I don’t like getting old.
I’m 40 years old and in my opinion, I looks like it. My body is running down and hurts a lot. It’s beyond frustrating to me.
Everyone else out there ever feel like your running up hill… right into a brick wall over and over again?
Okay let’s talk straight. For the last 3 1/2 years, I have been battling many different issues with my health, both mentally and physically. I’ve been to doctor after doctor and rarely do I get any real help…real guidance, a solution. I feel crazy!
I’ve been working and speaking with a team of amazing people (Mental Health Professionals) to better my mental and emotional health. I am so happy to say that the long road that I’ve traveled with these great people have really paid off for me in the brain game!
I am able to rebound from stressful, hurtful, hard things that have happened to me, better now than I ever could before. I’ve learned that it’s okay to be mad and hurt. I am allowed to be upset or sad. We should allow ourselves to feel how we feel…for a moment. Then we need to break out of whatever is going on and move forward. It been a process but I am able to do it. I’m proud of that.
Inside, I feel really good and my mood is up most days. My face may not show it but I do feel pretty upbeat most days. I’m enjoying my life and can find the lessons in the bad stuff and make it good. I love my relationships now and I can totally see the future, being a bright and hopeful place! In the midst of the world being in totally chaos, I think that’s impressive.
Speaking/working with a Life Coach and Counselor has been one of my greatest blessing in the last year in a half. My outlook on life has been changed because of all the work that we’ve done together!
The one big part that holds me back…holds me down, is my physical health. My body doesn’t match the way that I feel inside. I hate the way my body feels and even more… I cannot stand how I look!
I’ve never had a weight problem in my life. I’ve always been toned, strong and fit! I have always been healthy, ate right, worked out and kept my body in top shape. The last 3 1/2 years have F’ed it all up. The stress, the surgeries, the medications…all of the depression and terrible anxiety of living alone and fighting with anyone…it’s all taking a massive toll on my body. It shows. I need a break. I need something to finally workout for me. Just once!
When I look in the mirror, I am so mad at the person that I see. I’m disappointed and feel so helpless, lost! I know what I look like without the turama of the last few years written all over my body, my face and I want that body and smile back.
Pain in my feet, my hips, my abdomen, headaches, this Bell’s Palsy! I am over all out it! I’m over the doctors, the medication and loss of money and hope! I want to take my health back but it’s hard when I have close to four years of despair hanging on me!
It would mean the world to me if just one doctor would take me seriously. I need a doctor who would actually help me and not just send me on to someone else, who then sends me on to someone. I want out of this pointless cycle. It’s a waste of time and money and damaging to my psyche. I have hope but in the healthcare system I feel hopeless.