Bad Doctors Suck | I Miss The Old Me

I relate…

I have recently been going to the doctors to start getting my health on track. Going to the doctor is not something new for me. It’s part of my history unfortunately.

I have been in and out of doctors offices with female issues, migraines/seizure, gallbladder and kidney issues and rarely do I ever walk out with some type of results.

I understand that these doctors are only human beings. They are doing the best they can usually, with an educated guess. It’s still very frustrating to be wasting so much time, energy and money, just to be worse off in the end.

Has anyone ever felt like you go to the doctors just to vent and then pay a hefty copayment? There’s no real solution to any of your issues. Well that is where I feel I am standing at the moment.

Being a mom of two and a wife, my continued stress over the years has really taken a toll on my physical and mental health. when I look in the mirror I do not see me. I see a very old tired, frustrated woman and I just don’t recognize her at all.

My brain has energy but my body won’t let me. A side effect of that is a depressed heart.

I do literally everything the doctor tells me to do and will have no improvements and in some cases, I am only worse by the side effects of medication.

At this point I just don’t trust doctors anymore. I’ve been told so many things…so many things that contradict… so many things that I have tried with no results. I can’t trust what they tell me anymore.

So where do I go from here? The people who are supposed to be helping me and guiding me to a better, healthier me, aren’t. I just wanna be able to look in the mirror and not see so much pain from the past written all over my body. It would be so awesome just have someone take me seriously.


4 thoughts on “Bad Doctors Suck | I Miss The Old Me

  1. “Being a mom of two and a wife, my continued stress over the years has really taken a toll on my physical and mental health. when I look in the mirror I do not see me. I see a very old tired, frustrated woman and I just don’t recognize her at all.”

    That Shakespeare play where the power mad king stood in front of the mirror and saw a monster that represented his madness, this is kind of comparable to to you viewing yourself as tired and worn down. Even though I’m pretty sure you are extremely tired! You probably don’t look as bad as you think. My wife is the EXACT same way! She is extremely tired all the time. All the woman does is work. I can only imagine how tired she is. But she’s still that pretty, shy girl I went 😍 over almost 20 years ago.

    I say this, and I hope it makes sense, that you’re still there. She’s just went through a LOT and it’s taken a bit of a toll. But, she’s still there!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t know why I can’t see it or feel it anymore. My husband tells me these same words and I know that he loves me but I don’t like what I see… the way I feel some days. I’m sure my reflection represents a lot of my emotions over the years.
      Thanks for your words and support. Always gets me through.


  2. How frustrating!!! I have had good and bad experiences with doctors over the years, so I have mixed feelings. I work with Doctors all the time now (and we have Doctors in the family too) so I know that they are not all on the same page, in the same league. Some Doctors seem dependant on the internet to diagnose patients – which I find scary.

    You mentioned several different areas of concern above – female issues, migraines, gallbladder and kidney. Have any of them been treated effectively? Or are they all still causing you problems?

    My wonderful GP realizes I had a cyst some years ago and sent me straight to A&E and I had surgery within a few hours. But after that I had lots of problems, including recurrent infections where I had my surgery. My consultant told me after a year where I was back in hospital around ten times that my immune system was exhausted. Neither doctors nor I could ever be 100% sure how I had become so chronically tired, but he asked me to think about the effect of stress, guilt, anxiety etc.

    For at least ten years I had been pushing myself. Before that was school were I was always an A student and on all the sports teams. But I made the choice to be a volunteer after school. I was working part-time to earn some money to contribute to my family and cover my travel expenses. My paid employer always wanted more more more and pressured me to do overtime and made me feel guilty about not wanting to work full-time. But I kept my focus on the work I did for charities. I travelled up and down the country on projects, often sleeping on the floor in my sleeping bag and not seeing my family for weeks. But I was thriving in that life. However, I was invited to get involved with more and more work for charities until my schedule was really crazy. But I kept saying yes. I did not know how to say no. I loved the work I was doing. But rushing around from here to there, having so many deadlines, people depending on me….it did keep my heart racing all the time. I hated letting people down. If I was stuck in traffic or had a flat tyre, if I had forgotten to submit a purchase order, or to complete an audit, if I broke a piece of equipment or used the wrong colour of paint – the disappointment I felt was huge. I often was more plagued by my mistakes than all of the good things I had done.

    Our minds and bodies are interconnected and I don’t think I will ever be able to map out everything, but being chronically ill and my health nightmare literally taking me away from work (paid and unpaid) for over a year, was an opportunity for me to gain some balance, some perspective, to be more reasonable in my expectations of myself, acknowledge my limitations, and realize that I was not the only one.

    I learnt that some people did not understand stress, anxiety, chronic health problems. But I also learnt that some people did. Even if they had different health issues to me, they were good examples to me and I benefited from their wisdom. A friend of mine who had been abused as a child had debilitating CFS, another friend of mine, also abused as a child became so severely affected by conditions the Doctors seemed hesitant to diagnose could barely walk a few steps. Her husband had to dress her, comb her hair, lift her in and out of the bathtub, and take over all cooking and housework.

    I was heartened to see that they found a good sense of humour helped them. They often used comedy when talking about their situation. They also were good at focusing on what they could do rather than what they couldn’t. The latter friend I mentioned even started her own business in decorating cakes. She couldn’t bake the cakes (her sister did the baking) but then my friend was all set up at her dining table to do the decorating. Her work was exquisite.

    Slowly slowly my health improved, my infections ended, put on weight (I had lost around half of my body weight in a year due to my health problems and a nutritionist helped me nourish my body) and my spirits improved. It was always up and down though. But I managed to qualify to become an international volunteer (like the marines of volunteers) with a bear perfect health score. I thrived in that life-style until I faced the stress that started with Jack and then several years of daily torment and then bullying. That eroded my joy. Again, out of the blue, I was back in hospital (after I was attacked in a park) and had another year out trying to recover from my physical injuries and the emotional trauma. I have to say, that this was when I met some terrible Doctors and health professionals.

    Ups and downs are challenging. I so often feel like a boat at sea driven by turbulent waves, sometimes overwhelmed by storms. At times all I could do was drop the anchor and cling on for dear life. But when the intense trouble has passed, I try to fix the damage, so that I can unfurl the sails and move forwards again.

    My health is great at the moment. I want to lose some weight I put on during the past few months (I was working so much overtime for the NHS that other exercise was neglected). Miraculously, Jack came back into my life a year ago. Since the night I was attacked, my confidence has been slow to recover, there were lots of ups and downs, but now I feel it is stronger than it has been for a long time.

    I am sure that keeping a bright hope of the day when our Creator and the whole universe are at peace….no more sickness, no more suffering, no more crime, war, terrorism, cruelty, abuse, oppression, bullying or anything else that damages people will be around. They will be a distant memory. I long for the day when all creation thrives, and as time goes by I am more and more confident that it is only our Creator that can undo the damage humans have caused each other, only our Creator who can fully heal us, restore and unite us.

    I am in a very good place right now….but I know that in the future there will be a time when we can’t wait to get out of bed in the morning because we have so much energy and we find so much reward in each day. Until then, our hope propels us, our faith anchors us, our love and our relationship with our Creator keeps us stronger than we would be on our own.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you’re in a good place with your health and have some peace in that! You are right though…we cannot predict the future so we have to hold on to hope and our faith. God walks along these uneven roads with us.


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