We can be the new found friend who offers a laugh and a smile instead.

Choices

We have them.

We are not above them.

Choose wisely.

You could be saving a life and life just might be your own. 

xoxo sk

Encouragingly Hopeful

Encouragingly Hopeful

 

 

 

It’s been years since I’ve had a real hopeful feeling. Feelings of enjoyment, cheerfulness and being positive have been rare. Any confidence at all has been unusual in my world. I can actually pinpoint the times that I’ve felt that good-happy, optimism magical power!

With that said, the last few weeks I’ve had a twinge of looking forward to the future. The hopefulness I’ve had lately is unusual since the last two months is quite possibly the worst days my family have had yet and if I was going to be feeling any way at all, feeling hopeful would be unlikely but here I am.

    Maybe It’s Him…

Reconnection and trusting have been the best gift.

It hasn’t been easy reconnecting and finding my way back back to fully trusting again. Praying before I fall asleep, devotions with my morning coffee, Bible Studies and listening to music that encourages me to be faithful. Maybe it’s God.

Maybe I’m able to make it through this difficult time because I have my life preserver back. My Faith. Things are still hard. Really hard actually but I just know somehow it’s not going last. We’re right around the corner from sunshine and being able to breath again. I feel it.

B****hes on a Budget…

We’re broke! Jason has a good job and it’s not just a check to check- J.O.B, it’s a good career. I’m working too! We truly shouldn’t have to live this way. Selling our belonging to get groceries and pay our bills is our new normal right now. We have every right to be upset and frustrated at our circumstance. California has been hard for many reasons but one that has hurt the hardest is in our wallets.

Financially we have taken a huge painful hit! Our credit and our savings….it’s in a sad state now and getting caught back up will be tough. Living here has been eye opening in that way, along with others. But yet, I still feel like we will rise from the ashes somehow.

We’ve had to start over before. There was a time in our life that I thought we’d never never stop treading water. Not only did we come back from that terrible time in our life but we were better than ever. Actually we’ve been in that “start over” place a few times before and every time we come back better than we thought we every could be.

 

The Good News…

I have had my deep Faith forever, even in my shaky and unstable younger years. Around 6 years old in my Sunday school classroom was when I learned how to pray and who God is. My Faith and belief in God has never stopped since then.

Only since we made the move to California did I struggle so badly that my faith fell away; I barely noticed, it just drifted away. Believing in the existence of God and the word of The Bible hasn’t chanced for me but I guess following and being purposeful changed for me. I wasn’t seeking Jesus out anymore and if anything I think I may have let the darkness in because of it.

Sometimes, I think being so broken (all the time) is what keeps me searching for God and knowing I can’t find my way through this crazy broken place without Jesus. Quite possibly this season in our life might be guiding not just me but all of us back to Him. My whole family.

Bring It All Together

California to Massachusetts to Texas to Colorado to Tennessee to who knows wheres…

Our family is all over the map. This is a hard thing for me when I have lived more years close to family then not. The crazy thing that I’m trying to get my sensitive mind around is that my parents are going to moving out of Colorado, which is my home State. They are selling the house that I lived in half my life.

I believe we all have our path but I also believe even stronger that God is guiding us where we’re meant to be. He is giving us the opportunity to do better right now.

They reason that I feel this way is because LITERALLY 🤯 everyone in my family has a black rain cloud over their head right now. We’re all walking through a storm of a season right now and it basically has been a few years of a rough ride for all of us. Some more than others.

Absolutely, we all need to do what’s best for our life and our mental, emotional health..whatever it might be. However, I believe that what’s happening right now to all of us is….preparing us, it’s teaching us, and again… He is guiding us for something better.

Although we may not ever live down the street again from each other and have family BBQs every week every again, I do believe our relationships and general happiness in life will improve in ways we can’t even imagine.

 

 

Why Understanding The Seasons Of Life…

How to Stay Positive in Negative Situations

Why Is Family Important

Check out my blog post *Times Goes By

 

XOXO sk

Times Goes By

Goodbye to another year…

 

 

How times just whips by when I think about these babies. They said it would, I didn’t believe them at first. Those first weeks of sleepless nights dragged on into months of 1am dirty diapers, feedings and crying for both of us.  At the times it seemed like it was going to be that way forever.

Like it was yesterday…

Only 4 or 5 short months of marriage, I was pregnant with our first child, Tristan. I remember thinking “How could I actually be pregnant?”-  At 25 years old I still felt so adolescent myself. How could I keep another human alive?

Five pregnancy test later the truth was reviled! On my break from work, in a bathroom stall is where I found out I was indeed going to be a Mom. This wasn’t the way you discover your newfound parenthood in the EPT commercials or in the movies at all but either way my life was about to change forever.

 Our little family…

Our little family was just, Jason, me, Tristan and a black lab named Buddy for 5 years. Tristan was the one and only Grandson and I might add first boy on my side of the family! In a sea of girls, I believe my Dad was over joyed to have a boy, finally! He was and still is in so many ways everyones pride and joy. The first baby we welcomed to the family. Tristan got to experience being an only child for a good chuck of time! Tristan having all the attention for 5 years of his life and then only dealing with “useless” babies after (which all came at the same time), there’s no doubt he reaped every benefit of be the first!

 

I had never loved anyone or anything more in my entire life.

 

Raising my first Child and caring for his every want and need was my full time job, along with working outside of the house. New Mom, new wife, new home-owner …new at being a “real” adult! I was failing a lot.

I gave every ounce of myself to loving this little person and being this new married-person. Tired all the time! Not just sleepy, I mean exhausted! The kind of exhaustion that makes you feel sick in your head and sleeping on a busy highway would be welcoming! That was me for a few years!

Lonely, I did this new parent thing mostly by myself. This was one of the scariest and saddest times I can think of. Although, I have blocked out many details of those years, what I can tell you is those years were not what I had planned for myself or for my child at all.

Lost, I had no clue what I was doing 100% of the time, this hasn’t changed much at all. I had never cared for a baby before and especial the way I feeling. Everyday I was put in some weird situation that I didn’t know how to handle and I just hoped for the best.

I know without any doubt that every scared, fearful and unsure, sleepless moment has been worth it to just have this amazing kid in my life. Strength in this knowledge that I hold on to in my half melted brain and full heart of all I have withstand; I have no hesitation that the next years will be an amazing experience raising and continuing to growing this child into a man.

God has blessed me all the way, even when my eyes were too blurred with tears too see and my heart was too broken to feel it. I may be guessing and praying my way through this parenthood thing but I am loving and growing my kid the best I know how through this crazy world.

Parenthood is Hard…

Parenthood is hard and especial hard with your first child. You really have no clue what things are ahead of you!

The never sleeping (ever again in life), being peed on, popped on, bath time screaming, carseat screaming, I don’t like where the sun is in the sky screaming, screaming for no reason at all and boob pain.! Good Lort…the boob pain! Actually all the pain! My body has changing forever. Goodbye waistline, goodbye toned legs and abs, goodbye brain.

This kid is now a teenage. A smelly, dirty, very expensive and at times hard of hearing teenager. I love’em, even smelly. As a teenage he comes with new things…still much like the infant and toddle years but an older version and maybe not as cute. Still eating large amounts of food and is pretty messy about it!  He still pees everywhere but has improved, it’s at least in the bathroom and not on me anymore! Tristan still has food on his shirt always. I still clean up after him… probably more than I should!

The improvements, he does now shower on his own… when he showers and can be quite handy when I need someone to take out the trash! Tristan is actually terrible strong too! He can lift or move heavy things around the house and even mows the lawn now!  He is helpfully in plenty ways and I am so thankful for that! Plus he makes really good coffee!

He’s the best kid I could ever ask for! Blessed with the best humor, Tristan makes me laugh everyday! Tristan has a fair amount of similarities as me, he love animals and the outdoors. He’s witty and it can comes off as very… very sarcastic. He’s an amazing artist and actually has many talents! Tristan is the kind of smart that the average person wouldn’t understand but like me, he also has trouble believing in himself. I only wish he saw in himself the way that I see him! The way he sees the world is a true gift and I hope he never loses that! Tristan’s an emotional, sensitive and sentimental guy. People that feel that deep have trouble in the world…I know.

Someday he’s going to be the love of some sweet girls life but for now he is mine. He can be bit obsessive like his Dad, just enough that it creates passion in him. The mix of the way he feels the world so deeply and his huge heart, which he gets from his Dad, he’ll be just fine. I have a good one…a smelly one but he’s still pretty awesome!

Where did the time go…

Where did the last 14 years go? What did we do with it? It’s crazy as kids, time seems to drag on forever but once we reach what we thought was going to be “freedom”- our adult life, time passes us by in a blink of an eye. Faster and faster… until one day it’s gone. I want to make the most of the short years we have. It’s gone before we know it.

Tristan

Tristan hold on your young years and enjoy life. Don’t grow up too fast. Enjoy being a kid as long as you can. You’ll have your whole life to work, for now learn to be happy. Find out what’s gonna do that for you. Being a good human is a good place to start and you’ve got that down… don’t lose that deep, caring, old soul of yours.

Always be grateful. Be thankful for the people, the places, the lesson, (yes, even the hard ones), and the memories. Make sure you tell the people you love and appreciate, how much they mean to you. It’s important you don’t assume they already know.  Take care of yourself and others. Remember to keep your faith strong, it’ll get you through anything! You’re a very special person and an amazing talent! Believe in yourself, you have so much to offer. I love you so much buddy.

 

 

 

 Forever ago…

Time is all a blur to me now. I get flashes, maybe bits and pieces of lost memories and I feel guilty that I don’t I have clear memories of passed years. To me without pictures it’s as if our lives never happened at all or maybe it’s all a dream. When I really sit back and I think hard, trying to grab a foggy memory, I get a few wispy reminiscences like breeze blowing by and then it’s gone. The only ones that really stick out to me are the ones of the kids and even those without the pictures would cloudy.

There’s full chunks of time I have completely lost and wonder why? Genuinely, I have block some out as protection for myself or the memories fell out, just wasn’t anymore room in my head.

Some of my most important times in life I have very little recollection of at all. Example, my wedding is super spotty in my mind and without the pictures I would only have a select few memories and not all are very good unfortunately. I have one very important moment and it’s possibly the most important one and not too many people know about it.

Then of course there’s the birth of my first child and I’ve told ya’ll about all I remember about that. I left out a few details but that’s about it. I do however have a few sweet memories that I hold close to my heart that others weren’t ables to tainted with their own selfish wants or demands. Those memories are like movies in mind and I will treasure them forever. I won’t let anyone dirty them. I wish I could remember clearly but maybe as I make peace with some pain and stop allowing myself to be hurt the years will come back?

 

This brings me fast-forward to 2010 and our family of 3 becomes a family of 4 and one black lab.

A wild child…

 

 

I had no idea what kind of free-spirt, wild, handful we were going to get when I became pregnant with my second child. We were about to get a completely different experienced then we had with Tristan… basically everything we thought we knew with Tristan, meant nothing.

Our Family was growing…

In 2010 Gracie…AKA Princess Gigi Buttercup or simply known as G, came in like hurricane and has been rockin’ our world ever since. She didn’t start off that way though, as an infant to about 10 months old; Gracie was a quite and sweet, cuddle baby. I know now she was just taking it all in, waiting for her moment. She was planning…

 

Do ya’ll remember Jack Jack from the Incredibles when his family finds out about all his crazy new superhero powers? Well, that’s Grace! She’s a sweet, funny, smart, nightmare who will knock you out and do your make-up perfectly. What a beautiful mixtures of wind and rain, night and day, a raging storm and a sunny spring day…that’s my girl. God bless the man she marries.

 

Once this kid started talking she never stopped and she continues to chatter way to this very day. For almost 9 years now, she’s been waking up early and happy, sing and dancing every single day. Once she got a taste of life, she’s been full blast ever since. I’m not sure the rest of us will be able to keep up with her.

I wanted to really hold on to the baby and toddled years with her for a few reasons. One reason, was I felt like I rushed through those years with my oldest. I had to work like crazy with my oldest and I did all the parenting alone with Tristan, so I really wanted some relief back then.

The other reason and biggest, was the first year of G’s life, I wasn’t there much. I was sick to point I thought I was dying. I was given adrenaline to keep my heart beating. (I’m convinced my own life is killing me slowly)  -When I say I was sick, I mean seriously the sickest kind of sick! Hospitalized for weeks at a time for over a year while my little girl was trying to figure out the world. I spent so much time away, unable to bond with my new baby.

When at home I carried around a bag of pee because I had a catheter in, super inconvenience when your also holding a baby. I still had to work during this time too… so as you can imagine I wasn’t love’in life!

Honestly, I have very little recollection of 2010-2012. I’m sure it’s a defense mechanism for me. Even now writing about it I’m getting shaky… Shit, I need to get some therapy.

One things I remember, is doing her hair every single day. Sick or not I did her dark beautiful hair everyday. It may not look it here in these pictures but Grace was born with a head full of beautiful jet black hair and the most perfect tanned skin ever. She was so different then my white, reddish haired Tristan. My favorite thing in the world is brushing her beautiful hair to this day .

Having a strong Mother-Daughter bond is so very important to me. We are not in a competition. We’re not besties. Grace and I are something much greater than that and it’s priceless. I did everything in my power to savor every little moment as a Mom of a little girl and I still do. Every chance I got I did what I could to love her my best. Even though she pushes my buttons like no one else can, she’s a rare diamond and I love that about her. It makes me crazy but I love it!

 

 

Gracie

My lil mama, Gigi Buttercup otherwise known as “G”-  Don’t be tamed little girl, always stay wild but don’t think that means you stop listening or caring for what other people think. This means you stay strong, fearless and gracious, kind, loving and patience. Keep doing the hard work, keep learning, fight hard, and explore farther. Don’t let anyone in this world or others ever tell you that you can’t do all these things. You are meant to do great things and I know this because I see you doing them now. Don’t you ever forgive who you are and the higher power who gave you life. And lastly, when life gets tough…and it will, hit your knees and start praying. The answers you need you’ll find in Him. Love you forever G,

 

Now this sassy girl 9 years old… going on 21 most days, is closing one book and opening another. I’m so honored to be apart of it. How the days with her have flown by so fast, before I know it she’ll be off to College. Knowing her she’ll be doing something very unconventional and be amazing at it!  I can’t believe I held this girl in my arms, a tiny baby and now she’s watching make-up tutorials on how to get winged-eyeliner on fleek or Mind Craft videos.

Time goes by…

As the time goes by and I look through these pictures and try to hold on to some good memories, I can’t  help be forced to hold on a little tighter to the present. Yesterday is already gone. Did I use it right and purposeful at all?

Chances are I did not. I’ve spent the last 2 years and 6 months starving for a feeling. A feeling that I’m not even sure I can fully put in to words. I’ve been spending too much time in regrets and wishing so badly I would have done more or at least something different “back then”- We all probably could have done better when we look back at our lives but I am spending far to much time there in the back on my head.

The last few months I have tried to be a bit more mindful of what others are saying around me. I have heard very clearly what’s being said. Some of it’s hurtful, mean, sad and even contradicting but I understand it all. What I find so compelling is we’re not that different in what we feel, what we say and what we don’t say.

The whole time we’ve been desperately missing… no, needing the same things; that feeling of life we couldn’t put a name to (but we need to name it).  All of us have felt alone, abandoned, uncared for and even hated at times. There’s a need to have stability and making a real home, a home that is ours and we can grow in.  With friends and family to be close, a place we belong and won’t have to leave or ever want too. Freedom to make some decision in our own lives without feeling dictated and trapped. We need to feel safe and sound again, happy and joyful. We don’t feel like us anymore because we aren’t us.

The routines of morning coffee outside on Saturday morning, Church and family dinners, Poppy’s smoked Wings! All unplanned family get-togethers, the random calls from Grandma Meg, “Let’s go grazin’ Guys” (code for I’m hungry). Sunday Bronco games and chili in the crock pot in our home! Jason and I miss our Friday night FireBall shot “to a week well done” and a few cold beers as a bonuses on the patio!

Life wasn’t easier then but it wasn’t a mystery either. Of course there were still some up hill battles for sure but we weren’t doing life alone. And whatever this un-named thing is that makes it worth it, well we had… We don’t have it now. Sadly, we wished that life away and we’re paying for it now. That’s a hard painful pill to swallow.

The never knowing and loneliness too much.

Not for nothing…

As painful as this time has been and as mentally jacked up as I am from it, I’ve earned some valuable lessons from it all because this writing thing really is process for me and it help me untie the knot in my mind. Of course, I hate that we had to learn any of this but I hope that possibly going through this and still currently living it- that in away my kids will  learn something too and do better from it. Maybe then they can skip these hard life lesson and just move on to the good stuff.

The lessons for me here are- Be so eternally and utterly thankful for what and who I have in my life that I can’t ever speak one bad word about them because the truth is life can change in a second.

Presence in the moments and living more purposeful.  Once upon a time in my life I was able to practiced this like a pro! I lived it well back then but now I’m not so sure how or when I felt off. But this is something that I need to do better for myself and I need to do better modeling this for others. As I am seeing now these moments as fleeting and I don’t want to look back in anymore regret.

Love hard, I don’t think I have really have loved much of anything for awhile but I have always loved my husband and my kids. However, I haven’t been every lovable. Because of this I’ve had the hardest time praying and reconnecting to God. The most important command that God gives us is to LOVE above everything and I haven’t done this well. I haven’t love even myself well or how could I possible show love to others.

**I didn’t actually do this blog on purpose, it just happened. Putting a close to this school year had me really going through all these past years and realizing how fast they have disappeared. Sure, I have a few not so great memories in the past but now focusing on the good ones made me have me wanting more of them.

 

 

Thanks for reading through and taking the time. Life is a process and I sure am going through mine! 

 

Are You Living On Purpose? https://tonyevans.org/are-you-living-on-purpose/

How to Stay positive: 11 Habits https://www.positivityblog.com/how-to-stay-positive/

Fabricthatmademe.com/Change the Momentum https://fabricthatmademe.com/2019/05/09/change-the-momentum/

Essential oils for relief and peace https://www.doterra.com/US/en/site/skellylou303

xoxo sk

 

Don’t let me fall

Don’t let me fall

Don’t let me fall

Reach for me in the dark

Let me know your here

Don’t let me fall

I’m still real close to edge

Steady me when I’m unbalanced

Don’t let me fall

Reassure me I’m not alone in this fight

Remind me who you are

Don’t let me fall

Be my breath when I can’t breathe

Be my quiet when it’s too loud

Don’t let me fall

Be my calming place when I’m lost in the storm

Be my strength when I’m too weak

Don’t let me fall

Save me when I can’t save myself

Protect me when I hurt

Don’t let me fall

Make me believe the things that I lost hope in

Make the hard decision that hurt but are right

I’m waiting on you…

Xoxo sk

Tug-a-war

Push the boulder

Climb the mountain

Hide in the box

Beat the wall

Close it tight

Lock the door

Squeeze it tight till you can’t breathe anymore.

Search through the Valley

Lost in dark

Hear the small voice

Carry the weight

Bury it deep

Play the part

Secure the room

Plant your feet

Take a step

Break the bricks

Stack the stones

Hear my chest tick

Lost the way

Find a light

See a dream

Pull it up

Hold a hand

Take the cup

Drink it up

Say a prayer

Open the door

Leave the room

Breathe it in

Feel the heart

Set it free

Here it goes

Oh, Lord watch over me…

Xoxo sk

In My Shoes

You wouldn’t last a day

In My Shoes…

It’s easy to do my inventory from where you stand.

The view sure looks different from where you are.

How quickly we forget our own dirty little secrets.

You have no clue why I do what I do.

There’s not a chance you’d last a day

In My Shoes. 

Now try for it a month.

Oh, hell…How ’bout a few years?

Battle where I’ve walk even longer than we’ll talk.

I’d be shocked if you made it through the day.

 

How easy it must be to judge me.

You look down on me so smug.

Have you lived this life?

Have you ever done the the things I’ve had to do?

I could run circles around you.

Please, make no mistake.

Even in the weakest, beat down to ground and can’t take another step…

I would still out last you.

You wouldn’t even know where to start

In My Shoes.

So for heaven sake have some class.

Remember your manners and your place.

Because one thing is for sure.

You are not equipped to be

In My Shoes.

What I have been through that made me this strong or

the things that make me feel weak, would kill you.

The wars I have faced would keep you up at night.

If you don’t know then shut up.

The fairy tale you know is just that.

In My Shoes

we deal with Real shit.

 

 

https://fabricthatmademe.com/2019/04/28/do-you-see-me/

Check out Do You See Me if you haven’t yet. It’s was a hard one to write and very meaningful to me.

https://www.pinterest.com/skellylou303/

For more “Meaningful Words To Me” quotes for to my Pinterest page above

 

 

To my fellow writing community that messages me…Thanks for being so supportive. It means so much to me. Ya’ll have no idea. You’re getting me through. 🤟🏽

xoxo sk