I’ve lost my focus friends…
I have never once posted a blog from my phone so I hope this turns out OK. I’ve had a week straight from the twilight zone. I think mentally I’m starting to just shut down completely. But I’m keeping a brave face as I do so well. I’m still getting everything ready and we will be ready for the movers to be here this week. I have only a few calls left to make and I will be done. I can say goodbye to this chapter of my life. Goodbye Minnesota/North Dakota, it’s been real.
My legs are so sore, I can hardly walk. I resemble a 90-year-old woman, easily. My body, my mind… their tired. The shutdown process has started for me. You know, when you just blankly node… people talk to you, like you’re kind of listening but not really… I’m there! My kids keep talking to me and I just wish for a little bit they would stop! I know… what a jerk I am. But my head is going to explode. It can’t handle much more!
And then there’s my soul…my complicated but yet so simple soul. Let to me interrupt myself to tell y’all this, One of the main excitements that I have about moving to California is finding a good church home… being able to find a church family, a place to worship, to find a Bible study, people that I can relate to and reconnect to God in a way that I have so been missing the last year! Because I can tell you, in MN they have not had the church home like I had in CO. Back to this soul of mine. It’s lonely, it’s disconnected, it’s yarning. I miss my Fathers guidance and I’m having trouble hearing Him anymore. It breaks my heart.
I miss writing from my heart. I miss my blogging community and connecting with all of you! I miss my husband and have dinner together. I know God sees the bigger picture and I need not worry.
I need Him more than ever… tomorrow it begins.