The Step

Making the first step is easy for me. I’m great at day ones. It’s days two that kill me.

I don’t know why this time would be any different than any other day two or day three or even day four, that I’ve been through. But I ask myself what if this time could be different?

What if I actually see my goals, the change that I want for myself all the way through? How would that feel? What difference would that make?

Starting with a small step, working up to bigger ones, then running! Then who knows? I have to take the first step and then step again and again and again. I can’t stop. This time I can’t give up on myself.

I don’t know the feeling of success or being accomplished. I’ve been damn close but I have not been a finisher. I have not done all the work needed.

This has left me resentful, discouraged and hopeless. I’ve become depressed and full of anxiety. I don’t know my purpose. My mission is lost to me. Let the mental madness began!

Maybe it’s fear, regret or pure laziness. Sometimes I just question myself to death and let the enemy get in my head. I start doubting my ability. I stop trying and give up.

I’ve had my day one, day two, three and four… now I need to keep pushing past the day four. Past counting days and start counting weeks and then months and years!

I know this is just the start. My steps are small and shaky. I’m still weak but I’m getting stronger. Everyday a little bit better. I can feel it.

A podcast I was listening to called this stage “Mind Control”.

I need to be better at controlling my mind and not letting my mind control me. However that fact is that there are some people in this world who are just better at this than others.

I’m such an emotional, empathetic person that this task takes real serious work for me. But I recognize this about myself. I’m fully aware of the effort I need to put forth to keep off of the emotional roller coaster! It’s just hard but not too hard.

I am now a proud owner of a gym membership and have my first training session Wednesday at 5pm.

Here I go!

Xoxo sk

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