Since March I have been keeping a journal of everything that I eat, all symptoms and also my workouts.
Just to fresh anyone who cares… I’m in my 30’s going through menopause! Yay me!
I also have a migraines conditions that can cause a “seizure like” effect on my brain/body if I don’t do everything I need to to control it-which can be tricky.
Recently, my neurologist has been testing and observing me for Belly’s Palsy.
What’sHappening So Far
I turned in my journals to my doctor only Friday (7/8/19), so I’m not sure what she thinks yet. But I’ll tell you I do workout, eat well and take my meds like I’m supposed to.
This makes it very frustrating when my weight only goes up! From December to March I had lost 13 lbs and I was killing my self to get that done.
I woke up at 4am to get to the gym, then I would workout a second time at the park by my kids school. When I was done with that workout I would do yoga at home and then do a long, fast paced walk for 45 minutes to an hour before I pick them up from school. At one point I was doing another decent hike with Jason when he got home from work!
Trust me when I say…I was pissed that I had only lost 13lbs after all that and was only eating carrots and cottage cheese everyday!
Since then I’ve actually maintained that weight loss okay but 3-5lbs here and there will stick around. However, I haven’t lost a single pound since!
My workouts and eating has changed a bit. I couldn’t keep that nightmare up so now I do a light yoga stretching in the morning and at night but have days when I work my core area harder. My new workout routine in more focused and I do it almost everyday, with somedays being longer or shorter than others. I like it but I am not losing and I look that same.
My eating haven’t changed a crazy amount. I fast for long periods during the day and drink lots water. I have had a soda 🥤 or cookie every now and then but I intake far less calories and Still I remain a cow 🐮…well in my eyes.
Hormones & Other Meds
My medications do a lot of good for me and a lot of harm. That sucks!
It’s because of medicine that I’m able to have headaches free days and my body is free of aches and pains. But medicine comes with so many side effects too! I gain weight, my eyes burn, I’m sleepy, forget things and even my writing is effected. My cognitive skills are just slower sadly. My energy is drained.
So then I’m giving another medication and that one should help with one thing but has it’s own side effects too. Stomach pain, dry mouth, stuffy head and mood swings… this is my life!
At some point I have to get off the roller coaster!
What Will I do?
I honestly don’t know what the answer is! I’ve been fighting this for along time. I do my research and I think the doctors try too.
Right now I take only what I feel I need for myself emotionally and mentally. Then there’s what I need because of my hysterectomy. I have to be on hormone replacements for that. The rest is all About healing my body and replacing what is missing. If that makes any sense?
If it’s not going to help me then I don’t want it!
Self care & Meditation 🧘♀️
I use to live be Meditation! This is something I’ve been doing before and after my Bible Study. This has made a massive difference in my health.
I also have started to moisturizer 🧴 like crazy! I use my essential oil everywhere! In the shower, out of the shower, with my face wash, my facial moisturizer and even with my primer before makeup and I cannot believe how it’s helps me.
I use less Advil for pain for aches and pain. I don’t use chemicals on my skin or for breakouts. Honestly, I have so many less breakouts that I don’t worry about that much now.
**Different oils help with different things. Some with physical pain and others emotional/mental pain.
**Helps me to sleep or give me energy
**Helps with focus, concentration and creativity.
**Other times I just use them to be in a peaceful, calming state to relax
How to have confidence my decisions are being made with Gods plans in mind and not my own agenda.
As I have written about in pasted blogs, I’m on a quest to reconnect to my Father Christ. One of the ways that I have been doing this is through reading devotions and Bible Studies on the Bible App
Recently, I finished a few different studies. The first one, titled Make Decisions with Faith and confidence . It was mind blowing just how exact to my life this study was and how much I needed to read every word. It’s amazing how God knows just what we need, when we need it. Every word was exactly what I needed at this time in my life. I’ve said many times how I wish that I could just send a quick email or text to God and get a response right back letting me what to do. Yes, a prayer to God is like sending a text message but most the time the answers don’t come as clear as getting a text back.
The “Try It On” method that the Bible study talks about is such an awesome way to learn how to make choices. This “Try It On” method supports my connection on a clear FM channel verses the static of an AM channel with The Holy Spirit. The “Try It On” method keeps us accountable and keeps us from becoming stagnate in our fear of make a move. We also have to be in-tune with The Holy Spirit, speak the language, have the relationship or “connection”. That’s pretty powerful, I think.
How many times do we question if we’re making the right choice? Or are so scared that we’ll make the wrong decision, that we end up not making any decisions for ourselves at all. I only wish I had read this devotion/Bible Study sooner.
I know I’ve been the victim of my own fears for years! The pressures of worrying that I’ll disappoint others and lead my family down the wrong path. However, when I am sitting in motionless contemplation, purely relying only on my very limited wisdom and over emotional mental state; I’m wasting away! This is just what the enemy wants. He love us to doubt ourselves and to waste away. What decisions are being made when I’m in a holding pattern like that? No progress will ever be made if I am just “thinking” things over all the time? I’m playing right into the enemy’s hands!
Indecision is a decision too and not a good one.
The “Try It On” Method
How to make small steps in a direction and wait on God to speak to you.
The example was perfect, like trying on a shirt before you buy it. You wonder the store looking through the racks of clothes until something catches your eye. Then you find the one you “think” will work and you “Try It On”. You see how it fits, what it looks like on… you decide if this is the right shirt for you to buy. That is pretty much how the “Try It On” process works with everything.
Let try something bigger.
Using the example of moving to the great state of California. 🙄
When we got the news that we were moving to California I started to check out the schools and houses in the area that I thought we might move to. (I of course now would ask WAY more questions than I did before. LESSONS!)
Step 1. As I’m looking for housing -this is me actively taking a step in a direction of moving towards California. I can see that housing is expensive and we can NOT afford to live here on what we make. But I wasn’t listening to God. Next time I will.
Step 2. After we moved toward something, what does it feel like? How rough or smooth is the process going? Do you have a little voice telling anything? I remember I didn’t feel good about moving towards California the whole time it was happening but I pushed on.
I had trouble finding housing, schools for my kids, the packers were awful and they broke all our things. A hundred and one things were going wrong! I had a voice in the back of my head telling me that we shouldn’t do this move but I continued to pushed on. I felt defeated for some reason, like I couldn’t turn back. The worries I had about staying in Minnesota were now much more about leaving there. I wasn’t waiting on God or listening to Him at all.
Step 3. Are you a list person? Do like to write everything out? This is me! List keep me organize and on top of things. What I tend to do when I have a decision to make is write out a Pros and Cons list. This sounds like a reasonable thing to do but what I end up doing is putting all my faith in this list. I’m not listening to God or waiting on Him for direction, only on this piece of paper.
Here’s the reason why the list is wrong.
Sure, it’s good to get your mind calm and organized but not to rely on your list.
I wrote out a Pros and Cons list myself when we were getting ready to move to California. Everything was pointing to Georgia as weird as that sounds. It was loud and clear ( I’ll dive into that later) Here’s an older blog that I wrote when we first started our moving process- Here We Go Again. As much as I was focusing on California everything kept coming back to wait on Georgia (so it felt) but I ignored that.
My list was full of Pros for California and as we now know all our time here has not been good at all. While I was pushing towards California like it was my full time job, ever song was about Georgia, ever TV show, I had friends and friends of friends moving there or had some new connection to Georgia. Pretty soon there were so many things in my ear about Georgia but I wasn’t listening because I was full force to California, even though it felt wrong.
Side note: We later found out that Jason’s mentor and the man who hired him was moved to Georgia as the Zone Manager.
Step 4. Keep making little steps toward a choice while The Holy Spirit directs you which way to step.
Each step I took moving to California was rough and difficult. To say our path was bumping is the understatement of the century. God was clear to us that this was not the right place for us but we made it happen anyway. Now we’re living the consequences for those choices.
Our God is a God of Grace and Mercy. He showed me this time and time again but I wasn’t seeing it. The enemy had control and it makes me sick to think I let that happen.
As I mentioned before I couldn’t find a school that could accommodate my kids needs and this was a struggle for me. There were so many moving part to this relocation and the enemy was good at what he was doing to my mind and heart. I was confused and frustrated! Since I was handling this move all by myself and not leaning on God at all, I felt absolutely responsible for making sure no one was burdened. I wanted to be able to say I was able to do this and made it work. Again the enemy had made me believe that no one believed in me and I wasn’t able.
I received a called from a lady that coordinated our move. I can’t remember her exact title but I remember having a melt down on the phone with her. I was in my car and I had to pull over, I just cried. I told her how difficult this move was becoming and how worried I was about the schools for my kids.
This lady, I believe her name was Pam, was so kind to me on the phone. She made many calls back forth to me for two days and told that although we had already signed our relocation and many thing have already been in motion that we would get one forgiveness. She explained to me that considering everything that I told her, she believes we qualify for that. I didn’t know what to say to her, because Jason was already in California working.
I told her I needed to think about it and I’d call her back. I struggled with what do. I knew with every bone in body I needed to cancel this move but Jason was already in California. He and I barely spook a word to each other, our communication wasn’t great at this point. All I could think about was how disappointment Jason would be that I couldn’t handle this move. I would have failed. I kept replaying Jason firmly speaking to me “If we do this move…Don’t let it come back on me!” Even though I knew I didn’t want this move, I felt like I had to do it now.
I called Pam back and thanked her for all that she had done for me but we were going to move forward. This would end up being some of the worse depression that I have ever been in. Suicidal thoughts, marriage tore apart, kids hanging by a thread, living in an over price house thats failing apart…the list goes on. Jason has his own list of troubles.
Mercies and Grace Never Fail
Although these last ten in a half month were some of most terrible months of my life, coming back from the wreckage I think have made me stronger than ever. It’s weird in a way because I’m still very vulnerable. This is an uphill climb for me but I have never felt more connected, more sure of myself in a long time. That feel so amazing. God isn’t just a God of second chances, He is a God of forgiveness and Love. He came to find His lost. I was one of lost for sure and I’ve been found but still am a work in progress.
At some point I have to arise and go. I have to put a little pressure on the gas petal so God can put my steering wheel to use. At the same time I need to allow the little voice called The Holy spirit to speak to me. When it does, that’s the way the steering wheel should turn.
If I would have listened ten in a half months ago I would have yanked that wheel around! But thankful God is full of Miracles and I truly believe He will turn this very unpleasant venture into something we will end up being very thankful for. I can’t even believe I’m saying that. But With God anything is possible.
Hope you all enjoyed this blog! Thanks for all your comments, LIKES & love along the way! All your encouragement really make a impact as I keep blogging and getting my feet under me!
The art of being truly Grateful. The unique ability to find the good in everything and being able to feel real joy in even the smallest of moments. It’s living a happy life with abundance to be and inspire joy, peace, love and positive light in others. It’s also very important to remember that Gratitude is also being able to express a deep and meaning appreciation for the people in our life.
Being Thankful is different than having Gratitude
Gratitude is a state of being. It’s the very way you live and your ability to see everything in a place of peace and excepting deep love and appreciation for life itself. It’s the very fiber of your minds thoughts. It’s far more than words. People who live a life of Gratitude, live with a positive attitude and tend to not squander their blessings. They live with intention but are not boastful, if anything they are very humble.
*TIP- Focusing on the positive will help you to remember what it is that you are grateful for. Gratitude will be become a habit the more you do this on PURPOSE daily! This can be a writing activity, you can do this in your meditation, devotion/prayer time. Practice makes habits!
Being Thankful is an act we do. It’s a gesture we make out of respect. We are thankful for things, a moment or pay raise for example but what makes it become Gratitude is when our thankfulness becomes so deep that it’s spiritual. It’s life changing, it moves us to a higher level of awareness. The love, joy, passion, peace, everything that makes your life yours has changed because of it. Thankful is to small of word for that friends, you have humbly and deeply found yourself in the state of Gratitude.
Who In Your Life Needs a Reminder?
When you get uses to a person, day in and day out, it’s easy to forget why you chose them to began with. They become like… an end table.. okay maybe more than a table, more like a reliable Golden Retriever!
Your partner does not want to become your pet… your loyal stead fast companion. I don’t. They need to know that they are truly cared for. People in our life need to know and feel that they are deeply loved and we’re grateful for them. In my opinion, this is just as important as communication. You could talk all day but if you don’t feel your partner has gratitude for you…this will just fester into a bigger nastier mess. Imagine how bitter you will become. You don’t want that and you shouldn’t want that for your partner or anyone you care for.
Same goes for our friends, our children, our co-workers, close family members. We need to make sure we tell the people that we have deep Gratitude for how grateful we are for them!
I have Gratitude even when…
When every time you turn on the news it’s another heartbreaking, frustrating story or you open the mail box and there are more people ready to take your hard earned money then there are checks to cash, remember this… YOU more than your circumstances. You are LOVED! You have a talent that the world needs. You contribute more good than anything. Believe it, then do it. You are a writer, your words! Your blog… that’s one way. You care for your families. You pray for people in your circle, your neighbors, the world and the world needs it. You get people thinking! You share your story, your love, your light and it changes people… even if you never get any credit for it. Your’re a friend. Someone counts on you to make them laugh, lift them up, feed them, clothe them, hug them, listen to them. You always answer the phone for them. You are someones person.
Maybe we should spend a little less time taking everyone inventory and tell them how great they are. How much we love them. How much we need them in our life and just how very grateful we are to know them! Maybe it’s time we share our state of Gratitude with others.
>Side note>>> I watched a very moving video the other day. I connected to The Man right away. He had grown up in a stressful household with a Father who taught him all about hard work. He never got to be playful, laugh and even be in a carefree moment with his Father. The only interaction The Man ever had with was working and doing chores with his Father. The Man grew up and kept working hard but all he ever really wanted was his Fathers LOVE, his expectance and Gratitude. Even as The Man’s Father lay on his death bed and The Man had taken care of his Father in every way his Father still had no kind words for his son. The man was heartbroken. The Man had hit rock bottom. The Man lost all his wealth, lost his family, and was evicted from his home. He had nothing. He finally picked himself back up and started to do real-estate. The Man was good at this. He found himself a Mentor. The Mentor saw him one night working very late, so he walked into The Man’s office and said “You know, you have really great work ethic.” The Man looked up and was shocked! The Mentor said to The Man “You are so smart and you work so hard”. And again The Man looked at his Mentor confused…The Man had never had anyone say a kind, encouraging word to him before. The Man explained to his Mentor how he was feeling and that’s when his Mentor told him that it was time to rewire his brain. He had been taught hard work but not encouragement or love…he had never felt gratitude. He had shitty wiring. So The Man was asked by his Mentor who is someone he looked up to. The Man said Clint Eastwood because he’s tough and rugged. So the Mentor told The Man from now on you’re going to say over and over like crazy that you’re tough and rugged! So that night as The Man drove home he was pumped and ready to change the wiring in his brain. He said “I’m tough and rugged” over and over and he began to grow in his confidence. Then The Man upped his game and I said “I’m the best Real-estate agent of all time” and The Man said this over and over and then The Man words became reality. The Real-Estate Company The Man had worked for, he bought because he had beaten records over and over.
The point here is two things… OUR WORDS MATTER… our words that we say to each other, to our kids and MOST importantly to ourselves matter. Feed yourself with kindness, faith and encouragement. That will grow into an amazing love that you can then share with everyone else.
And secondly we can change our minds. We have the power to be the person we want to be. You want to be the outgoing, funny, social friend…but you are caring and owning the label that you are shy, awkward and quite. You don’t have to do that. You can be who you want to be.
I love that we are more than the labels. We can change our minds and rewire our minds.