Well let me start by saying, I’m a damn mess! Pure and simple, I’m wrecked and if I didn’t have the husband and amazing friend that I have, I don’t know where I’d be! So thank you Jason and Katie…You guys are the Boom Diggity!
Tuesday after I posted, Good Morning Party People, I began to feel sick…like I had the flu! But I kept my word and took the kids to the Zoo as promised. I could feel myself getting worse by the minute, my energy level was dying. Before I knew it, I had pain basically taking over the entire right side of my abdomen and I had weirdest pressure in my chest. I thought I need to get home before I can’t drive. So I took the kids to McDonald’s’ (don’t judge me…at least they ate) and got home as fast as I safely could. I got a movie going for them and went to lay down to rest. By the time 4pm rolled around I was having trouble breathing, the pain was so intense. Walking was agony, as sharp pains shot down my leg and up my back! I wanted to throw up.
But here’s the kicker…I’m alone( but am I?). I don’t have family here to help and my husband was over 6 hours away. So when my doctor tells me to go the ER, that’s not really an option for me. My Doctor has been telling me for 3 weeks to go to the ER when my pain becomes unbearable but I never go. However this time I was scared, my chest hurts, I couldn’t walk without horrible stabbing pain, along with nausea…I needed to go…so I thought.
I tell ya’ll what, you really find out who’s there for you when you need’em in times like this. I sent a quick text to my neighbor, who is basically my only friend here. But she is seriously the best friend you could ask for!
Anyhow…I drove myself to the ER and I called my husband to let him know what was happening. He made the long exhausting drive home back to me. I sat in ER for hours with little to no help at all. I hate the ER! My pain was never controlled the entire time I was there! As I sat their rocking myself on the cold hospital bed, I started to do what I do…think…think a lot…
*Like why is this room so cold? My feet are frezzing! I am sure I will get sicker just being here!
*Why did I wait for a second option? I know my body and my pain!
*Why in the hell did I let other people get in my head and put this off? Why? Now I am here in this cold horrible place, alone and miserable, in worse shape than ever! What is wrong with me?
*Maybe I am not as strong as I think I am. I have grown and I have come far but maybe with some people they are still too toxic for me.
*Maybe I am just not strong enough to hold those boundaries yet? But why?
*But on the bright side, I really shouldn’t ever think that I am alone. I am truly blessed to have such a great friend to take my two kids, while she already has 3 of her own to care for. She played with them, feed them and got them ready for bed.
My kids ended up staying the night with her because I was at the ER for so late. She just handled it. She took care of my house, my dogs and locked everything up for me. Truly I am so grateful to have this amazing friend.
I would of course be there for her the same way. But when I think about it, I haven’t had but maybe one other friend in my life who has been so kind and there for me. But I guess if you can say, you have had one friend you can count on 100% that’s still better than 100 friends you can’t count on at all. This make me one of the lucky ones!
Then around midnight my husband walked into my tiny hospital room and his touch made everything seem so much better. He had driven last minute over 6 hours to get back to me. I am such a blessed girl! When he got there I was still in horrible pain, with zero improvement. I was never given pain medicine, only an anti inflammatory and some nausea medication, so I was drowsy but still in pain…bad. They pretty much kicked us out after my ultrasound came back normal. I knew it would! Endometosis doesn’t show up on an ultrasound but please let me keep having stupid ultrasounds over and over…. because I love paying for them! So frustrating!
The Next Day…
Finally, at nearly 5pm the next day after my pointless and I’m sure overly priced ER trip; I get a message from my doctor and she wants to do my surgery, full Hysterectomy July 11. My birthday is July 10… but whatever, sweet relief and maybe a slice of cheese cake is all I want! To feel like a normal person1 To wake up without pain every single day would be a miracle!
But still no pain medicine…. because people abuse them, my doctor tells me. Keep in mind I never have had an issues with pain medication in my life! I use essential oils for everything, I’m not really a candidate to abuse opiates. I just want some freaky relief! I’m losing my mine here! But nothing…
The Next…Next Day…
My husbands done seeing my cry, I think. He finally had enough and started calling, emailing like crazy…he doesn’t know what to do with his crying wife anymore. I’m not sleeping and he needs to go back to work at some point. I am now trapped in my bed and that’s really only because I don’t know what else to do with myself. Around 1:30pm, we get a message from the doctor to come get a prescription…thank you Lord! Finally, 3pm I finally…finally had some pain meds. Sweet pain relief! Hallelujah!
I will close with this. I still am so far over my head with certain people in life, that’s clear! I’m really mad at myself for that. I could have had my surgery by now but I let others work me up and doubt myself…now look at me. I have some issues to work on still. I have to figure out how set these boundaries and hold to them or say good bye to these toxic people in my life.
I also may be the luckiest, most blessed girl ever! I have an amazing husband and a friend I can truly count on. Not many people can say that! I can’t finish this post with saying how blessed I am to have a “Meg” (mom in Law), who would stop everything in her world to come take care of me and mine! It’s not all bad over here after all.
P.S If you don’t have a Meg, you should get one! She’s the best!