Welcome To Colorful Colorado
A Hometown State of Mind is just what I need to get centered… the get back to the fabric that made me.
I was sitting here trying to recall my last visit home? It’s sad that actually I can’t remember. Christmas in 2017 we went as a family and it was a rushed trip! My anxiety was terribly! I was home once before that in June 2016 I think, for Father’s day, to surprise my parents. That visit was a less than 45 hour turn around for me and I back in Minnesota!
Jason, I and the kids did a short stop in Colorado when we were journeying to California but I was on special orders, that I had NO TIME to make plans with a soul… so I saw no one. We only spent one single night at my parents house before we hit the road again.
Spending less than 2 hours, saying a quick hello-goodbye to my Aunt, Uncle and Grandparents in Wray, CO but then it was all business again and we were back on the road. It wasn’t what I wanted at all. I was really missing and needing my friends and family then. This was probably the start of my down-ward spiral into major depression, I just didn’t know how bad at the time.
All of my two visits to my hometown have been very rushed. Jason can’t take on the kids or handle more responsibilities than his job, so he tends to panics when I’m not around to handle the living-being in our care. Even this current visit coming up to Colorado, Jason is in a frenzy about me leaving and I’m taking the kids with me this time! I mean, let me live, Dude!
Time for some fun and laugher with people that I miss and love, in a place that I once called home.
It’s been a long time since I really laughed, like a real belly laugh. You know the laughs that make your face go ugly and you start to cry but it feels so good! I need that! I need the ugly, tear streaming down your face kind of laugh! I haven’t had a whole lot of happiness going on for awhile! It’s been too long and I’ve been on survival mode! There’s been no time with friends, no conversations with a single human or really living my best life in this world at all. I’ve been just barely getting by! I’ve said this too many times…I’m like a rat in a cage! But I’ve allow this to happen to me. I did this to myself!
**Visit the post above and get empowered!
A leader In My Own Life
My happiness comes from inside me and that’s an awesome freedom and scary reality!
I miss my friends, my family and my home. Mostly, I miss making my own life choices and having some freedom in my choices! What I’ve realized is, I can take control of my life and my happiness. It is possible…I can be a leader in my own life. However, not everyone will always be happy with my choices and I have to be okay with that. I also have to know I am responsible for the outcome. I can’t put it on anyone else.
I mean it hasn’t been all bad, I’ve definitely learn some valuable lessons along the way! I’ve made lifetime friends in Minnesota! I’ll be forever grateful for the Andersons and their friendship. California has been a real B***H! It’s because of my brokenness that I found my hope.
While I’m in Colorado I’ll have some time to remember the good times and get caught up with some old friends. I’m excited to have this time to be with my friends and not have anyone to push or pull me into a direction they want. I need this break and I think Jason needs it too.
No Place like home…
So Tuesday I and the kids will be in Colorado for a month. I don’t know what to say other than, I ask for prayers during this time. I’m sure the kids need this just as bad as I do, to see their cousins and grandparents. We needs to be part of something and feel safe and sound again. Our security has been shot. Our peace has been ripped apart but we are on the mend. I have hope for us.
I’ll keep my blog updated with “life”! I’m excited to see where God leads us. I have faith He is hard at work.