On Your Last Day

Writing your Obituary

Don’t panic! I’m not suicidal of anything like that. This is more of a question I have been asking myself. What am I leaving behind? 

If I had to write my own Obituary, what would I write? Is there anything significant to tell people? What the hell am I leaving the Earth? Have I done anything unique, important, helpful or adventurous? 

How would my Obituary read?

I’m sure it would start by saying that I was married. But would there be much to say other than, “she made their bed everyday and folded his underwear perfectly.” She put up with his terrible snoring and basically stopped getting a good night sleep the day that they moved in together. She was hard to live with because she was tired, annoyed and overwhelmed for the last 17 years. She never got the help she needed.

Will it say that I started out being an out-going, fun person, then became an old boring grandma and that life was so hard for me that I panicked my way through it? Or how I was once a friendly, confident person but I died a weak, control freak of her home, who was on her kids all the time about everything? No one heard her, her voice was so small. She was easy to ignore and no one took her serious because she never finished anything.

Would the places we’ve traveled to be mentioned? Would all Jason and I have seen and the other countries that we’ve been to be worth mentioning? Like the time that we kayaked with a mama whale and her babies in Hawaii, had dinner and drinks on the Panama Canal, the 1800 century church in Spain and the dancers! The worst sun burn of my life being a pool Rum private in The Dominican Republic or my broken toe in Mexico after the best Tequila ever.

I remember looking forward to those trips. It was the one time a year that Jason and I got to be a couple. We could explore and be young and free to enjoy each other. I miss those trips. 

Her Kids

Now every obituary has to say something about the persons kids. I’m sure it would say that I have a son and daughter. I would write that I did all that I could for them, the best I knew how. I feed them, clothe them and loved them with everything I had. I tried to teach them and show them what was right and how to be strong. That it’s okay to question things and that crying isn’t weak. I know I wouldn’t have anything outstanding to share in my time as a parent. I’ve made so many mistakes and have gone to bed with regrets just about every night. I would hope it was worth mentioning that all of my sleepless nights, all the tears, fights and unsure moments, all of it I truly loved and that they were and are so worth it. I wish I could of done better by them. 

I’d want them to know that they are going to be great and I’ll love them forever wherever I am. 

Then what?

After my marriage and husband was talked about and my kids have their moment, do I have anything else? If I were to die today my parents might get a nod and my sisters possible, but they have busy lives. They would go back to their life fairly quickly. That’s not to say that they wouldn’t be sad because I know they would be but life would keep moving as it does. They would be okay and I would want them to be.

What have I done? Have I accomplished anything? Have I left my family with anything significant? I can’t think of anything.

I love animals and our dogs. I’d like to think that my love of animals has impacted, at least my kids but I haven’t been able to do anything really note worthy with this love of animals. That’s a different blog.

I write but as we all know… and as I am continuously reminder, I don’t write well. Maybe it’s best that’s left out. Either way, all my journals and notes, along with this blog will be something that can be read over and over when I’m long gone.

What’s The point?

When I have to really think about this, it depressing. I do have a great love for my husband and my kids. I have a few deep loves but they don’t add up to anything because I’ve done nothing with them.

I’m realizing that there are many things I want to do with my life but haven’t. I don’t finish or see things through and I take things to personal. I care to much for things that I shouldn’t. Would that be written about? She never finished anything or rarely acted on the things that she dreamed about? She was a bad example of following your dreams. Wow, I have so much work to do before this is written for real.

xoxo sk

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