Warning: I just woke up and … ya…sorry for my face. You’re been warned!
Every once in a while I get up before everyone else and I get to be totally alone. Well not totally alone and I didn’t up get because I wanted to. I’m always with my sweet pup Ella, so I am really never alone. She goes by many names, Ella Bella Head, Smelly, Smella, Smelly Ellie and of course Sabertooth Tiger and Teddy Bear face (Her video below). I was the only one awake because I never really fall asleep last night. Oh the pain! Oh the bloat! I feel like I just waddle everywhere, like I’m 8 months pregnant! This just plain sucks. Nothing is giving me any relief…not even sleep! So at around 5am, after just laying there for hours… I gave up on sleep and rolled my bloated butt right out of bed! I made my precious coffee and thought I’d take advantage of my alone time. I needed to pray, to be still and to vlog for a tiny bit…only for a minute because damn, I look wrecked! Sorry about that ya’ll!
This is my sweet baby girl. Ella is seriously my baby. I love her so much! We obviously have a connect and she totally speaks my language! As you can see any time I say “Are you…She knows that means… Is she hungry?…Damn straight she is or, “Are you the cutest puppy that ever lived”?…IS this a really question because…hello! There really are not many times this little princess puppy isn’t right by my side. I can’t tell you how many tears that she licked away or how many times she’s brought a smile to my face. She keeps me from being lonely, keeps my toes warm and this little girl is far beyond just a companion, she is the love of my LIFE! I so treasure these times with her. She is one of a kind!
Don’t mind my crazy PJ pants…I am totally going for comfort, not fashion! Even though I do find these PJ’s adorable, that’s not the point. Also I know, they are Christmas fuzzy pants…whatever…it’s June, I get it! Enough with my pants! This morning as the sun came up, I read my Bible devotion and sat quietly, hoping God would very clearly tell me what I needed to do to get some ease and comfort from this nightmare in my body! Damn you spiky baby AKA endometrosis!!
I had all I really needed this morning, other than the uninvited spiky baby in my abdomen. The Holy Spirit, my Smelly Ella, sweet magical coffee and my rice fulled heating pad, that never lets me down (thanks Grandma Magruder, best heating pad ever). Being able to just be and not think at all for a few minutes was just what I needed. I sat there and drank my coffee without interruption for almost 30 minutes! That’s a record!
I leaned back and gazed up at the sky. It awesome and so humbling to reflect on just how small we are. Yet we have a big God who created all this and loves us. Us… small, fragile and so weak without Him but so strong with Him.
It’s almost as if I’m looking into a marble or I’m sitting right on the edge of the world.
You don’t have to be positive all the time. It’s perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared, or anxious. Having feeling doesn’t make you a “negative person” It makes you human. -Lori Deschens