My family is great! I would even say wonderful! We might be the best family, I know! Obviously, I’m bias! I’d just think that we’re pretty awesome in most every way… However, at times our communication skills need some work.
Voices get raises, yelling ensues, everyone’s overwhelmed, defensive, dismissive and has hurt feelings. What really sucks about it, is all that fighting is unnecessary because we never solve anything while screaming at each other. If we could have all just spoke to each other in a more respectful and calm way maybe we could have understood one another, and been happier.
Because I know this amazing family needs help in this department, I started a reading more about Healthy Communication and improving my own communication skills! After all we can only control ourselves! Sometimes, all we needed was a good reminder of things we already knew!
This means that we get a lot of information from what people don’t say. The impact of how we act, our tone, facial expression and our body language speaks much louder than our actually words!
Just being a wear of how important our nonverbal is, could be a huge game changer when speaking to each other! What is your face saying that your mouth isn’t?
Listening to one another with intent, making eye contact and speaking gently and kindness. Leaning in and showing that you are paying attention to what the person to saying matters! Even if we don’t agree, or don’t understand what they person is talking about, we can set the stage for having a good respectful relationships, and at least not making thing worse if the relationship is having trouble.
People won’t always se eye to eye. I mean look at how the world is right now. We all fight and disagree over the dumbest things. People really have too much time on their hands…. look at FB! We came at each other over dog’s pooping in yards or someone’s view on The View… I highly dislike them by the way… When honestly… does it matter? Not really.
All I’m saying is no one is going to agree all the time. We don’t need to go looking for a problem when the world is full of them. We need to speaking God’s love, and building trust in our families and communities.
Definition of intentionally
Think about this… If two people want to solve an issue and make something good, they work at it! They will BOTH be intention to work things out together. They’ll get on the same page.
Even a little effort can go along way in the right direction. If you want to be a heard, you have to good a good listener too! It’s not a one way street!
Definition of clarify
transitive verb1: to make understandable clarify a subject The president was forced to clarify his position on the issue.2: to free of confusion needs time to clarify his thoughts
There’s nothing wrong with asking for clarification when you’re unsure about something. But if you ask someone to repeat themselves over and over because you don’t listen… that might be a problem. Maybe try harder.
When we need to get clarify on something that’s good! It means we care enough to understand. Don’t get offended by someone asking you a question. This is an opportunity for you to explain yourself, your side and they want to know!
Reaching out to let people know where you are, touching base… it helps! Don’t leave people guessing! You might not like what they guess about you! Whether it’s a text, running late from work, or making it to a birthday dinner, it’s important to reach out. You never know what you might miss out on.
Letting long standing issues that go unresolved due to lack of communication just lead to more walls going up and distance that’s hard to fix. It takes a really long time to heal these things… trust me I know!
But a few small steps can take us in the right place!
Setting aside time to call, text, meet up. Time just to reach out and say hi. Some of us need this and some of don’t. Some of us don’t even have time for this, but have people in our life that do really need it. So even a quick text, just checking in to say ” I love you” can mean so much.
If there’s issue that are dragging you drown, they can be hard to ignore. Taking sometime to write down how you feel first might help you sort them out. But even more important is talking to the person your struggling with.
I’ve had an over going issue with someone in my life and over and over God had told me to stick it out. It has made me nuts! But sometimes second, third, and fifth chances are what we’re asked to do. Even when I think, I just can’t take another second of this persons childishness God tells me to wait it out and so I do.
It’s doesn’t always matter in every situation who’s right or wrong. Sometime, God just wants a peacemaker. This is hard for me. My husband is the ultimate peacemaker. I am the peace protector.
Jason tries to move on, going to extra mile to make peace even if he’s innocent of any wrong doing. He will forgive the person who causes the pain even if they will repeat the pain over and over. Regardless, Jason will forgive because he sees how his forgiveness makes his life more joyful and brings healing to himself and usually the people around him. All while knowing this person will hurt him and probably his family again and again. He will forgive.
I’ve always struggle with this one. I’m more a I’m about done with crap person. Being a protector of peace… I see the great blessings and love we have in our household and I am so thankful for it all. I want to share that with whoever wants to be part of that in a healthy, respectful and loving way. But when someone is tearing that down, when the peace is no longer unpeaceful; I feel like it’s my job to move away from whatever… whoever is causing the disturbance.
I can see how Jason is right, and I see how I am too. Taking action on both our part is for the peace. Just in different ways. I think my way and his way both have a place.
I do believe at times God is asking us to be long suffering. I think I’ve lived that at times and He has blessed me for it too! I also believe God wants us to go the extra mile for one another. Even for people who do us wrong at times. And Jason and I have really been doing that also! God’s blessed us for that as well. I’m grateful!
I guess, the bigger part of this is that we will never all agree all time, or ever, not with our spouse, our parents, co-workers, friends or family… but we can and should still be able to communication in a respectful, kind way. It shouldn’t rip us apart. We’re still all people, with families, passions, we all bleed.
One way to improve communication is through encouragement. Sometimes it’s for them but other times it’s for you! It’s not your job to make people happy all time, but your happiness is YOUR job! There’s difference between being encouraging and trying to keep everyone happy!
This can be really powerful and it not only can make a really hard people, less hard but it also makes you feel better too!
Think about a time you didn’t feel so great and were being really hard on yourself, then someone said something encouraging to you. How did that make you feel? Did it help? I know for me, getting encouragement from other bloggers, writers, my friends and family has helped me to keep writing! a
Also I just decided to enter the work force again and start subbing for the school distract here. The support and encouragement of friends and family has really helped! Without the support of my friends and family it would have been near impossible to start my new Scentsy Business or keep up with my DoTERRA home business. Just their encouragement meant so much!
This is were Verbal communication comes in. Nonverbal is very important but it’s not going to stand on it’s own. Verbal plays a huge role too!
Uplifting others and choosing to say something positive to let someone know they are appreciated and care for, is all it takes to turn a situation around.
Words have a big impact on our life and so we need to choose them wisely. They can change our whole day whether we want them to or not. Speaking life into each other is a good step to bring good communication back into focus!
Time To Shut Up
Timing is everything. We have all heard that before and in every part of our life! We all know timing matters. Well, in the way we communicate it matters the most!
There’s a time to speak and there’s a time to be quite!
Truly, I have to say, people just don’t take advantage of the silent times. We love to hear our big mouth going! We sometimes think we are the smartest people in the room! And when it’s time to be quite, we don’t take that time to hear, to listen…. nope! We’re waiting…. thinking of a rebuttal! We can’t wait to interrupt! Maybe people are uncomfortable by silences?
Everyone should get a chance to speak on their behalf! Stand up for yourself, of course. But timing is important to get you message to be well received.
When you’re really emotional, angry or tried, this might not be the best time to discuss a matter that is straining you.
It’s so super important to think about someone mental state. I for one have been dealing with some of the worst anxiety that I have felt in years. So bad in fact, I had a mini seizure the other day… note to self not a good time to deal with hot topics.
Doing this would only complicate matters and make things worst than they already are. Honestly, this stress is for a reason… It needs to be handled, but only when emotions have a chance to be stabilized and dealt with in a loving way.
So when you feel rested, renewed and can handle the challenge, that kind of conversation might bring, express your concerns with someone close to you for support.
Happy All The Time
As we have already made really clear, we can’t make everyone happy. Even trying that will make you really unhappy! You can wave good to any honest communication if your goal is to just keep people happy.
Part of this is the fear many of us have in disappointing. Whether it’s disappointing others, or the expectations on ourselves, we fear we’ll never met the expectations we have make up in our head. We cause a mess of make believe problems and stress ourselves out for good reason, but feels they pretty real.
There’s a balance of caring about what people think, what others do. I read the other day that The Bible tells us to sever one another, while not being people pleaser. You can see there’s a difference, right?
I take this as lending a hand, encouragement, praying for one another. Being selectively with our time, what we do with it and at times saying “no”. If people are upset about that, I think that’s fine. Because we can’t please people.
Peter4:10 Mark10:42-45 and Act5-29
If we want to promote peaceful communication and lives, then we have to work at. It is something that takes work everyday. After all we are in control of what we say, how we say it, what we do and don’t do. We control our time, and how we use it.
We can’t control others. Some people just won’t be happy no matter what… they just aren’t happy people. We can’t let their choice to stay that way make us unhappy too.
I believe with all my heart that what God says is true. God has a good plan for peace in store for us! When we follow God’s lead and let Him be God, we can be free from worry and anxiety… no more meeting anyone else expectations!