Wellness and Health| The Cycle Continues

I don’t like getting old.

I’m 40 years old and in my opinion, I looks like it. My body is running down and hurts a lot. It’s beyond frustrating to me.

Everyone else out there ever feel like your running up hill… right into a brick wall over and over again?

Okay let’s talk straight. For the last 3 1/2 years, I have been battling many different issues with my health, both mentally and physically. I’ve been to doctor after doctor and rarely do I get any real help…real guidance, a solution. I feel crazy!

I’ve been working and speaking with a team of amazing people (Mental Health Professionals) to better my mental and emotional health. I am so happy to say that the long road that I’ve traveled with these great people have really paid off for me in the brain game!

I am able to rebound from stressful, hurtful, hard things that have happened to me, better now than I ever could before. I’ve learned that it’s okay to be mad and hurt. I am allowed to be upset or sad. We should allow ourselves to feel how we feel…for a moment. Then we need to break out of whatever is going on and move forward. It been a process but I am able to do it. I’m proud of that.

Inside, I feel really good and my mood is up most days. My face may not show it but I do feel pretty upbeat most days. I’m enjoying my life and can find the lessons in the bad stuff and make it good. I love my relationships now and I can totally see the future, being a bright and hopeful place! In the midst of the world being in totally chaos, I think that’s impressive.

Speaking/working with a Life Coach and Counselor has been one of my greatest blessing in the last year in a half. My outlook on life has been changed because of all the work that we’ve done together!

The one big part that holds me back…holds me down, is my physical health. My body doesn’t match the way that I feel inside. I hate the way my body feels and even more… I cannot stand how I look!

I’ve never had a weight problem in my life. I’ve always been toned, strong and fit! I have always been healthy, ate right, worked out and kept my body in top shape. The last 3 1/2 years have F’ed it all up. The stress, the surgeries, the medications…all of the depression and terrible anxiety of living alone and fighting with anyone…it’s all taking a massive toll on my body. It shows. I need a break. I need something to finally workout for me. Just once!

When I look in the mirror, I am so mad at the person that I see. I’m disappointed and feel so helpless, lost! I know what I look like without the turama of the last few years written all over my body, my face and I want that body and smile back.

Pain in my feet, my hips, my abdomen, headaches, this Bell’s Palsy! I am over all out it! I’m over the doctors, the medication and loss of money and hope! I want to take my health back but it’s hard when I have close to four years of despair hanging on me!

It would mean the world to me if just one doctor would take me seriously. I need a doctor who would actually help me and not just send me on to someone else, who then sends me on to someone. I want out of this pointless cycle. It’s a waste of time and money and damaging to my psyche. I have hope but in the healthcare system I feel hopeless.

sick on tv vs sick in reality satire health care


6 thoughts on “Wellness and Health| The Cycle Continues

  1. My mom always said, “ain’t no such thing as growing old gracefully.” It comes in like weather really…

    I was doing strength training and trying to muscle up. My body told me I’m too old for that. I do well for a while and then I pull a muscle, or pinch a nerve, and or my arthritis disciplines me. So I’m trying lightweight workouts. Ultimately I believe that diet is over 90% of our issues. We consume too much and not enough of the beneficial stuff. I learned from My 600 Pound Life that diet is more key than working out for weight control. We have to be physically active but we’ve also got to be fueling up on the 93 octane and better lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my goodness! My 600 Pound Life is such a crazy show! I am NOT even close to that. Thank GOD! Seriously…thank you Lord!
      I agree though, diet is key.
      I was recently at my parents house and I saw a few younger pictures of me on their wall.
      It was so weird to really look at myself from back then. I remember believing with all my heart that I was gross and fat in every picture. I have a pictures that I was maybe 100 pounds and had long beautiful hair, a clear and beautiful olive completion. Yet at that time, I hated myself and thought I was so fat and ugly. Even one picture of me right after I had my daughter, I was so tiny, I was glowing. I truly was…dare I say… pretty.
      I was and am so hard on myself.
      Looking at though picture made me think maybe I’m just a little off track right now…not fat or ugly. Not a monster…just a little sad at times. I view my reflection all wrong maybe. Maybe I’m not gross. Maybe I was never gross. I was just finding myself in the middle of a 4 year long transition, that has been really traumatizing to me. Just maybe I’m actually okay? Maybe I should be a little nicer to myself?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, you’re ok! And definitely yes! Be much more nicer to yourself! You are not the mess you think you are. Once again, like my wife, you’re tired, had a good bit of emotional and mental trauma. And you might have let yourself go but you’re not the mess you view yourself to be. You just need to get yourself together. And that takes time.

        This is my personal view, and I’ve had people argue with me about it, but I don’t view fat as ugly. Fat can be unattractive, yes… but there’s plenty of skinny unattractive people out there. It’s all in perception. I know, especially here in America, we still have this stigma that fat equals lazy and unmotivated and yes ugly. But from what I have witnessed, it’s stress. It’s anxiety and it stems from personal issues we can’t see. I’m not saying this is always the case. Yes there are people out there who do gain weight from laziness… it happens. But there’s also more to stories than laziness and being unmotivated.

        So, I guess went through that rant to explain to you that whether you have gained weight or you lose it, don’t be hard on yourself and don’t let the “standards of the society” we live in make you feel like a failure or lesser of a person merely because of your physical appearance. I’m sure your husband hasn’t anything bad to say about you.


      2. Thank you for that. This is something I am learning for sure. I have my good days and bad days. But always my husband loves me through all of them. I am thankful for that. Either way I wan to get in shape and feel good for me…not him. He is a bonus but not the reason.

        Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.

Create a website or blog at WordPress.com

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: