How to be happy when you’re not a happy person?
I have came to the realization that I can not be a happy person. I mean, I want to be but I am not.
Everyone needs me to be happy, supportive and uplifting because that would make them more comfortable but I don’t think that comes as natural to me as I wish it did. I don’t know who I am anyone.
Dare I say I’m an unhappy person?
Can I be a general unhappy or unsatisfied person and still be a good person… or even a healthy person?
Is it possible for me to still be able to care for other people and stop caring for myself? I don’t.
How did this happen? Why am I this way?
Constant unrest and pain, in my chest since the day I was born made me this way? Maybe it’s far simpler than that. I’m just broken. I’m just simply an unhappy, broken human.
Happiness is always just outside of my grasp. Satisfaction is something I’ve always lost to me. I’m always searching for something but I can never find it.
I’m trying to figure out why I am the way I am, at the same time as trying to be a wife and mother. I want to do those jobs well and not mess up anyone the way that I am.
There’s a good chance that I’m just fucked up. I’m sorry for that because the truth is, I’ve been trying to fix myself for a really long time and I’m still this really confused and sad girl. This might be as good as it gets.
You may want me to be happy but no one wants me to be happy more than I do. I’m lost and no matter how hard that I try to put myself back together, the pieces will never fit right. This is just the way it is.