Today Being Me

Unbalanced

If you don’t humble yourself, God will do it for you. I think, it was Billy Graham, that said something like this. It’s stuck with me.

God’s Handy Work

I remember reading somewhere to always thank God for what you have, but to trust Him for you need.

I think these last three month have been nothing short of a huge blessing for me and my family. There’s no way that we could have done what we have, or made it through what we have, without God making a clear path for us. I know without a doubt it was all God’s handy work.

Making our way to Texas, we didn’t get to drive together. We caravanned it. So many times, I could’ve lost sight of Jason. We could have gotten separated, lost. With all the semitrucks around us, we had a few close calls. Even a few shady places, we had no choice but to stay in, we didn’t feel safe. In all these near misses, God took care of us the whole way.

I can’t even say, things were good, they were better than just good. We were so blessed. Stuff normally doesn’t go perfectly smooth for us . My family and me…. personal, have just been hit left and right with bad news, natural disaster, health problems, financial strain, so much loss. All this has made us, just expect things to go bad. So to have so much just work out, so well…it was amazing and truly from above.

Every step we took has been blessed. God has blessed our path and made it smooth. We don’t deserve it, but He has done it anyway.

For the first month, living in temporary housing, I didn’t buy in yet. I was waiting for things to go bad. When it was time to find a house, we found our home the first time when looked. But God didn’t just stop there. He upgraded our blessings over and over.

When the winter blizzard hit Texas last month, it didn’t phase us much at all. We never loss power, had hot water the whole time, and for some reason, I went to the grocery store the day before the storm… So we had plenty enough food! We did have to boil water, but that’s it. We made out very well! Again we were protected and blessed.

My kids schools, the teachers, the neighbors that we have, the doctors and the medical teams that I have been able to put together, the energy that I have had! All of it was like waking from a coma! And I only have God to give the credit to!

Now over the last month or so, it’s been rocky. I have had trouble giving time to thank God for my life, let alone the blessing He’s given us. How do blessing become work? How do blessings get us so frantic and busy, that we don’t even have time to be thankful for them anymore?

I’m ashamed that all the good, the amazing things that we have been living everyday, we aren’t amazed by anymore. We don’t find them to be blessings. We find them stressful now, difficult. Or we just don’t see them at all. It’s not right!

So what! Jason’s work isn’t what he thought it would be, he has trouble actually getting to where he needs to be…he lack motivation at times. So we complain about it, instead of praying about it. We don’t do anything about it ourselves. Ego is a real nightmare.

The House closing has been falling apart. So many people have let us down. Lots of people did not do their job well at all. I would be lying to you if I told you, I wasn’t super disappointment about it. I should be writing this from my new home right now, but I’m not! It’s annoying, it’s costing us money, time and it’s frustrating for sure, but while the situation sucks…it’s not the end of the world.

I have to trust God. He must have a plan, a reason why He doesn’t want us there yet. Also while He was busy blessing us… I… along with the rest of my family, have been busy complaining about our gifts, our life, our blessings…He must have felt someway about that? What is wrong with us?

Humans and their damn humanity. Never seeing how good they have it. The effort it take sometimes to see the sliver lining, the Brightside of things, the blessings in the storm… or simply to see how overwhelming lucky we are, despite our missteps.

To be able to power through and keep our eyes, my hearts, our minds focused on God’s purpose for us shouldn’t be so hard, but sometimes the noise of the world, and the people around us get so loud, and distracting. It’s what turns all those prayers from blessings to burdens.

Refocus And Remember

I was listening to a podcast a few years ago and one of the the guest on the podcast, said these few words. They have stuck with me since that day in November 2020, “Maybe everything you have always wanted, you already have. It’s just buried under years of junk, emotional and mental pain, and things you keep to make everyone think your doing fine.”

Our journey to get to where we are this very day is a long one. It’s been a battle. My personal journey is a long battle. We have done so much work to get to this everyday!

We are stronger for it! We are a closer family for it. We are smarter for it! The experience has given us wild stories to tell.

There is no way the we should ever let the bad vibe of other people, or anything blur of vision. And all this bring me right back to the beginning.

We couldn’t believe we were in God favor, the way things were working out so well for us. But after a little time there was just no denying it. It had to be Him! We humbled ourselves at His feet, so thankful the tides had changes. We prayed for these blessings, now we’re receiving them. How very grateful we all were.

But over time, the people in our life changed a bit…we changed more…we fall a little more. We complained a lot more. I felt it…I felt the shame and guilt of it. I knew it was wrong. I’m not blaming anyone in our life. I’m just saying we lost sight of our purpose, we weren’t as thankful, or grateful …we weren’t humble. We were annoyed.

We got twisted up in other’s drama, that was not ours. Life became hard, overwhelming, we couldn’t do our jobs well and we just started falling behind. It was a span of about 2-3 week of a slow fall. Not doing our working, not going to work, not being in our routine and rhyme, bad eating (I’ve been really good eating), everything falling by the way side.

We just stopped living almost. No prayer time, no exercise, no writing routines, working routines, only one deep cleaning day in 2 weeks…it was just blah….not good!

So the last two day, I spent time with God. I’m so sorry, I yet again lost my way…I’m sure I will again. I really need a leash. I seem to wonder off easily. But I’m so thankful for my family, our life here in Texas, the blog and the story I am writing. I so enjoy it all.

I’m thankful for my health and all the improvement since I’ve been here! I’m excited about my surgery and our future! I feel so blessed that we have this awesome home waiting for us. The kids are in great schools, have good teacher and are making good friends. The kids are in awesome programs, G is in dance and Trist starts ROTC this summer, plus starts driving soon!

The summer is upon us! We have so much planned! We want to explore TX! See my sister, visit my parents, going back to Colorado! I am really excited about this podcast! There’s a lot of cool things in the works. I am thankful for it all.

I don’t want to lose sight of the one who make it possible. I know there will be hard day…Oh yes, I know them well…but I also know that I’ve been blessed with really great days, and I don’t want to throw them away because of a bump in the road.

So I’m remembering to be humble so God doesn’t have to do it for me. Taking out time for the one who walked this journey with me, and pulled me from the darkness is my biggest priority!

sk

8 thoughts on “Today Being Me

  1. Journalofthegrey

    “Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.”
    ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭55:22‬ ‭KJV‬‬

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes 🙂 Today hasn’t been great… still down about three pieces of bad news I got yesterday (only one of them affects me directly, but it’s all still depressing and discouraging), and the fact that it’s going to rain tomorrow. I’m going to go for a long walk now…

        Liked by 1 person

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