I’m now a full 9 days into my recovery, and healing from my surgery. I’ve had my ups and downs, but mostly I’m doing very well. I’ve lost 8 LBS (as of 4/19/2012) in my first week! I feel the pressure on my bones already fading away. My hands are less cramped, my bells less noticeable across my face, (to me anyways) my hips, lower back and feet, all are saying a collective, THANK YOU!
I’m at the beginning of this part of the journey, so I know that I have a long way to go. A long way to go to get my strength back to where I want it to be… a long way to healing all the damage from the years of neglect that have been put on me. But I’ve never in my live been more hopefully then I am right now.
And to think only two in half years ago, I was ready to give up totally. I would have never believed, I’d ever have an answered to all the pain…mentally or physically that I was feeling, let alone to be in a place that I felt happy, had this peace, this joy in my life and could say that I really loved my life. It’s truly all God and His beautiful blessings.
I’ve been overthinking how to explain in this blog, my situation, this surgery, the process. It’s consumed with so many things that are happening around me, all the stress it’s created for me. I’ve been so worried about how others will assume or their opinions about it all. I was prepping for judgments. I guess, being a person who gets them often from inside my circle, it has caused me to lose my peace, prepping to defend myself. It’s the one thing, I said I would kick someone’s ass to protect! I guess, I should kick my own ass!
I’m not even going to drive to in all the body images/ mental readiness classes, I’ve taken over the last 10 months or 4 1/2 year, that no one even knows about, and what it’s done to me mentally. I won’t talk about the fear and stress, I’ve had over my MIL moving Texas, with all her past baggage, timelines, unrealistic expectations or any of our history that’s been giving me nightmares for the last month. I won’t worry another second or give anymore thought about a single person on this planet and how they feel about my surgery, health, or my recovery, if it’s not supportive to my recovery on my terms. I will not let it rip me up, get me spiraling…. and I for sure, will not be bated into a fight with anyone over conversations that I can not hold as fact.
Well, that felt freeing.
Fresh starts are truly awesome. It’s a Devine and beautiful thing to be able to do. Especially, when they’re real, clean 100%, fresh starts. You can leave all you past crap behind you. No one has to know. You have a choice not to tell anyone your dirty laundry, the dumb mistakes you made repeatedly, the hurt you caused or the pain you endured. All the past things that you’re ashamed of or the toxic personally traits you have, the bad habits you’ve got…it all can be thrown away. You are free to be the person you’ve always wanted to be!
This time in my life is a full fresh start for me. I know I’ll always have a few things sitting on the back burner. I have all the valuable lessons that I’ve learned over the years. I’ll keep all that close to my heart. But I don’t want to carry around with my the past. So I won’t. But I am wiser and I’ll leave it at that.
Yesterday, morning I played with the dogs in the backyard and enjoyed the sunshine. I stretched a little, did my very little recovery workout. It felt great. I sat down in my chair and talked to God, just so thankfully for this incredible life, my kids, my husbands, my homes, the place I am in. It’s been a long road but I’ve walked, and sometime crawled it. I’m so thankful for God’s strength pulling me along.
I guess, I don’t know where my future will go from here, but I am very much looking forward to it!
Sharing, my podcast with you all … will be interesting. My surgery and the changes my body is going through. I want to be here to help others and answer any questions other people might have. So I’ll write more about this soon. My other stories are coming along.
So we all have some bumps in the road. I have some mountains from time to time, but we get past them if we stay constant and faithful. We must know hard times make strong people and easy times, make weak people. So I will enjoy this part life and get ready for this next uphill journey, because I am a strong person.