Feelings are messy little assholes!
I am having a difficult time deciding if I should uploading my Vlog that I recored yesterday… because yesterday I was more emotional, messy and just a lot…a lot doesn’t cover it.
Today, I feel a bit better…. I’m different today and I don’t why. I’m still a mess, that’s just me. Still feeling overwhelmed and still am having a hard time grasping the reality of my situation right now and what to do with it… but today I am feeling lighter.
I was able to enjoy 😊 celebrating some awesome accomplishments of my son! He has been doing so good in school! I’m so proud of him! That really helped to lifted my spirits and change my focus. Seeing his joy brought so much joy to me!
Jason and I ate a healthy meal for dinner last night. We had mediterranean food. He wasn’t on his phone 📱 during our meal, which meant we could actually have a conversations and see each other (what a concept). Of course this automatically made me better… less alone.
The Road Ahead
Now we have to figure out where to go from here and how to manage this situation that we’re living in. This running around all over SoCal, looking at crappy houses, in crappy neighborhoods is crazy. I’m over it! Not having a house to make a home, makes it hard to have any peace. I need a place to feel at peace, at home…a place a that’s ours.
So after much thought and worry about posting my Vlog from yesterday, I think I won’t be posting this time. The universe is sending me signs not to. My emotions were all super strong and that’s pretty actuate for me right now (crazy emotions). Even with this type of passion, I can also have days like I’m having today, enjoying the sun, walking my dogs, and not crying at a drop of a hat…ya, I’m a mess…that’s me. I don’t fit in…again, that’s just me (story of my life) and maybe I may never fit in. But today I was breathing easy and I was okay. I smiled and I meant…I felt it. How will I be tomorrow?
Okay so here what a got for now…