Journal Entry | Tuesday 15,2015
10:23 am (ish)
It’s been awhile since I wrote a regular ‘ol journal entry/post and I thought it might be a good time to do so for the people who care to know what’s been going on because it’s cause a lot. But don’t worry I won’t share it ALLLLL….
It’s seems like We’ve had a good mix of a whole lot of crazy, with a ton of amazing improvements, a disappointing amount of continued stagnant nothingness and confusing moments and a raising￼ level of gratefulness with more prayer and hope in this really weird time.
Does any of that make sense?
To break it down a little more, I personally have been on a really great path for the last few months. Even with life not really letting up at all and I mean AT ALL…I am different than ever before.
The consouloring, life/mental-health coaching, groups and classes that I have been a part of for the last few months have changed my life. I am so thankful for the growth and lessons that I have learned. It was painful at times to get through it all but where I am now is night and day.
I’m not saying that I don’t care what people think about me because I still do but not in the same way. It doesn’t change my world anymore like it did once. I like myself now which is probably the biggest and most profound thing to changed. ￼￼￼￼It may seem like such a simple thing but that one simple thing changed everything. Having confidence and just liking myself has made it much easier to shake it off when dealing with a snobby A- hole because trust me, where I live they are everywhere…I have plenty in my everyday life and I don’t care about them anymore.
I think to myself how lucky I am to not have to deal with all the layer of fake that this poor soul does, how exhausting that must be for them. I am incredible thankful I have my regular boring life, my come home every night husband, my loud, video game playing kids, my baggy sweatpants and hoodies life! Yes, I’ll take this life any day over Gucci any day.
I am loved by a God who could care less about a fancy floppy hat and name brands or a million LIKES or followers. HE wants me just how HE made me and that feels really good.
( I’m not saying God doesn’t love you if you have a love for name brands… just don’t love brand names more than God… 🙃cool?)
It’s very freeing to just be in the world with this type of ease and still having all this junk being thrown at us! I’m just handling it the best I can, knowing God has the bigger picture and I can only do so much.
Well, I wish I could tell you we were off to our next destination but we’re not exploring a new and more preament home yet. God wants us to stay put a little while longer, I guess. Since we haven’t had any movement or any news of change, I decided to try and cozy up our tiny showbox of a house the best I could. I added more throw blankets and pillows. Killed my arms and worked those glutes moving the furniture all around, my couches, the tables, the rugs, moving pictures and lamps. I even hung some things on the wall.
The living room, dining room/office/where everyone’s papers go, the kitchen, the front door area and my bedroom, I did it all! It all looked great and even smelled like fall. I wouldn’t say it was the way “my” home would be but it was close. The kids and Jason were so surprised when they got home. Everyone liked it and said they I made “it” feel so much better! That’s just what I was going for!
Wouldn’t you know after I did all that work and now was experiencing charlie-horse cramps in both my under worked hamstrings, Jason tells me that there’s activity within the company! This is actually really great news!
Jason has felt really drained by a motivation stucking manager and it’s changed, not only the way he works but who he is. He has always been a very ambitious person, forward thinking, someone who solves problems so well that to an outsider it’s looks like he does it all with ease. He grows people into better, smarter people. Jason is a collaborator at heart and he love it. He wants to see others succeed. It’s just one of the many things I love about him. Being the social, outgoing person that he is, Jason somehow can work really crazy hard and have a team of people that enjoy working really hard too because he makes it fun and worth it.
I just look at him in complete awe… Bosses and frankly people like him don’t exist, yet here he is, somehow given the world’s most egotistical, life sucker boss, with no management skills at all. How does that happen? Somehow my guy pushes through it but he hasn’t been himself and that changed all of us.
However, seeing this bit of light. This possible opportunity, a fighting chance to change all of our futures for the better is encouraging. To get to a place where he in no long just surviving and we all can stop treading water….that’s sparks something in both of us! We all need this! To see the drive and fire back in him would mean everything! Trying to build a foundation out of the brick being thrown at you isn’t’ easy.
As for the kids, Grace got a whole ton of shots in her mouth and a bunch of drilling! Hopefully she will now be better about brushing her teeth!
Tristan is doing great in school and obsessed with his RCs but getting along good!
Work for me is great, with great co-workers. I love all of them! HR keeps forgetting to pay me but hopefully we figured that out now! The only thing I really dislike about it is that I can’t write when I work so much and so I can’t get better. Other than that it’s a good place.
All in all life is good.