Goodbyes Are The Hardest Part:
It’s not really goodbye, it’s more like see y’all soon! However, it doesn’t change the pain of leaving each other.
This last year has been a tough one on all of us. We learned some lessons along the way, growing and becoming wiser than we ever wanted to ever be. We’re closer as a family unit in many ways but sadly divided in some ways as well.
I can say for myself, I’m so much more self sufficient and capable than I was a year ago. However, I’m also less trusting of “all” people and I feel the need to keep my circle of trust very small. This could be why I feel a huge urge for “safety”.
I have had an overwhelming feeling of danger for myself and my family. As if I’m personally under attack and my family as well. This has given me an over top feeling of anxiety! Now I have this immense need to be protected and to protect as well.
These last few years but especially this last year has given me self diagnosed PTSD. ￼
This is just more more the reason I’m so grateful for this next chapter in our life.
Our Last Day In Colorado
To begin our Christmas Day and last day in Colorado, we put flowers on my youngest sister’s grave.
I don’t think I have ever written but once about my sister on my blog before and that’s in my testimonials. (Here’s my Testimonial I’m coming…. ) Her name is Lauren Maureen Magruder and she is the twin of my sister, Jessica.
It was very emotional for obvious reasons but also because everyone now has moved away.
Jess is now left on her own to not only figure out life without her family just a drive away but it’s now her responsibility to put flowers on her sisters grave. It’s sad. It’s hard being alone. I know.
But the truth is, she’s not alone. She has an amazing boyfriend. He loves her very much and his family has welcomed her and her children in with opened arms.
Of course it’s most important to know Jesus walks with her and all of us each and every day. We’re never really alone. ￼
We FaceTimed our parents, who spent Christmas in Texas this year as they are transitioning to Tennessee. It was very emotional for them as well. Their children… even now as adults, spread across the United States. Something I know my Dad never really wanted to happen.
But I think my parents should be incredibly proud also. We all manage to do some incredible things. We’ve raised amazing children of our own, while enduring our own struggles. We’re strong women with soft hearts. We’re faithful to the Lord and rise above circumstances.
I’m not saying it’s been easy at all for any of us but we do our best. I’m proud of us.
Christmas Day Dinner
Dinner was great! We enjoyed singing, prayers, playing games, wonderful conversation, great laughs and the best foods! I think we all came together beautifully!
By now you all know who The Meg is… (my MIL) she came with her close family, friends and we spent this Christmas with my sister, Jessica’s boyfriend, Max’s family. It was perfect!
All of us are going through many changes and I think we all got to enjoy some peace and laughter. It felt good and much needed.
I’m thankful to Max for opening up his home and sharing his family with us.
I have to add I’m extremely grateful for the love Max gives Jessica. Even with all the pain and abuse she’s suffered, he manages to make her smile. I’ve never, in my adult life seen my sister laugh like she has since she been with him. Laughter is such a beautiful gift.
One Last Stop…
It’s not our house anymore. It’s not our home base. One last stop at the place where I buried my childhood dog, where I learned how to drive and got my heart broken a million times. One last stop at where I had so many first times and many last times. One last stop where my heart was the fullest, where my son found his peace. One last stop where I grew up. One last Goodbye.
Now on to Topeka, KS….