Is this person difficult or am I losing it?
No, you’re not losing it. We all have dealt with our share of hard people. Whether it’s in the workplace, in our friendship circles, the neighborhoods we live in, church communities, or in our own families. But how do we know what we’re really dealing with? How do you live with them?
Well, it’s not easy! Here’s a break down of a few characteristics of a difficult person and how to manages your relationship with them.
Characteristics of a difficult person are different than someone who’s having a hard time, and it’s important to know the difference.
There’s no beating around the bush, difficult people will make you work extra hard at everything. Especially, your kindness and patience. So be ready for that!
First of all, difficult people are just about impossible to convey with. They’re pretty much unreasonable in every area of life! It’ll be brain damage to explain blindly obvious, common sense to them. To them it’s all about the fight, the dramatics of it all! They want it be all about their feelings, and their wants. The biggest and boldest characteristic of difficult people is Narcissism.
Narcissistic people have a long troubled history. Take a look at their past, and you’ll find a string of broken relationships, problems in the workplaces, issues with in their friendships, troubles with their kids, and none of it is ever their fault. They leave a trail of destruction wherever they go.
Their work life, romantic life, friendships, family life, and financial history, all are a mess. Their basic interactions can be harsh, sharp, or come in the form of lies!
So why do they love lying so much? Well, maybe that’s not fair. It’s just too natural for them. Why Do Narcissists Lie So Much? (thenarcissisticlife.com) Lying becomes away living, like breathing. They don’t even think about it. Telling you things that aren’t true, to keep you right where they want you. It’s all a game to a narcist.
You won’t have to look to far back in history to see the mess your difficult person leaves behind everywhere they go.
Responsibility is NOT the game of the game for a narcissist. They’ll blame everyone for their troubles and play victim! But well, talk more about that later on.
A narcist is a very unhappy, constantly disappointed person. They have bad self-esteem, and lack of confident in a major way, but hide behind a mask of lies to make others believe otherwise. They want us to believe they’re doing better than they actually are.
They’ll can come off cocky, overly social and out going to hide the truth. To help them disguise who they really are they will usually use some form of drug or alcohol.
This is all just to make up for the fear of how much they dislike themselves. Signs Of Low Self-Esteem And What To Do About The Feeling | Betterhelp
To learn more of Narcissism check out this link: 15 Signs Of A Narcissist: Traits, Behaviors & More (mindbodygreen.com)
Those difficult people in our lives will cause problems where there was none! The drama is real with these ones! I have read this might be part of a personality disorder. Maybe? Are BPD “Drama Queens” Manipulative, Sadistic, and Worse? | Psychology Today
So why do our difficult people need the drama so badly? Well, because they need attention to feel important. They need us to keep reacting to their self-serving schemes to feel needed, to feel loved. We keep feeding them and so the cycle continues.
They thrive off drama and are simply bore without it! When there is too much peace, too much “nothing” going on… they’ll create a dramatic situation to liven things up. This is their life blood!
Drama keeps them the center of attention. Which is right where they want to be! Attention, good or bad is A-OKAY! They just want the focus on them and we give it to them willingly in most cases! But of course, they will make this all seem like it’s not their fault… Which brings us to victimhood.
These difficult people in our lives are victims of everyone, and to everything’s in their life.
Now, we know our difficult people are the best storyteller is the world, and they won’t let a story die! They also have trouble with the truth. You can count on all the stories that they tell being about them stuck in the past, trying to get people to feel bad for them. Every single one!
They usually work too!
These stories are just away to prove that life is unfair to them alone. It’s the poor me factor. The stories keep their self-sabotaging, manipulation well and alive for them. How else can they keep the people in their life, constantly proving their love, and that they care? Prue manipulation at it’s best, and their pros! 9 Classic Strategies of Manipulative People | Psychology Today
Difficult people who have this victim mentality never take responsibility for their behavior or hurtful actions. After all they’re the best at playing the blame game! They would never take the blame without some type of major manipulation. Why take responsibility, when you can point the finger and get sympathy instead? That’s some of the best attention of all!
Making excuses, pointing the finger, and reminding everyone that they are the “victim” of circumstance, is something our difficult people are professionals at! 41 Manipulation Tactics Used By Narcissists, Psychopaths, And Sociopaths (abusewarrior.com)
One thing we all know is that bad things do unfornatenly happen to everybody, no matter who you are. But people with victim mentalities don’t see it that way at all. They feel that life is harder for them. That you’re harder on them and everyone is against only them! They really think the world is against them, your making things hard for them… it’s always everyone else… not them. Because as we mentioned before, our difficult people are total narcissist and believe the world revolves around them.
Being a victim in ones life, means they’re an over thinker. They can overthink an issue until they have blown it to catastrophes levels! Are You an Overthinker? | Psychology Today
They already see everything in the most negative light, so it’s easy for them to become offended incredible quickly! When things don’t go their way, they get hurts feelings with the smallest things and will seat and marinate in every fine detail of very word, until they explore into a rage. A normal, healthy situation, people would let it go, or have a grown up conversation.
What should have been no big deal, will for sure become the biggest volcano eruption you’ve ever witness! Get ready for the real fireworks! Your difficult person will makes sure to lay on the guilt like creamy thick peanut butter! Why would they create so much pain and trouble, then make anyone else feel bad about what they started? Because they thrive off the drama, the attention and this is the way they have survived and lived for along time. The don’t know anyway else of being and we all pay the price.
This might be hard to believe but there are people out there that simply are out of touch with reality. They live in a different plain then the rest of us. In their mind laws, rules, the natural order of things, common courtesy, doesn’t apply to them. They live in their own world, which makes it’s impossible to reasons with them. Explaining anything to them, problem solving and moving on is a real chore when dealing with someone who views the world from their own personal fantasy.
These people are so busy living a life in denial, being flaky to the most loyal people in their life and living in their own personal dreamland, that it can be super frustrations to live with them! It’s beyond intolerable dealing a delusion person and bring them closer into your life! You have to remember they don’t see the world as it is but more like a movie, where they’re play the main character.
We all know these people. The center of their very clueless universes. How To Deal with Clueless People – SimpleProductivityBlog.com (lauraearnest.com)
It’s pretty hard to have a conversation with someone who’s ready for a fight at a drop of a hat, and refuses to live in the same world the rest of us live in. But these clueless, difficult people always feel mistreated, no matter what… so living in their own delusion is probably one of the most unbearable traits of a difficult… clueless person.
The Gossip Whisper
You can count on a difficult person making up gossip and sharing it with anyone who will listen! A gossiper is a world class storyteller! Mark McPherson | The Gossip: one of the 52 types of difficult people.
What might feel worse than a made up story, are stories that are said purely to cause pain. What could be even worse then that is when you do trust your difficult person with something private and meaningful, then they share it, and twist it with everyone. That really hurts!
News travels fast when your difficult person is involved. So beware what you share! 5 Truly Harmful Effects of Gossip (ibelieve.com)
They will always take whatever you say or do, and blow it out of proportion, then spread that information with any ear that will listen. This destructive behavior can causes major damage for the difficult person and for their friends and family. It breaks trust, spreads lies, hurt reputations, and creates a further toxic history of destructions, which is hard to ever heal from.
How to handle the difficult person\ people in your life…
Well, first thing’s first! You have to understand you don’t have to deal with your difficult person. You choose too. These difficult people in our lives might think we owe them something. But the truth is we can choose not to keep them around. Our difficult people need to know that it’s a privilege to be in each other life. We don’t have a “right” to each others life. PERIOD.
In a perfect world, we want our difficult people part of our life. We wish they just weren’t so dang difficult. But we can’t change them, so it’s important that both parties stop with the expectations. Expectations are very different than boundaries. 7 Tips to Create Healthy Boundaries with Others | Psychology Today
These people are important to us! Difficult people come in all forms, they can be our parents, our siblings, our best friends, neighbors, co-workers, or even grandparents. We don’t want to be apart from them, but we do have a choice how close we keep them in our circle, or if they’re part of it at all.
So the first thing to know is that no matter what your difficult person might have you believe… you do have a choice! Don’t let any of their tricks fool you! You have more power than you think! Just know your limits and what’s best for YOUR mental health.
Most likely you’re trying to make a relationship work! And it will be work, because with they antics, it’ll be nearly impossible. But stay positive! This is where strong boundaries come in!
As mentioned already… many times before, reasoning with a difficult person, is near impossible. But still, you want to be acknowledged… we all do! So both parties have to be able listen… truly hear each other! There will be no healing or progress made until both people can really listen and acknowledge each others thoughts.
This might be a real task. All you can do is try. When you’ve put in the effort, you can rest assure you’ve done your part. It can’t all be on you. This road goes both ways… remember that!
Being heard is common respect, but can be a huge task for a difficult person… so here’s to hoping!
Relax and Stay Calm
Difficult people are always looking for the fight, so it our job to not let them get it. Our emotions get the best of all of us at time but difficult people let their emotions rule them, you can’t play that game. How To Control Your Emotions And Not Let Them Control You (dancingthroughtherain.com)
Remaining calm when you’re under attacked is hard to do! There’s a point for every person when you’ve had enough and you have to walk away. A person can only take so much. Every person has to know their limit. However if you can manage staying calm in the storm it will help your difficult person stay calm too.
Sometimes before a difficult conversation with your difficult person, it helps to write down notes, to keep you on track. Take breaks if needed to calm everyone back down, maybe before meeting take a moment to remind yourself of all the good things you do have going on in your life. This will be a great reminder to you when your difficult person hit that anger button. You can remind yourself your life is good and you don’t need to join the crazy train when things start to get heated!
A difficult person is ruled by their emotions. Showing a difficult person the correct way to engage with you is what you have to do! No one said it’d be easy!
This is part of staying calm. You can’t match the anger your difficult person shows you. Keeping your breathing under controlled, give space and allow yourself space as well, don’t try to fix it all, and for the love of GOD MAN!!! Don’t use phases like, just calm down, or be quite.
If you are getting angry or your difficult person has hit the roof, then the conversation needs to end. The last thing you want is a whole new problem because of a fake one that your difficult person dreamed up!
It’s super important to abort mission if you or your difficult person becomes uncontrollably angry and can’t recover. You need to know when to end the conversation and keep the flow of the conversation moving in the right direction of solving and healing. In most cases you have the power to control the energy of the room. If you can remain calm, then hopefully your difficult person will follow your lead.
Here’s to hoping!
No family, friendship or work place is prefect! You will, sometime in your life deal with a difficult person. I hope this post helps. There’s plenty of amazing links here with great information! Check them all out and get educated! You have the power!
There’s no easy way but know that you’re not alone!