Hope shines bright
I am a planner. I like my notebooks and list. Full of scribbles, doodles and well displayed thoughts, all in perfect order. Different color pens, markers and highlighters set forth, so perfectly. It’s like art.
I know life is hard to plan, especially these day. That doesn’t keep me from wanting things in their order, well planned and in a way… predictable. I guess, I find my security there. It’s safe and peaceful to me.
Sure, some may find that kind of life boring, lame and even dull. I might have agreed 4 years ago. I too, may have thought a life that was full of routine and predictability was tiresome. Lacking excitement, adventure and any gratification. But when you’ve live the life that I have, seeing everything, being busy and going all the time isn’t exciting at all. it unsettling. It’s shaky, uncontrollable and unstable.
My family started out in the center of the United States, spending most our life there; growing up and being molded into the people we would become. Then this young family of four went north and experienced a winter and freeze that we’d rather not live though ever again. However, it was in the north where we were broken, challenged and made lifetime friendships.
Next, the four of us would moved west. It’s a beautiful place to thaw out and regroup. It was there in the sunshine of the west that we tried to get reacquainted with each other and struggled at it. It was there, while living in the west that I learned what true depression was. We experienced crippling, raging flames, fires and earthquakes. Saw beautiful but tearful sunsets and the glimmer of sun shining off the ocean. But it was in the warmth of the west that we were left cold in our hearts and the most lost we have ever been. The rush, the pressure, the panic, the hurt and all the unknowns was more than we could take most days. But we had hope.
That hope lead us to the east. The east gave us new life, new hope. It gave us seasons and trees for miles and miles. A home and land to explore. The east made us close again…closer than we wanted at times thanks to Covid. We learned how to love, forgive and simple say “okay”. It was in the east that we started to make plans, provisions and routines. A home, a life. But you know what God says about our plans…
It was only just over a week ago we found out that the plans and list we have made would be wadded up and thrown into the trash. We are head south. What will the south bring to our family? What things will be endor, experience and have to get use to now?
The south isn’t all bad by any means. It’s just another change for this family of 4. We have a strong hope for our futures in the south. The people we are now, after so much life experience in such a short amount of time have given us knowledge many other will never have.
The people who never stay put much like my family, all know that I am saying is true. You find people and places that can fall into the ocean and it would be just fine. You also find the most beautiful humans and see God’s art all around you. Places and people that make a mark on our hearts for the better, forever.
I’m scared in away to began to make plans for our new life in south. Having too many ideas that could go up in flames is always a possibility. Still, I will say one thing is true, we do have high hopes for this move to the south.
We’ve always had hope for all the different places that we have lived. We always want to feel “at home”, like we belonged. Personal as a mother, I hope for my children to have friends, to be safe and so happy. We hope to find a soft place to land. We want to be part of a good community and make strong friendship. We hope for success and joy with every new “home” we have. To make joyful memories and overcome the hard things with grace. We hope that no matter what we encounter, that we as a family will grow closer and no matter what might happen, we stick together.
Change will be good
This time we didn’t ask for this move. This time is was forced upon us. I heard the news and was ready to go. I’m always ready to go. Even with my plans being torn up like junk mail, I still was beyond ready to make our way south.
Why? Why after planting myself here and trying so hard to make the east my home, was I so ready to leave?
I can answer that easily. South is where my family is and like minded people. Living here in the east with so many regulations and strict guidelines, it been hard to feel a home, my friends, find work or enjoy life really at all. It’s been hard, stressful and undetermined.
Sure there is beauty here. I have worked so hard to find my peace in the east and in many ways, I’ve done that. I become closer with my children and more frustrated at times too. My husband and I fell in love more deeply than ever. I did all I could to take control of my health. I’ve had so many good times and great conversations with the people I love. Even if we had to try hard to make them happen. We always had a great hope for this place.
I have to say the east has been good to us through it all. Even in a pandemic, even with all the unknowns. There were so many great things that happened for me and our family while living here. Those things I will forever be so very grateful.
Now, we head south. My extended family, I miss you and this is going to be great for us all. This is not us, this is God and a blessing for sure. I’m hopeful.