Well, I need to do a gratitude list badly. If that doesn’t give you an idea how things have been going for me mentally, let me explain. It’s the bad attitudes, the mood and vibe of my environments and places I’m in, and quiet frankly have no choice but to be. Situations lately have been heavy and it’s all made it hard for me to stay positive. I’m easily frustrated and annoyed! Being the joyful, light person I have enjoyed being seems harder to find.
When I get this way, I hate myself. I’m not a fun person to be around… even for myself. The the best thing that I can do is share it what’s going on… so I can process it all myself, and get it off my chest. Then remind myself of all the good stuff I have going! So, I think that’s what I’ll do here. I already started my week of thankfulness with a post yesterday. which you can click on here: https://fabricthatmademe.com/2021/11/20/thankfulness-week/
The plan is to share my 30 days of gratitude by sharing with you a few things that I am thankful for this week. I’m hoping with will help get my heart in the right place. And there’s really not a better time than at Thanksgiving!
But first I wanted to do give a little life update.
My grandpa passed away. He had been in pain for a really long time. This fact breaks my dads heart the most. I know that his pain is gone now but still… his last moment were painful. He had been in pain for a really long time. I believe my Dad might replays his Dad’s last moments, the last yea and me being an empath, I feel his sadness over this. It’s a lot.
My Grandpa was just such a strong guy. I don’t know why things happen the way they do. I guess stress can take a toll on a persons body. What do I know is that I don’t know anything at all, as I’ve been told.
I will say that while traveling back to Colorado to go the funeral, I did take the time to listen, to observe, to be there for my family, and the pain and hurt that these people feel… and have felt is tremendous. My heart just breaks to pieces for them. I truly hated that after the funeral that there wasn’t really any peace made by our family. I think it was only made worse. This fact actually makes my stomach sick.
If I could have only one wish it would be that we all would want the best for one another. That we had LOVE for each other. We’d probably all act a lot different towards one another.
That experience has created a bit of darkness over me. I’ve been carrying this rain cloud around with me now everywhere. I’m just eternally sad, frustrated and disheartened. That’s not my way. It’s not who I am! But there’s just this stormy sadness inside me, I can’t stop. I guess, it would help if we were able to get right back on track when we got home… but that didn’t happen. We’re still feeling the affects of being gone for over a week.
The kids are doing terrible in school right now! We have high expectations when it comes to grades and we give them all the help in the world… so come on… they need to get it done! I just hate see them fall behind! Their grade are stressing me out! SIDE NOTE: they have brought their grade up since I started this post.
I haven’t been able to get back on a good schedule since we got back in town. This is my fault totally and I am STRUGGLING! Working out and walking, my vitamins and meds… I am off. I am way off! Writing and working… it’s all off and a lot of that is my mental game. I’m sad and sleepy. I don’t feel right physically or mentally right now. I need to just slap myself and get it in gear. I hate being like this.
I just can’t seem to keep up on anything. I’m in a fog. I thought it was the cooler weather and being out of town and the sadness and maybe it’s all of this… But when we got back to town, I was depressed and I just needed to process some stuff but I was never alone to do it. I haven’t been alone for a damn second really… and now my freaking brain is melting. Everything is falling behind and seems so damn difficult! I have applied for over 30 jobs outside the house. What am I thinking? I don’t really know.
I actually haven’t even told Jason that I’ve applied for work outside the house. I think he’ll be surprised and a little freaked out too because I don’t really have time for another job on top of what I already do. But something in me wanted to do it… maybe for a break? Working at home doesn’t have built-in breaks but working out-side the house does! I’ve worked inside the house and outside the house and both have good and bad sides, but one thing that I LOVED about working outside the house is the breaks that I got from my real life. Also I was able to meet cool people! I made some really awesome friendships. I miss that too! Now, I never get a day off now… not ever. I don’t smoke but some times, I wish I did so I could get a smoke break at least.
Anyway- I’m now getting ready to leave again. I should be looking forward to this but it’s stressing me out because I just got back to my house! I know this is for my kids and my Dad and I need to do this. Plus, time is just like sand through our fingertips. Before I know it I won’t have a place to visit… I don’t even want to think about it. You know, it’ll crush my soul but what will break me more is the pain that my son will feel on that day… My dad and my son are so close. Awe… I just can’t.
So as much as this is throwing me off even more to leave again I am thankful for a place to visit, to see my parents, that my son and my Dad are so close. I’m so disappointment in everyone’s behavior at the funeral… The way things have been. Freaking time… it doesn’t stop for anyone and I can’t waste the little we have.
A Person I Am Glad Is In My Life…
Jason. My husband is by far the best person in the world, Sure, he annoys the hell out of me but he also saves me daily. He keeps me grounded, focused, humble and proud, loved and happy. He is my soft place, my comfort and advisor. Someone be to myself with. Laugh with and cry with… that’s more rare than I ever knew. I’m so glad I have that! I love him beyond measure and am blessed to be married to my best friend.
My kids, they are work but they are also joy, discovery, enlightenment and wisdom far beyond the reaches of age. My son is so wise, so sweet, kind, respectful and grateful. I feel like it’s not fair to take credit for having such an awesome person… how’d he get this amazing? The morals and values of this kids far surpass people twice his age. Then my daughter, the spunk, the boldness, the fire. Sure, it could burn down a whole forest this fire this girl holds… but she’s young still, learning to control her emotions is still a struggle. But one day she’s be a on a list of the fortune 500. She’s a force, powerhouse, a wild horse, untamed wind. It’s beautiful and scary all at the sometime. I pray for man that falls in love with her. It’s going to be his greatest adventure and big battle ever. I know it’s been mine… much like falling in love with her father.
My friend Jyoti and her family. They live here in Texas and they have been such a great blessing to us. Their kids are great and friends with our kids. They parent much like we do, they love God and all in all are just great people! I feel so blessed to have a friend to have a glass of wine with and understand me when I have mom issues or kids troubles… she gets me.
My childhood friend Katie. Who else can I be totally myself with, even if I sound like a terrible person than someone who’s known me since 6th grade? We do Bible devotions together, support each other, make each other laugh and let one another rant. Sometimes ya need that. I’m very thankful we’ve been there for each other over there years but especially currently.
My sisters. Melissa is my sister here in Texas. We have got closer since living closer to each other! I am so very thankful to have one another to support each other through marriage stuff, kid stuff and family stuff. Life is hard enough but it’s a little easier with people who know you the best and really want the best for you and will support you. We’ve been through hell with each other and I hope now we’ve learned how to be the right kind of love and support for one another. My other sister, Jessica is still in Colorado and all though we don’t talk or see each other that much… we still do reach out and share our life with each other. I think we have the best interest for each other. We just expect each other right where we are and that’s made a big difference in our relationship which I am very thankful for.
My new Texas family. Jason’s Aunt and Uncle are awesome, Chris and Bill. I really love them. I have wrote about them before. They are the sweetest people, and I think it’s their personal mission to help and support everyone. I don’t think there is one person in their life that they haven’t given to, shared with, or done something for…. they give far more than they receive.
Something I Fine Comfort In
I find comfort in writing in this blog.
Taking a walk in the morning.
Siting outside with my dogs and a hot cup of coffee with coconut creamer.
I love doing my dovotions in the morning for I get my day going.
Burring a candle in a clean house!
Having a drink with my guy and enjoying some good music in the evenings.
Driving on backroads with the music really loud.
My Favorite Part Of The Morning
Easily drinking coffee and the greeting from my dogs… then saying good morning to Jason.
Taking my short walk with my son Tristan before I take him to school.
Then my real work out walk.
Praying and my devotions.
My conversations with my sister or my dad.
My Favorite Memory
One night Jason and I planned to go out on the town (Downtown Denver) but we end up just talking, the two of us, having the best conversation ever. We found ourselves at a small table just being together in a crowd club but it felt like no one was there but us. It was the best.
Our first South Dakota trip. I’ve never seen my Dad laugh so hard my life. He really enjoyed himself. I wish I saw that more often.
BBQ with my dad when my son was little. My dad took such care of everything and we’d all have a cold beer and visit. It was just so relaxed and chill. Those days are long gone now.
Going Christmas shopping before mask and online shopping. I miss the old days before it got weird and all these entitled “groups”… People and politics ruin everything that good.
An Accomplishment I am Proud Of
I’m proud of this blog https://fabricthatmademe.com/
I’m so proud of my marriage. We have been through so much and the people and place that have been in our way… it’s a miracle we’ve made it this far!
I am really proud of my small personal business. I am a Scentsy Independent Consultant https://skellytx.scentsy.us/ and I’m actually surprised how well I am doing! Check out my site!
One thing that I am super proud of me over, and haven’t gave much details on… is my physical health. I’ve scared to come off vain or have anyone think that I care too much about my looks, because truly I am not that person. My physical health has always been a priority of mine but not being fancy.. if that makes sense? It’s just my health has been a struggle for years and for once it’s actually my greatest joy! Right now, I have lost 81 pounds. I have 17 more pounds to go to hit my goal weight! I know I’ve lost a dang middle schooler! I can’t believe it myself… I can’t believe I had that much fat on my body to lose! I am proud, not only that the fat on my body to be coming off after all these years of struggling, but I am proud of the consistency that I have shown! I have NOT given up! It’s all the healthy choices I make, the workouts I choose, the boundaries for my physical and mental health that I keep making over and over, that brought me to this place. It’s been a long… LONG road to get here. Honestly, if I would not have gotten my hormones, my Autoimmune disorder (Hashimoto’s thyroiditis) under control and was able to find a GOOD doctor to listen to me and take care of foot pain… I would NOT be where I am now. I needed a full reset to get to this place! There’s simply no way I could have done it on my own. There was to much damage, infection, scar tissues and underline issues to work through. So I am so THANKFUL and SO SO BLESSED to have finally found GOOD doctors and surgeons that wanted to help heal me and not just make the Pharmacy more money. It’s one of my biggest blessings to have such a great supportive team of doctors and counselors that see medicine differently… in working out, food, sleep, reading, walking, sunshine, removing troubles, and adding fixes… not always more drugs… unless I absolutely need it and if will bring a real result in my life. I need medication for my seizures (https://www.healthline.com/health/migraine/migralepsy) Migralepsy forever and I need medication for my thyroid. But since I got the shots in my feet, and was able to workout and not be in excruciating pain, I don’t need any medication for pain now, for my feet, for depression, for anxiety… just saying. This is for me and not everyone is the same. I know without staying on a routine, having good boundaries, speaking to my counselor, life-coach and writing I could fall off…I still have mental stuff… it didn’t go anywhere, but I have other ways of dealing with it then pills that make my more sick… that’s all. I also have no same taking them if I need to because sometime I need to! I’m just proud of my physical health and the weight I lost. It’s been a battle and I feel like I a winning.
A Hidden Blessing In a Difficult Time
When I when back Colorado for Grandpa’s funeral I was so stressed and upset by what I was seeing but what made things a little better was the time I hang out with my cousins. I am so glad I had that time with him and his family.
An Opportunity I am Thankful For
I am having trouble with this right now… all I can come up with it I have time right now to take care of my health and write. I haven’t had time to focus on myself ever in life. Even as kids I was taking care of other kids so I guess it’s nice to be able to crave out time for my health and well being a bit .
My Favorite Song
I can’t think of one song that’s my favorite but I have many that have meant everything to me in one way or another.
Blurry-Puddle of Mudd
Safe and Sound- Capital Cities
The Old Apartment- Barenaked Ladies
Wonderful Tonight- Eric Clapton
Bluebird- Miranda Lambert
Chapters- Brett Young
Sit Next To Me- Foster The People
Graveyard- (Acoustic Session) Halsey
Don’t Stop Believing- Journey
Beast Of Burden-The Rolling Stones
Mess With My Head- Miranda Lambert
Say It Ain’t So- Weezer
If Not For You-George Harrison
Back On a Backroad-Sean Stemaly
Greatest Love Story-LANCO
Danny’s Song- Loggin’s & Messina
It Must Have Been Love- Roxette
Dirty Road Anthem- Jason Anthem
More Than My Hometown- Morgan Wallen
ONE BEER- Hardy
Better Together-Luke Combs
Settling Down- Miranda Lambert
Dreams- Fleetwood Mac
Way Less Sad- AJR
Lady Like- Ingrid Andress
With or Without You- U2
Follow You- Imagine Dragons
Settle Me Down- Josh Abbott Band
Right Here- Staind
Adam’s Song- blink-182
Goddess- Avril Lavigne
Long Haul- Ian Munsick
Mr. Brightside- The Killers
More Than Words- Extreme
Learn To Fly- Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
Sleeve- Nate Smith
Zombie- The Cranberries
Just to name a few….
A Lesson In Life I Have Learned
That I have a very strong super power that threaten a lot people. It’s that I can read, write, learn, listen, observe and grow… Then control my reactions, knowing if a response is needed and if so with facts.
Also that life is so short. Time is all we have and it does not discriminate. So many of us are wasting our lives, our times on the dumbest shit… and before you know it… your time will be up.
A Future Event I Am Excited About
Christmas!! 🎄 I am so excited to finally decorate and celebrate Christmas in MY HOUSE! Every yeard we are move across the country but this year we are home!
Some Positive New I’ve Gotten
My Dad’s shoulder replacement was great! He now has 80% mobility after not having more than 5% for over 15 years! AMEN!!
That’s all for now!!!
Until next time>>> Oh- We made it Tennessee! Pictures to come! Hope everyone has a great week!