Like with any social media, we sometimes can make our lives look a little more perfect than reality. We tend you show off our best side, which honestly may not even resemble our real life at all. 

I mean, I get it…showing your morning face to the world is down right terrifying. Being totally honest on how much process food your kids really eat… the mommy shamers’ will be on you faster then my morning coffee goes down!  It’s scary to share to truth with everyone. The real fights with your partner, your real financial situation, what your depression really looks like on a bad day. I know. We live in a world of filters and crybabies.

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What made me think about writing this was a sweet something that a friend of mine sent to me on Instagram. It was about how as a blogger we share our best, most positive side with world. It could be through our writing, pictures or videos but most of time we tend to be up beat. It’s just more attractive! Even when things are great in our small world, we always add a positive twist to the plot. If you chose to share the yucky stuff at all.

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This really got me thinking on my own blog/vlog. I am a happy, faithful person so even when things seem to sucky around me, I will still believe that God is leading me or teaching something. I just don’t have the big picture yet. I alway remain faith and hopeful. But am I being real with all of you?

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Still, I want to be authentic with my readers and to myself.  This happy person you see now isn’t always happy and once was never happy at all. My life…this life I live right this moment is a process that is growing and changing right before my eyes, very second. But it’s work. I could very easily stay in bed all day and cry if I let myself. But I just won’t allow it.

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Trust me, when I say my emotional health is a battle daily. I don’t have easy day. I just have some days that are better than others. Actually, I have a lot more days that are better than not but like I said before it’s work on my part, every single day. I’m not sure if anyone will understand the fight unless you’re working through from the ground up. I know what NOT to do and what I really need to force myself to do to keep living.

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It’s creating good, strict and healthy boundaries with everyone…even your parents, even your closest person in the world. It’s healthy eating, getting outside in the fresh air and letting the sun hit your face. It’s some type of activity. It could be as simple as walking everyday, yoga, a jog…but running sucks so…no but still something!  Meditations, also has been a great way to unwind and relax my nerves.

Also a big one, no more being over medicated. I had ever side-effect you could have minus death! One of the very best things that I did was STOP being over medicated! Clearing the medication fog was amazing for my entire state of being. I am not saying don’t take meds…I do. But I was being severely abused with medication by my past doctor…never again!  (Have a good health team that will work with you, it’s your body!)

For me to stay this healthy person, I like taking walks and talking with my son. We do still during the week and not only is it good for our bodies and minds but it builds a bond between us.

I write. The writing process has always been the best way for me to analyze and digest my feelings and the state of whatever I was going through at the time. It’s one of my greatest passions and truest loves. Writing has been a journey in itself for me.

What I eat. Too much sugar, too many carbs …I go downhill fast. I have to watch my intake. I did do the elimination diet to see which foods were cause my joint and gut pain, along with my IBS and skin break outs. I did this for about 6 months…that maybe longer then some people would need but I was a mess. Next, I moved on to the FODMAP diet and finally took that into Ketogenic’s AKA Keto. So far I’ve lost 15 lbs…not to shabby! But still i have a ton of weight to go!

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My point here is this, my work is done just as your work is done. I have the mess mom bun almost everyday and I MUST wear make up daily or I look like Halloween! I even yell at my kids then feel like a complete ass for it later. I don’t wash my bed sheets or anyones in this house as often as I should, I have credit card debit and I still go and buy a coffee or even two sometimes daily because I have a very embarrassing addiction to caffeine and maybe even spending money on my coffee. My son’s room smells like a dumpster and so does he at times. My daughter makes me totally insane! She seriously drives me nuts. She is drama 24/7. Her room looks like Toys R Us during a riot and I find disgusting old slime in her room all the time. I think about her turning 18 and moving out and am fine with that…awe… the guilt! My husband and I don’t sleep in the same room. This is maybe the saddest thing ever but it is true. He travel all week so we have gotten use to sleeping alone. I have grown quit in love to the silence of not hearing his snoring…even on the weekends…and I feel like a horrible wife for that! My family is a crazy mess right now and I can’t do a damn thing about it!

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I still hang in there and support and pray. I still hanging tight to my boundaries, values and faith but sometimes I just think about something else and turn it off. I know I have to get my fat butt out of bed and get outside even when, for no good reason at all I feel the need to cry. I know that being an adult is down right unfair and shitty a lot of the time but I don’t want to look at the part for to long… no…I want focus on the good stuff. Living in the clouds may annoy some people but it keeps me alive and hopeful. So if that means, I need to dream a bit…wishful thinking maybe… that one day I’ll live with my sweet babies and my hubby on a beach in the sun; Jason and I sucking back Corona on the warm sandy beach while I write my next blog post, while my kids play in the ocean, well I think that’s just fine.

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xoxo sk

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