Realization and So Many Changes

Changes Happening

Many new chapters are unfolding at this moment. Different doors opening to me and even more than that, my eyes have been open to things I only had a small sense of before. I feel very much in the middle of the road in some ways currently but also very confident and sure about myself in others.

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New Job and projecting feelings

For example, I recurrently started a new job as an Administrative Assistant. I am learning so much that I didn’t know but I’m surprised how much I do! I haven’t worked in a regular office setting in a very long time, even though I have worked with computers and created my own website, I still wasn’t sure I’d be everything an employer would be looking for. I was surprised how well I have kept myself update with the type of office skills one would need for this type of employment. Sure, I still have plenty to learn but I am a learner and YouTube, and Google are my friends!

I know this won’t make sense to my readers but there were some people not happy for me or my family when I took this position. It was strange to see the “me” factor coming out so ugly from these people, but I am a forgiving and loving person. I am sure they’re having a hard time seeing pass their own needs and wants and probably are overwhelmed with stress, maybe even angry that has nothing to do with me… They just unjustly projected their issues on to me and my family for a while and that’s unfortunate. I won’t give more details than that… other than I hope and pray for this family and that they can focus on what they need to do to provide for their family and find that joy again in their life. I really pray for that for them!

Weed them out

It sucks when you want to be happy and proud of yourself, but someone is boo-wooing all over your happy times, accomplishments and hard work! It’s such a downer but it happens to everyone for all different reasons.! It really shows you who are your people and who ARE NOT! I could hate when this happens but part of me says thank you to moments like this. I want to know who my people are and if moments like this weed them out… so be it.

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You know what they say about opinions

I also wonder why people have so much say about the way I look, about my body? Why do people care so much about me losing weight, as if it’s bad thing? Especially, since I am off all my medications but my seizure meds and am SO healthy now! I hadn’t been this active, this flexible in years! I am as healthy I was in high school if not more, because I eat much now than I ever did as a teenager!

In a nutshell, I have been super sick and in a crazy amount of pain for years, but when we started moving all over the place, my mental health got really bad… everything got out of control. I won’t go into more detail with my health issues because that could be a whole post on its own! But if anyone has questions, ask in the comments or email me and I will answer all of them! I will add that my small muscular frame was overtaken, and I gain 100 pounds in a very short period of time because of being sick. This weight took a major tool on my body as you can a imagine. Some people are built to carry that kind of weight, but I am not and for sure 100 pound in less than a year was very unhealth for me both physically and mentally.

Once my health issues were diagnosed and I was able to remove the problems inside my body causing havoc… everything for me changed. I still have my painful days, but I am doing freaking amazing! I have lost 86.5 pounds totally. I finally see myself when I look in the mirror. I can walk without pain running through my feet and up every part of body. My headaches, migraines have been very controlled. I haven’t had a seizure in a very long time. My gut health and so many other things… improved! Good and good all around!

But wouldn’t you know… I lose this weight and let me remind you… still not at my goal weight… and people have junk to say! Part me is pretty bummed about this because I work out, take care of myself, eat right and have been through hell! I look good and feel good, so why can’t other people just be happy about that? But no. Everyone has an opinion.

My thought on this is that the people that have something negative or “concerned” to say don’t know me well. They just see me losing weight fast and think I’m too thin. They didn’t know me when I first met Jason or when I had my babies! They didn’t know me after I had my children or when any time after that. They have no clue what I have gone through. They just see me now and only know me a tiny little bit and most of what they know they heard from someone else. They didn’t know that when I met Jason, I was 119 a size 0. When we married, I was 123. After I had my first child, I was 128 and a size 3-5 and after my second I was 138. I gained some weight over the years as one does but I was always smaller. Currently, I am 144.5 and I want to get to 135. Give me a break… I am not too thin… I am fine and under a doctor’s care. When I was at my highest weight, I was 233 pounds. So, I was super uncomfortable and not feeling good at all. So please! I am doing damn good.

I really wonder why people feel they need to say anything about my body at all! It’s my freaking body! Other than, “Good for you!” “You feel great and are healthy!” “YAY!” Otherwise… shut up! Now, that’s my opinion!

DEEP BREATH…

Whether you’re bigger and thinner… it’s no one’s business to comment and say a word about your body! If you are happy and healthy and taking care of you and yours… good for you! If not… it’s still not my business!

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Getting it together

So, with all that said, I am super excited I have found some time for this to write! I am training this week at my new job, so blogging could very easily become a second though. But at heart I am a writing, and this is an important outlet for me! However, after changing around a few appointments last minute, I realized I would need to figure out a new schedule real fast! Most everything I do I will have to rearrange!

I usually do my counseling appointment mid-morning during week but now I will need to that in the evenings. I had to move G to the bus to get home, and the bills, doctors’ appointments, working out and walking…. it all has to changed. I am working part-time which is perfect but still I have to change my schedule for my blog, my household, family, and my health needs. But I got this!

This is normal and I am so very willing to do this! I plan on breaking it all down and making a new schedule for my personal life. Then in the next two weeks or so I plan on cleaning out the office space and clean it in general… it’s seriously dusty and there is stuff everywhere! My OCD is just freaking out when I am training in there, but I will say my trainer is doing a good job and is very nice. It’ll be nice to get this all understood and start making things my own.

Anyway, this weekend is Christmas and going to be busy! We are having my husband’s side of the family over. This is the first time in the 20 years, (or should I say EVER) we have been together his family is spending Christmas with us. The last few years we haven’t really had a home, because we always get transferred on to a new state right at Christmas time. We still have spent Christmas with Jason’s mom and her friends a few different times over the years, however we usually see my family normally. Now that would be a story to explain that... LOL … maybe one day. Well, this is a big one for us being in our home and I am excited for it!

I am so thankful I got all my Christmas shopping done early this year! I have Christmas Eve day off so I will get my baking all done and my clean done on this day. It’ll be a lot but it’ll fine. As I’ve been told some people can’t do much else when they have a job, but I know I can because I have always worked, taken care of my family and done everything in our household. My parents were helpful, but I am not a slacker! I will handle my stuff, and I know I can ask for help anytime that I need but I’ll damned it I give myself an excuse to slack off. That’s not the role model I want to be to my kids.

That’s not to say it won’t be hard at times. I’ve been there before many times before, I guess I can say that’s one thing I can thank my parents for. They didn’t raise a wimp. But also, after years of doing everything, I now have a husband (who has learned) and that cares for my needs, so if this becomes more than I can chew he’ll help me.

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Thanks

I want to thank you all in this little writing community. You keep me going!!🤍 Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Together we all have whether quite a bit together! Maybe 2022 be a blessing to each and every one of you.

SK

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