Can You Imagine? What if we all considered each other before ourselves? What if?

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I know this is may blow some people’s minds but the universe doesn’t revolve around you. Crazy right? We all have issues, fears, hang ups and serious faults. All of us are struggling in someway! You’re not the only person in the world dealing with crap in your life. We all have something that sucks!

The good news is we also all have something we’re good at, something we can contribute. It could be a talent, a specialty or skill. Maybe it’s just our gentle presence, being a good listener or making people laugh?

But there’re other things that can be hard no matter who you are. Like, forgiveness,  peacefulness, being still, a joyful spirit, having a soft- heart for all people… all people.

Because people are hard. People can be mean, cold, judgmental and super cynical. So even as I choose a path of peace… people make it hard. We people can be tough!

 To Live Humbly & Serve

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I have kept a mountain of troubles to myself but I can’t hold it anymore. The burden is to great and for what? The pay off of holding the pain and the hurt feelings isn’t worth it. I’m walking on thin ice for being me. That’s wrong.

All I want is for my people to thrive, to have joyful, peaceful, happy, healthy lives. That’s it. I don’t want to hurt and I don’t want them too. I want to heal. But…

I could feel it coming. The tides were changing, I could feel it. The anger in “my person” was rising up. She was getting to a place that would be hard to come back from. She was past mad. She was in a dark place. Nothing was good anymore. The negative was heavy. I could feel her distress through every phone call.. the pure disappointment in every aspect of her life. Excluding me. I was not her person anymore.

No matter how careful I was with my words. No matter how much I shielded her from information and balance too much information from not enough because I never wanted her to feel out of the loop.

So “my person” is not “my person” now. She is suffering and wants all of us to hurt too with her.

What makes this especially sad is that “my person” is amazing. She is smart, beautiful and funny. She has a beautiful family and pretty much has everything going for her. Her life is beautifully blessed. I don’t think she knows that.

In life we can consider ourselves blessed if we can say we have at least one sweet person to confide our hearts to. A person who has our backs and we have theirs. A person who we love more than life it’s self. A person who has been in the trenches with us and has grown up with us.

I’m not talking about your boyfriend or your hubby. That’s a different love. No, I’m talking about a sister. It doesn’t have to be blood. A sister is YOUR person for life. NO MATTER what life throws at you or you throw at each other… you stick together…. until….

One day you don’t anymore.

My Person, My Sisters

 

I have two living sisters. I love them both. They both also piss me off. But they are also both some of my favorite people in the world. I am the oldest, then my middle sister, Mel and then the baby, Jess.

The first picture is me and my sister Jess at her College graduation. The second picture is Mel, “my person” and her daughter, my niece and Godchild. (She is the sweetest, little soul ever. I love and miss her so much.)

Mel and I were the real deal. We beat the hell out each other and we would do the same to someone else if we needed to protect each other. “The Magruder Girls” we were called and I thought that was just fine by me. We didn’t start trouble but we handle it if we needed too.

As we got older we had trouble with each other more than normal sister junk. She has always been short tempered. That’s just how she is. Don’t piss her off or you’re done. Well, I guess I did and we didn’t speak for almost a year. It was a sad year.

A year of our life gone, missed… my son’s young life and she didn’t care, she missed it. It was just done because she was mad. It hurt but what choice did I have. I don’t even remember at this point what pissed her off.

One night she called me in the early morning…1 am maybe 2 am for help. I was there no questioned asked. It was a slow process but we put it back together. As much as I knew she could be like this, shutting people out, I blamed her boyfriend at the time and his family. I really didn’t think we would go back there again. After all, I am her child’s Godmother and she is mine child’s… actually both of my children. We have grown up and we know life is short…we know what is important now.. right?

Well, maybe not. Because here we are in our upper thirties and not only is she not speaking to me or my family. She’s not talking to my other sister, Jess, our kids, or my parents. It’s sad.

 

Beat up & over it

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See my sister, Jess is going through some tough life stuff. Stuff that she didn’t ask for. Stuff that is in no way her fault. Stuff that needs smart, precise and calm behavior. She needs her family 100% right now. No judgements, no critical or sharp comments and no “I told you sos”.

Why can’t we just LOVE each other and be there for one another and shut up with our opinions? Why?

So back story…my sister Mel has also went through some awful, painful life stuff too. It was a few years back now. I hate to even think about it. It’s a lot. It wasn’t her fault and she was innocent, 100%. Sadly, what my sister Jess is going through has trigger some things in my other sister, Mel. I hate it for both of them.

But the hate right now… The pain, the discus and ugliness is so sad. The choices that are being made right now out of frustration, misinformation and rage can cause permanency in our lives… our kids lives too. I know I don’t want that kind of permanency…I don’t believe any of us want that, if we would think rational.  If we would stop being selfish for one second maybe we would make a different choice. But you know that pride thing…

Here we are…in a tornado. I am innocent. My sisters are innocent…we all are but one single person who is not part of our family…well, this person isn’t in the circle of trust anyway. This one single person is being given the power to break us all. This is so wrong that we would even allow it.

Here I am. Once again, standing in the gap doing my damndest to keep the peace, to be a support and be sympathetic to everyone. While not one time worrying where I might end up in all this. Totally discarded like trash. Nothing.

So disposable. This sucks. It makes me think…did anything mean anything? Did I mean anything? Cause here I sit, with my “Do Not Contact Order”, my kids confused about what they did wrong and we continue this immature cycle.

I will end with this… there is pain on all sides. It’s horrible and unfair for everyone. We are all innocent to this pain and hurt, until we react to it. Once we react our choices cause a ripple that effects more than ourselves. We have kids now, think about them.

I love my people. I love “my person”. I pray for healing. My family needs it.

And although I’ve had this happen in my life, I am still tackling this week with a grateful heart. I won’t be brought down.

xoxo sk

 

 

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