You know when you’re sad or just off and then you’re told to just be happy or stop being depressed… it’s like we choose to be this way. Maybe there are people that choose it, for reasons that serve them but I hate feeling this way. I was told last night that I need to stop overthinking, to stop complaining. That it’s okay to say what nothing you do but that’s what your journal is for that is why you don’t make other people burden with your stuff. I don’t know ho feel about that. How do change things if you can’t talk about the things that are upsetting you? I do believe writing is a great way to process but you have to be able to communicate with the ones that cause the “trouble” in your life in hopes of making things better… Right?
So… last night as this was being said to me I said nothing. I just listen quietly and took it all. Even though I disagree with some of what was being told to me I thought about the energy I give off, what if must feel like living with me. I mean, after all, I have thought long and hard about what it feels like living with these people I live with… and even though I love them more than life… they take a toll on my mental health some day… some more than others. 😒 But I still would trade them in… even the asshole one.
After the conversation abruptly ended because this person thought I may have been half-smiling even though we were sitting in the dark… geez🙄 … I did take the rest of the night thinking about their words and the way this person feels around me.
Today when I got up I want to try something different but I knew the expectations were low. So if it didn’t work…well, I tried. I decided I would not complain at all today… if something came up and I happen to say anything that could be considered complaining I will come back with something hopeful and encouraging. After all, I need to be realistic, I did just have a mouthful of major work done yesterday… I will probably say something! 🤕
I know I won’t always get it right and everyone in this house is going through their own stuff. It’s a ton of good and a bit of struggle. It’s hard sometimes but we do have each other and I am thankful for it.
My birthday is this weekend and normally I wouldn’t even want to celebrate it but I know that the people around me want to celebrate. My husband, my kids, my sister… they want to do something fun with me and enjoy the day. As much I could pout and do nothing… I won’t. I will be open to whatever happens, easy-going, and positive. I’ll be a good hostess and thankful anyone even cares. 🤍