The Grind

Hustling isn’t always pretty.

I didn’t get any sleep last night! And by no sleep, I mean not even 10 minutes of actual deep sleep! I was in and out of what felt like a drunken state all night. When I finally did decide to get out of bed, my head was throbbing as if I really did drink last night! I promise you, I did not have a sip! My body is aching and my head is killing me! I just don’t feel good! But I’m actually not tired, I just feel… not good. 😓

I have had nothing but weird strange dreams for the last few weeks but last night took the cake! I can’t even really tell you what it was about because it made absolutely no sense! I can say there was a lot of broken glass, me feeling very insecure… my mom was in it but she wasn’t her normal self and she kept doing some really strange things which I’m sure she would rather me not post what that was, even though it was a dream- not real life and there were some little weird strange creatures in it! They were tiny animals but animals that don’t exist in the real world and the sound of a barn owl which was hooting in the background the entire time… I know weird. But you have to remember also that I was never actually totally asleep the whole entire time! I remember closing my eyes and seeing these things and open my eyes and wishing that they would go away! The images were so annoying, keeping me busy and exhausted 😓 as if I just finishing a workout! I just remember feeling so frustrated and over worked and at times even scared!

I haven’t done any research on what these dreams could possibly mean but it wouldn’t surprise me if it has anything to do stress or about letting someone down. As I’ve already written about, this whole moving process is kind of on my shoulders since that I am the one here in MN/ND, holding down the fort. Jason is already in California working. I’d be lying if I said that this wasn’t stressful and super nerve-racking. I just want to make sure everything works out perfectly, even though I know that is not realistic. I still want to make sure that the kids have a smooth transition, that’s my main focus.

I also think a big part of it, is proving that I can do this and I can do it without any issue! That it will be done just fine. That I can handle this without losing it or breaking down! I know my husband has faith in me so I’m not sure why am trying to prove this? Maybe it’s not him that I’m trying to prove that to, maybe it’s myself.

Today is my last day in this house, on this street. I’ll eat my last meal in this kitchen. I will (try) to sleep for the last night in this bedroom and then say goodbye.

Tomorrow everything gets packed… moving trucks come Friday… deep breath…

Xoxo 💋 sk

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