We were tired 😴 to say the least but happy that the house part is nearly over!
And I feel like Minnesota was saying goodbye to us as well, with a beautiful sunset.
It’s Saturday! We meet with our Realtor today and hand over our keys to her! This is such a relief!
The thing I look forward to the very most is that my love 😍 comes home today! It’s been to long! These few weeks have tested me beyond what I could have ever comprehended! Jason and I are the dream team! It’s amazing to me how well we’ve handled this situation! And continue to be a team even while being a part! I truly am so very proud of us!
Tonight we have our farewell tour with our Besties! (Are people still saying that??) These people are like family to us! I know we aren’t saying Goodbye to them! They are friends for a lifetime! If the only reason God moved us here to Minnesota was for this relationship to be, then I can leave complete and utterly satisfying, feeling nothing but blessed!
I know I’ve said this before but every-time that I get an award, I seriously am floored! I am humbled and so beyond thankful to be recognized! I love this little blog of mine (my baby). I love to write, it’s a passion of mine and gives my soul such joy! This blogging community is amazing! I’m gratitude goes on and on and on….
Thank you to Jessy-FAB for a few things…one being such a kind women in Christ, who’s just freaking awesome! I’ve never met you but I feel like you’re truly my friend! I love ya girl! Thank you for checking on me in my time of need, all your prayer, it meant so much! Thank you for having an honest, loving and sweet interesting blog that inspirers and just being awesome (that was a long sentence)! Thank you for nominating me/ fabricthatme.com for The Blogger Recognition Award! I’m sorry I am so late getting to this! …my life…But thank you!
So let’s get down to it!
1. Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
2. Write a post to show your award.
3. Give a brief story of how your blog started.
4. Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers.
5. Select 5 other bloggers for this award.
I started blogging, I believe in January 2018. I have been writing short stories and poetry since I was in 3rd grade (I’m like old now, ha). I have shared a few poems on my blog but not any of my short stories…yet…I hope soon! I just started this sweet blog for many reasons. The first was my love of writing. The second was to connect with other writers, bloggers, awesome people out there in world! I have grown so much because of this blog and because of other amazing bloggers! Blessed!
My two pieces of advice…this is hard. I guess it would be stay true to you (cliché, I know), don’t worry about tends or fads. Write and do, what you’re truly passionate about! It’ll always be easy to get up and kill it everyday that way! And the second thing, is pay for your WordPress site…own your work! It’s YOUR work. If you don’t own your site then your don’t own your writing! Paying for your site is worth it!
What a surprise! What an honor! I can’t tell you how much this means to someone like me, who has just a small little blog, with a tiny little following to get recognized! This is simply the sweetest things!
Okay! Let’s get down to business! I was nominated by the sweet and wonderful Racheal’s Novels. I try to keep up on every blog that I follow but we all know that is an impossible task! But I will tell 100% trust me, her blog is a goodie! Please check it out!
Thank you so very much for nominating me! I am so humbled and thankful for every award, mention and all the love! What an honor! Thank you!
So this is how this works ( I think)
RULE #1: Tag the person who nominated you.
RULE #2: Copy the “Awesome Impact Award” into your WordPress media and insert it in your post
RULE #3: Talk about an incident that impacted your life in a really positive way
RULE #4: Finally, nominate 10 other bloggers for the award
The incidents that impacted my life in a really positive way?
Moving away from Colorado was hands down the most positive thing that every happen to me. I was in a very negative situation in I live there. Once moved away I free to really live my best life and discover who I really and I love myself…all of my. I didn’t have to worry about judgments from others or people influencing my choices. Being away I have really grown into my own person! I have never been happier or freer! I would have never started to write, which is my passion if would not have left! I get to be the Mom, the wife, daughter, sister and just freaking human-being I want to be now! I feel blessed! God is so good! I am so thankful I had faith and still have faith in His plans for me!
I have to include giving my life to Christ because without Christ I can do nothing but with everything. All the Glory goes to God! I am nothing without His Mercys and Grace over my life.
My TEN (but I’m going to 5 because like damn 10 is a lot) other bloggers to be nominated are…drumroll…please….
Am I awful? I hate having my kids in a bunch of activities. My friend is probably the best Mom that ever lived. Her kids are in multiple things, she keeps track of what they’re watching on TV and she doesn’t cuss around them. Seriously, she’s my hero! Did I mention that she makes them dinner ever night? She’s amazing…God Bless her! She also works outside her home while taking care of damn near everything inside her home.
I don’t have it in me to put my kids in sports or activities. Some of it, is that I hate…hate the idea of giving up our weekends to gather with tons of other screaming kids. I loath it. I like my weekends to be free to do nothing or everything or whatever but not that, for god-shakes!
The money. I am not rolling in the dough here. I don’t want to give our hard-earned cash to watch my child stand in the outfield and cry because the sun is out! I will not watch my child wander around the gymnastic floor lost because the trainer/teacher there is too busy getting the smaller siblings off the floor so she can do her job. What a waste for all of us. I don’t have the big bucks to put them in fancy Academy’s and if I did I still don’t think I would. Because I hate it!
I am not a soccer mom, a hockey mom, baseball mom, dance mom or anything thing like that. I do feel like this makes me a slacker of a mom at times…I do. But my heart’s just not in it.
I had my son in swimming for about a year. He didn’t like it but he needed to learn how to swim. I took him only two days a week for 6 weeks. In that time we missed two lessons because we were on road trips…we like to travel. He never complained if he missed because he didn’t want to go anyway. He was usually always glad he went for the most part after it was over. I also had him do a dog training class with one of our recuses’ at The Paul Beck Center in Aurora, CO. He liked that okay because he loves his dog but he cried in frustration every single time. I ended up doing the training more than he did. This is not what I singed up for. Tristan is not into organized spots…which is obviously fine with me. He has taken up weightlifting now in middle school which I think is pretty cool…because it requires nothing from me and it’s good for him!
My dear Gracie, my over achiever, sweet, sweet perfectionist. I’ve had her in Gymnastics since she was 3 and by the time she was 6, I just was over it. I swear the other moms, grand-moms…kids with babies…were all using this place as a daycare. I have never been more annoyed in my life! I spent hundreds of dollars on tons of leotards, tutus, leggings and fees, upon fees for both me and my Grace to walk out just plain pissed off. Well, I’m glad I could pay $150 for you to jump on that trampoline for 30 minutes then walk around lost the rest of time. That’s great..NOT!
I know what you might be thinking. Try a different place. What about what your kids wants? You’re right, maybe I should have tried a different place. Maybe I really just didn’t want to be there. I just don’t get the same joy as other moms do when they see their kids in a sport or activity. Although, if we’re being honest here, every single mom and dad I was with, in both swimming, Gymnastic and even the two years we did Kung Fu, all had their face in their phone. I was watching my kids…I was! I was watching in complete and utter frustration! I was watching the clock…like, is this almost over! And Yes, I should consider what my kids want to do…a little.
This is why last night I sat with them and we talked about this. I told them I would put them each in ONE activity or sport this summer. Just one but they have to finish it all the through and give it 100%. If I am going to pay for it, and all the other expense that comes with it, plus drive them all over the place, then they need to give this sport/ activity their best. So the conclusion was, Tristan wants to be a helper at the zoo. Yes, this is a real thing. And it’s hard labor mostly. They clean…a lot. But okay, I will see what I can do. Gigi was more complicated which is nothing new. She just can’t decide. Cooking classes, guitar lesson, dance or (cringe) back to gymnastics. So right now for her that means she doing nothing…because, hell no…I won’t do that to myself.
I cuss. I wouldn’t say that I cuss all the time but I do add a few zingers here and there. I even cuss in my blog and I know that I shouldn’t. I am a christian…I know that it’s wrong yet I do it anyway. I don’t cuss out people or my family (mostly) but I do cuss. I don’t even feel bad about it normally. I mean, I don’t throw around the *F bomb like it’s nothing! I save that one usually for specially occasions. Of course, there are some cuss words that are even too bad for me to say. But I have my go-tos. The ones that are part of my everyday vocab and my kids don’t even blink twice to hear me say them. Does this make me an asshole parent? Probably. Should I do better? Absolutely!
This is a crutch for me! I have a dirty mouth! All of my sisters do! We all three talk like drunken pirates and I honestly can’t say why we do? Sure we heard my parents cuss in causal conversation but not really badly. We sure did get cussed out by them at time or two or thirty…but that’s different. I am not even offended by it in the least either. We are all educated, one of us has a master’s degree in criminal justice and the other has her a degree as well and does the books for a very well-to-do company. I’ve been a teacher since 2003. I started working with special needs children and moved on to early education and finally to kindergarten and kids that were being held back or just needed more time. I had the perfect job with great co-worker and wonderful parents…finally after years of crap and horrible management, when Jason got the news we were moving out of Colorado and to Fargo, North Dakota. But I like I was saying… we are smart. We are not using cuss words because of lack of a vocabulary. Not at all. We like it. I think it.
And last but not least…why I suck as parent. Tablet time, TV…Youtube, video games. I’m fine with it. I kick my kids outside. Let me rephrase that. I kick my son outside plenty. My daughter lives on pure adrenaline. She never stops. She would be outside “mom, watch this!” all day if I let her. It doesn’t atter rain, snow, 70 mph wind… she outside. She’s on her bike, rollerblading, on her scooter, sidewalk chalk, making up a game, collecting ants and naming them; after she makes them a new habitat and accidentally drowns them all, or she will just have a cart-wheel contest, where she wins every time. So after I clean the dirt and grim off of her and get her to sit still, I am like, PLEASE just watch a movie and be still for all that is holy!!! Give me a break! The girl exhaust me. My son will ride his bike, walk the dog, go the park and now he will even mow the yard for fun…which is great! But then he wants to chill and I am fine with that because his sister takes every bit of energy that I have! This is why if I wake up in the morning and the kids are on tablets and not bothering me… I am totally good with that!
Yes, I check what they watch. Especially when it comes to YouTube. Right now, it’s watching other kids open things and Barbie for Grace. Tristan is 13 so he looks up stuff to figure out how to beat the next level on his video game. He also enjoy watching people doing really stupid stuff…I guess that’s funny? You know, like jump off a roof into a pool but totally miss the pool and land on a fence. I hate that stuff. But whatever. I know my kid and he is the most cautious kid on the Earth. He wouldn’t even ride a bike till he was ten because it looked dangerous.
Let me not forget dinner time. I am doing keto so I stay away from carbs but my kids eat them like crazy. Mac-n-cheese or chicken nuggets, corn dogs, how about a cheese quesadilla? All foods they love! Sure they eat tons of strawberries, grape and apple sauce. Lots of lots of green beans and broccoli, even carrots sometimes. But when I make real chicken, fish or even a steak…they want to puke. So their dinner takes me about 10 mins or less to make most nights and some nights I’ve been know to let them have ice cream! Yep…I’m that mom.
I haven’t told my husband this yet but Grace’s teacher told me she could skip 2nd grade and go into 3rd if I chose for her to. She basically did 2nd already this year and was working on 3rd grade work and it was easy for her. She is smart. She is a hard worker. She is diligent! She wants to do her best always! She cares about the work she puts out there. She’s only 7. She acts like she 16 in both good and bad but she planning for college already. She is messy and covered in dirt but it’s because she never, never gives up. She will practice and practice and study and study until she knows it better than anyone. This is just who she is.
Tristan was on Honor roll this year. He had the best report of his life! It wasn’t easy for him either. He really has to work hard. School doesn’t come easy to him. He stayed after school day after day and kept up on his homework. I saw him cry in frustration but he kept at it and he did great. He is the man of our house Monday – Friday while his Dad is out-of-town. He checks on me and makes sure I didn’t miss shutting a window or locking a door. He helps me with his sister, which is such a lifesaver. He is without any doubt the kindest and sweet human on the Earth. When my health trouble arise, Tristan makes my tea, get my meds and my heating pad. His dad has taught him well.
So I have to say…I may suck in plenty of areas but my kids have manners, they are doing amazing in school and are plain great kids. And consider the kids I have seen through the years working in schools myself, I am beyond blessed to have the ones I do.
I know I can’t take all the credit but damn it! I think I sure take a little!
This is my first AWARD! Thank you so much to In A Messy World for nominating me for this Liebster Award! I am new to this…so I’ll do my best my fellow bloggers!
1. I am an Empath. I am very careful with my company and my environment because of this!
2. I am a faithful person. I believe with every fiber in my body that God walks this life with me, every step!
3.Writing is my passion but my real desire is connection. I believe in the link between all things and that’s why it’s so important to be open and share our life stories with each other.
4.I love history. I am a junkie. I crave information on the past and like old things. Not only knowing and collection information but seeing, smelling and feeling the past.
5.I believe mushroom belong in and on every dish! Yum!
6.I could write morning or night but I seem to have all my big idea and creativity flow happen at night when I need sleep… anyone else? So I do most my drafts at nights!
7.I am a mom of two awesome kids! I have a son, almost 13 and a daughter, almost 8! They are actually awesome!
8.I have been married for going on 15 years strong! He is…for reals… my best friend! I know people say that but I actually mean it! I still have other best GIRL friends but he is my friend for life!
9.I have every intension to be a blogger/vloger/writer as my real life grown up career with an income…same day…same day!
10. I too, carry a notebook everywhere with me. Never leave home without it. And coffee…coffee and a notebook always!
11. I am a essential oil user for all things! I believe that the earth provides for our needs!
Questions from In A Messy world
Tell me a dark secret about you (mwahaha)
I sometimes a sit in the dark, in my closet. Sometimes, I am hiding from my kids. Other times, it’s because my minds is overwhelmed and I just need quite and a break for the chaos.
What would you want to invent?
Something to keep the pee and the poop in the toilet! No more surprise!
What is your favorite feature of yourself?
Physical, I am strong! But really it’s my ability to feel so deeply and connect to people on a deeper level that I love and am so proud of!
What would you like to explore, the ocean or space?
Both! I am a lover of information and knowledge!
What’s your favorite time of day?
I have two…Early morning with my hot cup of butter coffee as the sun is coming up, this is my prayer time. Then later after the kids have gone to bed and it’s blog time!
Harry Potter or Twilight?
I have read both sets of books and watches all the movie and I have to go Harry Potter all the way! What if they did a book that was Harry Potter meets Twilight?? Mind blown!
Do you have Social Media for you blog?
Yes! I share it on my facebook, twitter, Instagram, Linkedin, Weebly, Snapchat and Pinterest…Geez, did I forget anything? Wow! Follow me! Like I said before, I want to connect! This is my life and my big girl career! I love it!
Well, I am pretty fancy…NOT! I’m always in t-shirts, shorts, leggings, jeans, hoodies…comfort is the way to go!
Would you rather know when someone is lying to you or be able to lie without anyone knowing?
I don’t say I HATE…. many things but lying makes me nuts! I would like to know when someones lying, although I think I already have that power, LOL! We all make mistakes, so be honest and move on. The right people will stick with you and forget. The rest you never needed.
Shoutout one of your fave blogs:
Oh…Wow! I have a few! I like mine, LOL! Let’s Chat Fabric that made me
Silence, is the best reply to a fool. – IMMAM ALI (AS)
As anyone who has read my blog can till this week has been tough. I am having trouble with my self-esteem. But one thing I DO NOT struggle with at all is putting myself in the shoes of others.
I may beat the hell out of myself, worse than anyone else ever could. I have always been my own worst enemy. I don’t expect to have some big life change in that aspect of my life anytime so soon.
However, as I have gotten older and have had more life experience….and honestly found a more spiritual path, I just don’t want to put energy in hurting people. I don’t feel the need to voice my opinion all the time.
Which seems to be very popular nowadays…so annoying.
I feel that it’s a misconception that if I’m quite on a topic or even kind in my replies, it’s assumed I must agree or feel a certain way…or I am just plain weak. I am giving in. No. I hate to sound like a politician but ‘Let’s be clear’ not being a loud, asshole is not, me giving in.
Trust me, I have my thoughts and my opinions. They don’t always match yours and sometimes they do. I choose to keep my thoughts and views to myself. I choose to be a supportive, kind and a loving person instead. You know why? Because my character matters. It matters more then loud points of view that just hurt.
If my life falls apart… as it does from time to time…I pray to Dear God I have people around me that will LOVE me through that season in my life and not judge and battle me.
“Why am I a person?” My daughter ask. “God decided that you needed to be this person, just who you are”, I answered back. “Why did He not make me a dog or a table or someone else?” “Why am I Grace?” “Because there was already plenty of sassy puppies and no table could embrace all that attitude you have and no one else could be as unique as you are because there truly could only be one Gigi. “mmm…I guess you’re right!” She says ” I do like me.”
Where did I fall off? Where did I go wrong? Don’t get me wrong…I am proud to have a daughter that loves herself and is kind and fierce at the same time. She is awesome inside and outside! I am truly blessed by the joy she brings into my life. I don’t want to sound blind to that. I am greatly blessed for both my children. Lord knows where I would be right now without them. They seriously are my entire world. And because I want them to have a WHOLE, healthy mom I want to be better. I want to be better for longer. They deserve that.
So how did I fall off. It’s pretty clear I dislike myself and I don’t believe I am good at much. How in the hell did I get this way? I have no confidence at all. It sucks feeling this way. I don’t even trust myself anymore to make good choices. Every choice I make is to better our life and my life, yet it feels like a slow motion mess. I feel like I am moving through a swap of thick mud.
I don’t always feel sad. I wouldn’t even say that I am deeply depressed anymore as much as I am just underwhelmed with my life. I feel stagnant. I am not doing anything but I am trying. I am trying. Am I not trying the right things? Am I not working hard enough? Maybe I am not cut out to do more than just… this…
I have my business JOY on Purpose Essentials and that’s going nowhere fast. I have zero support from friends or family but I don’t blame them… it’s not for everyone. I just thought I would be farther along by now. It’s super disappointing.
I’ve also realized that I really started this blog as a release for myself. I hoped I would connect to others more than I have but it’s okay because I love writing and sharing. It sucks that no one really wants to read my blog. Either way, I still get to write and share and that’s the point. I still I can’t help but wish I had more people interested in it. I love reading everyone’s blogs, articles, books, novels, short stories, poems…I still get to do that even if people don’t enjoy mine. I’m going to have to be okay with that.
I guess I just wish I was better at my life. My business for starts… I believe in it so much. I have such a passion for these oils and what they have done for me. My health has gotten so much better. I still look like crap in my eyes but I feel a thousand times better. I know it doesn’t sound like I’m doing better because I am throwing a pretty good pity party right now for myself! But honestly, I was a huge wreck on all those meds. If I could only go back in time and make a different choice I would! I so would!
Maybe I just wish the results of all the hard work I have done would have some good physical pay off! I know that’s pretty shameless of me. How vain! The thing is, I just don’t recognize myself anymore. When I see myself in the mirror I don’t know who that person is looking back at me and I don’t like her too much! I mean…she’s okay I guess.
I know am a good mom. I take really good care of my kids. They have awesome lives and that’s because I make sure of it. Even if they get mad at me sometimes, it’s okay because I am raising really good humans. So I have that. I am a good mom.
The space I am in right now is hard to grasp. I feel ugly and unsuccessful basically. No one can help with any of this. It’s all on me.
My looks… I don’t know what else to do? I feel like I have done everything I can on my own. I know my doctor would like to send me to another doctor and do a bunch of test and tell me I’m depressed…here’s some meds and a big fat bill…no thanks. I’m so trapped right now.
My un/success.. I have been totally confused for the last year about what I want and maybe that because of this move and this new way of life for me. As a teacher back in Colorado I was able to be a great mom and wife really well. When I needed to be with my family or do the mommy thing, I could do that. I missed some school parties but for the most part I was always able to balance being a working mom well. And even some time manage a personal life. After all I made my own money and I had my own friends. But now I never have any freedom…ever. I’m a mom with even a husband around to babysit. At one time I had something that was mine and I did it all well. What do I have now beside tons and tons a loneliness and emptiness?
Sometime I wonder if Gods purpose for me is not be a leader. Maybe I won’t ever have a big successful business or a popular blog. I won’t ever be the person who’s suppose to be fit and trim or even just fit in. Maybe my purpose will always be a supportive role, a fixture in the back ground.
I support my child and guide them. I support my husband and do my best to make our life as “cared for” as possible. I support my family and “whatever” they might be going through (at the moment) but I just listen and keep my supportive role. Same with my friends, and it was always this way in the work place as well. Support, support, support! Maybe I need to stop trying to be a leader and know my place.
Is being the supportive person really that bad? I’ve never fully embraced it before. Part of me want to reject it with every fiber inside me. I’m almost resentful of it because who is supporting me?
If I want something different I have to do something different, right? But as for now maybr I do just EMBRACE…embrace my supportive role. Why does that feel so wrong? Why does this feel like a life sentence?
The art of being truly Grateful. The unique ability to find the good in everything and being able to feel real joy in even the smallest of moments. It’s living a happy life with abundance to be and inspire joy, peace, love and positive light in others. It’s also very important to remember that Gratitude is also being able to express a deep and meaning appreciation for the people in our life.
Being Thankful is different than having Gratitude
Gratitude is a state of being. It’s the very way you live and your ability to see everything in a place of peace and excepting deep love and appreciation for life itself. It’s the very fiber of your minds thoughts. It’s far more than words. People who live a life of Gratitude, live with a positive attitude and tend to not squander their blessings. They live with intention but are not boastful, if anything they are very humble.
*TIP- Focusing on the positive will help you to remember what it is that you are grateful for. Gratitude will be become a habit the more you do this on PURPOSE daily! This can be a writing activity, you can do this in your meditation, devotion/prayer time. Practice makes habits!
Being Thankful is an act we do. It’s a gesture we make out of respect. We are thankful for things, a moment or pay raise for example but what makes it become Gratitude is when our thankfulness becomes so deep that it’s spiritual. It’s life changing, it moves us to a higher level of awareness. The love, joy, passion, peace, everything that makes your life yours has changed because of it. Thankful is to small of word for that friends, you have humbly and deeply found yourself in the state of Gratitude.
Who In Your Life Needs a Reminder?
When you get uses to a person, day in and day out, it’s easy to forget why you chose them to began with. They become like… an end table.. okay maybe more than a table, more like a reliable Golden Retriever!
Your partner does not want to become your pet… your loyal stead fast companion. I don’t. They need to know that they are truly cared for. People in our life need to know and feel that they are deeply loved and we’re grateful for them. In my opinion, this is just as important as communication. You could talk all day but if you don’t feel your partner has gratitude for you…this will just fester into a bigger nastier mess. Imagine how bitter you will become. You don’t want that and you shouldn’t want that for your partner or anyone you care for.
Same goes for our friends, our children, our co-workers, close family members. We need to make sure we tell the people that we have deep Gratitude for how grateful we are for them!
I have Gratitude even when…
When every time you turn on the news it’s another heartbreaking, frustrating story or you open the mail box and there are more people ready to take your hard earned money then there are checks to cash, remember this… YOU more than your circumstances. You are LOVED! You have a talent that the world needs. You contribute more good than anything. Believe it, then do it. You are a writer, your words! Your blog… that’s one way. You care for your families. You pray for people in your circle, your neighbors, the world and the world needs it. You get people thinking! You share your story, your love, your light and it changes people… even if you never get any credit for it. Your’re a friend. Someone counts on you to make them laugh, lift them up, feed them, clothe them, hug them, listen to them. You always answer the phone for them. You are someones person.
Maybe we should spend a little less time taking everyone inventory and tell them how great they are. How much we love them. How much we need them in our life and just how very grateful we are to know them! Maybe it’s time we share our state of Gratitude with others.
>Side note>>> I watched a very moving video the other day. I connected to The Man right away. He had grown up in a stressful household with a Father who taught him all about hard work. He never got to be playful, laugh and even be in a carefree moment with his Father. The only interaction The Man ever had with was working and doing chores with his Father. The Man grew up and kept working hard but all he ever really wanted was his Fathers LOVE, his expectance and Gratitude. Even as The Man’s Father lay on his death bed and The Man had taken care of his Father in every way his Father still had no kind words for his son. The man was heartbroken. The Man had hit rock bottom. The Man lost all his wealth, lost his family, and was evicted from his home. He had nothing. He finally picked himself back up and started to do real-estate. The Man was good at this. He found himself a Mentor. The Mentor saw him one night working very late, so he walked into The Man’s office and said “You know, you have really great work ethic.” The Man looked up and was shocked! The Mentor said to The Man “You are so smart and you work so hard”. And again The Man looked at his Mentor confused…The Man had never had anyone say a kind, encouraging word to him before. The Man explained to his Mentor how he was feeling and that’s when his Mentor told him that it was time to rewire his brain. He had been taught hard work but not encouragement or love…he had never felt gratitude. He had shitty wiring. So The Man was asked by his Mentor who is someone he looked up to. The Man said Clint Eastwood because he’s tough and rugged. So the Mentor told The Man from now on you’re going to say over and over like crazy that you’re tough and rugged! So that night as The Man drove home he was pumped and ready to change the wiring in his brain. He said “I’m tough and rugged” over and over and he began to grow in his confidence. Then The Man upped his game and I said “I’m the best Real-estate agent of all time” and The Man said this over and over and then The Man words became reality. The Real-Estate Company The Man had worked for, he bought because he had beaten records over and over.
The point here is two things… OUR WORDS MATTER… our words that we say to each other, to our kids and MOST importantly to ourselves matter. Feed yourself with kindness, faith and encouragement. That will grow into an amazing love that you can then share with everyone else.
And secondly we can change our minds. We have the power to be the person we want to be. You want to be the outgoing, funny, social friend…but you are caring and owning the label that you are shy, awkward and quite. You don’t have to do that. You can be who you want to be.
I love that we are more than the labels. We can change our minds and rewire our minds.
I don’t know. I feel like I am aching for something that doesn’t exist. I am missing some apart of myself. I miss a place that I have never been but yet, I know this place well. It’s my comfort and security. It’s familiar to me somehow. I feel safe there, complete. I am a complicated, confused, misunderstood, an unnoticed wanderer. People assume to know who I am. They don’t, not really. I am simple and quite but my words spark, they are quick and sharp. I am a raging storm of chaos and sleepless nights. I am many things all at once. I am the sunlight in the morning and the still cool darkness in the middle of night. I am the one sitting in the corner watching the people at the party . I am tears in my closet to release my pain, a dream hunter to understand my subconscious, a child of God who is forgiven, a stranger to this planet, a writer looking for lost words, a scared mom, a lonely wife; who knows it’s all her fault, a desperate friend looking for a hand to hold or a shoulder to lean on. I am more than I even know. I am like the air, invisible but necessary. I have the ability to accomplish anything I put my heart and soul into, right? I want to believe that but I am weary, my bones hurt, my heart is tired and my eyes burn. I have fear and it has me. I am strong and weak all at once. I absorb people’s feelings like a sponge.Their moods, happy, sad, frustrated, annoyed. I may be joy then without notice, I may be rain. The people in my world change my world and have the ability to calm the storm inside me or make it rage on like you have never seen. The world has a strong effect on me weather I want it to or not. I want to have peace. The world does not. I have a fierce need to be loved and excepted by people. But people are fickle. Loyalties changing so frequently. Your feelings are deceitful. They will mislead you to believe things that aren’t true. Where is reality? Do I even want to be there? Is it safer for me to hide here in my head. Or is that where the madness is? What will it be like to see the light after being here with my eyes closed for so long? I am eager for the sting in my eyes to really to see the light for the first time. I know what the world has for me and it isn’t the sweet breezy watercolors I wish for. Can I stand long enough? Will I have the ability to stand my ground. This time will I open my fist, extended my fingers and reach out to the sun? The light small breath of mother nature let’s me know I am not walking through the shadows alone. I smell the sweetness of the trees, my hair whirls across my face. Slowly I move forward.