Here We Go Again
In my lifetime I never thought that some of the things that I read in my 9th grade history textbooks, I would be living through today. It’s weird to see that much of that textbook was incorrect or maybe time has just changed so much! Like being told China is poor, or watching history repeat itself right before my eyes, such as segregation on purpose now, anti-movements, and diseases and plagues without cures. It’s as if we didn’t learn and heard anything from the voices of the past. It’s so sad knowing all the strong and fiercely intelligent women and men, who have fought and died before us to keep us from what we are going through now. But here we are.
We Must Learn From History
This has happened before. The masked faces everywhere you look and thousands of people dying from a sickness many didn’t understand. People grieving over loved ones, lack of information and bad media even then. People were scared for their life, no food, no work or places to get any help.
At least now even in hard times there are so many awesome organizations to get help to people who don’t have a home, food or healthcare. It doesn’t mean we don’t need to improve it but I am sure it’s far better than it was and everything can always be better.
Just the love and compassion for people that are considered “different” are treated with so much more love and empathy now than they would have been any other time in our history and thank God for that. Even mental health is at least discussed now. It’s not perfect but we’re getting better. I believe we as a people will keep getting better and doing better by each other. Especially in times like this. In times when we really need more love and more help, more care and consideration. That’s when we all will come together and make the changes needed. It will be us “The People!” This, “we’re all in this together” thing , is really true! Our globe…this Earth is all we have and we have to share it. The way we treat our world and each other matters deeply.
Then and Now
Both Sides Of My Heart ❤️💔
There has been times during this pandemic that I am just plain mad at a million different things! Our Government, my lack of freedom and choice, healthcare, my own personal education, my mental health, my body, sleeping or lack of it, my kids, being alone, not ever being alone, lack of truthful information, lack of self-care, the unknown and stupid people…ugh the grocery store!
Still thank you grocery store clerks for being there for all of us!! I just want to bring a person with me too the store. Being told “one person to a cart” doesn’t work for me on many levels. I need someone to help me because I have health issues that cause me weakness in my arms and hands and this situation that we’re living through is making me highly anxious and guess who has no meds?… Me…Please, let me bring a person with me. I understand we all need to be safe and considerate of each other and we are doing that. Take in consideration people’s physical restrictions and mental health…It matters. Just because you don’t see anything “wrong” with me doesn’t mean there’s isn’t.
Essential Workers Only
My heart has been full on some levels and broken to pieces during this time of quarantine. I’ve watched good people be furloughed and find out that the job that they have been doing is not considered “essential” yet without them, life has become very difficult. This has made me think long and hard about what and who deems which workers “essential” or critical. Many of us find our purpose in our work so to find out that we are not one of the “essential” is a blow to our ego and to our finances. The terminology isn’t great for sure.
Rekindling My Relationship
But on the other hand being home has given our family a new perspective that I think we have been missing for a long time. This has been especially the case for Jason and I in our relationship. Jason was close to being furloughed himself but thankful is able to work for home (he did take a put cut though), so we are together all the time now. He is safe for now from losing his job but anything can happen and trust me that stress weights on the both of us.
Being in New Jersey our Stay at Home order has been extended to May 8 and it possible could be extended again. That only puts him in jeopardy of being furloughed or taking another pay cut and it adds to his already heavy workload, since his company furloughed the very people that help him do his job well. Being asked to take on more for less sucks but we’re grateful to still have a job and income at all, we know so many do not.
However, I have gotten use to having Jason here and I like it. We spent so much time apart and living completely separated lives. This might be just what our relationship needed! I know right now many couples are facing struggles sharing the same space and I must admit even I have wanted to find a place to hide but being forced to face our issues, work together, care for our kids, cook and clean up meals together, talk about life and slow down, has been a real blessing.
Like many people we have been busy being adults and raising families. We work really hard and earn money just to give it all away. Then fill our weekends with obligations that we “have” to do but usually don’t want to. I’ve done more of what I want to do now than I ever did chasing my adulthood, what I thought we should be doing. Jason and I have found ourselves taking more walks and talking more about life together, we have laughed to tears a number of times and we have had time to really enjoy each other, like we did before earning a living became more important than being together. As much as I want to explore this new place we live I have truly enjoy rekindling my relationship with my husband and best friend.
Then to be overwhelmed trying to homeschool my children with the rest of the world. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… I am not smarter than a fifth grader! Sure teaching for a number a years has helped me to come up with a great routines for my kids and I’ve made cute, color coded schedules for each of them but middle school is not my jam and my daughter was born to test me… and she is!
However, we are really making great progress! Those first few weeks were rough but now I can honestly say I’m okay with this homeschooling thing and I’m prefect happy having both my kids here. I miss my peace during the day and I make my jokes about being first in line dropping them off when school reopens but having my kids with me solved some worries that many parents have. I’m not worried about a school shooting anymore, or them being bullied. I’m not worried if they’re okay or lost, hurt, or if they’re being mistreated or if they’re not going to make it home. Having them with me takes all that away.
Plus, I do really love being hands on with them and seeing what their “school day” looks like, the things they are working on, the interaction with teachers and students and it’s all happening right there for us parents to see and be part of. We are really part of the experience now and we always should have been.
This is a great wake up call to parents to be more involved and partner with the teacher to guide these young people. So many partners are just now, for the first time reading a book to their child or spending more than 5 minutes with their kid on school work. Remember one day our children will be grown and they need us to be good to them. I think it’s great being part of it all, I don’t want to do their work for them…just helping them along their journey! Of course, with the help of their super awesome and amazing teachers guiding us all through this! Which I think the Nation is all agrees…Teachers need to be paid WAY MORE!
Being Together Has Brought Us Together
I’ve gotten used to a slowed pace of life. There’s no more racing around like a mad person in the morning, hurrying anyone around like I’m a drill Sergeant. It’s so peaceful compared to what we were dealing with before and I honest fear going back to those crazy mornings. I like how it is now.
Before all this I use to call my husband to see if he would be home for dinner and somehow my care, wanting to have him join us for dinner would end in frustration everytime. Now we don’t fight about it! I enjoy not getting yelled at by him anymore. I so enjoy not being his punishing bag because he’s less stressed with the hurrying, pushing and pulling of the world. He is not laying all his pressures on me anymore like he was before. He is able to walk away from his desk now and breathe for a minute when he needs to because no one is watching him. He can turn off his brain and recharge, even for just a 2 minutes before the next phone calls comes in. Plus, he is at home where we all love him and that does make a difference.
I don’t want to paint a picture that things are perfect in the Kelly house because we are some weird, flawed people over here. We still get loud and don’t give each other the privacy and space that we need when we need it. However, we have really improved as a family during this Stay at Home. Being together has brought us together.
As much as these situation can be stressful, it’s actually has gotten rid of some of the things that use to stress us out! No more driving in traffic or worrying about being late! No more finding all Gracie things for here every morning! We don’t have to hurrying to get anywhere, and we’re helpful just to be helpful most the time. I have really enjoyed Coffee in the morning with Jason and all day, along with lots of breaks throughout the day! Visiting the in the trees with our family, sitting with our dogs in the sun, working on our home, having longer more meaningful talks with the kids and my with friends. It’s been a good thing for all of us.
Plus, driving somewhere just to go for a drive without a reason or a time frame is great for stress! Do you remember just taking a drive to enjoy the world around you or to feel the powerful engine of your car, to conversate with your passenger or maybe to just crank up the music and zone out? A good drive feels nice!
Sometimes I just sit with myself and be quite, praying and looking at this amazing place that God has put me and it’s so humbling. Seeing the same deer run through our yard everyday, getting know the birds and their songs. writing, doodling and just being grateful. It’s all allowing me to connect more to myself, God, to my family and helping me to be the person I think I’m suppose to be.
This poem is very old and I’m not sure who wrote it because it was published in the 1900’s ,I believe. These words ring very true today.