How to have confidence my decisions are being made with Gods plans in mind and not my own agenda.
As I have written about in pasted blogs, I’m on a quest to reconnect to my Father Christ. One of the ways that I have been doing this is through reading devotions and Bible Studies on the Bible App
Recently, I finished a few different studies. The first one, titled Make Decisions with Faith and confidence . It was mind blowing just how exact to my life this study was and how much I needed to read every word. It’s amazing how God knows just what we need, when we need it. Every word was exactly what I needed at this time in my life. I’ve said many times how I wish that I could just send a quick email or text to God and get a response right back letting me what to do. Yes, a prayer to God is like sending a text message but most the time the answers don’t come as clear as getting a text back.
The “Try It On” method that the Bible study talks about is such an awesome way to learn how to make choices. This “Try It On” method supports my connection on a clear FM channel verses the static of an AM channel with The Holy Spirit. The “Try It On” method keeps us accountable and keeps us from becoming stagnate in our fear of make a move. We also have to be in-tune with The Holy Spirit, speak the language, have the relationship or “connection”. That’s pretty powerful, I think.
How many times do we question if we’re making the right choice? Or are so scared that we’ll make the wrong decision, that we end up not making any decisions for ourselves at all. I only wish I had read this devotion/Bible Study sooner.
I know I’ve been the victim of my own fears for years! The pressures of worrying that I’ll disappoint others and lead my family down the wrong path. However, when I am sitting in motionless contemplation, purely relying only on my very limited wisdom and over emotional mental state; I’m wasting away! This is just what the enemy wants. He love us to doubt ourselves and to waste away. What decisions are being made when I’m in a holding pattern like that? No progress will ever be made if I am just “thinking” things over all the time? I’m playing right into the enemy’s hands!
Indecision is a decision too and not a good one.
The “Try It On” Method
How to make small steps in a direction and wait on God to speak to you.
The example was perfect, like trying on a shirt before you buy it. You wonder the store looking through the racks of clothes until something catches your eye. Then you find the one you “think” will work and you “Try It On”. You see how it fits, what it looks like on… you decide if this is the right shirt for you to buy. That is pretty much how the “Try It On” process works with everything.
Let try something bigger.
Using the example of moving to the great state of California. 🙄
When we got the news that we were moving to California I started to check out the schools and houses in the area that I thought we might move to. (I of course now would ask WAY more questions than I did before. LESSONS!)
Step 1. As I’m looking for housing -this is me actively taking a step in a direction of moving towards California. I can see that housing is expensive and we can NOT afford to live here on what we make. But I wasn’t listening to God. Next time I will.
Step 2. After we moved toward something, what does it feel like? How rough or smooth is the process going? Do you have a little voice telling anything? I remember I didn’t feel good about moving towards California the whole time it was happening but I pushed on.
I had trouble finding housing, schools for my kids, the packers were awful and they broke all our things. A hundred and one things were going wrong! I had a voice in the back of my head telling me that we shouldn’t do this move but I continued to pushed on. I felt defeated for some reason, like I couldn’t turn back. The worries I had about staying in Minnesota were now much more about leaving there. I wasn’t waiting on God or listening to Him at all.
Step 3. Are you a list person? Do like to write everything out? This is me! List keep me organize and on top of things. What I tend to do when I have a decision to make is write out a Pros and Cons list. This sounds like a reasonable thing to do but what I end up doing is putting all my faith in this list. I’m not listening to God or waiting on Him for direction, only on this piece of paper.
Here’s the reason why the list is wrong.
Sure, it’s good to get your mind calm and organized but not to rely on your list.
I wrote out a Pros and Cons list myself when we were getting ready to move to California. Everything was pointing to Georgia as weird as that sounds. It was loud and clear ( I’ll dive into that later) Here’s an older blog that I wrote when we first started our moving process- Here We Go Again. As much as I was focusing on California everything kept coming back to wait on Georgia (so it felt) but I ignored that.
My list was full of Pros for California and as we now know all our time here has not been good at all. While I was pushing towards California like it was my full time job, ever song was about Georgia, ever TV show, I had friends and friends of friends moving there or had some new connection to Georgia. Pretty soon there were so many things in my ear about Georgia but I wasn’t listening because I was full force to California, even though it felt wrong.
Side note: We later found out that Jason’s mentor and the man who hired him was moved to Georgia as the Zone Manager.
Step 4. Keep making little steps toward a choice while The Holy Spirit directs you which way to step.
Each step I took moving to California was rough and difficult. To say our path was bumping is the understatement of the century. God was clear to us that this was not the right place for us but we made it happen anyway. Now we’re living the consequences for those choices.
Our God is a God of Grace and Mercy. He showed me this time and time again but I wasn’t seeing it. The enemy had control and it makes me sick to think I let that happen.
As I mentioned before I couldn’t find a school that could accommodate my kids needs and this was a struggle for me. There were so many moving part to this relocation and the enemy was good at what he was doing to my mind and heart. I was confused and frustrated! Since I was handling this move all by myself and not leaning on God at all, I felt absolutely responsible for making sure no one was burdened. I wanted to be able to say I was able to do this and made it work. Again the enemy had made me believe that no one believed in me and I wasn’t able.
I received a called from a lady that coordinated our move. I can’t remember her exact title but I remember having a melt down on the phone with her. I was in my car and I had to pull over, I just cried. I told her how difficult this move was becoming and how worried I was about the schools for my kids.
This lady, I believe her name was Pam, was so kind to me on the phone. She made many calls back forth to me for two days and told that although we had already signed our relocation and many thing have already been in motion that we would get one forgiveness. She explained to me that considering everything that I told her, she believes we qualify for that. I didn’t know what to say to her, because Jason was already in California working.
I told her I needed to think about it and I’d call her back. I struggled with what do. I knew with every bone in body I needed to cancel this move but Jason was already in California. He and I barely spook a word to each other, our communication wasn’t great at this point. All I could think about was how disappointment Jason would be that I couldn’t handle this move. I would have failed. I kept replaying Jason firmly speaking to me “If we do this move…Don’t let it come back on me!” Even though I knew I didn’t want this move, I felt like I had to do it now.
I called Pam back and thanked her for all that she had done for me but we were going to move forward. This would end up being some of the worse depression that I have ever been in. Suicidal thoughts, marriage tore apart, kids hanging by a thread, living in an over price house thats failing apart…the list goes on. Jason has his own list of troubles.
Mercies and Grace Never Fail
Although these last ten in a half month were some of most terrible months of my life, coming back from the wreckage I think have made me stronger than ever. It’s weird in a way because I’m still very vulnerable. This is an uphill climb for me but I have never felt more connected, more sure of myself in a long time. That feel so amazing. God isn’t just a God of second chances, He is a God of forgiveness and Love. He came to find His lost. I was one of lost for sure and I’ve been found but still am a work in progress.
At some point I have to arise and go. I have to put a little pressure on the gas petal so God can put my steering wheel to use. At the same time I need to allow the little voice called The Holy spirit to speak to me. When it does, that’s the way the steering wheel should turn.
If I would have listened ten in a half months ago I would have yanked that wheel around! But thankful God is full of Miracles and I truly believe He will turn this very unpleasant venture into something we will end up being very thankful for. I can’t even believe I’m saying that. But With God anything is possible.
Hope you all enjoyed this blog! Thanks for all your comments, LIKES & love along the way! All your encouragement really make a impact as I keep blogging and getting my feet under me!
I don’t know. I feel like I am aching for something that doesn’t exist. I am missing some apart of myself. I miss a place that I have never been but yet, I know this place well. It’s my comfort and security. It’s familiar to me somehow. I feel safe there, complete. I am a complicated, confused, misunderstood, an unnoticed wanderer. People assume to know who I am. They don’t, not really. I am simple and quite but my words spark, they are quick and sharp. I am a raging storm of chaos and sleepless nights. I am many things all at once. I am the sunlight in the morning and the still cool darkness in the middle of night. I am the one sitting in the corner watching the people at the party . I am tears in my closet to release my pain, a dream hunter to understand my subconscious, a child of God who is forgiven, a stranger to this planet, a writer looking for lost words, a scared mom, a lonely wife; who knows it’s all her fault, a desperate friend looking for a hand to hold or a shoulder to lean on. I am more than I even know. I am like the air, invisible but necessary. I have the ability to accomplish anything I put my heart and soul into, right? I want to believe that but I am weary, my bones hurt, my heart is tired and my eyes burn. I have fear and it has me. I am strong and weak all at once. I absorb people’s feelings like a sponge.Their moods, happy, sad, frustrated, annoyed. I may be joy then without notice, I may be rain. The people in my world change my world and have the ability to calm the storm inside me or make it rage on like you have never seen. The world has a strong effect on me weather I want it to or not. I want to have peace. The world does not. I have a fierce need to be loved and excepted by people. But people are fickle. Loyalties changing so frequently. Your feelings are deceitful. They will mislead you to believe things that aren’t true. Where is reality? Do I even want to be there? Is it safer for me to hide here in my head. Or is that where the madness is? What will it be like to see the light after being here with my eyes closed for so long? I am eager for the sting in my eyes to really to see the light for the first time. I know what the world has for me and it isn’t the sweet breezy watercolors I wish for. Can I stand long enough? Will I have the ability to stand my ground. This time will I open my fist, extended my fingers and reach out to the sun? The light small breath of mother nature let’s me know I am not walking through the shadows alone. I smell the sweetness of the trees, my hair whirls across my face. Slowly I move forward.