Thoughts and Life Update

Well, it’s been a little while since I have wrote or posted anything. I’ve been super busy and a little distracted for a few weeks. With company for the last month, this wacky school schedule, G’s soccer and the remodeling and refurbishing I’ve been doing…my blog has gotten away from me.

So today I have decided to share an update with anyone who cares, about what’s going on in my world and a few thoughts I’m having at the moment.

Life in a pandemic with children

At the Farmers Market

As many of you with or without children, we’ve been navigating this whole Covid quarantine world the best we can. I think if it was just my husband and I, then maybe I would be fine hiding out at home and only ordering in. But it’s not just me and my husband. We have two beautiful, bright minds and kind souls trapped in the chaos adults have caused and that kills me.

I know some will disagree and that’s fine. I believe all are welcome to their opinions without being attacked for them. However, I have a feeling my opinion will be disliked loudly by a few special types.

Having children and remembering my own childhood, along with working and teaching children for almost 20 years, I know what they are missing right now and how very damaging it is now and will be for them as time goes one.

Kids need to see faces to understand social cues. This is one of the most important ways that they start to understand the emotions of others and identifying their own. This is how they start to learn about empathy and caring about their fellow human, their environment and their community. And realizing their feeling reflect something about them, their important beings.

Kids need their peers. It’s so important, so vital to our children to be able to make friends and have interaction with other kids that are their age and with all different types of people really. But they need to find a group of peers that they can grow with, learn from, feel connected with and be accepted by. This also helps them learn to overcome hard, difficult people. Learning how to navigate arguments or plain jerks with respect and dignity without being a jerk yourself! It’s so important to know how to handle hurt feelings without becoming so offended that can’t move on with their life.

Having good and not so good interactions with their peers and even authority figures is part of growing up, it’s part of life so kids need to learn how to function when they hear a NO or aren’t liked by others. Learning how to overcome adversity and to have a productive future is being missed right now. Having respect, kindness, being able to accept responsibility for one’s actions and learning how to cope with hard things, makes for a well rounded adult.

Life is not going to be a vacation. Our children will have to work and work hard. They will have to know how to cope with unfair and painful things in life. Life happens to all people and it can be so stressful and unpredictable. This why we need not shelter them so much that they are little droids that’s can’t even think for themselves. That can’t have real, meaningful connection with the rest of the world.

Our kids need to know how to deal with hard things, the same way they need to be able to feel love and joy and be that for the rest of world. To except humbly the good things in life is important. To know what real happiness is, real love, to be able to give and praise is important.

I want my kids to learn, grow, explore, help and always above all of this, I want them to LOVE. To build a strong, meaningful relationships with God and with other humans! We people were created for connection and making relationships.

I pray to God that HOPE is not lost. That the need some people have to be taken care of, the fear that over takes them, is not more powerful than the need to live, love and have real connections with others. Quality of life is everything. Our days are numbered no matter what comes at us. Everyday we are a little closer to our last day on Earth and that’s without ever going out into the world.

For me, I want to be able to say that I lived well and loved hard. I made memories and lived life to it’s very fullest. I did my job well as a human, I was everything that God made me to be. I don’t want to have the government or anyone else for that matter ever tell me what’s best for me. I won’t wait around for anyone to tell me how to be a mom or wife, a daughter or friend! On my last day, I don’t want to have regrets, like I wasted my time here with my favorite people…just being scared and disgusting my fear as being safe! I want to get busy living, not busy cowering in fear, slowly dying away.

Safety is important. Being healthy and responsible is important. Being kind and open minded is important. Having respect and love for the Earth and its people is important. Protecting our God given rights is so important. Having gratitude, being thankful and humbling ourselves is important. Having character, morals and values is important. Defending and protecting our ability to have thoughts, to think and to share them in a FREE world, without worry of being attacked or canceled out is beyond important! Being a servant to only God…not to man, will bring us closer to a peaceful world. Loving and supporting one another is fundamental.

The only thing I’m scared of is how this loud, scared, “we need to control everyone”, world, will hurt our kids. But the one thing that I actually fear is God. I only serve Him.

One of my children plays soccer responsibly, is on a hybrid school schedule and has many…many facetime or Kid-Messenger chats with her many friends. My other child is in high school and going to school everyday but only till noon. He has missed his Freshman Homecoming and that saddens me. But he is able to join clubs. He does home improvement classes and wood working, where he get hands on training and learns many life skills, while still having fun and being safe.

We’ve been able to go take long walks exploring our forest, go to the beach, the broadwalk, try different restaurants, visit the farmers markets and explore the sunflower fields, a corn maze, and pick our pumpkins from the pumpkin patch!

We’ve seen our parents/Grandparents and made awesome memories with them! We’ve gone to plays, driven on go-charts and went shopping together in places we’ve never been to before. We’ve been able to celebrate birthdays, and other important days together. We’re safe and careful and have choose living over curling up and dying. I’m thankful for that.

Busying making a home

If you’re still with me than THANKS! You’re awesome!

As I have written before I haven’t lived in New Jersey for long. I love it. It’s beautiful and really full of culture! I haven’t really felt home anywhere we’ve lived…not even in Colorado where I am from. This is the first place I’ve really felt like I belonged. I honestly will be so sad when the time comes to leave this place. It’s special to me.

We moved when the pandemic was just starting. It was hard to really make this place a home or meet our neighbors with so much fear and uncertainty all over. So this time in life has been really great for me. I am finally able to paint my walls and make this house more than just walls and windows. Together we’ve been able to make a home to raise my sweet family in!

It’s been so much work but a labor of love creating a special place for me write and call my own. I’ve refurbished a buffet and made a welcoming and beautiful dining area. I have a sweet, little kitchen with it’s very own coffee bar, chat area. We’ve refaced a fireplace, painted and rebuild a bathroom. I’ve made a toy/reading nook for G and finally both kids rooms are starting to reflect their personalities perfectly. We’ve even had a tiny bit of time and money to create a peaceful place for Jason and I rest.

We still have a ways to go but it’s looking really good and it’s feeling really good too. I’m so thankful for that because I know what it feels like to be so unhappy, uncomfortable, out of place and so very lost and lonely. I’ve come along way.

The beauty that I get to be part of everyday is all because God has blessed me and shown me His grace. He has walked with me in my greatest time of need. He came and rescued me from the darkness and lit my way. I was the lost sheep and He came to get me and safely guide me back to the top of the mountain. I’ve overcome such pain in my soul, to only be so thankful….even more so because of the things that I have overcame. The light is the brightest after overcoming the most darkest of times. We are the strongest in our weakness.

I have wanted to do many different things in my life that I am only starting to get to experience right now…even in this nasty political environment and fearful time of covid. I have had more love and joy than any other time I can think back to.

I think it’s because I’m not lashing out. I’m not living in fear and I won’t crave on what side I’ll pick to be on. I don’t have hate in my heart, even for people who disagree with me. I do get frustrated at times with all the meanness and hypocritical behavior I see. But the way I manage that is don’t watch the mainstream media. Don’t get caught up with social media and keyboard warriors. Live and let live, I say.

So all in all this house in the forest is more and more feeling like home. I’m closer than ever to my husband and I believe that God has a great plan for my family. I feel like things are looking up for us all.

Health matters

So doctor appointments are kind of a pain in the “you know what” for me. I’ve spent more time and money trying to better my health and become a physically fit person than I ever have in life and I have come up empty.

My doctor quit! Then I was given another women, who my kids see and I liked her but she’s hard to get into. After weeks of my appointment with her being canceled and moved 4 times…I had it! I finally went and made a new appointment with a whole new office with an actually DO doctor.

The differences between MDs and DOs are often subtle. MDs generally focus on treating specific conditions with medication. DOs, on the other hand, tend to focus on whole-body healing, with or without traditional medication. They generally have a stronger holistic approach and have been trained with additional hours of hands-on techniques. Some people claim that DOs put more emphasis on disease prevention, but prevention plays an important role in the work of both.

My appointment is in November and I am excited to see what happens next! I also have as sleep study coming up and this is all part of my prep work…It’s all slowly coming together. I’ve been pretty good about eating smaller, most healthy meals. I work out and keep my body in motion everyday. The only thing I struggle with is sleep.

Nightmares, hot flashes and feeling basically uncomfortable in my “fat suit” keeps me from getting any good rest. It’s terrible being sleepy and not being able to sleep. My nightmares are weird and I can’t explain how they’re creeping me out. I wake up feeling sad and my confidence is shattered!

But no fear! I keep working and pushing forward, praying always. I rest during the day if I need. I keep praying, keep my head up and hope of a bright future is intact!

So no, things aren’t perfect but I never thought there would ever be here on this Earth. I’m just passing through, making the best of this time that I have. Perfection will be in heaven, when it’s time to go home.


2 thoughts on “Thoughts and Life Update

Comments are closed.

Create a website or blog at

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: