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Freshening up and cleaning house!

what to do with old blog post? Keeping a Fresh Blog: What to do with old Blog Post? How to clean up old Blog Post: Written By Aminta Dematura I got a little distracted with homeschooling my kids and I fell of track. When did 3rd grade get so damn hard? Where did all the fun go? Everything is so stressed and serious! School is not fun anymore! It’s all test and prepping for college… gees! Plus, my son is finishing up his 8th Grade year! I’m so proud of him! He is so close! Check out my social media for pictures! My Instagram I also did three other blog posts, not related to this whole cleaning up series. Enough Is Enough and Future Writer| My Heart ❤️ Is Full and also Remember The Mission|Don’t Lose Hope. *I hope if you get a chance that you will check these post above out and let me know what you think. I am in a really good but very different space right now. I’ve eliminated a few things in my life recently that simply do not better my life and most definitely bring me down and confuse my path. This has change my writing game and reminded me why I started this blog, why I love and need to write. I am empowered and focused.

I’m back at tidying up the blog!

cropped-coffee-hearts-blog-cover.png Next on the list is this little post here…Which was actually inspired by my dear friend Kate! I met Kate in 2017 when we first moved to Moorhead, Minnesota. We were fortunate enough to live just a couple houses away from each other, so our kids were together all the time! There were many great family meals, weekend fun and late night adult beverages had. I sure do miss those times together…the laughs, the camaraderie between our families. All the spontaneous get togethers! I wish we could get together so easily still! I will write more about my friend and what our friendship means to me in a blog that’s coming up in a few day so I don’t want to give it all way now…I just love her. I love that family! This blog here was first written in June of 2018! When I first wrote this post, I was really trying to figure out how messed up of a mother I was. I am still, at times trying to figure that out. I have never questioned the crazy deep love that I have for my kids but the level of involvement and need of balance when it comes to the amount of time, is another question. These little energy suckers (my sweet children) take up all my time and energy. I know this might makes me sound like a complete jerk and that’s fine. I promise you  I have no time to myself. None. At the time I wrote this post, I had even less. Balancing a bit a self-care was out of freaking question. A husband and wife having a second to themselves…most likely not. Every moment was given to my kids…even when I was sleeping. I was a zombie mom but not a saint. I was and am a cussing, flawed, mess of a mom. It takes a special kind a messy mom to fit in with me because I fit in nowhere. It was true than and it’s true now. Back in Minnesota the only days we got with Jason were Saturdays. Every single Sunday were spent with him preparing for another long drive somewhere far away, to be gone for another week away from us. If he did have time to do anything, it was to crack open a beer and sit on the couch. If I were to plan a busy weekend of events, we wouldn’t of seen him at all. He just was not present in our lives much as it was. I’m not sure if I did that right thing by sitting on that couch next to him or not but that’s what I did. But I will say I won’t do it again. Thankful things have changed with Jason’s time and his involvement with our family. Because this has made it possible to change I’m view and create some availability for a few things too. I’m so glad to be able to update this blog because of the differences to our family. Still, there are some things, I recognized about myself and it’s simple! I’ll never be “that mom”…So put together and organized! I will always eat the wrong food. I don’t have the best instagram pictures or take my kids on the best vacations! I sure as hell don’t wear trendy clothes and look to salon perfection to drop off the kids at school or at anytime frankly. I like Target too, but you will alway like it more than me. I’m not ever going to fit the PTA, stay at home mom standards or the boss mom, who is driven and hustling…not ever. Although, I do still want to join and volunteer, work hard and have my own goals. I can’t fake a smile and laugh, when a joke wasn’t, like the other moms. It’s not me. This chick does not wear heels, not even to church so my #bosslady involves my computer, a notebook, coffee and an oversized sweatshirt…pants..maybe.

What got me to write this blog in this place…

I remember my good friend Kate, being busy every weekend with soccer or football or something. Her weekends were totally booked! Even her weekdays were packed to max, with her own job and serving her family! It was like she was in overdrive all the time! Rarely did I ever see her take a second to sit and be still. They was no break. I serious could not imagine moving as fast as Kate did or having my time being hijacked anymore than it it was! But I never consider any of this was of her own choice, either. Which has really opened my eyes up to a new joy and a new way to balance, because it’s still important. She gave no time to herself that I saw and every single second was dedicated to her family but yet, was as radiant as ever! How the F is the possible? I admire Kate so much for the amazing mom she is, the wife that I see her being and the incredible friend, I am so blessed to have!  

I’m That Mom| She Inspires Me To Be More | Refreshing

  Am I awful? I hated having my kids in a bunch of activities. My friend, kate is probably the best Mom that ever lived. Her kids are in multiple things, she keeps track of what they’re watching on TV and she doesn’t cuss around them. Seriously, Kate my hero! Did I mention that she makes them dinner every night? She’s amazing! She also works outside her home, while taking care of damn near everything inside her home. Somehow she found time to go to Yoga with me on Sundays when I lived in MN and have a beer on the weekend, seek away and put her son to bed. Girl- who are you?   I didn’t have it in me to put my kids in sports or activities that would take up my whole weekend. Because I hated…hated the idea of giving up our weekends, crowd together with tons of other screaming kids and their parents. Actually, I loathed that idea of it. I wanted our weekends to be free to do nothing or everything but not that, for god-shakes! However, I feel a bit different now in 2020. I’ve been able to go to a few things and clap for my child and it’s a feeling I can’t explain. It’s a joy that’s overwhelming. It’s making me proud but it makes them prouder. There are some great lessons to be learned in activities and sports that our kids will not learn from me. I want and believe they need these lessons. It’s vital! Sportsmanships, how to lose and how to win, hard work, resilience and manners, just to name a few things. My son loves to watch football, baseball but not to play. He’s into the Automotor world, taking things apart and putting them back together. He loves the outdoors, camping, fishing, hunting, nature and animals. There’s a ton a great actives for him as well. I had my son in swimming for about a year. He didn’t like it but he needed to learn how to swim. We only went two days a week for 6 weeks and in that time, we missed two lessons because we went on road trips…we like to travel. Tristan never complained about missing because he didn’t want to go anyway. I did say he isn’t in to this kind of activity! Most the time he held onto the wall for dear life and that’s where the instructure left him. Tristan also did dog training classes with one of our rescues dog, Dozer, at The Paul Beck Center in Aurora, CO. He liked that okay because he loves his dog, but he cried in frustration every single time. He was too little back then and the place was overcrowded and totally miss managed. The wanted money so the packed the place. I ended up doing the training more than Tristan did. This is not what we signed up for at all. This was supposed to be something Tristan could build upon and bond with his new dog, who also needed this bonding time too. Not to mention it was not cheap at all! Tristan walked to the truck in tears most nights. Fearful we set our dog back in his growth and in Tristans. Thankfully, we did find a space away from everyone else and I had worked at vet clinic for a little over 6 years before, so I had some experience to help Tristan along. It wasn’t what we hoped for or what I paid for but we got some really got quality time out of it. Tristan is not into organized sports and he had made that really crystal clear to me! Which is obviously fine with me. He had taken up weightlifting in middle school, while living in Minnesota, which I thought was pretty cool because it requires nothing from me and it’s good for him! He also was active in his youth group in California and had really healthy friendships. He is always outside, working or cleaning up something all the time. I know he love being outside and he finds his peace being in a garage, out in nature. That’s my kid. Being outdoors improves most people’s mood and is good for your mental health, it helps you to be more self awareness and a greater appreciation for the environment. Of course, being in any activity will help you develop relationships skills in how to deal with peers. This in my humble opinion is very important!

Update One:

Tristan has had maybe the toughest time since we left California. He had many friends there. He was honor roll and part of a few actives at him school and part the youth group of his church. Leaving was hard on him. He does love living on 5 acres of beautiful forest here in New Jersey. It’s peaceful and he loves the nature. Being part of a small town with good, friendly, kind people is what we have all craved but it is who Tristan is. I think this place will fit him well. He is excited to be out in woods everyday just about and making paths with his new equipment. He has his own work area in the garage to work on his own projects, his RCs or whatever his heart desires. He hope to build a small cabin a some point. He will soon be part of the high school youth group at our new church and Tristan was really excited to find out that his new school had Auto class double periods! They even had car care class and one thing California high school did not offer America History. His new school has lots and lots of history classes and his loves that too. What can I say, my kid is an old man. I think Tristan actually was super happy when we drove him over to his new school. The stadium was massive and reminder us the the show Friday Night Lights. It’s a really nice school. Much nicer than where he would have been going. It’s small town, great people, good teachers, great new church his a part of! I think this kids future is bright!


There’s really no negative, but the money…

The money. We’re not rolling in the dough here. It’s painful to hand over our hard-earned cash just to watch my child stand in the outfield, crying because she’s hot! I can so see Gigi telling her coach, “You’re not my boss”… yep, that’s my daughter! I don’t want to watch my child wander around the gymnastic floor lost again because the trainer/teacher is busy wrangling the smaller siblings off the floor, so she can do her job. What a waste for all of us! There’s no money to put my child in a fancy Academy and if there was I would have those moms to deal with…man.. I still don’t think I would want too. I can feel my body overheating as I type! The vision of Dancing Moms is flashing in my head…oh, hell no! I’ve not been a soccer mom as of yet or a hockey mom, baseball mom or gross… even a dance mom or anything like that. I do feel like this makes me a slacker of a mom at times…I do. Then I think about my beautiful friend Kate and her sweet, amazing children. I know that I am not her. I’m just me. But I am inspired by her love and how she pushes herself in to these places that she doesn’t really want to go all the time because of that amazing love for her family. I think she enjoys the places she doesn’t always want to go because of this awesome love she has. Sure, she gets tired and has all the anxieties of life too because her life is not perfect, who’s is. She is doing her life without a lot help, no nanny to pick up the kids and let her grab a quick power nap! This amazing women is winging it and living on a prayer. She’s doing a fantastic job and it makes me think, I can put myself out there a bit more. I have that same love for my kids but I’m not as strong as her when it comes to dealing the annoying parts. God bless you Kate!

Update Two:

Gigi is is signed up for Soccer and will be joining a youth group camp at our new church as soon as this COVID thing lets up! She’s signed up and we’re just waiting. I dear say it- but she’s actually a very good dancer and if she wants to do dance in the off season from soccer than I guess, I will be the sweatshirt, messy bun, wearing dance mom… God help me, here we go! My dear Gracie, my overachiever, sweet, sweet perfectionist aka mental nightmare. I’ve had her in Gymnastics since she was 3 and by the time she was 6, I just was over it. I swear the other moms, grand-moms…kids with babies…were all using this place as a daycare. I have never been more annoyed in my life! I spent hundreds of dollars on of tons of leotards, tutus, leggings and fees, upon fees for both me and my Gigi to walk out, just plain pissed off. I remember Grace’s last words to her frustrated gymnastic teacher, “Don’t touch my hand like that EVER…EVER…again!” This was after the kids were lined up to get a stamp on their hands at the end of class. The 16 years old “teacher”, who was super flustered was grabbing the kids hands, very ruff and slamming her “Great Job” stamp on the kids hands. You could see the stock on the kids faces when something that was supposed to be fun and praise, was painful. None of the other moms even noticed, too busy on their phones or gabbing with other moms. It made my stomache turn! I’m glad I could pay $250 for you to jump on that trampoline for 30 minutes, get a bruise and a crappy stamp on your hand, then walk around lost the rest of time. What a waste of time for everyone but the “moms” that used that place to get away from it all. I know what you might be thinking. Try a different place. What about what your kids wants? You’re right, I should have tried a different place. Maybe I just didn’t want to be there? Perhaps, I don’t get the same joy as other moms when they see their kids in a sport or activity? Although, if we’re being honest here, every single mom and dad, for that matter that I was with, in both swimming, Gymnastic and even the two years that we did Kung Fu, all had their face in their phones or where chatin it up with another parent and didn’t pay any attention to what their kid was doing. I was watching my kids…I was! I didn’t let the other sibling invade other people space or wreck whatever was going on for the other kids. New flash… no one thinks it’s cute. Yes, I should consider what my kids want to do…a little. This is why Jason and I discussed with the kids about being actives in something.  There needs to be time for them to grow as an individual and discover what the like and don’t. Have to problem solve and finish things out. It’s also important to relax. It very important to still, to have time to pray, let yourself be bore for a minute. Kids try to fill every minute with something and usually it end up being YouTube or Tik Tok… It’s okay to just be for awhile. Quick the outside world and calm it all down. Rest in important too. Family time is number one. I did not have this growing up. I spent a ton of time watching my sisters or by myself in my room. For my family, I want to explore with them and make really great memories. Sometimes, that’s going to be working in yard, watching a movie together, going to the shore, having a BBQ, or maybe going fishing. Other times, it might be bigger like planning to take a trip and go on a fun vacation or explore places we have never been before! Maybe visit places our family has seen before and wants to see again! These thing are very important to me, along with both the kids finding their passion. I will support it. Even if it mean taking up a few Saturdays!

My Mouth

I cuss. I wouldn’t say that I cuss all the time but I do add a few zingers here and there. I know that I shouldn’t. I’m a human christian, not a robot! But here I am F this! Or what the Hell! I know that it’s wrong yet I do it anyway. Now how well will that going over, at the PTA meeting, when they bring up all the regulations on bake goods? I’m sure I wouldn’t be invited ever again. Please know, I don’t cuss out people. I mean unless I have too but I do cuss or curse. I don’t even feel bad about it normally. It just wake up in the morning … I just do it.  I mean, I don’t throw around the *F bomb like it’s nothing! I save that one usually for specially occasions. Of course, there are some cuss words that are even too bad for me to say but I have my favorites. The words that are part of my everyday vocab. My kids don’t even blink twice when they hear me say them. Does this make me an asshole parent? Probably. Should I do better? Absolutely! Would my dear from Kate do this? mmm, no… not as like me. She cusses. She a real person. But she’s a “good” mom. I’m a bad mom. You know the mom the says do what I say not what I do. Thank God that has worked really well for me so far. Somehow we both have really awesome and kind kids. I know theres a sailor in the kate…just waiting to get out! Kate is by far better at knowing her surroundings and watching her mouth. But she can for sure curse with the best of them…just not around the kiddos! This is a crutch for me! All of my sisters have this cursing problem! All three of us talk like drunken pirates, especially when we are heated. Or we use too, I don’t talk to my sister much anymore so maybe they clean up their mouths. I honestly don’t know why we all use to cuss or maybe still do so much? We heard my parents cuss in casual conversation but not really badly. I think I cuss way more than I parent did. We sure did get cussed out by them…but that’s different. I am not even offended by curse words in the least. We are all educated, one of us has a master’s degree in criminal justice and the other has her a degree as well. We all have gone to college and we’re smart and inform people. Yet we mouth off. At least we use too. I guess, I don’t know what the other two do anymore.

Screen Time

Last but not least…why I suck as parent. Tablet time, TV…Youtube, video games. I’m fine with it. This is still mostly true as long as the school work and grades are good, your chores are done right, and your attitude doesn’t suck. I’m totally fine with this kids having screen time as long as the can balance it with real life. when that stop screen time also will stop. Grace is still pure adrenaline. She still never stops. Mostly this is all this same…. She would be outside “mom, watch this!” all day if I let her. It doesn’t matter rain, snow, 70 mph wind… she outside. She’s on her bike, rollerblading, on her scooter, sidewalk chalk, making up a game, collecting ants and naming them; after she makes them a new habitat and accidentally drowns them all! Or she will just have a cart-wheel contest, where she wins every time. After I would clean the dirt and grime off of her and do my best to get her to sit still all I would want is for her to please just watch a movie and be still for all that is holy! Give me a break! The girl exhaust me. Now that Gigi is a bit older and has discovered instagram now and Tic Tok…I have to be more careful her time on the screen. It might just be my opinion but I feel like girls especially, very easily find their self worth in whatever is trendy, whatever the comments say. Just like my generation did in the magazines. Again my inspiration, my good my kate has been a soldier, a guardian for children, especially her girls in this way. Now having a teenager herself she is very protective and holds the line on this front. I have totally giving in but Kate won’t. I so look up to her for that.  

Feed Me

Let me not forget dinner time. Mac-n-cheese or chicken nuggets, corn dogs, how about a cheese quesadilla? All foods they love! Sure they eat tons of strawberries, grape and apple sauce. Lots of lots of green beans and broccoli, even carrots sometimes. But when I make real chicken, fish or even a steak…they want to puke. So their dinner takes me about 10 mins or less to make most nights and some nights I’ve been know to let them have ice cream! Yep…I’m that mom.  

Raise’m Up

I haven’t told my husband this yet but Grace’s teacher told me she could skip 2nd grade and go into 3rd, if I chose for her to. She basically did 2nd already this year and was working on 3rd grade work and it was easy for her. She is smart. She is a hard worker. She is diligent! She wants to do her best always! She cares about the work she puts out there. She’s only 7. She acts like she 16 in both good and bad but she planning for college already. She is messy and covered in dirt but it’s because she never, never gives up. She will practice and practice and study and study until she knows it better than anyone. This is just who she is.

Update Three:

What’s crazy about this above paragraph is the Grace has changed so much from the time we moved to California. It was not a good move for her. I have written about it before. Her teacher in California was evil, mean and treated her terrible. She shouldn’t be teacher anywhere ever! I tried to speak to the office staff and get help, even pull her out and move her to a different class. California crushed Grace into pieces. my girl who is so smart was told she wasn’t and started to believe it. Gracie has tanner skin, darker hair, darker eyes,she has unique feature, she’s beautiful and so talented but she was treated so different then her brother. Tristan looked California, blondish brown hair, hazel-greenish eyes and golden tan skin. His experience verse hers was night and day. Why is that? Grace was about to skip a grade. California broke Grace and me both. Not only was she now behind in school, she barely had a single friend. If I could go back and ease her time there, I would. She was treated like shit. She self-esteem went down the drain and her attitude followed. She was had to be around at times because she fought with everyone. It was a cry for help. I understand because I was in pain too. I hated it there also. Jason talks about maybe having to go back to California at some point but I would die first. I would never take Grace there again, never!
  Tristan was on Honor roll this year. He had the best report card of his life! It wasn’t easy for him either. He really has to work hard. School doesn’t come easy to him. He stayed after school day after day and kept up on his homework. I saw him cry in frustration but he kept at it and he did great. He is the man of our house Monday – Friday while his Dad is out-of-town. He checks on me and makes sure that I didn’t miss shutting a window or locking a door. He helps me with his sister, which is such a lifesaver. He is without any doubt the kindest and sweet human on the Earth. When my health trouble arise, Tristan makes my tea, get my meds and my heating pad. His dad has taught him well.

Update Four:

Tristan is still this kid all around. So maybe I’m not great with putting my kids in activities, groups, sports or what have you. I do curse far too much and have things to work on! But I think I’m still doing a really great job with these kids because they’re great and they have kind hearts! I’m not even taken credit for how wonderful they are. I think they were just born awesome! So I have to say…Even though I suck in plenty of areas as a mom, my kids have good manners, they’re doing good in school and are plain good humans, which we need more of. And considering the kids that I have seen through the years working in the school system myself, I am beyond blessed to have the ones I do. That’s a fact! I know I can’t take all the credit but damn it! I think I sure take a little!

Update Five:

Now in New Jersey the kids will be starting new school and each have new adventure of their own to navigate. Tristan will be a Freshman this year and Gracie will be in 4th grade. It will also be her last year in Elementary School, since they start Middle School here at 5th grade. This is going to be a big year for these guys but I know God has them and it’s going to be amazing. I also know we have something I didn’t have and that give me so comfort. See, me and my sister are pretty F up. No one speaks really talk to ofen and it’s pretty fake. The relationship is messy and it’s a cycle I was hoping to fix but the mental damage is unreal. My kids know this is not okay. To behave this way is not okay. Our family is 4 important people and it only work with us 4 in it. We don’t kick anyone out and we all are valuable and have a voice. We all have to work to make this family function properly. No one is special and gets an award as favorite…there’s no favorite! We all need to present and work together or we fall. Jason and I as the leaders of the 4 of us, won’t stand for it to be any other way. If there’s a F’n glitch, we fix it. Period. This family will not end up like the one I grew up in. I refuse. So I take the lessons I have learned over these years over moving around, my inspiration from my sweet friend, Kate and the brokenness and stupidity of my sisters and make a better stronger family. (very old video from when I lived in Minnesota)

skelly

Hi✌🏼
I'm Skelly! I'm a beginner in the writing world. It's through observing and be a great listener that I translate all my experiences through writing. Sometimes it's journaling and other times it's through poetry.
I've been blessed with a passion for sharing the world around me through words.
Come interrupteur the world with me. It's so much better with company!

12 Replies to “I’m That Mom|She Inspires Me To Be More| Refreshened”

  1. I am laughing my ass off at this post! (Said the sweet Christian) Hey, being from Texas, I’m gonna cuss, and every now and then my daughter does too. I love how you keep the F bomb for special occasions. Yea….I’m that Mom too. xxxx

  2. A mom’s job is never an easy one, and seems to be the best job ever…. You’re not awful, you’re the best mom to your kids….. 👍

  3. I think you should be proud actually because you have been a wonderful mom to them and I think they know that too. Parenting is a touch job but it’s for our children. We love them no matter what and we keep supporting them 😇. So raise your children according to your best judgement because you are just awesome 😊✨

  4. I’m reading this post on your blog for the first time and I’ve never read or seen anything else from you before now and all I can think is “this mom is kicking ass!” This post is so inspiring to me! I love that you have your own attitude about being a Mom your way and raising your kids how you feel is best. Forget fitting into all the social circles everyone else wants to be in. I hope I will be the best Mom my son needs, but it’s always a lot of work! So I hope to be as comfortable in my decisions for raising him as you are with your kids. What’s most important is that your kids are brilliant and amazing little people that will make this world a better place, even if you didn’t shove them into tutus and football pads just to brag about it to all the other moms.

    1. Thank you!! Your words brighten my day! I wish I were always super confident! As long as we are loving them and protecting them… we can only do the best we can! I’m sure you’re doing great! Being a mom is no joke! If it were easy we’d be Dad’s lol 😝 just kidding, love the dads too!

  5. The saying, the proof is in the pudding comes to mind. Your children sound like amazing individuals and you are part of the reason why. Their happiness and who they are/becomes is one of the most important and most difficult things to get right as a parents in my opinion. I think you are doing great.

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My name is Skelly. I am a mother, a wife and unfinished project for life. Writing and researching has been part of my life since I could hold a pencil in my hand. Mental Health and Spiritual Wellness is a focus of mine, as I grow stronger in faith. Now, I hope to revisit storytelling, poetry and journal writing and the YouTube world possible to share and connect with all of you! Thanks for sharing in this life with me!

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