Peace In The Midst Of The Unknown|FAITH FIRST

 

Good Morning my quarantine friends!

4/13/20

I woke up this morning at about 1:45am to my daughter climbing into my bed scared of the rain and wind causing the trees to hit her window. Her climbing in was fine at first but than it was 2:15 am and she was too hot and wanted to go back to her own bed. That lasted about two minutes! She then came back with all her own bedding and dropping it all over my floor and tried to make a bed on my very hard and cold, hardwood floors. NO! I got up and picked her blankets up and put her in my place on my side of the bed and covered her up and decided this meant that I was now going to be awake. Fantastic!

It was now 2:45 am. I wandered into the kitchen with a splitting headache from missing my seizure medicine for two in half days in a row…not good! This COVID19 is really Fn with my life!

My eye sockets are throbbing but I don’t have time for this! I was humbling to make myself some coffee, when Jason came out asking me why I was up? He appericatly had been totally undisturbed by our lovely daughters game of musical beds.

I told him I just needed her to sleep. Which is really such an understatement! Her mood and our life depends on how well she sleeps! This homeschooling thing isn’t so hard for me…I am a teacher after all but teaching Gracie is hard on me and hard for her. We are not meant to be in close quarters for long periods like this, let alone me teaching her. I feel like we’re being punked or something!

Yesterday we had a “heart to heart” about a rubber ball she bought from the dollar store two years ago.

She is constantly testing my patience and I am constantly failing. I am capable of homeschool both of my kids but is it best for the both of them? Probably not for her or for me.  We need a bit of distance when it comes to actually educating her and her plain stubbornness. I am not the chosen one!

Now add this headache, which is far more than just a headache. It’s the start the on set of a seizure… AKA Migralepsy.  I have all the signs… but I can’t stop it. I have no meds. It’s come and there nothing I can do.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Migralepsy

UPDATE: 4/14/20

My left arm was going numb and both hands for hours. I made it through most the day and helped kids through the day without complaints. I even made dinner. My vision was in and out and the awful brown dot I have been seeing in my left eye had taken over and I was losing my peripheral vision. The numbness would take over my arms, my hands and feet. I notice my mouth going numb little by little. I finally was able to take a shower around 4pm and now I felt like I could throw up. I was so exhausted I couldn’t think anymore. I can’t tell you what happened because I woke up with my towel half around me, half on the bed out cold. The sun was now going down and I think I was out for a little while. I felt so heavy and achy in my face, neck and severe pain in my eyes. I struggled to put some clothes on and crawled into bed. I didn’t even have the energy to called to my husband and explain what happened. My Dad called later and I’m sure I sounded drunk but I just couldn’t take the effort to explain anything to anyone. I must have had a seizure. Damn it! 

Making it out of this situation

There is no way anyone could have judged what people would do in this kind of pandemic…in a worldwide pandemic what would it be like or how we would we overcome the aftermath of it all…will we? Will life resume to some kind of normal? Will it be the world we once knew or will we make it something better…will it be worse? Surely, they will be so many scars left behind.

In our lifetime we have never experience anything like this so how could anyone have predict what to expect? When the spanish flu rolled through everything was shut down much like it is now. This strain of flu was highly contagious, there was no vaccine and millions died, sounds familiar!

History Channel-Spanish Flu

This is different, I know. People have been gross, selfish assholes from awhile now. Maybe we needed a huge wake call!

Wash your hands? What’s this voodoo you speak of? People, am I the only one who washes my hands after using the bathroom? I’m scared! I know this isn’t going to save the world but come on…gross. This shouldn’t be new to us.

You mean to tell me, we should not pick our nose, or wherever else and then touch everything? Cover my mouth when I cough or sneeze? This is breaking news? Don’t go out in public when you’re sick? Stop sending your sick children to school? This sounds like a whole lot of “personal responsibility“. No wonder this is considered news. What a dirty word. Sorry my sarcasm is high at the moment.

So I find some of this a bit annoying. We should have been more clean and considerate far before it was made mandatory to do so. Now it’s mandatory to wear a mask just to get a gallon of milk. How long will this last? Lack of freedom and mandatory stay at home order is not my favorite thing. It’s actually very scary how everyone’s life changed because of lack of awareness in about a millions things! The Bible, Global connection and hygiene!

People say we should take this time to be kinder to ourselves and to others right now and I agree. I appreciate the positivity but this isn’t a new concept. Sure I too have had to use this time to get re-centered! But I feel more busy now then I did before. Anyone else? Has anyone heard of toxic positivity? It’s real and it’s going around like covid19!

This is a great time to get a hobby, start reading, connect with your kids and your spouse! Start a new workout routine or get some home improvements done. I get it! Cup full! I see how to turn this into a positive thing while sitting at home on one level but you cannot or you shouldn’t ignore the other side while enjoying this new found “stay at home” routine.

We are all connected and have ALWAYS been. Life changed for us overnight, more for some than others. But what’s really scary is how easily we were told do something and we just did it. We just did it. Control.