Enough Is Enough

Enough Is Enough

 

This is a hard one to write. I have been thinking about this for several weeks now and like with all my difficult moments in life, I just have to put them to the keyboard.

As I have written about many times before over the last few years, I have been separated from my family physical, emotional and mental for several years. I’ve gotten rid of many of those past blogs at their quest. It was hard to do because I poured my heart out in those blogs. Now, without going into a ton of detail, I’ll say it’s been an uphill battle for me to trust again, to make peace with any of my family. But when it comes to my sisters it’s different, is draining, deceitful. I read a quote the other day that was very fitting.

 

Trust Is Like An Eraser love quotes quote trust
Do I want to try and reach out? Patch up a “fake” relationship with anyone who clearly has a history of being careless and holds our whole family hostage? I believe this controlling, manipulating behavior is classic narcissism! I wish I could go into more detail but I simply can not at this point. (My sister has a friend who feeds her BS and gets her upset on purpose. Good friend, I know! )
My sister won’t have a conversation with me to move forward in any healing at all. She’s calling my friends behind my back and talking to them but not to me? I don’t get it?
I only to wanted to help my other younger sister in a tough time in her life and somehow that changed the course of the our relationship forever?
Honestly, Walking that journey with my younger sister really bit me in the ass too, because that sister ( younger sister) couldn’t careless about anyone but her own best interest. She didn’t show any care, concern or loyalty for me or my immediate family. I was right by her side through it all, for 3 years. I answered every call, text, paid her childcare, whatever she needed to the very best of my abilities but it doesn’t matter to her now that life is looking up for her. People are funny that way.
Between both my sisters I’m hurt. I’ve tried really hard to be as remiss and flippant as they are both about relationships, life and being together but it’s hard for me.
All this has lead me to one conclusion.
I can NOT do this anymore.
I’m not meant to be part of either one of their lives and they can have each other. At least not the way I have been. They deserve good and happy lives. I want nothing but the very best for both of them! They both have the greatest, most awesome and amazing children and I pray to God that He will cover them in His Protection and Love all their days. I want them all to have great and amazing lives.
However, trying to be part of their lives, waiting on them, is painful and draining to my life. It’s one sided, fake and mean most the time. I can’t with them any longer. A text here and there. Facebook, sure. I’m there. I’ll send you a Christmas card and support all the kids things but that’s all I can give. That’s possible more than I should! That’s still more than either one of them would ever do for me in all their lives put together.
I’m not sure why I care about things so deeply and have family members who don’t? Who don’t even “really” try? I guess that’s just how I was made. Well, until today. In a way it feels like a death because I said I would never do this. I would never walk away or close a door on anyone and here I am closing the door in a way. I not gone but I am.
I just can’t keep moving through life the way I have been. They got what they needed from me and they’re now thriving! Truthly, I am only going to get better if I stop feeding them.
Bye girls.

FU

SK

4 thoughts on “Enough Is Enough

      1. The Eclectic Contrarian

        Family is a weird thing… I feel more comfortable talking to complete stranger on here than I would to my family. Just don’t feel a connection…

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  1. Hi Shelly, we have a daughter with NPD, so I can sincerely feel for what you have been through. Our family (my wife and myself plus four other siblings) all had to set boundaries and cut ties when those boundaries were continually crossed, otherwise there is no end to the disrespect and constant victim rhetoric. Personal accountability is never acknowledged and what ends up happening is that it turns into a form of physical and mental abuse that simply knows no boundaries. We all went the extra mile, many many times and then some, but this is a continual journey that feeds on self gratification, to the exclusion of everything and everyone else. In the end she broke ties with all of us because we would not comply with her demands or accept her intolerance towards others any longer. The door is open from our perspective but with conditions of mutual respect and consideration. She has chosen not to go through that door because from her perspective, we are the ones who have chosen to disrespect her. We obviously love her and pray for her daily but ultimately it came down to a survival issue and that is not an overstatement. There is always a certain amount of guilt associated with a decision like this but that guilt is associated from dealing with relatively normal people and people who have NPD are not relatively normal. Romans 12:18 I think comes into play, especially when your body and mind tells you that this simply cannot be endured anymore. I know it is sad but you do have a responsibility for your own welfare and for those whom you love. If there is no balance we’re not talking about a normal situation and that is the long and short of it. God knows your heart. God’s grace, peace and blessings to you and yours.

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