It’s been a minute since I’ve been able to Vlog at all! I decided to give it a very unprofessional go! It was a mess but hey, that’s me! I’ve been a mental mess, a physical mess and an emotional mess…but still a faithful girl all the way!
So wow okay! I don’t even know where to start. I just want to make this short and sweet. I feel an overwhelming anxiousness (is that a real word???) and complete faith and joy! I can’t even pin point what’s going on in my world. But it’s a totally mix of emotion! I’m spinnin’!
I’m beyond words grateful and thankful that my surgery is over! I am so grateful to put it behind and move on. I honestly never want to speak, write, hear about my health issues ever again! My brain, soul is over it all! But I know that won’t happen 100% (no yet). I have far too much pressure on me to be fixed, all better! Everything is riding on this surgery to fix me totally and completely! The fact is that things just don’t work like that… I’ve had pain for over 10 long years! I was told to deal with it or in some cases that it was all in my head! Then finally…surgery, recovery and I am still going through recovery. The end destination isn’t going to be my 21-year-old body back! My nerves are flipin’ traumatized from years and years of pain! Trust me, I feel awesome right now and I am doing so much better than before! However, I feel this expectation to be 100% right now and that scares me. I want to have my 21 year old body…Seriouly, I would love to be a size 0 again and never need to sleep and be able to run miles and miles and hardly break a sweat but then I had babies and my body didn’t enjoy that s**t at all. I am not that same person, in so many ways! * I wouldn’t trade my kids for my 21-year-old body back ever!
Have you ever been there before? Your head wants to do something but your body is like hell no sista! I haven’t workout at all, other than light Yoga in 6 months and nothing at all in 4 months, to say I’m out of shape is a understatment! I worked out the last 3 days straights so far and I am sore but a good sore! I’m so happy that I can move my body again and not feel that I’m going to throw up or just have constant pain radiating throughout my body. I love it and I won’t ever take that for granted!
I am also so crazy thankful for so much right now! My Meg, who we now call “The Meg”, I know the sacrifice you made for me, our family and I won’t forget that! My sweet husband, no one could ever love me better! My neighbors aka best friends ever, Kate and Aaron, I seriously love you people! This truly awesome blogging community and all the prayers, good vibes and messages that I got from all of you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I will never be able to say it or express it enough, just how truly thankful I am to all of you! Truly, I felt all the positive vibes and I am forever grateful and so very honored to be apart of this blogging comunity and have these amazing people in life!
I always pray for good people to meet me on my path and that I can be a good person on someone else path…God sure did answer this prayer. God, You are Good!
ps…thanks for chatting with me!