My word to my daughter
Before I go on I want to make it really clear that I’m just a regular chick. I’m not part of any movement of any sort. If anything I hate to be part of an anti-anything…
The only thing I am really pro is love and the very deepest love for my family and my children… so much! So so much love 💗
With that out of the way, I think it’s really important to say to my daughter, G- my dearest girl, my sassy outspoken and quite frankly, my major drama queen 👑 It is OK to lean on people for support, it’s even OK to get some help but never ever ever ever depend on anybody for your well-being, never! Your happiness is inside job and don’t you EVER give it away to anyone!
You’ll be convinced it’s all in the name of love
You will be convinced one day that you’re doing the right thing. You’ll be convinced that it’s OK to let your dreams and goals slip away.
Somehow or another you could be talked in to letting it all go in the name of love and confusing it all for “love”. But hold on there lil mama! I know you will believe that your sacrifice will be worth it! Because the person you sacrifice it all for, you will love and they will love you too. I get it! I do, but I am telling you right now my sweet girl, there will come a day that you’ll look back and realize that you could have love and still have your dreams too. You didn’t have you sacrifice anything to have both!
Don’t give up on yourself! Your goals and all you have worked so hard for don’t have to end just because you share a life with someone! Fight for your future! Fight for you dreams and know that you can still have love too. Don’t let anyone disguise the word sacrifice with the word love… it’s so cruel when you find out the truth.
Remember you are absolutely able to hold on to everything that you want in life. It will take work. Everything that’s worth anything in life takes work! You know this! You’ve never been a lazy one, so I know you have it in you to work your butt off for what you want and it get! Fight for it and hold on to it!
Let me be clear
This does not mean that you have to stop shaving your legs and make men bow 🙇 down to you!
Absolutely not and that is not what I am trying say at all! I would never tell you that! A marriage is a partnership and takes the work of two people who lift each other up but that is not where this blog is going at all!
So hear this and know…
What I am trying to tell you is don’t let regret find you one day and fill you with what if’s.
Be your own best friend, love yourself and treat yourselves well. Pay your own way! You’re a brilliant girl but don’t ever stop learning! Be smart and be kind. Help others and go beyond to show your gratitude. Be responsible and respectful. Not too many people are anymore but I will tell you those things never go out of style! Never.
Stay the course
We all start out with goals, something we want to achieve. We work hard and have plans: somewhere or another things seem to fall off the tracks.
See my sweet girl, people don’t ever plan to depend on their spouse or significant others but it happens. They have to run everything they want, need, think, or feel, by this person… this is not what they planned on, but accidentally or gradually it happens, sometimes forcefully. This wasn’t the future that they had in mind, yet somehow a lot of women end up there. I don’t want that for you.
This starts out innocent in the beginning of course, in the name of sacrifice, in the name of love. But before long… things change. I promise. Things always change.
Girl, you are strong
You are so strong; so independent! Sure that sassy mouth of yours gets you in trouble now but I see all that personality, making you a strong leader in the future!
There’s no way I want to tame that! The last thing I would ever want is for you to end up in a relationship with a man or any person for that matter, and have them convince you to hide all the most beautiful traits about you from the world! Or close shop on all your plans for life!
To not be yourself and share your gifts is not OK! To be asked in any way at all to hide any part of your Beautiful personality or how brilliant you are is not a generous sacrifice to anyone! It’s easy to get convinced it’s a wonderful sacrifice in the name of love… but it’s not.
One day life will change
Being a mother and being a wife are both things that are very beautiful gifts and both husband/wife/parents should change their lives when these things happen. (although women will make the ultimate sacrifice of giving birth and your body will show it and feel it, that’s just nature) It’s a crazy balance, one that is never really balanced at all.
I hope that one day you might be able to be both of those things. When that times comes in your life, you may choose to work outside the house and that’s fine; you can still be mommy and have a career; plenty of women do it. Maybe you want to stay home or have a business in your home? Either way, please… When it’s time to make these decisions, think long and hard about the choice you make. This is something a lot of women don’t really think long enough about or talk about! This choice effects more than your finances.
Sure you’ll read a lots of articles of stay at moms, working moms, full of fancy words, mostly emotional words but maybe not a lot of cold hard truth.
Well since I’m your Mom, I have never hidden the truth from you. If anything I’ve probably given it to you a little too straight…here we go!
The only thing most non-birthing parents are thinking about is finances. Now I’m not trying to put everyone in a bubble but this is generally the case. Most likely you were working before you had a baby then once you have a baby…. you’re not anymore because you just had a baby. Obviously 🙄
A lot of other things are not taking into consideration other than finances. But it always comes back to money. Sadly, lots of augments, “talks” within couples come back to money!
Of course you think who will watch the baby or maybe you want to stay with your lil one a bit longer, maybe you don’t put a time limit right away but it always comes down to money!
Think about this first.
I wish I would have.
This is what I want YOU to think about.
How are you emotionally, physically, mentally? Are you eating, sleeping, working out, meeting with friends? Are you socially healthy? Do you feel safe, supported? Can you speak freely? Do you feel heard, cared for, understood? Can you come and go when you need to, when your Partners is home? Do you trust you partner in all situations, including with your child? Do you feel like you’re part of a team? At any point do you feel like your freedoms are gone as a person? When you answer these questions does it make you sad? And lastly, if something were to happen, would you financially be able to take care of you/ and your child?
Think about that before you make your decision. I just wonder if it would change what you would’ve thought before someone was convincing you of their choice for you.
I know my decision would’ve been different. A lot of things would’ve been different.
When we’re young we have big dreams but as we get older we dream for everyone but ourselves.
*Daughters Little Big Town Above
We teach our girls to take care of all but not to care for themselves? Why can’t they do both?
G- I have every faith that you will be an amazing mother. Someone will be very lucky to have you by their side. But I want you to have your own dreams, don’t let your dreams fade away for someone else’s.
I love ya my lil mama. Stay wild and bold!