Mother’s Day & Perspective 2019

Mother’s Day & Perspective

 

 

 

A Different Type Of Mother’s Day

This Mother’s Day I would definitely describe as sweet and beautiful. Maybe even bittersweet at some points.

I know a lot of effort was put into this Mother’s Day. It was hard to pull it together with our situation. Finances and expenses here in California have been seriously hard to adjust to. Damn near impossible actually! Plus we’re still working on relationships stuff. Not to mention really tighten up the parent reins! We’ve been seriously out of touch as a family with all this other junk going on. All that combine makes for a difficult situation… but not in possible one.

 

 

I think what Jason planned, was probably the best for all of us! We all needed to get out of the town for a little while, exploring a new place and kind of getting out of our heads.

Going North

Travels north through San Luis Obispo up to Pizmo beach

I have a slight obsession with the orchards. Rows and rows of fruit trees forever! Mostly we see apricot trees but there are tons of orange, lemon, lime, pomegranate, fig and avocado tress too. It’s so awesome!

In Colorado you’re pretty lucky if you get edible apples on your apple tree! To see all these fruits trees for miles is pretty spectacular. And to know that it doesn’t just feed a family, these trees feed tons and tons of people everywhere.

There’s also fields that go on forever of strawberries. 🍓 It’s pretty surprising all the agriculture here. I would’ve never guessed!

I guess I should’ve known that lots of fruits and vegetables come here (Southern California) but in my mind it was all about Hollywood, celebrities and beaches! Not that that isn’t a big part of this place because it is. It’s just that there’s so much more than just that.

Entering The Mountains

It was nice to get a sense of home. Some times I feel like I’m homeless.

There were definitely times that if I didn’t know I was in California, I could’ve sworn I was in Colorado. Maybe there weren’t as many Pine trees everywhere but the beauty was there and even the crazy drivers!

It was a great drive and so much beautiful scenery everywhere. We were surrounded by gorgeous hillsides, mountaintops, trees and other amazing colorful plants. California is truly a beautiful place. I could never deny that.

However I couldn’t help feeling this pain in my chest as we curved through these beautiful roads. I know in my heart that place is tearing my marriage and family apart. This might sound dramatic… I’ve been called worse… but I feel this place the devil in disguise.

Totally mesmerizing us with its bewitching scenery and alluring weather, why would you ever want to leave? I absolutely see why people move here and scramble to make ends meet to live in this place. Sometimes I feel like it’s not real… until I meet some other people. Then reality hits… hard.

I did all that I could to clear my head and stay of out this negative place. All I want and frankly needed, was to be in the moment with my husband and my kids.

Fog and The Hills

The story book like hills of Ojai

The twisty curvy roads are just crazy here! They do make driving interesting. Actually when no one else is on the road trying to push you off the road, it’s really fun to cruise up and down these canyons.

I love how the dense fog would settle into the valleys. The fog was so heavy that it soaked the air. Everything looked so storybook like.

We were able to pull over so I could take a few pictures but it was tricky. Even though these roads were so steep and so curvy people still decided to drive very fast through them. Which made pulling over to take a picture quite dangerous.

It was still pretty amazing watching the land and sky collide.

Farm land and Moo Cows

Santa Maria was a smaller Community as we continue to head north.

We did a quick stop here just to stretch our legs. Even though this was a short stop, I have to admit it was nice to see this place as it reminded me of the small town of Wray CO.

A large part of my family lives there and I miss them so much! Of course Santa Maria wasn’t quite as flat as Wray is but it still sparked a little bit of home for me. It also made me miss it a little more to.

The whole drive gave me time to think about many things. Which triggered me to miss many things as well and that only made me more frustrated!

I started to worry the only way I’d ever get “home” would be for a funeral. This is such a fear of mine. Every time I think about this I only get more and more angry and feel more and more resentful.

I want to explain just one reason why… I have many reasons but here one:

A few months back a close friend our Jason and ours died. This person at one time almost married my sister and was my child Godfather. He was also a childhood friend of my husbands. We sadly had to step away due to very different ways of lives we were all living. Even though we still loved each other.

When this person passed away we both wanted to be there for the funeral, our friends and the family. This was so shocking for all of us.

However as we looked at everything we knew it would be expensive and difficult for both of us to go.

I could have pushed the issue with Jason. I had ever reason to be there too. However, I knew it was important to get Jason there. This would help his mental state and Jason needed his friends in this moment more than I did right then. I needed to sacrifice  going to Colorado for him so I did.

I wish that I was given that same courtesy and respect once in awhile. Have time and freedom has been missing from my life since the day we left Colorado and I need time away. Visiting my family and my friend to mentally regroup would do wonders for me. I never get this… I never GOT this.

These are the type of thing that send me down the rabbit hole and I get myself spinning. I started to feel completely trapped, controlled and child-like. Resentment hits me.

This is the bitter-part.

Time for grub and drinks

Finally getting San Luis Obispo and enjoying a cold one! Finally!

First of all I about died when I saw they had a drive-thru movie 🎥 theatre! This was parts of my childhood and it makes me truly sad these theaters are gone! Seeing one that was playing relevant movies made my LIFE! I wish we could have gone! I want to do to this!

The bar and grill, Central Coastal Brewery is actually owned by a guy Jason use to work with. This place is pretty awesome!

The brewery system is truly a sight! There’s a game room that puts all other game rooms to shame! This isn’t a cheesy over top kiddy place, it’s adult style gaming area, with pool tables, shuffleboard and other board games.

There was an outside bar and although I didn’t get to explore the backyard/patio area in depth (due to construction) what I did see was beyond awesome! I definitely could have a good time there!

The bar inside is massive! There were plenty of beers and other mixed drinks to choose from! The atmosphere as a whole is great!

As for the food I only got an appetizer and my son and Jason got burgers. We got 2 hot soft pretzels with mustard and beer cheese and I believe some type of spicy burger. We also had Potnacho… what this is basically is nacho on really crispy potato chips. It was super yummy and now I want to make my nachos this way forever!

We had a good time here!

Change of Plans… Kinda

Beautiful Pismo Beach and an old naked ass…

We drove through Pismo Beach and it was a really nice place. It looked… um… expensive.

We decided to find a place we could hike that my daughter could manage with her lovely cast. (Have I mentioned, she has a broken hand?)

Jason thought we’d try Avila Beach. We have never been and probably won’t go again.

It was a good little hike with kids, especially with it been so hot out that day. Who knew that by the time we got to the beach part we’d be greeted by a warning sign.

I kinda thought it was a joke. We decided to see if we could actually get Grace down to the beach and back up when all the sudden I look over and see the oldest hippie…. a 90 year old man pulling off his pants. My head immediately looks over to Grace! Her eyes are wide open and she looks like she saw a ghost. I grab her a turn around.

It was only a second but it’s burned in my head and I’m sure G’s too. Nude beaches in California? Really!

So out of all the bodies on that beach the 90 year old is the one to strip down…. fabulous! After that we hiked it on out of there and headed back home.

 

 

Conclusion

This day road trip was really sweet and I love Jason for giving us all a good day together. He did such a nice thing for all of us.

Even with this very sweet trip and seeing more of just how beautiful California is… I can’t help but feel even more homeless, even more lost.

I know that wasn’t Jason’s intension with this road trip at all, for me to become so deep in thought; but honestly, I think he feels the same way.

We miss our friendships and family. We’ve dead broke here! Happiness is hard to come by. I’ve basically been in turmoil ever since I felt Colorado. Life has been a bitch.

I can name a few good things… it hasn’t been all bad. We did have some good times in Minnesota and made some awesome friends. We have made some great memories together as family. The kids would have never been able to see all the things we have shown them without this crazy life. I’m glad and thankful for all the good moments and even the lessons.

The hard part is what this has done to me mentally. I’ve been broken. It’s crazy how time and experiences can change a person so much you don’t recognize yourself anymore.

Our drive on Mother’s Day gave me so much time to reflect and think. The conclusion for me is I’m sick on feeling homeless and I want to lay down some roots. I miss my sisters and my nieces and nephew. My kids should be able to know their cousins and have good relationships with their grandparents. I miss my parents and I miss Jason’s mom too! We’ve always been pretty close and you know what! Time is passing us by, they’re getting older, we’re getting older and we’re wasting all of this time, just hurting and being broken.

I need to make a plan to fix all this.

Taken It For Regret

http://Pismo Beach, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pismo_Beach,_California

http://Avil Beach, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avila_Beach,_California

xoxo sk

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